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Imagine that you're pursuing something high-skilled. You like it a lot, and possibly have the beginnings of passion for it. But of course you still have a fuck of a ways until getting where you want to be.
And, what would you do when a lot of it includes things that you hate? When frustration or depression burdens you, what do you do to stop from feeling as if it IS the problem and that you hate it? How do you avoid this and march on, the flare of motivation and inspiration still blazing in you? And what if you are a fickle as fuck idiot who never properly learned how to fight and overcome such problems? To maintain your integrity and be your own hero that can fight your own villain? Erm, I hope that makes sense...anyway...
This is my dilemma.
I have a treacherous history of being too easily influenced by rough patches like depression or other unfortunate events. I'm like a sapling beset by a monsoon. Could be ripped up and flung into who-knows-where. And. no, this isn't an excuse...it's a predisposition that I've realized that I have, and have a responsibility to overcome. I know that a lot of people, even the ones pursuing their passions, usually have to do the dirty work that they hate in order to get there.
I've done a reasonably good job so far but...I am afraid of me, of how time passes so quickly and how when everything goes to shit in my life or at least in my head, all that I care about goes to shit too. Tainted. I'm not sure how to maintain that same enthusiasm through even the rough patches. I don't know how to properly "resolve" towards something.
/adv/, I need help. What should I do to change myself?
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Self-indulgent bump
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>>18453971
Don't try to change yourself. Really, don't. The idea that you have to become what you want is a trap - you just have to keep finding inspiration enough to keep going. Eventually, you will align with a point where the fulfillment you receive from your actions is enough in and of itself, and you will then have become whatever it is you need to be. You can't seek it. You can't walk toward it. You can't make a plan and break down steps to get there. You have to release yourself from the delusion that you are not already everything you need to be.
It's hard. It's fucking maddening. Your sphere of influence will seem minute and almost completely negligible. You will feel like you are treading water in the ocean, and your goal is barely visible upon the horizon.
So dive. Just immerse yourself in living - the people, the feelings, the countless chances you have to make connections and stoke the fires of passion in others - live through them. Forget that you have a goal, and do everything that brings you joy.
Eventually, you will emerge on the shores and find that you have always been there. Resolution is an end - you do not want to "resolve." The suffering is part of it - learn to love the suffering, for it teaches you. Suffering is the best teacher, because you eventually learn to feed off of its impermanence. You find that running into the flames is a purification, and that there is no thing so powerful as a soul on fire.
Remember that you are never in as much control as you think you are. Remember that you cannot know everything - at once. Remember that perspective requires movement. Remember that we are never the same person as we were a moment earlier.
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