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Let's greentext this short story.
>Be in love with filmmaking from age 6.
>Do it for years as a hobby and freelance job.
>At age 18, apply to my dream university - a major film school.
>Get in, but it's way too much money. $30,000 a semester, almost
>End up studying film at a good university. Not a big film school, but a decent program.
>When I move to this school, make a close knit group of three or so new friends... the best I'd ever had
>I'm studying film, my best friend studied business, one psychology, one economics.
>Over the summer, I invite them to work on a project with me.
>Had a great time.
>best friend kind of disappears for like two months
>we reconnect over lunch
>turns out he has changed majors from business to film because it seemed "easy and fun"
>he also applied to the major film school I dreamed of going to.
>Found out today he got in.
>He has a 2.3 GPA and failed out of his first university... didn't even put together a portfolio for this film school... but his family is super wealthy so he gets to go. Like that was what he said. They rejected him, his dad made a sizeable donation, and they changed their mind.
I love this guy - best friend I've ever had - but I feel such... envy and hatred and anger tonight. I know it's bitterness and it's ugly, but I can't shake it. Fuck him. That was my thing.
I know filmmaking isn't owned by me, but it just feels... sucky. And another element is... well, fuck, my best friend is moving away. But fuck him.
The envy and jealous and bitterness is causing me to get really anxious, too. My heart is thumping and I feel like screaming and crying. I've dealt with anxiety for quite sometime, so it's not new, but nevertheless is awful.
I don't know, any advice? At all?
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It's never good to be jealous, but this seems like a situation that even a normal and well-adjusted person would find frustrating. What helps me deal with anger I'd 30 minutes of exercise a day and 30 minutes of mediation a day.
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>>18453654
It's good advice. I do meditation paired with prayer daily, but I sat down to focus and pour all of that out and be mindful and calm my spirit, so-to-speak, but I couldn't even seem to do that.
The uglier side of this is an old truth I once heard: "Jealousy is just insecurity cast upon someone else." Maybe, beneath the surface, I feel like a failure or inadequate or I don't know. It sucks. I can't even put my finger on it.
I see my counselor on Thursday. That's quite a bit away though and I feel quite low. And I'm not sure 50 minutes with a therapist will do much for this feeling of doubt and dread and envy.
Some people would use a situation like this to spur them on - offer up some competition and push harder. I guess my brain and my heart work differently.
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>>18453627
That's a fucked situation man but art is art for its own sake don't mar its integrity by this sort of jealousy and prestige and other bullshit, make film to make film and let him underappreciate what you know is something much more than just an easy subject, it's his loss.
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>>18453691
Thanks for this. It helps to be reminded of truths like this. Takes some of the sting away.
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