GF left me

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>>18453325
Shes all depressed and moping and not even interacting with people normally or doing the things she likes now since we broke up. I just don't know how I should act while she unfemales herself for however long it takes. To me it feels like cutting her off and leaving would be most damaging to us as that will only isolate her from me even further and leave her hurt and upset towards me for "leaving her", but I also dont want to just become a beta orbiter she has no sexual or romantic desire for, as right at this moment I know that there is sexual and romantic desire in there, somewhere under the feelings for the other guy. She was still expressing them with occasionally groping me or revealing herself to me and infrequently would kiss me passionately for a few seconds.

What do I do if I want to get her back /adv/

>>18453325
stop making these threads you fgt

>wants us to be there for each other still while she figures all this out

Enjoy being a cuck/emotional tampon. She will get off and orgasm thinking about this guy and then text you how sad it is that they can't meet irl. Have some self respect you idiot.

>>18453339
Thanks how about next time don't respond and shove your sense of superiority up your loose asshole

>>18453325
Can you confirm the guy actually exists?
It could be an elaborated plan to call your attention.

>>18453346
Yes he does exist, they occasionally talk over teamspeak (they met while gaming) she has known him a month, actually probably more like a month and a half. During this time our relationship has romantically deteriorated quickly, last week she said she was afraid of losing me, said she didnt want that to happen but was scared her feelings for him would overcome her feelings for me, this is when the situation was first really revealed to me and she came clean, and began the downward spiral. For the past month she has been progressively more romantically distant and less accessible as her feelings for him ramp up.

>>18453325
Here's what you don't want to hear mate.

She's bored of the relationship with you. I'm not necessarily saying that you are boring but that she thinks that the relationship is boring because it has become a standard in her life. You were there for her, giving her the emotional support and all the attention she craves. And you turned into a standard.
She probably didn't even notice it but she started to take you for granted and this is the end result. Another guy comes along and oh, he shows interest in me, he's so exciting and, and, and NEW!
This is what is going on in her head. He's exciting while you, doing everything you know that should make her happy, are left behind because you're yesterday's jam. You just cannot make her feel like this anymore because you two know each other.

And you know the worst part? There's nothing you can do. It is all on her. She started to mistake the security and comfort of your relationship for staleness and boredom. And if you take her back, you fuck yourself in your own sorry ass. Because if she comes back, IF she comes back, she will do the same fucking thing with the next guy she meets. She is a lost cause.

>>18453366
Right, so what does this mean every relationship with every girl is a total wash because they will some day become bored and we will be stale?? Do you never date a girl with a history for leaving an LTR for someone new? Now say I do want her to come back and see if relationship 2.0 can be governed differently, what do I do?

>>18453402
I think this is a difficult concept for many people but relationships do not stay in the honeymoon phase indefinitely. This is why it's called a phase.
Both partners will get used to each other and this is nothing bad because this only means that they know each other. That they can rely on each other.
But some people see this security as boredom, a routine, as nothing special. Even though you will surprise her from time to time, this thought will be nagging in this girl's mind.
And along comes some other guy. He's new. She doesn't know him, he doesn't know her. How exciting! Getting to know each other all over again! "Wow, he likes this thing?! I never would have guessed, I have to tell my girlfriends! :)" He's new and shiny, you are what she is used to. And some people, men and women alike, just cannot recognize the beauty of knowing somebody so well that they feel completely at ease with each other.

Some people just crave this excitement of having "something new" all the time, I guess it is getting worse and worse nowadays, what with the abundance of dating apps and casual sex and whatever else. Fuck this shit.
Mate, this is what this girl has told you:
"I want to get fucked by this guy. If I like it, I will leave you. If it doesn't work out for me, I expect you to be there for me." Whatever happens now, this very thing will happen again with the next guy she meets somewhere some years down the line. Your relationship is sadly a lost cause and it fucking sucks and I am sure it hurts and I am sure you want to hear/read something else but man, it's over and done. There's nothing you can do. She has legitimately told you that she wants to get fucked by some other guy she has known over the Internet for just one month. And she wants you to be there as a failsafe, nothing more. She doesn't value you. She just wants to "upgrade" to something new and exciting while still having a safety net. I wish I could drink with you, man.

>>18453451
Right, except she CANT get fucked by him, but basically what this is, is a relationship red flag that I can only know after we've been together for years and she starts wanting the honeymoon phase again? What if she's just immature/stupid and needs to learn...? Also, what do I do about the fact that these intense feelings of crush CAN happen to other people and it might overshadow the feelings for me? Because thats the real problem, the real problem is that she got intense feelings for him and it overshadowed the familiar feelings for me, like what am I supposed to do about that? She didnt feel right being with me when the feelings got overshadowed.

>>18453500
Bump?

>>18453567
Dude stop making this thread. You already have your answer. You just dont want to listen.

>>18453500
Alright. She can't, but she wants to get fucked by another man and the only thing preventing her from taking his dick is distance. Given the chance, she would have the dick of this guy inside her mouth and then between her legs.
Just think about it. You two have been together for years, along comes some guy and she's willing to throw it all out the window because he's new and not you. She doesn't want you, she wants you as a safety net until she finds somebody else.

>>18453701
He's a lost cause man. He just wants an unrealistic answer that isn't "it's fucking over" but i guess he's what the future cucks look like.

>>18453325
Op it seems like your enabling her if she wants to fuck around thats fine its good to explore who you are( you should think about this too) but if she wants to be free you gotta let her know what her world would be like without you none of this half and half shit man. Once you do this I guarantee you'll see results

>>18453325
She left you for an Internet lover. Hello you deserve better. Dump her and start over.

>>18453345
He's right though. She will lose all respect for you if you let her do this to you.

>>18454099
How long do I do this for then?

>>18454127
Like cut her out, I mean. She'll end up just thinking that I hate her, never want to speak to her again and will probably block/remove me everywhere incase she gets thw urge to speak to me. Source: experience with her before we dated

Here is a radical thought, reverse the roles...

You would be deemed the worst in the world by everyone that know you and all her girly friends telling her you dump you asap.

I was in a similar situation, OP. This person is immature and incapable of appreciating the real intimacy of a long-term relationship. Another poster described it; some people are simply allures by the novelty of new romantic connections. In my experience, my SO suffered from a personality disorder that made maintaining a relationship impossible, but it's the same principle. I was abandoned when she became infatuated with a literal basement dweller who was more codependent than I was; someone whom she'd likely never meet.

All the while I heard her say shit like, "I think it's possible to love multiple people," and desperately clung to the tatters of our relationship. But then one day, something suddenly clicked and I realized, "This isn't how you treat people you love. I don't deserve this." After years of being groomed to believe that I was the dysfunctional person in our relationship, not to mention emotional abuse, the fog cleared and I could clearly see my mentally damaged, alcoholic, pill-popping ex for the person she was. God knows I'll always love her, but I mustered the self-respect to get out of there. As much as I miss it, I know I never want another relationship like that.

Even if this is the first time this has happened to you, OP, you should consider what it indicates about your and your girlfriend's values. Is this the type of person you want to be in a relationship with? If she wants to break it off, break it off. Put yourself in her position; would you let yourself do something so disrespectful and uncaring to your SO?

>>18453325
treat em mean' keep them keen.

she wont leave you for this nigeran scam artist. the reasin she was talking to him because you werent giving her enough attention so she was looking for it elsewhere

>>18453325

Be dominant. She will NEVER "unfemale" herself on her own. Be clear, be direct, mean it, and MAKE HER make up her mind. THAT is what she really needs you in her life for. That is your job. If you can do that for her, she will love you for it.

>>18454230
Well I'm thinking what I've done is killed her attraction to me by acting in unattractive ways, but can the attraction come back if I act in attractive ways or does familiarity kill it?
>>18454251
So what, I pay more (attractive) attention to her? Not insecurity, neediness, clinginess, and she'll come back?

I'd like to note that just earlier tonight she told me she wants to come spend the night with me next week and watch some movies and do stuff together and even asked me to give her a massage because her legs and body are so sore, but said it'll be a "just friends" sleepover where she'll sleep half naked in bed right next to me lol

>>18454285
Okay, but that's vague. I can't just walk up and tell her she's my girlfriend and wants me, like shell resist that. How do i be dominant and be the man emotionally and decide FOR her without literally telling her she's mine and having her resist lol

>>18453325
Dude, as a girl who did something similar to what your girl is doing to you - leave and never go back.

She doesn't love you romantically. She hasn't loved you for a while.
She cares about you, but she stayed with you out of a feeling of comfort that a long term relationship can bring to you.

Move on with your life. Learn something from this relationship and put more/better effort into your next one.

>>18453366
This.
OP don't be an idiot. Happened to me, exgf kept me by her side. Make me feel guilt, blaming me for everything and she just manipulated the shit out of me. Believe me, it'll happen to you.

Thanks anons, but you know if she's asking to come over to my house and have me put my hands on her and sleep in my bed with me, at this point it's all I can do to help rebuild attraction to not be an insecure clingy child and instead just take it easy, make her laugh and just be light sexual and do my best to ensure that I don't fall into beta orbiter territory. I firmly believe what girls say they want and what they really want is totally incongruous. She's been so hesitant about saying she for sure doesn't have feelings for me, I really think it's just up to me to act in a way that will make her chemically feel it again. If I can't do that my failure will be obvious with time and atleast I will have practiced

>>18454355
With that attitude, you'll definitely make it.

>>18453339
>>18453366
The guy's right OP. You can either torture yourself or move on, your call.
You're getting angry at us for not telling you to hold on to this sad sack of shit bitch, but the reason you're posting to begin with is because she ripped your heart out and stepped on it. You want a justification to wait for her, someone to tell you it's going to be okay, but it's just not. She's a lost cause, move on.

>>18454292
F*cking obviously. You don't tell her what to choose, you explain both options to her clearly and directly, and then you tell her to choose. And you make it clear that this isn't an "or, you know, whatever, just keep it in the back of your mind" sort of situation. This is a "Do you want him, or do you want me. You have one hour. Decide" situation.

If she chooses you, she has to cease all contact with him. If she chooses him, or refuses to decide, be ready to leave her. She is not allowed to waste your life over this.

>>18454419
>>18453366
>>18453339
Not everyone with girl problems needs to become a wizard.

>>18454447
It's about having some level of self respect.
She is cheating on him and dumped him to live her online relationship with a dude she met online. Why would you even want to take her back?

you are a sad, sad man op
nothing you hear here today will change your mind, that much is obvious, i just hope sometime in the future you'll get it before you fuck up your life with this insecurities
it reeks for miles to her that you absolutly have no other options, and that is one of the biggest attraction killers for chicks everywhere, and has always been, you know that story bout how girl would rather share alpha dude with other chicks than have beta shower her and only her with love? guess which one are you

>>18454453
1: She's never met internet guy, so she hasn't done anything with him, she just has ladyfeels.

And 2: You're right, it is about having self respect: Are you going to roll over, give up, and let outside circumstances defeat you, or are you going to take action, stop the stupid bullshit from happening, and get what you want and goddamned deserve?

>>18454502
The fact that your girlfriend doesn't love you and would take a guy who cannot even fuck her over you isn't really an outside circumstance. She doesn't want him. She stayed with him because it was comfortable, not because she wanted him. He's wasting his time.

He should cut contact with her and let her go because she clearly isn't interested in him and no person with a tiny bit of sense in them would ever invest his life into a person who doesn't even care.

It's not about not getting what you want, it is about knowing what you deserve - OP deserves a person who wants him and him only.

>>18454502
You're retarded. The only point of this thread is for you to get that sweet validation. You want people to tell you want you want to hear, not what is a reasonable course of action in this situation. If you are so set on trying to win her over, and clearly have all the ideas how to do that, then why do you keep littering /adv/ with these threads?

Mate, your woman would rather fall in love with a fantasy than stay content with the relationship she has now. The amount of mental gymnastics you're employing to convince us and yourself that there is still a chance to rebuild this relationship is beyond pathetic. You clearly have no self respect whatsoever, otherwise you would just cut her off and look for someone new. Pursuing someone who clearly doesn't want you anymore (or wants you only as a secondary partner) is not self-respect. It's sheer desperation and moronism.

>>18454527
Wrong dude, I'm not OP.
But for both you and >>18454508, if you're ever going to keep a woman, any woman, you're eventually going to have to be willing to fight someone to keep her, because no matter the woman, there are always plenty of men willing to fight to take her from you.

I had a gf who used to worry that she wanted to go back to her abusive ex. After I did >>18454442 with her, she almost never thought about him, and when she did, she laughed at how pathetic he was. She made her choice, she chose me, and I never had a problem with it again.

OP can retreat and throw names at someone he cared about if he wants. But this is a battle that he can fight, and that he can win.

>>18453325
"maybe ill do it" means i have done it for women anon.

5 years together and she'd dump you for a guy with a big d. just let her go man.

she's probably cheated before and this guy probably is a scammer.

>>18454130
Until she learns to grow up my dude.(maybe a few months). Look man you can't let her use you like this she needs to understand that she's an adult now and that her choices have consequences. I don't know if this will make see the error of her ways but anything is worth a try and if she cuts you off maybe let her fall down that path all I'm thinking about is whats good for YOU and I know its not this. You dont have to cut her out your life completely but dont give into her advancements until her starts seeing you as a person and starts treating you with respect and lets her know this to show what the fuck she's doing to you

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>>18453701
DUMP HER, OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU'RE BEING CYBER-KEKED.

>>18453325
It's you against the world, OP.

>>18453325
Get out of this relationship anon. You only got so many flights around the sun, don't let her soak up some of your valuable time.

Let her figure out her life, go bang someone else.

>>18453325
Find someone else if she left you there is a reason for it she doesn't love you if she truly loved you she would have never left you she sees you as plan B as the guy that will take me back and I get to live in his house not for him but for his property she clearly was opened to this guy but not to you don't let her back in she'll do it again.