Internal conflicts

Here is an example of internal conflict that happens within me:

I used to date a woman that didn't like travelling, she was mortified at the thought of getting into an airplane.

We dated for a while and it always bothered me that if we stayed together, there would be no travelling, no "seeing the world". It felt like a wasted potential.

Eventually we broke up (not for this reason, obviously)

Now I am with a woman that actually likes to travel. She makes plans, tries to save money and so on.

And this annoys me to no end... I start thinking of all the money we are spending in these stupid trips and how much we could be saving for the future.


And this circle of thoughts keep turning in my mind:

1. I am unhappy with this.

2. wtf, maybe I was happy with the other one?

3. well, maybe I should look for a woman that doesn't like travelling so much, if I am not happy now

4. but shit, this feels like "giving up", just because travelling is expensive and often complicated

5. yeah, I shouldn't allow myself to give up like that, travelling should cool

6. go back to #1.


I clearly see that the starting point to a solution here is: "but OP, do YOU actually like to travel?"

And that is exactly what I mean by >I don't have a defined "aim in life"

I don't know what I like, every time I try to understand what I like by looking at events in my life, I get conflicting conclusions (like the one above: I was annoyed with the prospect of not travelling, but I am also annoyed with the effort necessary to do it).

ANd this shitty cycle happens on basically everything. Even things that bring me pleasure, I don't know exactly WHY I do it. For example: one of hte things I like doing very much is going to the gym, but I can't tell exactly if I actually like going there or if it is because of the women that I get to see (though in this case these are not conflicting reasons, they can be both true at the same time)

Try to find the neutral, the golden, the middle. "She travels too much for my taste." -> "Let's travel a bit less and save up? Or travel to less expensive places?"

When having a dilemma with multiple options, just try finding the middle.

>>18451622
OP still here:

>every time I try to understand what I like by looking at events in my life, I get conflicting conclusions

The obvious counterpoint to this is "But OP, you find out what you like by how you feel about it, not by looking at the evidence"

And even that feeling gets questioned and doubted. Because often when I find something that I like, I tell myself I "shouldn't like it" because of this or that reason.
For example:
Between these 2 women mentioned above I was hanging out on Tinder for about 5 months.

Got a bunch of matches, some successful dates. others not so much. But the flirting and dating was fun overall.

But then I kept telling myself: "You can't live on that, you will build anything serious or enjoy the benefits of a stable relationship like that"
And BAM, there I was choking my own "fun" out of the situation.

>>18451637
I do that constantly, but seldom I reach a compromise that makes me FEEL satisfied with the result itself, not just satisfied because a compromise was achieved

In other words: I do that, but that doesn't help me find what I actually like, it just helps solving the practical problem.

OP again:

Another example of conflict:

That woman that likes to travel, she is quite good looking, but she used to be better looking, she gained some weight.

This often bothers me, I try to help her lose weight and stuff like that.

Then I think to myself:

"Well, OP, maybe you are indeed such a shallow man and wants a super-hot bitch by your side?"

And I HAD IT for a while. Super-hot, fitness bitch with the roundest butt I ever touched, perfectly sized boobs and hot body.

Was I happy? I wasn't. I miss her body, but it certainly didn't make up for much in the relationship.

On top of that, I live in a country with hordes of hot women. I see them in the street all the time. And though I notice them all the time, it is seldom that a woman really gets my attention from the looks.
And when I look at the pattern in these women that get my attention, they are not even THAT good looking, they just have some undefined "something" that gets my attention.

Which then makes me question: "if I don't need specifically a super-hot woman, why the fuck do I feel so annoyed with mine not being better looking?? Why do I create this stress in the relationship for something I don't even know I care so much about it??"

Bumping for one last try