I might be using my new boyfriend for comfort and intimacy. I

Maybe he will
Maybe he won't
I don't see the harm thou

Don't be with someone who freaks you out. Talking about marriage and kids already just screams psycho to me. Like "pokes holes in condoms" psycho

>>18449352
>Is it wrong to keep dating him casually? Will he get the hint if I just keep refusing to meet parents or talk about the future?

Do you live together?

How old are you and how old is he?

1 month is stupid yes... no one knows eachother after 1 month. Maybe he's a psycho (unlikely) and wants you to be his little reproductive psycho machine. But more likely he's a desperate mr nice and stable guy. But if he's letting you know after 1 month he wants marriage he's either nuts or after 6-24 months of dating maybe marriage and kids is what he wants. He's letting you know what he expecting.

>>18449374
I would be more concerned if he wasn't older than me and already married with kids once. I imagine it's less of a big deal to him. I don't mean freaked out in a "oh god he's got a knife way", just in a "whoa there slow the fuck down buddy" way

>>18449393
25 and 34. I've never been married. He is divorced with kids already. I imagine that's why he's so casual about it.

Also I think because of his record with women he might be a bit desperate/clingier than other men.

I don't want to break his heart, he seems super attached already and it's just too fast for me even if I was 100 percent ok with the age thing and the kids. Shows how good he is to me I guess, to make up for it.

>>18449393
We don't live together but he would move in imidiately if I let him and gets sad when I can't spend a night (never in a controlling way)

Just tell him to slow down. Since he's older, he's gonna be thinking about stuff like that. It's not an issue to worry about like that.

>>18449406
You are both at the age where you need to explicitly state your intentions

>>18449413
My problem is I used to be that clingy and in a hurry with my ex so I know I want kids and a marriage and all that. I don't think he's the person I want to marry ever. No matter how slow he goes. I feel bad for him and I don't know if he'd rather continue for a bit or break it off while it's still a 'casual' thing.

My concern is he got so deeply into it so fast, it might already hurt him after just one month.

>>18449360
The harm is shes wasting his life, say they date for a year thats a year he could've been looking and or dating a woman that wants the things he wants

>>18449417
Well my intentions are to get married with kids, I'm just not feeling the whole step-mom, stabby ex wife, never knew his father type of stuff with this guy. I don't consider him long term material.

>>18449431
Thats exactly what I'm worried I'm doing. At the same time I think it's already too late to avoid hurting him. I think when he starts to seriously bring this stuff up we'll have to have a talk.

>>18449431
But this relation can't go on that long

>>18449400
DESU that concerns me A LOT MORE someone that old should be more mature with this. You expect this from a stupid 22 year old..

>>18449462
Lol. I guess I was just a stupid 22 year old with my ex then.

Yeah this guy is immature in a lot of weird ways.

Again, I guess I like the attention, and being treated so well more than I like the guy himself. It would be shitty to tell him that though. The truth would just be to say he's got way too much going on in his life for me to handle.

>>18449352
Too much effort to causally date this guy so whats the use

>>18449406

I was expecting you to be living off him when you said comfy. But it sounds like he wants to move into your living situation rather than you moving into his. He also sounds clingy if he wants to move into your living situation and spend every night. Be careful how people sound... I know most women in their 20s try to leave stuff in your bathroom... then a bag... then a drawer... Then they're already there 5/7 nights a week suggest moving in because you practically live together anyway. Then she moves in and you find out what a slob she is who can't even do washing or cook a meal. But the truth is I know dozens of deadbeat men who do exactly the same to women spinning 2-3 plates at once. It's just people. But when you worded it it sounded as if you believe you are the bad guy.

Keep your own living space for christs sake. You don't want someone flicking through your little box of memories in your closet while you're at work. But you know what it is... It sounds like he wants to move in with you, not leave you alone, wants you to have his kids, (marriage... he wants, marriage or is just promising marriage, yeah right, that's one way to get a woman wanting a baby on the hook) Seriously is sounds stupid but I know men who just reproduce for fun.

You dont want to break his heart, he's super attached, moving too fast, HE'S OK WITH AGE DIFFERENCE. You should be OK with age difference. I'm 27 and when I'm 34 if I have some 25 year old girl convinced I'M OK WITH HER BEING 25. My God.

What sort of a father is he to his kids...

I know I brought up psycho fast... But just to be sure... You need to judge this man by his actions and not what he says and his intentions. There's a difference between doing something nice and talking about doing something nice. He might be homeless for all you know and seeing his kids under controlled visits. He can't wait to meet your family and start seeing what crazy situations he can land himself in there.

>>18449528

I need to add you keep talking about hurting him... After 1 month. Feeling sorry for the guy. Don't feel sorry for people, he might just start throwing you more and more reasons to feel sorry for him. Why should you feel sorry for a divorced 34 year old man.

Oh she divorced me, wont let me see the kids, I've just lost my job, she took the house (even though its government housing, to a psycho it's the same difference), I have no money, I need a place to stay. Thank God I have a stable 25 year old to take care of me until I get back into that high paying, high status job I never had in the first place. Lets meet your parents. Oh your uncle says he can get me a job landscaping for the time being... I conveniently used to be a landscaper in my early 20s, did I not tell you about that. Then lawnmovers/machinery starts getting stolen etc...

I'm sorry. I sound crazy typing all this, but I have had run ins with psychos (not relationships) and I've seen first/second hand how the behaviour manifests.

Even then you have been very vague talking about him in any specific details, maybe he has been vague in conveying who he is exactly. There can be good reasons for this too... But maybe you don't know as much about him as you think.

>>18449528
He's a nice guy. Nice in a traditional open the door every time kind of way. I don't need his money. He has his own place, I have mine. He treats his kids as well as any divorced father does, by taking them places and trying to be there as much as he can while not really raising them. And he wants a chance to have kids he can raise.

He makes enough money to take care of himself and buy nice things, and he doesn't just talk about doing good things, he does them. After a bad ex who didn't care about me much the kind of... almost 'worship' I'm getting is amazing.

He has a lot of baggage though. And he's stubborn, hard to anger but when he does he argues like a little kid instead of an adult. Maybe emotionally stunted but not crazy and I don't think he's trying to take advantage of me.

He's not trying to move in but you get a feel for people and I know if I meantioned anything more serious he'd jump on it in a heart beat.

>>18449552
I think you've got it wrong. I feel sorry for him because he has his life together but has ended up with really shitty women. He's so genuinely happy when I do the smallest thing I consider normal, like asking for his sweater to wear. He's never had a girl like him enough to ask that. I told him it will get anoying quickly.

I feel sorry for him because he's a good guy, who fixed his own crappy life, and made me feel so happy but I still don't think I'll grow to love him enough to want marriage and kids with this guy.

He's incredibly honest and detailed.... to the point where its too much for me to hear all the bad stuff that happened to him in the past. It's a lot for me to handle.

When I ask him how he got a scar I'm expecting "I fell from a tree" not "my ex wife stabbed me"

>>18449552
It's almost like HE'S only dated psychos before.

"Can I wear your sweater?"
"What? You want my clothes? Thats adorable. Wow."

"Can I leave a toothbrush here?"
"Really!? Of course! Let me buy you one. What else do you need?"

"Let me fix your hair for you."
"You really care that I look good? That's amazing."

"Is your shoulder really sore? I'll rub it for you."
"Why would you do that? You really care? I've never had someone massage ME before"

All this from someone who's been married and is ten years older. It's endearing and heart breaking at the same time. Like I adopted a puppy from the pound.