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Do likable people find it easy to be likable?
As a generally unliked person, I know I'm accountable for my behavior. I use my insecurities and the like as an excuse to attention whore, be confrontational, and do all sorts of things that people generally find annoying but often keep to themselves about.
Here's the thing, if I know these are my flaws, why do I do them? Well, it's extremely challenging. I am a very undisciplined person, as if I have ADHD or some shit, I find trying to be well-mannered and behaved while also not being a tryhard extremely difficult. Generally, I find myself criticizing my actions after I've done them, or after it's too late. In addition to that, I tend to feel compelled to be the center of attention. I troll waaaaaaay too often in social circles, usually because I decide to put my focus on the shit that barely matters and will make me seem right instead of actually trying to understand what the other person is saying. Despite knowing that still, it's a challenge to humble myself and let my ego down.
Now, this might make me sound like I'm making excuses, but I genuinely have to ask:
Do likable and respectable people have a hard time with this? Does their discipline and their ability to charm others come naturally? Am I just unlucky and I've been rolled a really shit build where I have to put more effort into things that others can do easily, or am I and other people equally challenged with this, and I'm just a shitty person who gave up?
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It comes from experience and understanding of how society works. I'm good at making people laugh, but I'm bad at talking to girls. Some people are born with these abilities, others need to work for them.
Don't give up.
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Short answer: No, it has not been easy. It took a lot of mistakes and failures and reality checks. It might look easy but that's only because you're seeing the end product of years of solid effort someone has put into their life.
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>>18447322
>why do I do them? Well, it's extremely challenging. I am a very undisciplined person, as if I have ADHD or some shit, I find trying to be well-mannered and behaved while also not being a tryhard extremely difficult.
Telling yourself you are like this and that and that doing this is hard makes it much harder.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PJSxDv4XrY4
>I decide to put my focus on the shit that barely matters and will make me seem right instead of actually trying to understand what the other person is saying.
This sounds like actual autism no joke.
>Now, this might make me sound like I'm making excuses, but I genuinely have to ask:
>Do likable and respectable people have a hard time with this? Does their discipline and their ability to charm others come naturally? Am I just unlucky and I've been rolled a really shit build where I have to put more effort into things that others can do easily, or am I and other people equally challenged with this, and I'm just a shitty person who gave up?
What does it matter? You are trying to fix yourself. It shouldn't matter how easy or hard it comes to others unless you are making excuses.
First realize changing yourself will take time. Accept that you will be unlikable sometimes even after you set out to change yourself. Give yourself the permission to fail.
Then be more specific. Set out to change one thing now. Like you could decide to argue less with people.
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>>18447322
Being charming and likable took time and effort for me, yeah. Mostly it was a matter of caring about others more than myself. When you really, sincerely give a shit about people they tend to like you. If you care about someone you pay attention to them enough to know how to treat them as they wish to be treated.
Aside from that there's the accumulated effects of a lifetime of self-improvement.
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