Lost in love

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I'm in a relationship, basically, i have cheated on this girl i've been with for 4.5 yrs. I'd love some advice as i am very confused and upset at the moment. any honesty is appreciated.

>with gf for 4.5 yrs
>go hunting with sister, 2 of my friends and my sisters friend
>get drunk later on in the night and everyone goes to bed except the girl - my sisters friend ( we'll call her M)
>M and I have history together, have slept together 6 years ago.
>M wanders out into the rocky field, i follow
>she talks about how i still felt about her after the past 6 years (i'd been in
a 9 month relationship where she had told me during; that she had loved me)
>I say i had always felt connection between me and her.
>she goes on to say that she has BPD (borderline personality disorder) and that its hard for her to have any lasting relationships - shows me stitched cuts on arms.
>we chat and joke some more about random shit, i lean in to kiss her but she resists a little and reminds me i have a gf.
>accept that i'm being stupid, talk more and go to the car i'll be sleeping in the car that night( its 2 degrees outside)
>M approaches the car, joins me in the back and says its cold as fuck.
>one thing leads to another and we're fucking in the back of the car.
>dont say anything to each other in the morning

Basically i call her a few fays later asking what is gonna happen past me obviously breaking up with my gf.
M said she cant have a relationship or FWB with me since she wants to complete a course for BPD that ends next year and cant really get attached (since that happens easy with BPD sufferers) otherwise she'll be unhappy the rest of her life. says we can still be friends.

I feel alot of love for M now, though im unsure if i should still try talking or leave her alone( i see her occasionally anyway) This shit hurta guys, some say its better to have love and lost than not loved at all but im beginning to not believe that.