May have raped my bf

>>18446095
I take my other hand while one is still holding him towards me and I take his dick out of his pants, he pushes himself back but freezes when I put him inside my mouth. Anyway after a little bit of time he starts to thrust into my mouth, as soon as he thrust maybe 3x I heard him gasp and he grabbed my head and forced himself out of my mouth which caused him to fall over. I asked if he was ok while he put himself back into his pants, then he got up and looked down at the ground - would not look at me, told me he had school in the morning.
At this point I just don't know what the fuck to think I mean, he was thrusting into my mouth ten fucking seconds ago, so I stand up and ask if I did something? He won't look at me and tells me "No." I try to step closer to him but he steps back each time I do, I reach for him and he moves away. It hits me what just happened and I feel my stomach lurch into my fucking groin and I say "i'm so sorry I don't know what came over me, you even told me to stop." He puts his hands up and tells me its ok, still not raising his face, again he says he has school.
I am a little shaken so I just walk to the door and mumble a bye.

This happened two days ago, neither of us have said a single thing to each other.
I just don't know what to think, I feel like I'm the lowest piece of shit in the world but I still can't help but think he was enjoying it before he freaked out? I'm seeing him tomorrow for coffee so we can talk. I feel like I can't even go let alone know what to say.What should I bring up? Should I just end it? I don't know how to salvage this at this point. I mean is this rape?
>tldr boyfriend of two months doesn't want me to give him head
>try to and sort of succeed once
>he forces me to stop and kicks me out
>feel like I should an hero
>don't know what to do seeing him tomorrow to talk

Legally yes you did rape him since he never consented. Apologize to him and respect his boundaries.

>>18446124
i say let it work itself out, i think he's gonna get over it, just don't do it again, maybe it makes him feel uncomfortable but it's over now.i don't think you should end it if you like him, there's no reason to. idk, try not to overthink it, i don't think it's something he'll use to get mad at you or something, maybe he's insecure.

i know i sound autistic but i'm trying to make sense and help, don't feel so bad, i'm kinda like him and i wouldn't want to end it with a girl if it happened to me, it'd just kinda make me feel a bit weird altho just being with him is gonna fix it

>>18446155
mainly this.

>>18446095
>>18446124
Hot op rape your bf more often

>>18446155
>That sucker punch confirmation tho
I just have never experienced anything like that. I've had loads of both sexes admit they hated something sexually, try it with me reluctantly and fall in love with it and that was for 100% nastier shit than just head. But in the end he told me to stop. You're right.

>>18446167
You hate receiving head? Thanks for your help Anon. I want it to work out but I feel like I've broken something so early that I can't afford to fix it if that makes sense.

those kinds of reactions usually stem from sexual abuse. you reminded him of the experience, he's probably killed himself by now. congratulations, you're a rapist and a murderer.

>>18446293
>I just have never experienced anything like that. I've had loads of both sexes admit they hated something sexually, try it with me reluctantly and fall in love with it and that was for 100% nastier shit than just head. But in the end he told me to stop. You're right.
Even if they did like it, you get there by disrespecting their word. It's their responsibility to decide if they are willing to try something. You can't make that decision for them. Those in the past have been more willing to play around like that, which is kind of a BDSM kind of thing to do. But, like with BDSM, you should really talk about the possibility of being forced into something instead of just doing it. Establish safe words. Respect their wishes.

Here's what you do, OP.
>Don't pretend nothing happened
>Admit full responsibility for what you did
>Detail that it was wrong to disrespect him
>Promise that you won't make him do anything he doesn't want to.

Don't talk about how he got into it. You were physically stimulating him, of course he was going to physically react. But psychologically, he obviously didn't want it to happen. It must be a pretty strong psychological reason if he reacted in such a way. He could have been sexually assaulted in his past and this reopened trauma, who knows. Don't press him on why- he'll tell you if he gets close enough with you.

You have damaged his trust in you. What you do now is try and earn that back. That means showing him, over time, that you can be trusted. You have to show him that you can respect ALL of his boundaries and BELIEVE HIM when he tells you something. This will take time. Be patient.

>>18446293
it kinda makes me feel uncomfortable, for example a girl is hitting on me right now, known her for a month but i don't think i'd be able to have sex with her, too shy/insecure but by time i'll feel more confident and closer to her.

>>18446334
This helps me a lot even though I knew I had to do this. Still feels like fucking death knowing that I did probably trigger something terrible. I dont know why it didn't even come to my mind at the time because I have wondered briefly but sexually when we have it's been very good and very normal, he's had plenty of partners.

I'm going to do my best to talk this out with him in the morning I keep feeling choked up but I think I can be patient and polite. I'm not a bad person in most of the sense, really I've been really caring for him and I've offered tons of support in a short span of knowing him. But I fucked up royally and I have to get that in my fucking skull

>>18446095
Hi OP!
I've had the same thing that happened to your bf happen to me a few times:
>uncomfortable/unsure during sexual act
>partner pushes it and goes on anyway
>don't know how to say no/stop it, freeze, endure, make sure it ends as quick as possible
>unable to talk about it afterwards bc still uncomfortable as fuck, feeling disrespected by the person but mostly SUPER SHITTY about self not being able to stop it or communicate better
>specifically hate head
For me it stems from past trauma (not sexual abuse but invasive childhood medical shit that fucked me up somewhat): your bf might not have anything specific as to why this happens to him, just putting that out here

This is pretty much a big deal, especially since he actually told you to stop verbatim, but the good thing is that you get in what way you fucked up
Talk to him. It's absolutely necessary. Tell him what you told us and let him decide what he wants to do. Acknowledging that you noticed he wasn't ok with this is the best thing you can do: it validates his discomfort and tells him you value his feelings, and you value him as a person.
If you talk it through it can become just "that one thing that happened" and maybe open discussion about why he doesn't like it, if you don't mention it and try to brush it under the rug that's problematic as fuck and makes your behaviour abusive, but atm the ball is in your court, you understand what is at play, and you're willing to do something about it, so that's the okayest the situation can possibly be.
Godspeed OP!

>>18446496
Also, that anon >>18446334 is right: your body still reacts in a situation like that + the sooner you "conclude" the sooner it's over, to some extent

>>18446476
You have to remember this: Abusers aren't necessarily bad people.
There's two parts to this. Just because you inflicted sexual assault doesn't mean that you're a bad person. The other part, is just because you're a good person doesn't mean that what you did wasn't sexual assault.
Be prepared for him to not want anything to do with you. Understand that if he does want to stay with you, you have to relearn consent and unlearn your established sexual behaviors. Your past habits of pressing reluctant partners will NOT fly here. Understand that you are walking close to the path of victim blaming when you express confusion over his initial sexual reaction.
Understand that you are not damned. If you really look at what you've done in the eye, you have hope to recover from this as a person. You have the opportunity to improve and grow. You have to make the conscious effort to do so. It's worth it. You're worth it, he's worth it, any future relationship you might have is worth it.
You are going to slip up, because you have established these habits for years. Be patient and firm with yourself. Be patient with him.

I'm honestly proud of you for realizing that you fucked up so soon. Other guys would stay in denial longer, getting mad at him for "getting weird". You've got that going for you. Take the next step to do something about it.

I believe in you, Anon. You can do this. Don't hide from your mistakes. You will be a better man after all this.

>>18446095
Eh, sounds like you did force yourself on him. Just apologize to him and talk it out. Just like other anon's say, understand his boundaries and take it slooow.

Got to be smooth, suave, cool. Don't just grip and rip while screaming "HAKUNA MATA MOTHER FUCKA!!!"

As a fellow Washingtonian, enjoy that weather and take it easy, cheers.

>>18446597
>As a fellow Washingtonian, enjoy that weather and take it easy, cheers.
Oh hey, I forgot that OP was from Washington! So am I!
It's too fucking hot in my opinion. My winterglazed skin is going to burn.

>>18446608
We don't tan.

We RUST.

It's going to be in the 90's this weekend. I'm sure eastern Washington doesn't care. But for us that live in the west is a different story.

Men and women go through "no I don't want to" and then doing it anyway a lot. I think the definition of rape has gotten out of control. You didn't physically force him, you coaxed him then he went with it a bit, then he pulled out of it. Socially and morally you didn't respect his boundaries, but I don't think this is literal rape. People socially and morally don't respect their boundaries a lot, and it doesn't make it a crime. And furthermore sometimes people actually do this with each other in a relationship, and it's part of the sexual game to the point that the other person doesn't get turned on if they aren't coaxed into it. If you care about him ask him why the reason was. Is it because he want's to stay pure for a longer period before becoming sexual with you? Seriously is it due to an STD? Was he genuinely not interested, and you pressured him?

I probably sound like an asshole due to societal standards in current year, but it sounds like he consented enough to let you do what you did then truly took away consent and you stopped.

>>18446620
Fuck. I need to figure out how to install this goodwill A/C in my window.

>>18446678
These kind of societal confusions are why people are pressing for consent being an enthusiastic yes, and for proper discussion of consent-play with safe words.
Legally, there would probably be question about how OP didn't stop when the boyfriend said "Stop", yet didn't force the boyfriend any further when he pulled away. I'm no lawman, and OP doesn't seem to be in court. So we are talking on a moral and social ground, and how he should proceed as such.

>girl sexually assaults guy
>thread is just a bunch of "it's okay kiddo learn from your mistakes"
>then devolves into talking about the weather

This thread is something else

If a guy said he forced himself in a girls mouth after no, the white knighting and girls saying he's a piece of shit would be endless.

>>18446739
It's guy on guy rape senpai.

>>18446739
This is a guy, friendo.

>>18446739

The sexism here is pretty blatant. We're on 4chan after all.

>>18446739
OP here i'm not a girl. I'm working I'll respond and take this all in as soon as I can thank you to all who have helped.

>>18446124
are you sure he's even your boyfriend and not just a normal friend that you have a one sided relationship with and raped?

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OP here update: so he just called me on my lunch and I could tell he was crying even though he wouldn't admit it. He said that he talked to my best friend on FB who I drunkenly texted and told the situation to last night because I felt like I always fuck everything up, I threatend my life briefly because I was fucking wasted and I guess my friend told him this. now he wouldn't stop telling me that this was 100% his fault and he was the piece of shit. I kept interrupting even getting kind of irritated and told him I forced him on me and I know it. He told me to fuck off with that, that he knows it was his fault because he was coming off as a slut?
I told him he hadn't even flirted with me when we got home wtf was he talking about. I could barely make out what he was saying he was sobbing so I told him to calm down and we will talk when I'm off work.

I asked work if could get off early since I'm kind of shook up over this shit. I have no idea why he wouldn't hear me out, I never pointed the finger. As someone said just because he was hard doesn't mean anything and it was fucking stupid of me to even think that but I never said that to him. I don't know if I should just drive to his house or if I should just with for the morning I don't even know what to say what I haven't said.
He kept telling me he needs me and all this shit I mean what the hell. I don't know what to fucking do Jesus.

>>18447210
Go to his house if he wants you, but he needs to hear you out before he starts blaming himself.

If you feel that tonight is not a good night to talk it out. Just stay home and wait till he calms down that way both you and him have a clear state of mind and can talk it out. Hang in there, you'll pull through the shitstorm.

>>18446496
Thank you Anon, I definitely will let him know I was in the wrong. I think I made it clear on the phone but he didn't hear me so in person I'll.be calm

>>18446531
Jeez Anon where have you been all my life? Everything you said really hit me in a horrible but good way thank you.
Seriously thank you

>>18446597
Not quite sure what the second sentence is about but thanks. Washington has been but shite lately. But cheers

>>18446678
We've had sex before I don't think it was that, he's clean. Theres just something deeply wrong with him receiving head and he obviously demonizes himself over it from what I gather from the phone call and what this thread has pointed out.
Overall I was in the wrong, perhaps not completely rape but close.

>>18446962
Fairly sure m8 we've beendating for 2 months

>>18447239
He just heard me out! I told him he was wrong, I didn't raise my voice I stayed cool as fucking ice and he told.me I was fucking wrong. He told.me.hes a mosnter for what happened. How does this even happen in 2 days?! I told him that he needed to rest and we can talk in the morning.

>>18447243
What I meant is that if your bf is being too crazy over the phone (sobbing, blaming himself) to the point where you can't even get your say in. Call it a night and talk to him the next day.. AFTER the crocodile tears.

Sorry, in my head it makes sense but when typing it comes out funny.

>>18446095
Jesus OP, you and your boyfriend should just get raped already and killed so no one has to know two piece of fucking garbage. Go to your bf fuck his throat and then kys faggot

>>18447257
Ehh.. I don't know why he thinks he's a monster.. Don't take it hard. Like I said before, just talk it out..

90's this weekend! Stay cool and avoid swamp ass, fellow Washingtonian.

>>18447399
Man wtf go for his throat? I would say he better destroy his armpit pores with his dick. An extra hole keeps my dick sore

>>18449395
Keeping armpit fetishes alive since 04'