Messaging girls on dating services when you're an insecure mess

>>18438659

>wanting to date
>can't start or hold a conversation
>scared of everything

Yeah it ain't gonna happen with all that fear. Go learn some conversational skills, try again later.

>>18438659
You literally just say Hey ____, maybe even a "how's it going"

It's not hard

>>18438659
You can post anything, they won't date with you, so whatever.

Women don't care at all about online dating
Its like if you spoke to a girl in total darkness
Chances are she won't ever remember you
Fear of rejection is pointless as there are literally 0 consequences if something goes wrong
Try texting from different account
Also OP don't give up you have a long way to go

>>18438659
Find some picture of Chad to use as a profile picture and say "ay bby u want sum fuk?". She'll be all over you.

>>18438918
What if I ask a specific question about one of her hobbies?

>>18438662
Do you have any idea what its like to have to learn social skills? People don't exactly want to teach you. I try and break out of my shell and people just go "Uhhhhh could you please not exist? I'm trying to live my life." Theres no such thing as learning social skills, you either have them or you don't.

It doesn't matter, it literally doesn't. Sometimes these girls will match with you then just decide not to talk to you just to see what kind of stuff you send them. Others will match with you but will wait for you to carry the conversation, whereas others will match with you but will have no interest of taking it further than internet pen pals.

If a girl wants to talk to you/meet you, it won't matter what you say (This is of course assuming you won't say something as autistic as this: >>18439159) For the most part it's an ego-trip, but there are people who really do wanna meet you and these are the people you should be focusing on. It will either work out or it won't but the important thing is to move on every single time.

>Fear of rejection
You are being rejected by a majority of the people you *don't* match with so

>>18439212
1) 80% won't respond
2) 20% won't respond after 2nd message

>>18439239

If you can hold a conversation on here in literary form, you can hold a conversation in real life. All you have to do is practice speaking.

>you can learn social skills
>your example is that people don't want to help teach you
>not that they're impossible, but random people won't help you with it because they're all apparently valley girls from California

Your reasoning is flawed. Hence why it's so hard for you to talk to people in general - you're already shooting yourself in the foot before you open your mouth by thinking you can't learn social skills. Then you stick your bleeding foot into it by thinking literally no one will help you out of the five times in your life you've tried.

You have to keep trying. It's not magic. It's a skill. It takes practice, and learning from mistakes. Running away and never talking to anyone for fear someone might laugh at you is not learning, that's just straight up fear.

>>18439239
>Theres no such thing as learning social skills, you either have them or you don't.
By far this is the dumbest thing I've read today. It's called a skill because you learn it, no one comes out of the womb learning how to play piano. Yes it may come to some people easier than others but you can definitely learn to be a more social person, and one step that involves is spending less time online and playing video-games, and more time putting yourself out there talking to people you don't know. I spent almost an entire day with some guy I didn't know last week, and while it was sort of mentally taxing, I learned that it was possible to have a lot in common with someone I just met because I put myself out there and although now I'm realizing how much of a tool he kinda was, I was able to go through that experience and learn about how someone else sees life cause this guy was very talkative and had an opinion on almost everything, and he admitted that he was very anti-social but he learned how not to care about people you don't even know.

>>18438918
>>18439212
not this, girl never respond to "hey how's it going" if you've ever seen a girls tinder message box it's literally filled with that.

First thing, go on the tinder subreddit get someone to rate your profile, or there is normally one on /soc/ or any of the other subs where people critique your profile.

Then work on your opening line:

Tinder - pun with their name, stupid chatup line. look at top posts on /r/tinder they have some good ideas.

Websites with bios - These girls are normally a little more serious. Read their bio top to bottom, pick an interest, educate yourself on it, and then include it in your message.

So for example she lists herself as a Harry Potter fanatic you can open with "Have you taken one of those cancer quizzes that tell what house you're in? I got Niggerin."

She'll likely respond since girls love talking about themselves. Then reply with a compliment that isn't just "ur p hot" relate it to the opener. if it's music or films then say you have great taste, for the example if she says she's hufflefuck or whatever make a joke about the house traits.

>>18439259
Its more like I try and talk to people and then when they're not interested in conversing with me I leave. Am I meant to just stay and keep talking with them, even though they don't want me to? How does that teach skills?

>>18439275
Post a screenshot of a conversation. None of us can help beyond general advice without seeing what you're saying to girls.

>>18439275

>when they're not interested in conversing, they leave

It sounds more like you are only talking about what interests you, and nothing else. Do you even care what they have to say, or is it just a one-sided conversation of you telling them about your favorite anime?

>>18439288
I dont generally speak to girls on the internet. I figure if you can't do it irl you can't do it on the internet. My body language gives my nerves away and I can't learn how to feel less nervous.

>>18439298
Yeah but how do I find out more about them if they give me one word answers and generally dont want me around? Also american cartoons are better than anime loser
>This is the type of sperg you are dealing with

>>18439300
You're only putting up walls for yourself dude. Online dating was made to remedy the nerves you have irl.
>>18439267 listen to this and put yourself out there online.

Honestly I never stopped being nervous talking to girls irl but as you get experience and see that nothing bad comes from rejection and the great feeling of connecting with someone you put the nerves aside and take the gamble.

>>18439317
Yeaaahhhhhh it could work but seems like too much effort for a lazy autist such as myself. I'm going to go the Fixit Felix route and just fall madly in love with someone and who gives a stuff if they don't love me back because I love them

>>18439309

Try talking to other people besides one group of college or high school kids who didn't want to talk to you. There are other people in the world besides those couple of individuals who didn't want to spend their time talking to you.

I understand you've been rejected before. It happens to all of us. Pick yourself up and move on. That's also what the rest of us do until we find somewhere where we "fit" in, and I use that term loosely since people can fit in wherever they wanted if they tried.

>>18439347
>fall madly in love with someone
>who cares if they don't love me back because I love them

Awww, that totally isn't doomed to fail and cause you extreme heartache at all.

>>18439267
>listening to a bunch of redditors quips for upcotes as serious advice

Hell no don't do this. I shit on reddit but I lurk r/reddit for shits and giggles. The kind of lame ass shit these people send are not advisable over something more subtle and cute if you're trying to be flirty

>>18439347
Your attitude in this thread is an indicator as to why you're alone, you don't want to listen. We've all given you enough material to make some sort of start and you don't want to. That's your prerogative but don't cry about it to us.

>>18439369
>lame ass shit
>gets replies
Subtle and cute like what? This guy obviously has the social development of a 9 year old. If you think he can come up with something cute, subtle, and flirty. It's tailored towards someone who can't think for themselves. I never said it was the best.

>>18439052
Thats actually a good motivation,thanks.

So say I manage to come up an opening besides a generic greeting and by some miricle she bothers to respond: How do you keep the conversation going without it leading to a dead end?

And I am talking about on dating sites, not Tinder. I have tinder but I've only gotten two matches in the last two months

>>18439385
Talking about poop and farts is always flirty. Be sure to make noises with their hand on your armpit!

>>18439849
Find something about the persons profile that they seem to be passionate about or just really like that you also like and start a conversation about it. Example:

"Hey, I noticed you like "X"! That's one of my favorite whatever." Then she will either ignore you in which case move on or you have a conversation about said thing.

>>18439878
Would it work if I message a QT south Asian girl and asked if they where REALLY the head of the Quicki E Mart?

>>18439933
Maybe. You could certainly try it.

go out and talk to actual girls, srs. just make friends and ask for their number, like "hey you should give me your number so we can talk to each other".

just do that with a few people, even if you don't actually talk to them, it's a huge confidence booster

>>18439857
this

Hello, lesbianon here, I have experience being approached and approaching, and also hear a lot about what women do and do not like, here's what I can gather:

>keep in mind that women get two or three times the messages that men do, because men are generally less picky, also societal standards about men being the one to make moves.

>don't just say "hey/what's up" etc. everyone does this and each woman on a dating site has at lease 50 of these in her inbox.

>don't start with a comment about her appearance, even if it's good. Generally, getting comments about how pretty/hot etc they are from somebody they don't know is just uncomfortable. First hand experience, it's just weird. You can tell her that pretty soon after you start talking if it goes well

>try to find something on her profile you also enjoy and bring it up casually. "I see you're a Zelda fan...have you played [new Zelda game] yet? Nobody I know has finished it yet and I'm dying to talk about it."

>>18440520
Cont.

>DO NOT talk down to her. And even if you don't think you are, proofread. For example, one of my friends is a storyboard artist for Disney TV animation and some guy's opening statement was something like "oh are you an artist? Have you heard of a Wacom tablet?" Which is the main professional tool of Disney artists.. and he was like a hobbyist and bad at drawing.

>just overall try to be on her level. You should approach casually and conversationally and once you feel comfortable chatting with each other, everything will be easier. Trust me.

Good luck!

>>18440529
Oh, also, do not get all assblasted if you don't immediately get a message back. There was a time where I was going to see if I could date men and I made a profile. Two out of three men I opened up a conversation with got mad when, once, I went to take a shower and didn't tell him, and the other time I had to take a phone call and when I checked my messages it went from "haha cool we should play vidya sometime" to "well fuck you too then!" In a matter of ten minutes

>>18438659
Have a generic outline of a date request. Say something along the lines of you are bad at talking through text. Ask them to meet you in real life, pick a time and day you are free. If they are interested they will negotiate to a time that actually works, so don't worry about that. Suggest a generic activity like lunch/dinner/cafe at a popular place near where you live. Ask some friends for advice, ask them what their impression of it is, get it down as good as you can because you will send this to every girl on every dating site.
Now here comes the fun part. If you are actually interested in the girl, comment on something on their profile. If they have a hobby you share, share an anecdote or experience about it, and edit you script to incorporate it. Instead of just generic activity, suggest an activity related to hobby. Do this for 100 girls and you will definitely get a date.
General tips
>Have a good selfie
Girls use make up, angles, lighting, everything to make themselves look good in profile pics. Do the same
>Get used to rejection
Girls on dating sites gets hundreds of messages. They may not even read you message. They certainly will not bother to respond no. So get used to being ignored
>Numbers game
The more you send, the more chances you have of actually getting a date. I'm talking less than 10% response rate here, so if you want to win you got to play, a lot.
>Don't play games, don't get played
If a girl isn't willing to meet, drop her. Girl cancels a date and doesn't reschedule an specific time, drop her. Didn't click on the first date, drop her. Do not waste your time on girls who require to much work (Of course some girls are worth it, so apply at your own discretion)