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Anonymous
First time heartbreak 2017-06-20 07:54:49 Post No. 18437030
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First time heartbreak 2017-06-20 07:54:49 Post No. 18437030
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>29 years old
>living in a foreign country
>meet a guy on a dating app about 8 months ago
>hit it off and start sleeping together
>enter a relationship with him after 2 months of sleeping together
>asks to take it slow as his last relationship left him devastated
>things have been going great
>no signs of disinterest from either side
>do nice things for each other like cook, go out to events, messages, etc.
>both have a holiday planned for June (separately)
>leave for mine first
>send him a couple of messages while away
>his responses get more spread out, shorter, and seem different from when we chat at home
>he leaves for his
>eventually go a while without hearing from him
>asks what's up, he says he is just shit at replying to messages
>think of something I could have done wrong and apologize
>he responds saying he couldn't find the right time to tell me, but he says he doesn't feel attracted to me the way I am to him
>says his heart isn't into it
>he's in NYC enjoying himself while I'm back at home heartbroken and feeling ill
I'm more confused than anything, but the pain is just too much to bear. This is the first real relationship I've been in and I don't know what to do. He's with his 2 best friends (a lesbian couple) and I'm not sure if they have had a part in this. This person is not the same person I've grown to know over the 8 months we've been seeing each other. He said relationships might just not be for him or he isn't ready. But how fucked up is it he would break up with me through a text while on holiday? In fact, the guy from his last relationship did something similar in that he broke up with him and found a new partner 2 weeks later, showing how little their relationship meant. Gave him insomnia for 2 years until we met.
I've been stressed out and have had trouble sleeping and eating. Since this is my first heartbreak, anyone have any advice/something they can offer based on the information I gave? Really having a tough time here.
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Listen to a lot of sad music. That may seem weird, but the only way to get through it is to confront your sadness head on.
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>>18437030
depends i have two modes which are indulgence and overcoming.
indulgence tends to be me giving up on everything for a day or two. i binge eat, i dont brush my hair, i take 4 showers, i dont go outside, and if i get a headache i just take another shower. ill turn off all communications and keep looking at a picture of a guy i used to like. then i just spend the rest of the day hate-watching a sitcom.
when im overcoming it tends to be the opposite, i go out and i listen to amazing music and i just scream a song at the top of my lungs to let the feelings out, and channel my energy int osomething productive
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>>18437047
Screaming at the top of my lings sounds like a great idea. I've had this knot in my stomach ever since reading the messge that feels like I've been punched in the gut and has been hurting ever since.
He comes back at the end of the month. If for whatever reason he wants to continue the relationship, should I try and salvage it and give it a shot or do I just tell him to fuck off?
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>>18437090
Tell him to fuck off, gently and politely. He'll be coming on to you stronger than before, I guarantee it. Just don't give him the attention he thinks he deserves.
More importantly, what you need to improve is your mindset and attitude. I know it's hard, especially for a relationship that's been going on for long, but you've gotta realize that he is no one special—he is not the One. Love yourself and be independent, believe it or not men are crazy for strong happy women, rather than the clingy and insecure type. You can trust the wise words of an alpha male.
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>>18437112
Thanks this is actually something good to hear. Is it really ok to not even give it a shot? Going from 0 to 100 seems intense and I'd want to see if we can work it through.
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>>18437397
You can't really start moving on until you accept it's totally over.
I've found something that helps me is a sort of 5:2 emotional diet. I.e. have slots of time when you're allowed to be sad, and slots of time when you have to force yourself to do other things, be proactive, think about other stuff.
Use this time to recalibrate and work on yourself mind body and soul.
I know how much it hurts though, anon. That chest pain, ugh. You've had the worst of it though, it will never be this bad again.
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>>18437030
You asked him to take it slow after yall been sleeping together? are you talking about him opening up about his problems? Surely you're not talking about sex since yall already have it.
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>first real relationship at 29
I would dump you too
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