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So my bf silent treatments, emotionally punishes, and excludes me for long periods of time after an argument.
The things is we only argue like maybe every 1-1.5 years, and we've been together for 7. The arguments are typically small things that are blown out of proportion by honestly the both of us.
I have attempted to be really open about change. He is very stubborn and says that he needs to handle his anger that way or it won't get better.
We had an argument last night, so all this is being surfaced again. I am at fault for this argument. I attempted to be clear when talking to him about it, he just blew up. And everything that I didn't want to happen, happened. Basically he said some really hurtful things and he is still continuing to project all this terrible stuff onto me. It's just about as basic as projecting can get. He yells at me, I respond, not yelling, but passionately, then he tells me I'm yelling and angry and he isn't. Shit like that.
I refuse to hold grudges after an argument and forgive and forget fairly easy. He will bring up the smallest thing I've done like 5 years ago, but project onto me that I hold grudges.
We had plans this weekend. He basically told me that he's doing all our plans alone today. He said if I attempt to talk to him today he'll ignore me for longer.
I don't know how to resolve this. My boyfriend is so normal outside of arguing. I don't know how to weigh this in our relationship. We rarely argue, even tiny things, we can resolve, but when something gets him mad, he will bring it up, put me down, punish me, hold a grudge, for several days and it is like torture. Then we just apologize and go back to normal.
What do when shit just hits the fan out of sheerly dumb argument literally 1% of the time in a relationship?
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>>18432907
You tell him to make it a thing from today that no one goes to sleep angry.
You should also have a mature conversation when you are both content about how you feel.
If he doesn't reciprocate, he is a manchild.
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Tell him this is an inappropriate way for solving issues and that you're not comfortable with it, even with the good times.
If I live with Roommate X for 100 days and he punches me once every 100 days, that means he's still a shitty roommate. Arguments happen, being all pouty and doing the silent treatment isn't normal or healthy.
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>>18432918
>You tell him to make it a thing from today that no one goes to sleep angry.
I'm pretty sure he just can't. Or at least it won't happen immediately. When something pisses him off, he'll be mad about it for days. Could be anything from something about his car to something about work or something with family. Like he's been this way for probably most of his life. Changing it won't just happen.
>You should also have a mature conversation when you are both content about how you feel.
I do want to do this though. Bf will own up if he is at fault for an argument. However, if I am at fault, he will not apologize for the way he acted during an argument. He typically thinks he is justified or just "it is what it is" responses.
But yea, if it doesn't change or there isn't more self awareness, I'm pretty much at wit's end and done. I guess I'll have to see how he responds to me when he's done with his avoidance shit. We need to have a serious talk.
>>18432921
Yea, this is both our first really long term relationship. He tends to think that arguments in a relationship should just never happen and if they do, everything is just wrong.
He usually tries to say that the silent treatment is for him, not me. I can understand cooling off, but what I don't understand is all the passive aggressive shit that comes with it. Instead of saying, "I need to go cool down and we can talk about this when we're not mad." It's more like "I don't want to see you or hear from you until I feel like it."
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>>18432907
>We had plans this weekend. He basically told me that he's doing all our plans alone today. He said if I attempt to talk to him today he'll ignore me for longer.
Honestly, he acts like a imature girl not a grown ass man. I mean seriously, there has to be something wrong with him if he acts like a bitch, which he does in all the points you made. Doesn't he have any male friends?
Write him a letter explaining everything what is on your midn if he threatens you if you dare to talk to him (which is absoluetly intolerable in a relationship). Leave the letter and go somewhere else for the weekend. Also tell him in the letter that if you come back you both will have a mature talk and if he wants to keep this relationship he will have to behave like a decent adult.
There's something buried in him and I guess he's hormonally fucked up in some way as his behavior is really feminine way of dealing with relationship issues. You might want to cut out all the plastic and feed him some meat to boost his T levels. Working out and getting his stress out this way is also a good idea.
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>>18432907
sounds like me
if i try to rationalize why i do this id say its because during those periods of time i self sabotage my relationship because i think "this bitch doesn't actually love me" etc.
or its the accumulated anger from a bunch of small incidents, remembering some shit you did in the past. etc definitely something that has to do with insecurity
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>>18432907
he sounds like the right little gamma bitch in this relationship. it's an actual thing, you might want to look it up, cause he ain't going to get any better unless you have some kind of drastic intervention on his faggot ass.
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>>18432907
he sounds emotionally stunted and maybe a bit stupid
don't know what else you want to know
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