Why the fuck is dating so complicated? Why are there so many

>>18430218
It isn't that complicated tho.

>>18430219
Obviously it is otherwise PUA shit and even this board wouldn't exist.

>I want to find a girl I can have a serious relationship with.

Be prepared to be sorely disappointed. The era where you can expect to have a healthy monogamous relationship with a loyal woman is long in the past. Nowadays it is prudent to expect woman to cheat and to monkeybranch to other men, no matter how innocent she may appear on the surface. It is in your best interest to have an exit plan always in place so when that happens you are prepared. Dump her, go no contact, and get back into the dating game. Remember that if you get in a relationship, she isn't yours, it is just your turn.

>>18430244
If that's true then fuck that shit.

>>18430236
>Obviously it is otherwise PUA shit and even this board wouldn't exist.
PUA is mostly about finding a woman to hook up with. This board is about clueless virgins.
Most people out there don't struggle to find love.

>>18430245
It's not 100% true, but it's likely enough that you should adopt the attitude that it's not worth the trouble of dating and if it happens, you're just lucky. Focus on making yourself happy.

>>18430255
>Most people out there don't struggle to find love.
Then what's wrong with me?
>>18430257
>making yourself happy.
I have a pretty satisfying life, but I'm still lonely.

>>18430269
How would we know? Tell us something about you.

>>18430244
>>18430257

Don't listen to this. This is how you become a beta cuck who never gets laid. There's plenty of good people out there.

>>18430218
>Why are there so many cues to pick up on, subtle social norms to observe and methods to use

Showing intelligence in a social setting is a factor in the real world to get people to like you. You don't even need to be that intelligent, you just need experience. This is how dopes and dummies get laid.

Stop whining and just go try it. Don't fear rejection. Get in the dating game and not in the game of "I just don't want to be lonely" because that type of self-pity will repel women.

>>18430269
Be careful. Loneliness and love are toxic emotions that clouds rational thought. You need to approach all relationships with a careful mindset or you will get walked over, cucked, or in the worst case, financially destroyed for life.

>>18430284

Love is not a toxic emotion. Love is necessary for human survival.

>>18430283
>Get in the dating game
So getting into something serious right away is impossible? I'm not interested in tinder and all that shit

>>18430293
Not as serious as you'd like. It's a pipe dream anyway, very few people stay together their whole lives and the old people right now that do come from a different era.

>>18430300
An era where men were almost expected to cheat, were divorce wasn't allowed/socially acceptable, were a woman couldn't look basically live without a man.
It's not that we are worse people than our grandparents.

>>18430293

It's not impossible, but I'm not going to lie to you. It's fucking hard. Finding someone you really love is not a game. Don't search for it like it's going to fall into your lap and everything is hunky dory. I recommend playing the dating game in the meantime because it's not a bad way to find someone you love.

Love is basically liking someone so much you'll put up with their bullshit just to be around them. Everyone has their own bullshit.

>>18430293

Also, getting in the game is kind of like building your resume up. People use your experience as one of those "social cues" and having a blank resume is a red flag.

>>18430318
>it's not a bad way to find someone you love
Maybe but it's a good way to waste time and fuck around with people who in the end weren't worth it.
If it's so hard though, how come most people don't just give up?
>>18430343
>having a blank resume is a red flag
So the more people you've dated, the more attractive you are? That's ridiculous

>>18430345
>If it's so hard though, how come most people don't just give up?

People are more resilient than you think. Some people are just too dumb and their only goal is to get laid. And a LOT of people just fall into love while playing the game. It's better to have a plan and be realistic than to just fall into it all of a sudden.

Also, I use the term "playing the game" metaphorically. Don't play women.

>So the more people you've dated, the more attractive you are? That's ridiculous

I didn't say this. Although that is basically true. I'm just saying it's something people pick up on.

it's easy if you're not autistic. if it's not easy for you, congratulations, i got a diagnosis for you.

>>18430351
>a LOT of people just fall into love while playing the game.
And most of them break up at some point?

>to have a plan and be realistic
I don't get it, how can you have a plan for that stuff

>that is basically true
Why does experience make you more attractive?

>it's something people pick up on
How do they do it? Is it just instinct that comes from experience

>>18430355
It's not easy for me because I've never been a social person and now I'm fucked because I have no social intelligence.

>>18430312
Good point.

>>18430366

>And most of them break up at some point?
Yes. Like I said love isn't hunky dory peaches and cream. It's fucking WORK. And some people find out that they can't always handle the work.

>I don't get it, how can you have a plan for that stuff
Well, experience helps. You probably won't have a very smart plan the first couple runs around. I know that when I fell into love my plan was so shit it didn't work out.

>Why does experience make you more attractive?
Life experience is a way of showing you're on top of your game. You got your shit together. You know what you're doing etc. When people see a blank resume they think "this person never dated? I wonder why..." and who knows what conclusion they may jump to. It could be a negative or positive conclusion, but it'll probably be negative.

>How do they do it? Is it just instinct that comes from experience
Yes. This is why you need to get in the game and get experience. You'll pick up on it the more you get into it.

>>18430383
I was implying compatibility issues rather than unwillingness to handle the work a relationship requires.
Is it normal then to get into a relationship with someone yet expect that it will fail even if you like them at first?

>you need to get in the game and get experience
How do I get experience without resorting to hookups?

>>18430355
>
if anything your level of self projection is autistic

>>18430482
>I was implying compatibility issues rather than unwillingness to handle the work a relationship requires.

Most "compatibility" issues can be handled with the proper amount of work. It's really just whether or not the couple is willing to put in the effort. Sometimes, the work isn't worth the effort

>Is it normal then to get into a relationship with someone yet expect that it will fail even if you like them at first?

Maybe it's normal. Maybe it's not. I can't say for sure. But I can say that it's definitely not healthy to be in this state of mind.

>How do I get experience without resorting to hookups?

First of all, what's so bad about hook ups?

>>18430505
>"compatibility" issues can be handled with the proper amount of work
So people are never inherently incompatible? Sounds hard to believe

>it's definitely not healthy to be in this state of mind.
Isn't it inevitable? I mean from what you're telling me it's logical to assume so

>what's so bad about hook ups?
Eh at that point it's about values more than anything else, but I think it's hypocritical and stupid to want your girl to not be a slut when you sleep around yourself. Obviously I don't mean I want an abstinent woman or anything like that, but I don't think hook ups are a good thing.
I had the opportunity to lose my virginity to a prostitute but I didn't because I wanted to do it with someone I actually liked.

>>18430255
>most people
I'm pretty sure most people are brain dead and don't find real love, just someone that makes them think "okay this is fine, could be worse" and then just pretend they are in love until maybe they trick themselves to think they do.
Many of my friends are in couples and only 1 seems to be genuinely in love, the rest don't give a shit about their girlfriends or boyfriends and it looks like it goes both ways.

>>18430515
>So people are never inherently incompatible? Sounds hard to believe

All I mean is that incompatibility can be overcome with love. Sometimes, incompatibility is too heavy. I know this feel.

>Isn't it inevitable? I mean from what you're telling me it's logical to assume so

Well, it sounds cliche, but if you go in expecting it to fail, then it will fail. There's a very very strong chance it will fail. But the message I want to get across is that love can win if you believe it can.

> it's about values more than anything else, but I think it's hypocritical and stupid to want your girl to not be a slut when you sleep around yourself.

I'm glad you feel this way. I personally feel it's hypocritical to think girls can be sluts even though guys sleep around way way more with less attachment. Women want to get laid just as much as the rest of us. No shame in that.

>I had the opportunity to lose my virginity to a prostitute but I didn't because I wanted to do it with someone I actually liked.

Good. But branching off this, most women don't just sleep around because they want to get dicked(some do). They want to do it with people they like too. Sometimes that just means hook ups. Nothing wrong with hook ups, IMO, as long as you are safe and responsible. The way women are open with hook ups now is how they have more experience and social intelligence than men. They are way more careful than us with who we choose for partners.

>>18430283
>intelligence is a factor.
Nope, it's all about the perfect balance between confidence and bragging.

>>18430611

I'm talking specifically about social intelligence.

>>18430569
>if you go in expecting it to fail, then it will fail
If you're hooking up should you always try to make it a relationship instead of a casual thing?
(unless you really don't like the girl of course)

>I'm glad you feel this way
I'm not saying it's ok for girls to do it just because guys do it though, I'm saying both men and women should avoid being promiscuous.
It's not that wanting to have sex is shameful, but that it's probably not a good idea to fuck people you don't care about and treat sex very casually. Is that a bad way to see things?
Also maybe I have that opinion because I'd have more trouble trusting someone whom I know has slept around a lot.

>They want to do it with people they like too. Sometimes that just means hook ups
Do you mean that the girls who sleep around do it because they want to find someone and that they use hookups as a way to start relationships?

>>18430636
>If you're hooking up should you always try to make it a relationship instead of a casual thing?

This is actually something I'm still on the fence about. I do my best to be straight forward in my hook ups so there are no hurt feelings or anything like that. What everyone really wants is connection. Sometimes sex helps find deeper connection. Which is usually where love comes in...

>I'm not saying it's ok for girls to do it just because guys do it though, I'm saying both men and women should avoid being promiscuous.

I get you. I just felt the need to explain women's motivations. It makes sense for them to have become promiscuous because men have been promiscuous for a long, long time. This is kinda their way of getting onto a level playing field.

>it's probably not a good idea to fuck people you don't care about and treat sex very casually. Is that a bad way to see things?

No. Actually, it's a pretty good way of thinking. But it's also a bit naive because this isn't how most people see it. Sex carries a lot of weight and establishes connection whether either party is trying to invite connection or not. You can't take back a fuck, so it's important that both fuckers are on the same page. Most people who have treated sex casually realize this. Or, if they don't realize this, they get stuck in an unhappy loop of meaningless sex.

>Also maybe I have that opinion because I'd have more trouble trusting someone whom I know has slept around a lot.

Same. This is actually part of the reason why I've been focusing more on getting laid. Because if I find a woman I really love(I have) I will never be okay with the fact that they've slept around significantly more than I have. At my core, this is only because of my own insecurities.

>Do you mean that the girls who sleep around do it because they want to find someone and that they use hookups as a way to start relationships?
Basically, but that's the tip of the iceberg

>>18430669
>What everyone really wants is connection
Aren't most people just looking for fun? Hence why casual sex is more common than people who look for something serious right away
Especially on stuff like tinder where the majority of men and women are just looking to fuck, nothing more.

>this isn't how most people see it
So how do you establish that with the girls you hook up with? I'm talking about you personally

>why I've been focusing more on getting laid
You're sleeping around so that you're on equal footing with your potential future girlfriend? Don't you think that's not a great way to handle things?

>that's the tip of the iceberg
What are their inner motivations then?

Being a whore isn't a good thing. Don't listen to these people they just want to be coddled for their shitty decisions and lack of foresight

>>18430726
Nobody implied it was a good thing, just that 99% of people don't see things that way so trying to find a girl who adheres to those values is unrealistic.

>>18430715
>Aren't most people just looking for fun? Hence why casual sex is more common than people who look for something serious right away
>Especially on stuff like tinder where the majority of men and women are just looking to fuck, nothing more.

This is part of an underlying problem. Our society has always dealt with sex poorly. I see this as a rough patch. I would love if everyone in the world could treat sex with more responsibility, but that's not the way things are right now. So, I try to educate people on the value of sex, love, and human connection.

>So how do you establish that with the girls you hook up with? I'm talking about you personally

I talk with them. I communicate. I don't (always) say straight up "i'm just looking for sex" because this is a turn off and a signal that you don't treat sex seriously to begin with. The more experience you gain in this territory the easier it will be to gauge what someone else wants.

>You're sleeping around so that you're on equal footing with your potential future girlfriend? Don't you think that's not a great way to handle things?

Well, basically, yeah, but she and I are on the same page. She is actually encouraging me and waiting for me.

>What are their inner motivations then?

Love and connection. I can go deeper into this if you want, but that's a broad subject and I have no idea where to begin.

>>18430736
Okay than just start abusing sluts and whores that easy

>>18430737
>I don't (always) say straight up "i'm just looking for sex"
Do you encounter a lot of girls on tinder who are not just looking for sex?

>the easier it will be to gauge what someone else wants
That's good, though it's kind of a catch 22.

>She is actually encouraging me and waiting for me
That's odd, good for you though.

>I can go deeper into this if you want
I'd appreciate it because I can't seem to understand how a girl who searches for a bf exclusively on tinder expects to find true love.
Doesn't it indicate some form of insecurity?

>>18430812
>Do you encounter a lot of girls on tinder who are not just looking for sex?

I don't use tinder. I go out and chill with my friends.

>That's good, though it's kind of a catch 22.

Yes. Life is like a giant paradox, amigo. Accept that and you'll have the power to control it better than ever before.

>That's odd, good for you though.

It is pretty odd, haha. But it works.

>I can't seem to understand how a girl who searches for a bf exclusively on tinder expects to find true love.
>Doesn't it indicate some form of insecurity?

Yes. Women are very insecure. So are men, but for women it's twofold because they are taught by society they need to be pretty in order to be valued. Women are taught to value their bodies instead of their minds, and as a result they think men value only their body. Which is true on a superficial level, but not completely. If it was completely true, hot couples would never break up. Connection is always more valuable than superficial attraction.

>>18430832
Oh so you don't use actual hookup sites, my bad

So girls on average are more insecure than guys?
What I gather from what you said is that making a girl's mind and personality feel valuable is the most important

>>18430848
>What I gather from what you said is that making a girl's mind and personality feel valuable is the most important

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>18430854
I'll stop asking questions after that, but what's the best way to go about this?

>>18430858
Get out of your comfort zone. Talk to women more. Learn about them. Listen. Communicate. Be honest about who you are and what you want. Gain some experience and the confidence will come.

>>18430861
Thanks.

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>>18430218
Fuck dating and enjoy your bachelorhood 4 ever. Real dorks are those who date men & women to demonstrate society that they're not gay or lesbians and to be accepted in the family & rest of society. Don't be pressured to adapt into old fashioned stereotypes everyone falls into.

>>18430862

You're welcome! I hope it goes well for you, amigo!