Hot and cold

>>18430168
How long have you known him?
How much do you talk about yourself with him?
Are you male or female?

>>18430190
>How long have you known him?
Over a year

>How much do you talk about yourself with him?
I'm quite open about my life and I tell him a lot of personal things. But I wouldn't say I talk too much about myself.

>Are you male or female?
I'm a cis girl, he is a cis boy

Friends usually tell me that I act the same way as you friend. I would really lie to open up to some people but it's really scary. There's letting somebody get really close to you to hurt you very much. Sometimes it's insecurities of having someone see an unsightly persona. Sometimes it's as simple as having the thought that it's out of character. Or maybe he just doesn't really talk a lot and just felt the urge.
There's anxiety in doing this but they'll feel better with that small part.

>>18430249
It's happening repetitively so I doubt it's just about one thought out of character. Maybe he is just a reserved person, but I feel like I could help him open up and be someone he can trust with his problems and feelings.

Men tend to be not quite as emotional as women at a biological level, and this is reinforced by society which encourages men not to show emotion. Unless you see him opening up more with other people or something, the fact that he's willing to open up to you for even part of your conversations kinda says a lot. He may be perfectly content with how much he opens up to you. What you perceive as him feeling like he can't be relaxed or as emotional as he wants around you might not actually be the case, and he could be walking away from your conversations happy that he has someone he feels he can be open with. He might also not be comfortable sharing his worries or problems with you if you're not doing the same. You say you're open about you're life, which is good, but if you're either not talking about your problems with him, or you just don't have many problems to talk about, it could make him feel like he's dumping his issues on you without really offering anything in return. If you don't have your own issues you can discuss with him, or you already are talking about them with him, then you might want to just try being more direct. Obviously you don't want to go up to him and just tell what you said here, that probably would embarrass him, and would be pretty awkward. Rather, wait until he opens up to you in conversation, and respond by telling him you appreciate him being open with you. Provide positive reinforcement for the behavior you want to see.
One last point though, guys typically don't talk a lot about their problems or emotional stuff with girls unless they're dating, married, or interested in the girl. He could be worried that if he opens up too much to you that you'll get the wrong idea, or the right idea. Or he's worried he'll get too close to you and become too attached. Or any other number of issues. If that's the case, I'm not really sure what you can do.

>>18430339
>the fact that he's willing to open up to you for even part of your conversations kinda says a lot.

Can you clarify what you mean? I can only assume that it means he trusts me even if a bit.

And yes, I know that men usually don't open up easily or often. It just makes me worried about him because he's clearly going through a lot and I want be there for him but it's difficult when he's trying to hide his issues or treat them like some dirty secret that one should not talk about. I believe that even strong manly men deserve and need emotional support.

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>>18430433
He probably trusts you a lot.

The way you are describing him sounds like he has been punished for his good virtues one too many times.
He has learned to be cold hard and lonely so that feelings cannot touch him anymore.
The problem with this is that it doesn't work because we're biologically wired to become selfconcious around women.
Life is cruel

>>18430433
I assume he trusts you more than a little bit. How often do other guys open up to you or talk about deeply personal problems?

>>18430196
>cis

get the fuck out of here you tumblr scum

>>18430465
Maybe you are right, I don't know much about his history with other people.

>>18430475
It doesn't happen often, but I am close friends with a depressed guy and he confides in me a lot.

>>18430478
I'm not from Tumblr, I just wanted to clarify our positions as precisely as it's possible.

>>18430478
tumblr, reddit or wherever this stupid word comes from, just stop using it

>>18430496
meant for
>>18430490
obviously

>>18430490
Are you romantically interested in this guy? If so, can you explain why?
Also, how old are the both of you?

>>18430496
Alright, duly noted

>>18430506
I'm 25, he is 21. I wouldn't say I'm romantically interested in him - I never even considered that, to be honest, so I can't answer this question with full conviction. But I like him a lot, he is a genuinely good person, very intelligent and passionate about his field of study. He often helped me out by offering valuable advice and letting me talk about my issues. And at times it seems to me like he might feel lonely or overwhelmed by his own personal problems and while I don't doubt that he is strong enough to deal with them on his own, I think he might need some support from the outside too.

>>18430534
Thanks, i appreciate it.

Also i think i can be a bit like your friend sometimes. I don't know him so keep in mind i'll just make assumptions that may be untrue.

It's normal to keep some distance, you don't want to reveal everything about yourself right off the bat and there's numerous reasons to this. It's more attractive that way, some people rely on mystery to be appreciated, even in friendship. They drop some clues here and there so you get food for your fantasies and then he'll reward you with some more if he appreciates you and you're receptive. It's a good compromise to do this as revealing too much about yourself could come off as creepy or off puting, and revealing too little could make you uninteresting or unattractive. It also allows them to seek understanding without going to far and becoming a nuisance to others. Men are taught (and that's a good thing, that's as it should be.) that they musn't be weak and that they should avoid displaying signs of weakness. So that would mean he may trust you enough to share these weaknesses with you but he knows too that he shouldn't go off board and become a pussy because he knows people could disrespect him for that, even you.

Yes even you, you say you don't mind him being sensitive and vulnerable, and that may be true, and he may perceive this, but at the same time you wouldn't be the first woman to say this only to be disgusted when the man indeed becomes a pussy. Some women even use this as a test (more or less consciously depending on the woman.) to see if the guy will fall for it and become their personnal carpet. Now i'm not saying you're like that, but your friend may be aware of these traps and so he may be keeping a safe distance that keeps making him respectable and desirable.

Now, as i said, i don't know your friend, so i may be projecting, just bringing my perspective on your issue.

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Another answer may be that he just drops the mask whenever he feels comfortable doing so and that it's just what he needs. Maybe he just feels good like that and he has nothing else deeply hidden or a terrible romantic secret to share or other stuff, so it may be that you're just fantasizing about an hypothetical hidden dimension of himself, if so then give him a break

>>18430580
>>18430583
Thank you very much anon, your answer offered me some valuable insight. I understand that being too emotional or outward about problems for men is something to be mostly avoided. I understand that some people may perceive it as a weakness. I don't really see it that way. I'm mostly haply that he trusts me enough to share with me as little as he does, but it just makes me sad that he feels like he has to restrain himself from saying all he wants from one reason or another.

>>18430637
You seem nice, i hope your friendship will last

maybe he doesn't restrain himself, all of what i said may be bullshit, it's all hypothetical

>>18430646
Cheers anon!

I think time will show how much he trusts me and how much he wants to discuss his woes.