Man vs Cucumber

>>18426004
> Cont. to clarify myself
> It didn't slip into the water and that's it
> It went pass the point of salvation

>>18426004
it takes like 50 minutes to go turn the water to the house off, drain the toilet, unbolt it, and remove the objects, and then bolt it back down. go watch a video on youtube.

>>18426014
I'm 90% panicking 10% thinking by this time.
What if the makeup went to the sewer system? Am I fucked?
Can I pour something to kill the cucumber or make it rot? turning off the water will mean i'll turn off the water to 3 household, people will start asking questions and I'm not good with answers

salad

>>18426020
what?

>>18426017
you could remove the cucumber with a hook or corkscrew shape fashioned out of a metal coat hanger. if you're old enough to go to a store you can buy an augur or snake from the plumbing section.

>>18426004
Why was your moms makeup inside your asshole and why did it slip out? work on those sphincter muscles.

>>18426004
Buy a snake, stab the cucumber and get it out

its not too difficult

Are you a boy or a girl.

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>>18426004
how big was the cucumber?

>>18426026
old enough that what makes this so fucking bad, when you're 16 you're 'experimenting'
>>18426029
Makeup was in a shelf next to the toilet, It fell when I ran out to scare the fucker off

>>18426032
Thanks
>>18426042
I wish I was a girl, this would've been so fucking easy

>>18426048
around 5.5 inches

>>18426004
Stick your fuckin hand in there and fish it out. You'll still probably be able to reach it since the cucumber can't make it around the bends in the toilet.

I know it's nasty af, but consider the possible embarrassment of your parents calling a plumber and him pulling that out.

>>18426004
I'll assume you're under 18 since you're masturbating with vegetables instead of proper sex toys. Either pay for a taxi, ride your bike, walk, or take the bus to a nearby Home Depot and buy
http://www.homedepot.com/p/Homeowner-Toilet-Auger-BC40030/100621924

>>18426051
Ok, so you're a girl. See if you can find an adult man in your neighbourhood and maybe he can help you.

>>18426051
>I wish I was a girl
Wrong answer, wont help you.

>>18426055
i'll go buy this shit-fisher the other guys recommended to me and i'll try to scoop it
>>18426056
Will never buy a sex toy, If you own a dildo you're fucking gay, else you're just curious

>>18426062
Sticking stuff in your ass doesn't make you gay. Nobody likes a bigot.

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>>18426004
You were showering on the toilet?
How the fuck did the makeup wind up IN the toilet?
What happened with the robber?

>>18426070
I scared him off, locked every door in the house
The makeup was on a shelf next to the toilet ( One hit and everything goes to the toilet )
I was masturbating if 'showering' wasn't clear enough

What the fuck were you doing with a cucumber?

>>18426081
This OP! WE WANT ANSWERS!

Tell your parents it's the robber's fault. The robber owns the cucumber and a failed attempt to molest you.

>>18426081
>>18426265
Read the OP you retarded fucks

>>18426026
Probably wont work.
Tried this after I flushed an apple core that got stuck. Couldn't get the coat-hanger past the 2nd bend.

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>>18426004

Snake the fucking thing. Go to a rental store and rent, or borrow, or buy a toilet snake, and snake the god damn thing. Your landlord probably has one, just borrow it.

>>18426275
I didn't ask you ass wipe.

If you are home alone why are you masturbating in the bathroom?

>>18426362
i would masturbate in the bathroom for the first day

throw razors/shurikens down the drain to cut the cucumber,dont forget to keep a few to shove up your ass before you off yourself fucking faggot

Any update on your progress? Did you get the cucumber out?
If you can't get it out, or accidentally push it further in, and it still clogs, then foaming root killer might be able to break it down as a last resort. Read the instructions.

>>18426062
>Will never buy a sex toy, If you own a dildo you're fucking gay, else you're just curious
This is why 4chan is an 18+ website. Is jacking off gay too? Youre grabbing a dick with your hands, you know who else grabs dicks? Gay people.

>>18426281
B obviously

>>18427400
its obviously a

>>18427386
>Update: the problem was mysteriously solved
Bout my mothers makeup i'll tell her there was a bug on the shelf or something, It's better to get mad at rather than you mother knowing you used her makeup
>>18427398
like sucking your own penis

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>>18426004
>>>18426048
>around 5.5 inches
>average

>>18426004
Last resort - behind the toilet is a shut off valve - turn it right to shut off the water. Flush the toilet - lift the lid on the back and empty the rest of the water out. Take a rag and remove the remaining water. Take a sledge hammer and smash the FUCK out of the toilet. Find the cucumber and take the heat for the demolished toilet. Say you flushed your phone just whatever story you tell. Stick to it.

Also don't beat your meat on the toilet seat....

>>18427609
a new toilet cost about $150 - looking at your parents while explaining your new use for produce - LIFE TIME OF CRINGE. Thanksgiving cucumber Christmas cucumber HOLY SHIT break that toilet.

Blow up the toilet with firecrackers

Wurst bait ever.

>>18427609
My sides HAHAHA dude that's awesome, 10/10 idea

so...Uh..A cucumber, huh? Do your parents know you're a flaming homo?

>>18427741
Obviously no
Starting to take HRT soon, so not just a regular faggot
Which obviously makes things worse for me.
> mfwThey're REALLY religious

>>18427765
> MFW they think i'm straight
> MFW i'm going to be the least possible trans in the world
> MFW I don't even care because i'll spend the rest of my life in a room working as a freelancer

>>18426004
throw a bunch of other vegetables into the toilet and clog it even more, then when your parents get home say you had friends over and they pulled a prank on you.

>>18426017
>l turn off the water to 3 household, people will start asking qu
That's acceptable in order to unblock the toilet Anon

>>18427773
that is not a half bad idea anon.

just ring them and ask them what to do, say you took as many as you could out but some are stuck.

(obviously try and remove it first)

>>18427776
Do it at like 2am, no one is going to use the tap then, and if they try, unlucky, they don't know it was you.

>>18426004
maybe pour some draino down there. its literally low strength acid you pour in showers or sicks to melt hair and small things. fruit would dissolve in minutes i would assume