Dying friend, can't emotionally support

>>18423108
Go be there for your friend, or you're not really a friend. This happens to dying people all the time, and it's sad how lonely they are in their final weeks or days
>b-but I just don't know how to help

That's not the point. You're not there to make them feel better. The point is to be there for them so they aren't alone. Dying is scarier than being in the same room as a dying person.

Greatest regret I have is when I thought "I couldn't handle" being in the same room as my friend on her death bed. There is nothing I regret more than my cowardice then. I do my best to make up for it by visiting anyone I know any time they're ever in the hospital, even when they're dying, but it will never clear away my shame.

>>18423157

If I'm not a real friend, so be it. But I still want to help in some way.

It's just that way is not by being sad about, or watching someone be sad about death.

I know this is fucked up, but the only reason I'm alive is a narrowly failed suicide attempt. Right now, my life is better than it's ever been, but I still know that death is not the worst thing out there: pain is. And the guy is beating himself up, and won't stop, and I can't blame him, but I don't want to get caught up in it either.

Point is, I'm not willing to be there getting brought down, but I'm also not going to just push it off like it doesn't matter.

>>18423108
OP, from the bottom of my heart: Talk with us about anything you want, but dont let your friend alone.
Do you want my throwaway skype/discord for personal chats?

>>18423217

I appreciate the offer, but I'm really quite fine.

It may seem negative or pessimistic, but I take solace in the idea of death. It happens to all of us, and whether we achieve what we wanted in life or not, at least it has an ending.

He's very upset, but, in my eyes, he was upset before all of this. He's a great guy, but if he isn't ready to escape his own folly now with nothing to lose, I don't think that a long life would have done it either.

It's sad, super sad. But this is happening a thousand times over in the world, and I'm lucky enough to not be living it right now.

With this luck, I aim to live a good life, and help those who can.

I can't live a good life if I let too much negativity in, I'm not going to stop helping people just because of that.

Basically, this isn't a pity, emotion, or motivation related problem. I'm looking more for logic and tact. How can I help without hurting myself?

>>18423108

>I'm lucky to be alive
>my friend is dying
>how can I help him?
>"go and spend time with him"
>okay how can I help him without doing that cause I clearly don't want to

Uh. Spend time with him. If you don't want to, you aren't his friend. Simple as that. He's fucking dying and you're like "he's too negative for me right now."

So, okay. Do whatever you want then, ya special snowflake.

Going to bed for now. If anyone happens upon this over night, please share ideas.

e.g. I'm thinking of paying for a gym membership so he can come work out with my gf and I. It certainly helps my mood.

>>18423270

Hey man, no need to be a dick about it. There can be good reasons for keeping yourself from being brought down. I have some little people who kind of need me to be stable for them. Hell, I need it for myself.

If you're just going to throw around names when I say I'm looking for something that isn't one of two answers (give in, or ditch), then you're missing the point.

There's usually some other clever option, and I'm looking for it.

>>18423282

>clever option
>give in, or ditch
>spending time with a dying friend is "giving in"
>I should get him a gym membership, that'll help with his brain cancer

Wow. Like... fucking seriously.

>>18423272
>>18423290
The idea behind this I get. If the friend is in shape enough to do it, it may be good for them. Live life to the fullest and do normal things until the end. No reason to mope around. He is going to die rather soon. Is it better to be alone and feel sorry for oneself, than actually accepting ones fate. Go other places too. Concerts, car shows, whatever rocks your boat. Get some experiences before it is too late.

>>18424071
This seems more progressive.

Maybe I can figure out what kind of stuff is on his bucket list and go for those things.

File: 1481189565508.jpg (52KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 640x640px

>>18423108
it's not your fault

>>18424307

Certainly it is not. But I do have some facility to make a difference.

Currently, the best thing that has come up is the idea of getting him to make a bucket list, and then organizing his friends to make the things that can happen reality.

>>18424474
Dude solve the financial problems with a gofundme. Just take some meaningful pics of you two, explain to everyone else what you just explained to /b/, and sit back and watch the donations come pouring in. Old rich people love a good terminal illness case in a young person, it's just the truth.

>>18424474
Also make a gofundme for his bucket list. And take time making sure it reaches every corner of social media. I promise you will raise a good chunk

>>18423251
>How can I help without hurting myself?
You can't.

What anyone wants in this situation is someone to share the burden.
That means experiencing the pain and fear and regret and all the other awful negative shit that they're going through.

They need someone to suffer with them, so that they don't have to suffer alone.
You don't sound like you're strong enough for that.

>>18424549

This is a better option than the obvious two. I think I'm going to go for it. Thank you very, very much.

>>18424561
>> You don't sound like you're strong enough for that.

Dude, I don't want to have an argument with you, but neither do I want to let you attack my character without some rebuttal. If I saw the self sacrifice as being worth it, I would do so.

It comes down to this, you're a rationalist, and I'm an empiricist. Rationally, what you're saying makes perfect sense, but empirically it does not create real results. We disagree on a fundamental component in logic, so let's stop talking. It will make both of our lives better.

>>18424561
I have to agree with you on the fact that people with serious illness or who are in pain are in need of quality time spent with friends and family. The least you could do is ease his suffering by being there for him. You may regret not doing more after he's gone..

>>18424712

>>in need of quality time spent
>>The least you could do
>>You may regret

I may regret it indeed, but that's the price of trying something new. My definition of "quality time" means something he can look back on and smile. The least I could do is go and give him another meaningless day of being slightly less unhappy, but the most I could do is try to bring him some actual joy.

In any case, I'm feeling pretty settled on the bucket list idea. Otherwise, this conversation is getting kind of toxic.

Should this ever happen to you, I earnestly hope whatever method you work is effective.

Happy chaning,
anon

>>18424666
Empirically, once he's dead you'll feel regret for not being there at least some time and by the time you realize it it'll be too late and the burden will stay forever. Go with him, all you can loose is time, and perhaps is what you need (nevertheless, to be honest is not about what you need). I wish you luck, but I wish your friend even more luck to find company in his goodbye to this world.

>>18423213
>death is not the worst thing out there

You don't know that.