How to deal with a highly depressed significant other

>>18418057

oh wow. you are not a bad person, but i understand why you feel that way. she has it worse sure, but its not like your life is a cakewalk. your life was essentially taken away from you before you even got married. her burden is your burden, just in a different way.

i just looked it up and unless there's some extenuating circumstances they seem to live to old age just fine, they only die 7 years earlier.

jesus OP i really dont know what to say. it seems wrong to tell you to leave her, but it also seems wrong that you have to give up your entire life to take care of her. is it a bit selfish to leave? I don't think so.

it would be exceptionally virtuous to stay. but i dont think that makes it immoral to leave.

that wont make it easy. that wont make it feel any less shameful. it wont make it any less sad. but if this looks like it will be your life for the rest of your life it isn't wrong to leave. especially if shes giving up on life - something that is ab it understandable but if shes going to live only seven years less than most people there comes a point where you gotta embrace.

honestly man if shes wanting to off her self, id turn a blind eye. i dont blame her for wanting to die if she can't embrace it, i believe in euthanasia.

>>18418089
The desease is very different from patient to patient. She could be lucky and it won't effect her much more in the future than being forced to take medicine against epilepsia. Or she could get bad nerve damage and have problems with her eyes or legs. It is impossible to predict. So far it seems to be more on the worse side since she is just having her second relapse in a month.
I could never leave her, especially right now when she is at the worst she has ever been. I also could not turn a blind eye, wtf, I could never look at myself again.
But her mental state seems to become worse from day to day.

>>18418120

okay so whats happening here is

>i have a problem
>but i refuse to do anything about it

and thats okay, but doesn't really make this an advice thread, does it?

>>18418134
There must be another solution than leaving or doing worse. Maybe in the way I handle it?
Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation?

>>18418176

not really. i mean therapy can help her get over it and make her a nicer person but you cannot control what she does, only the way you act, and even if you act like things are fine that isn't going to help you.

right now your emotions are pretty dependent on this situation, and even if she is at her best, you will still be heavily burdened.

no anon, there is not some magical third option where everyones happy welcome to adulthood.

Is she in therapy? She should be.
You should really look into resources for caregivers. It is an incredibly taxing job. You would do well to talk to people who have gone through this.

>>18418198
As of now we can't afford it since I have to support both of us and can't even work right now at the moment. She is on the waiting list for a public therapist, but that could take very long.

Holy fucking shit.
I don't know what to say OP...
Just... Good luck

>>18418057
GL annon. Best regards. Don't ever fall apart

Be strong and never leave her, be a real man and hope for the best. Theres nothing you could do except letting the time decide what will happen, sadly. Best of luck and take care both of you.

>>18418057
My mom just died from MS 2 months ago. It didn't really affect her physically at all until the last couple years of her life, but it caused her to have dementia that got worse and worse until she wasn't aware of her surroundings at all.

Whatever you do, don't sacrifice your livelihood for her. Make sure you keep working, make sure your finances are in order. Save as much as you can. I assure you your own mental health and day to day mood will be better if you have enough money to survive for 6 months in the bank.

>>18418457
I am very sorry to hear. I really hope you're coping well.

What do you mean? Just leave her in the hospital and work? How should I be working if she's at home and just crying/panicking on the couch right next time?

>>18418438
As I said there is no way I am going to leave her. It is just insanely hard to keep a straight head and stay sane.
As an example I'm going to quote the conversation we had:

(About an hour after I left from the hospital after me not replying to a picture for 15 minutes)
>her: So hard to reply?
>her: Then men wonder why they get cheated on
me: I am eating
me: Cant I have a few minutes?
>her: I am crying and suicidal
me: Then talk to a nurse
me: Please, you have all the resourced you need
>her: So I can never see the light of day
>her: You ruined my life
me: Thats not true
me: How did I ruin your life?
me: I took care of you
>her: I have nothing in a country I can't even say a word of
>her: All for you
>her: You selfish dense cunt
>her: I dropped everything for you
>her: Oh no you have to clean up after you sick gf for 2 weeks
>her: God fucking forbid
>her: Time to call her lazy when she feels like dying
>her: yes act like you're dying
me: As if you'd be so titch and self sufficient anywhere else without me
me: I did what I could
me: I didn't force you to come here
>her: I would do better without you maybe I'd actually be with someone who gives a shit and respects me
>her: Who sees what I am worth
me: I don't?
>her: No
>her: You came into my life and it all went into ruins
>her: I have nothing because of you!
>her: You selfish!
>her: Dense!
>her: Asshole!
>her: You false advertised me
>her: Into this relationship
>her: I thought you can actually give me support
>her: But you wouldn't even know hot to support a sick bird
me: I am here for you
me: Every day
>her: I thought you were eating
>her: I dropped my whole fucking life for you
>her: And I get called lazy for being sick

The topic is not really interesting, but it's not easy not giving into any of those provocations and keeping calm.

>>18418555
>>18418215
Alright. I'll still suggest doing some googling about being a caretaker - see if you can find a community of people who have done it. I suggest reddit, honestly. Find out if there's a way you can get her on disability benefits.
You are in way over your head, dude. You both need help. This is above our paygrade as volunteer /adv/isors, unfortunately.

Leave them

>>18418057
It's fucking hard dude. It's insanely hard. But don't feel bad for your burden. The depression isn't really what you signed up for when you got into a relationship, and it's totally fine that you have trouble dealing with it. So don't beat yourself up.

If you really, REALLY want to help, I recommend therapy. There's a huge stigma with visiting therapists but dude, they can really help. Laying out your problems and looking for solutions is basically what we all do. But when you lay out your problems in front of a licensed doctor, they usually actually HAVE solutions. Real solutions.

You're in a really tough spot dude. I won't sugar coat it. That shit is rough. I've been on both sides and it's not an easy relationship to be in. And it's not an easy situation to give advice for. Seek therapy. Try to convince her to go with you but if she's not up to it, I recommend you go by yourself.

>>18418555

>>18419188 here.
Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread. But based on your conversation with her, you have no idea how to deal with someone who has depression. As someone who's stuck in a tango with depression, and as someone who's tangoed with someone with depression, I know this.

She's not in the right state of mind. She's DEPRESSED. She loves you and every moment you aren't with her supporting her, it's going to hurt her. That doesn't mean you should feel bad for not being able to be with her 100% of the time, but I hope it helps you understand the way she is thinking.

>>her: I am crying and suicidal
>me: Then talk to a nurse

Dude. No. She doesn't want to talk to a nurse. Think of it this way: when she is crying and suicidal, she wants to talk to YOU. Because you're the person she turns to in her darkest hour.

No offense, but if you can't handle this on your own, and it sounds like you can't, you NEED help from a therapist/psychiatrist.

She's angry. Keep her talking. Then, in a pause, kiss her. Cuddle her without strangling her. Love her.

>>18418057
Idk man, i'd leave her if I were you. A relationship can't work for just one person, and if she's going to take out her troubles on you there isn't much reason to stay. Why don't you just take her back to her home country and call it a day? What do you hope to gain from dealing with being put down every day?

>>18419216
I can understand this response if she is constantly talking about this and OP didn't have time to help.
Everyone always says they'd drop everything for a suicidal SO. But I lost so much sleep from staying up and talking to my ex. I'll admit that there were times where I had an important day the next day, that I pretended that I was still asleep when I heard her crying next to me.

>>18418057
Op, sorry to the both of you. I'd recommend joining a multiple sclerosis forum, even though depression seems to be her biggest problem at the moment. You can talk with other caregivers there who know what you're going through and would have better tailored advice than this board. They'd understand the disappointment of not receiving gratitude for what you're doing. The patients there may have advice for how to approach her sensitively.

Even though money is tight, it could be very helpful to get therapy for yourself to deal with this. It is very difficult to be a caregiver, and you are young. Think of it as an important health expense just like medicine. You could also try self help books about your situation for free from the library, although they might not be as effective.

I don't know how you can approach her, but I think it would help both of you if you can have more alone time to recharge. Maybe you could discuss a schedule ahead of time, where she knows that at a certain hour you'll be meditating/resting.

I can't say she'll get better on her own, but in my case time helped towards recovering somewhat from depression caused by illness. I hope things will improve. Good luck to you

>>18419360

I'm not trying to say the answer is drop everything and console her all day every day. I'm trying to say that that's what she needs in her situation, and that it's not possible for OP to give her that. Therapy is a real answer.

plane ticket back home to her motherland