How to deal with guilt caused by ruining someone's life?

>>18410039
Is there more to this story? I'm confused by how you ruined her life. It seems to me that she has done a great job at that by herself.

Here comes the part where I destroy her life:
since we weren't going to talk anymore, ever, I told her mother about her drug use history before and after we met, what she has taken, and relatively how often she does so. I wanted her to help her and possibly send her to rehab as a last "please get better soon" message... unfortunately, her mother's course of action is to kick her out of the house. This achieved two things... she no longer has a valid way to become a teacher at a young age (which will ultimately stop her from becoming one in the end), and she will now be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of her life, if not homeless and abused on the streets. Or, if not dead by her own hands due to her depression and circumstances.

I only recently found out since I messaged her, hoping she was doing better.

I've been feeling crushed that I've destroyed the life of someone I truly care about, and I can't seem to get my mind off it when I'm alone with my thoughts (which happens fairly often despite how much I have to go on to occupy my time).

>TL;DR: Made ex-gf, whom I only wanted the best for, lose her home, her schooling opportunity, and her possibly her life/or future.

>How do I cope with the guilt?
>And, have you ever ruined someone's life yourself?

>>18410050
yes, I'm sorry. I kept getting a connection error when I tried to post the second half

You're a total idiot, who does that?

>>18410058
I know I'm an idiot, I wish I could take it back.. but what's done is done and I can't do anything to make things for her any better or easier

>>18410053
So the way I view it, what happened was initiated by you and you need to swallow that. But her mom kicking her out is her choice, as will be taking her back in or not. You tried to do the right thing for someone you care about, but it backfired hard and that's typically how these things go. Truth be told, there's not much else you can if you aren't close to her and can help. At best you could try and help her find some place to go or a shelter, people have bounced back from much worse. Good luck.

>>18410065
I'd love to help her, but I'm blocked from all forms of communication since then. I don't blame her for that though. The backfired portion of it just feels sickening to me. Though I know people have gone through worse, it's bad that she's going someplace terrifying, and a place I sent her to.

>>18410079
Well she made the choice to enter into that lifestyle, you made the choice to not like it. For the next time, if you don't agree with how someone is living; simply walk away and find someone that you click better with. Don't try and change people or fight them into changing, it never ends well.

>Can I get some advice on how to cope with the guilt?

>>18410053
The horribleness of this action depends only on one thing:
What drug?

>>18410053
>I was stupid and accidentally made the actions of my girlfriend have consequences

You're an idiot but you're not responsible at least not majorly. You had a little part to play and you had an unforeseen outcome to it.

Your part was literally
>I told the truth to someone I shouldn't have

Lets weigh that up against the others
>Mother abandons daughter
>Daughter is a smack head with huge issues

You think an ill formed sentence and a tad of bad judgment is the cause for her ill circumstances?

Be real anon this isn't your cross to carry.

>>18410108
Large amounts of weed, alcohol, shrooms, acid, and anti-anxiety pills

>>18410112
Despite the rather sarcastic overtone of this comment, it's actually helpful and put things on a different perspective, thank you

>>18410122
No problem. Don't allow a big conscience and your feelings towards this girl to allow you to take responsibility for things you have no reason to.

Keep the situation in perspective as the truth to the situation liberates you from the guilt of it as you shouldn't have it.

>>18410115
Oh damn nigga you fucked up.
It's unthinkably horrible of doing that to someone whose problem isn't meth, crack, or opiates.

Alcohol and benzos in copious amounts are kinda bad though. Kinda. If she does a lot of benzos then what's causing her depression is probably the withdrawal effects from it combined with her shitty academic performance.

But you could've just talked about those. Non-annoyingly of course. Could've sat down and have a serious ish but not tense or depressing talk about it when the right opportunity arrived.

Was she abusive to you because of the substance abuse?
If yes, she's in the wrong here and she will eventually realize it.
If no, then I'm real sure that from her perspective, what you did was the worst form of betrayal possible. Losing her home and her somewhat delusional hope for a future career because her BF snitched on her nonviolent substance using habit. Oh damn.
If you can't handle having a relationship with someone with that kind of lifestyle, just bail. Next time, I mean. Your relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway because you two had really different sets of personal values.

As for dealing with guilt, you're gonna have to ride it out. It's easy if the person you hurt was just some random person you barely knew. But she was your GF and your post implied that you love(d?) her, so the guilt will most likely stay for... months? years? the rest of your life? Depends on your ability to forget and stop caring. Changing your perspective to get rid of it instantly won't work. If you could've changed how you feel about this, then you wouldn't be having this guilt problem right now.

>>18410115
Alcohol is literally the worst drug in that mix and it's completely legal.

Well, the anti-anxiety pills might be worse, depending on what they are (certainly they should not be taken WITH alcohol), but even if she's doing them illegally it would have been trivial for her to get a legal prescription.

Weed and the hallucinogens are virtually harmless. I agree with the dude who posted above me; before you said that I was picturing, like, a cocaine addiction or something, and I was inclined to absolve you of responsibility. But no. You fucked up.

>>18410183
She was undeniably a wonderful person who juts needed some guidance in life. Since I wasn't going to be there anymore, I had hoped maybe her mother could help out by being in a loop a bit. I didn't want her to get punished, let alone get kicked out. But shit happens. And, I guess I'll just have to live with it. She did not deserve what hit her.

>>18410053
You're a fucking idiot, dude. Holy shit.

Never. NEVER give parents reasons to be stupid.

>>18410039
you have to live with that guilt. no one but yourself can free you.

>>18410198
>>18410189
>>18410183
I know I'm a fucking idiot, and I know I fucked up. That's the whole point I'm on here in the first place. I probably deserve something worse than what she's going through right now since she didn't deserve to be abandoned by her mother, nor did she deserve to have a shit ex-bf.

>>18410053
Tried talking to the mom again? She's still her daughter. If not the mom any family members of hers you know that care for her?

>>18410224
Yeah, I pretty much begged the mother not to kick her out, and tried talking to her quite a few times. No replies though..