Boyfriend's self esteem

>>18407175
You help him by keep being on his side and being affectionate like you've done so far, this is the best thing you could do for him, just nod and go on when he said something insecure or go self deprecating.

Honestly there's no 'magic pill' way for your bf's problem, he has to overcome it by himself.

>>18407235
I know I can't magically make him happy.

He told me he feels like he's holding me back from being happier, or that he feels guilty for being with me. I just feel really sad that he feels this way.

Should I ignore him when he starts being self-deprecating? How should I react?

>>18407253
Ignore. React with just nod and smile, no words necessary.

>>18407175
Dont be sad femanon.

Just hug, cuddle and kiss him. Ignore his lame jokes. Consider prohibiting him from questioning your relationship and keep cuddling him.

Also adopt some sport with him. It releases various happy hormones so it helps with depression.

Good luck!

Peg him.

>>18407304
His lame jokes are actually pretty funny. We've been friends for long before and started dating just recently. We always banter, we're kinda mean to each other.
Recently whenever he jokes about me it is something that negatively reflects on him - my friends/family thinking less of me for dating him, how autistic I have to be to like a guy like him, how low my standards for guys are, etc.
We used to make fun of each other a lot but now it seems like it's always about how much he sucks. I just don't want him to feel sad. I am so happy we're together and he's amazing.

I'll keep cuddling him and being nice to him. And try to convince him to do sports.

Thank you anon.

>>18407328
You sound like nice gf.

Try swimming. It is almost impossible to hurt yourself, it builds confidence (by seeing others almost naked), works all muscles in your body and strenghten your hearth so you wont run out of breath the while sex is on.

And be warry of happy pills. They tend to kill libido/boners and some shit doctors have no plan on how to cure depression. Ask them about how long he will keep getting them and if the answer will be forever, drop the doctor.

And really, there is nothing better than cuddling. Then you can try grab his D and see if he is open for some fun. And if he cant pop a boner and his ego will break, teach him how to please you with hand/mouth. Dont allow him to feel worthless.

>>18407175
Your boyfreind reminds me of myself when i was younger. I've ''manned up'' now, simply because i had gotten some true friends who i can discuss my problems with.
I recommend you be there for him when he feels depressed and talk with him about why he's like this.

>>18407347
He doesn't know how to swim. I did it at a competitive level in high school, maybe I can teach him and we can do it together. I'll ask him if he wants to try it.

I usually am not a huge fan of anti-depressants myself but he has struggled with depression for many years and pretty severely. They are really helping him. The plan is to drop them as soon as other things in his life get more stable.
He is also seeing a therapist and things are improving, I noticed a pretty big change over the last few months.
I just want to bring him joy and not another reason to feel inadequate.

His dick is doing fine by the way :^)

Thanks for the compliment by the way. He's a good guy, he deserves the niceness.

>>18407353
I'm glad you're feeling better.
He has a lot of people who truly love him, but he opens up just with me and does it rarely.
He dislikes talking about his emotions and such, even if he knows that I can understand him because I struggled with depression too when I was younger and ultimately because I love him so I'd be there for him anyway.
I don't want to nag, tho.

>>18407384
>doesnt know how to swim
Black in usa?

Teaching him how to swim will definitely boost his confidence. Make him do it.

>dont want to nag
I have yet to meet gf who doesnt want to nag :-|

>>18407392
He's the whitest human being alive.
He just never learnt as a kid and was ashamed to as an adult. He can float and swim a bit, but it's not really a great exercise.

>I have yet to meet gf who doesnt want to nag :-|
Lol, really?
I don't know, I don't want him to feel obligated to talk to me. I know everyone deals with shit differently, and I try to respect his ways.
He's also a pretty decent boyfriend, so there's no need to be a bitch.

>>18407175
Does he have job?

>>18407656
No, he recently lost his job (the business closed down, not anything he did).
He's looking for one, in the meanwhile he's using his savings to pay for rent and I'm helping him as much as I can.

>>18407663
So, what's his plan career-wise? You look at both of your futures. Can you see being around this guy at a certain point in time?

>>18407691
He has a masters degree in engineering, he's looking for a job in his field.
He has been unemployed for 10 weeks, but his depression didn't really help the job search especially at the very beginning. He very down for the first month. Now he went to a bunch of interviews and one of them went really well.

I can see myself with him in the long run. He's a very good guy and he makes me very happy.
He's sorting himself out, and I like him more and more because he's starting to live up to his potential.

>>18407706
He's in a very good position, on paper. I'm not sure about the market in engineering (whichever field he's in).

I can't fathom a reason he's depressed. For technical professionals, it's usually some career unsatisfaction. The usual case is being stuck in a rut job you're overqualified for. Getting into good engineering firms usually requires some links.

>>18407736
Family shit. His dad was rather abusive.
He bottled things up till he was out of the house, then got a few major depressive episodes that lasted for months. Couldn't get out of bed, wouldn't eat, wouldn't shower.
He still gets really depressed sometimes, but episodes are more sporadic and shorter. He's doing rather good right now, beside the work problem. I try to support him and be patient.

How did you convince your bf to get in a relationship in the first place? I'm depressed too and would outright tell grills to fuck off because I know I'm toxic and certainly not relationship material.

>>18407811
He's not toxic or anything, he has been an amazing boyfriend. His issues don't impact our relationship majorly, I'm just sorry he feels inadequate because of me instead of feeling good.

Anyway - We were friends before, for nearly a year. I was perfectly aware of his condition and I didn't expect things any different than they are now. I knew he was working on it and I knew that we were going to have some issues, but I always told him that, to me, he was worth it.
At the end I think that the fact that I love him unconditionally as a person is what did the trick. He just knows that, whatever happens, he cannot possibly let me down because of his depression.

>>18407817
What do you like about him? Usually depression has an effect on about every aspect of one's personality.

>>18407175
encourage him to seek professional help

being supportive is fine, being burned out and having things fuck up for both of you isn't, seek help from people who know what to do

>>18407833
tldr lmao

if he actually is seeing a therapist just continue to encourage him to attend the sessions. If it's related to his unemployment then maybe employment will sort it out. There is a lot of negative psychological stuff associated with being unemployed, and with being unemployed/in a relationship, so a job might fix things further.

>>18407823
He's a good person. Genuinely one of the best people I've ever met. He's compassionate, kind, extremely caring, selfless, empathetic. He goes out of his way to make people in his life happy.
He's very honest and outspoken. He stands for himself when necessary. He's not afraid of telling people what he thinks.
He is very responsible and the kind of person I could trust with anything.
He's interesting to talk to. We share a lot of interests and we can just talk for 8 hours in a row without getting bored. He's very smart and really funny.
And he is extra cute.

>>18407833
He is seeing a therapist.

>>18407842
>being unemployed/in a relationship
Does dating make things worse?

>>18407843
Thanks for answering, both of you spund really nice. I hope things will get better for him and that you keep loving him like you do.

Also sorry for asking you stuff out of couriosity instead of helping you out, although I really would have if I had any Idea how.

>>18407875
It's not a problem, I don't mind.
As meme as that phrase is, we really do accept the love we think we deserve.
I know he doesn't probably understands how much I love and care about him, or what I see in him, but I'm trying to do my very best to show him why I think he's so good for me.

I think that the fact that we've been friends for long enough before showed him that mine wasn't just a fleeting interest, and that I wasn't scared of his condition and I was willing to work through it with him.
Things are really working fine, and I enjoy being with him a lot. Give it a try, it might not even be as bad as you think.

>>18407817
I sincerely wish there were more women like you.

>>18407892
Maybe once I've gotten even better, I already made quite a lot of progress, but I still have severe trust issues as well. On top of that people bore me quickly, I'd lose interest soon. I have absurd demands without having much going for me, but at least I can see what's wrong. Maybe if keep improving I'll be worth what I'm demanding one day. And if it doesen't work it's fine as well. I don't crave a relationship like the
>tfw no gf
posters, I'm just curious how it would be like, so at least I'm not under pressure.

File: fucking hell.jpg (72KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 640x640px

I take advice from these people. I imagine the girls on here to be Stacies.

That's definitly not the case.

>tfw no gf to love you despite your depression

>>18407965
Lol. I'm not terribly ugly, but definitely not a Stacy. I'm in shape, I have nice curves and a decent face. Slightly over average looking.
I'm sorry to ruin your fantasy.

>>18407947
Thank you. That's very sweet.

>>18407951
He doesn't have any trust issue. To be fair, his issues don't really impact our relationship all that much. This one thing meant a lot to me, and was one of the reasons why I went for him even if he's still not at his best.
He is mostly just always... existentially tired, if it makes any sense to you.

Take your time and definitely do not get into it just because.

>>18408004
Get treated, really.
I wouldn't date him if I didn't know he was trying to improve and to get better, and if I didn't see that he was doing better every day.
It means a lot to me that all the little sacrifices that I have to make now that he's sick will pay off in the future when he'll be okay.

>>18408035
>Get treated
I don't know if therapy is going to do anything. I'm pretty much the stereotype of a complete loser, I can't trust people, my self esteem is nonexistent, etc. I'm not even a particularly good person either. Every time I make an effort to feel a bit better it doesn't last.
Are psychiatrists or therapists really useful?
Sorry for the off topic posts.

>>18408035
>Take your time and definitely do not get into it just because.

I know, it would be bad for both and I would feel like scum if i got myself a gf just for experimental purposes. I'm certainly not the nicest guy around, but pulling such a dick move is really not my thing.

>>18408064
I did find a lot of help in therapy and my boyfriend is finding it helpful as well.
To give you some background, I've struggled with depression after a burnout in 2012 and therapy was useful in various way. Obviously it is my experience and it may not apply to you.
It is a conscious effort you are making to get better. The sole fact that you are getting help makes you feel less terrible.
It also is a place where you can be your worst self without consequences. Often I tend to watch myself around others because I am scared of the consequences of expressing my feelings or thoughts, while with a therapist you don't have that. It is similar to what you can find on here, just without the kys lmao beta replies.
It helps you keep your mind in order. Talking out loud about the things you feel tends to put them in perspective. I don't know, sometimes I feel such a profound sense of guilt over something, then I tell it to someone and just hearing myself saying it makes me think "what the actual fuck anonette, you are a fucking idiot".
They give you constructive advice on ways to improve your life. I learnt a lot on stress/anxiety management, a lot of ways to deal with my own thoughts and issues, I learnt how to set healthy boundaries.
Obviously, find a good therapist. I changed 3 and 2 of them were morons. Then I found the right one and it was great. I still go to her if I'm feeling down or I am particularly stressed.

It is very hard to snap out of the vicious circle of depression.
I can understand that it feels really lonely and hopeless sometimes, but each and every small step matters and it does get better eventually.

>>18408096
Thanks for your answer. Maybe it is worth trying out then, though I don't expect magical results.
I wish you the best

>>18408109
Well, nothing has magic results and honestly therapy took months to show any actual and consistent results. In a year, a year and half I completely recovered from my burn out and went from being catatonic to being a mostly healthy person.