Girlfriend with a lot of guy friends

Have fun with that.

I've been married 14 years. Went out with 16 women before her

There's 3.5 billion women on the planet.

There are literally billions of others who aren't friends with guys and have standards.

Roll those dice again. Breaking up sucks but being in a shitty relationship for years thinking people change is worse.

>>18402801
Yeah I've been considering it. I feel a pretty good connection between us though. Should I see how it plays out?

Do you not trust her?

>>18402814
I trust her. But I don't trust 99.99% of those guys she's friends with. You know how stupid guys can be.

>>18402822
It takes two to tango. If you trust her, then there shouldn't be a problem. They can have feelings for her all they want, if she doesn't return them, there isn't an issue here.

>>18402830
This. I've been in a long distance relationship for over 5 years now, including the entire time I was at college. Had guys I considered my friend drunkenly try to kiss me, I shoved them off. You say you don't trust the guys she's with, but I think the real issue is that you don't trust her to decline their advances.

>>18402833
It's one thing to be friends with a few guys here and there. But > 95%?

She's been drugged before by one of these guys and I've been told about it. Not that I don't trust her

>>18402839
>But > 95%?
So for every 1 female friend she has, she has 19 male friends? Who has that many people who they can actually call friends?

>She's been drugged before by one of these guys and I've been told about it. Not that I don't trust her
Then SHE should have her guard up. I'm not one to victim-blame, but if she's constantly putting herself in a vulnerable position like that after one bad experience, then there are bigger problems here.

>>18402809
Seriously 16 chicks and I had a connection with 4 of them. I fucked them off because they weren't girlfriend material. They don't change. You can't change a person. Please trust me.

Girlfriend basic check list is.

1. Attracted to them
2. Has a job.
3. Has about the same iq
4. Shares similar but not identical views.
5. Has their own group of female friends!
6. Has 2-3 siblings
7.....

I'll stop because there's literally 3.5 billion other women and you get my point.

Enjoy life or enjoy failing at it for years becuase you don't take sound advice.

>>18402844
That number is an exaggeration, but it's accurate at the same time.

It was a very long time ago that it happened. All I'm trying to say is that I don't trust her guy friends. At all. In my opinion, it's not right for a female to be friends with that many guys.

If she didn't fuck the guys before, do you really think she will start now? And just saying it's because you don't trust the guys makes no sense. As the other anon already said, you need two for that, if it's anything else you might be just afraid of good ol raep.

>>18402851
Yeah this makes more sense to me. Guess it's just time to end it. Thanks anon.

>>18402851

Oh, having a female group of friends is signs she has traditional normal values. Isn't a Tom boy. Let's your masculinity take charge. Will be submissive.

The ONLY reason you would date someone like that is if you had mainly girl friends and we're a submissive yourself.

>>18402852
>That number is an exaggeration, but it's accurate at the same time
Well those are two mutually exclusive things, so which is it?

>It was a very long time ago that it happened.
And again, it's up to her to keep her guard up. Also if the guys she's friends with are not the same guy who did it in the past, then it's not fair on anyone for you to be this suspicious. How would you feel if someone suspected you of being the kind of guy who'd drug a girl to rape her?

>All I'm trying to say is that I don't trust her guy friends. At all. In my opinion, it's not right for a female to be friends with that many guys.
Well you knew the deal going into this relationship. If you want to stay with her, you're going to have to deal with your trust issues. You can't just expect her to drop the majority of her friends just like that without it having a huge impact on your relationship and her mental and emotional states.

>>18402860
Ps there's quite a few 'what makes a happy life and couple' books. Some egg head did the research. There's something like 40,000 people (for white people) who can potentially be "the one" it's crazy.

And happiness can be measured from a bunch of those items on that list. There's like 50 or so items but you only need like the first 20 to check off. But finding someone with traditional morals and boundaries is critical else you'll always be unsure and unhappy and they will end up picking up on that which in turn always leads to them cheating on you. It's self for filling. By that time you could have kids and a life and it will implode and you'll have 10 wasted years on your hands.

>>18402860
Than I now realize that I'm looking for something traditional so I can live a good life myself. I work my ass off to make my money and take care of my body. I'm not sacrificing my mental health for this shit.

>>18402861
1. She has mainly male friends who are straight. You know they're going to do something as soon as they see a chance. I'm a male. I used to be in that age group (18-20). I know how they think.

2. They can suspect me all they want. I don't do that and they can find someone else. I've never had to rely on drugs or alcohol to do anything.

3. I'm just not going to deal with it. Now I know it's a significant issue and not worth it to stay in a toxic relationship.

>>18402871
Want to recommend anything like this for me? I want to find someone before I end up making a very large amount of money in the upcoming future (almost done with my masters)

>>18402875
No big loss to her if you leave her.

>>18402877
The same goes for vice versa.

>>18402881
Of course, but it's going to hurt OP in the long run if he doesn't curb his trust issues.

>>18402875
Just because you know how you felt at that age doesn't mean you know how all guys feel at that age. Maybe some of them are actually decent people that know not to try and steal someone's girlfriend.

It's unfortunate that you've decided you're going to give up on the relationship and the person you claim to care about instead of trying to work through the issue.

>>18402888
OP here. I don't think that's naturally right to have so many guy friends. Why hang out with guys the majority of the time? I have a long list of ex girlfriends, many years of dating, experience, etc. But she's the only one who does this.
I'm very new to this issue and don't see a way to work around it. What else can I do besides end it?

>>18402893
OP here. I don't want to give up. But I don't see how it can be fixed. I'm heavily leaning towards ending it. But I'm open to suggestions.

>>18402895
What part of "if you trust her, there is no problem" is so hard to understand? Lots of things aren't normal. There are very few truly average people around. The majority of people are going to different from the average quite a bit. What's 'naturally right' isn't the issue here. It's your trust issues.

>>18402895
>Why hang out with guys the majority of the time?
Because they're human beings who shouldn't be banned from interaction with your gf just because they have a penis? I enjoy hanging out with guys because they're much more likely to be interested in video games. I don't have much in common with most girls I meet, and it contributes to an awkwardness when I talk to them.

You say you trust her but not the guys. What if she has lesbian friends secretly crushing on her? They drug her just as easily as any male could, yet you don't seem concerned about that. Would you be comfortable abandoning your friends because your significant other wasn't okay with it and felt it wasn't right or natural?

>>18402871
Can't remember the book name. I'm a nerd lol so I actually researched happyness life partners etc and found the critical factors. That was over a decade ago...

Basically I just found someone I'm mostly compatible with, Pernich love grow and make sure they have a job or career they enjoy and have parents that are well off.

It's been over 10 years and I'm super happy. We both are. She has her own group of girlfriends. I never worry which lets me do my job without worry.

We only have limited mental capacity and to be happy you need to optimise it by falling into routine and biological rhythm. Going against the 'flow' is how you become unhappy and fail at life and watch it all burn down around you one text phone call job interview missed deadline at a time.

>>18402871
>self for filling

self what now

>>18402914
Well I stopped talking to some of my friends because she made good points about them. We had a conversation and I agreed. Haven't looked back and they aren't doing well while I'm coming across some major successes without having these friends holding me down.

But you make a good point. How can I patch up these trust issues?

It sounds like you're overly controlling.

>>18402929
You have to trust her. I know you say you don't trust the guys, but you have to trust in your girlfriend's ability to handle her own and deal with any potential guy friend that catches feelings. You have to trust your girlfriend to act appropriately if that situation comes up.

First, when you feel trust issues start to flare up, acknowledge them and accept them. It's okay to feel that way, just like it's okay to feel any feeling. What matters is what you do about how you feel. Try and figure out why they're flaring up. Is this reminiscent of something from your past that brought you a lot of pain? Do you have childhood stuff of people betraying you? It helps to think about that stuff so that you can understand where these strong panicky feelings are coming from.

After you've studied your fee fees, look at your girlfriend's track record. What has she actually said or done that's broken your trust? Do you feel she values your relationship? Basically, are these worrying thoughts actually worth worrying about, or are they irrational thoughts that someone might take advantage of your girlfriend?

>>18402948
>What has she actually said or done that's broken your trust?

Okay that was bad phrasing, better way would be "Has she ever actually done anything to break your trust, or has it just been you worrying about something like that happening?"

I dated a girl who preferred to be friends with guys.
After 2 years she left me for one of those friends.

>>18402967
And I've been in a relationship for over 6 years now despite being friends with primarily guys. My sister has also been in relationships with guys while also being friends with guys. Never left her boyfriend for one of the male friends. Anecdote vs anecdote

This can go either way OP. You told her what you want. Now you both compromise. Try to find a win-win.
Women shouldn't be friends with primarily guys, thats a red flag.
But shes not doing anything with them and is most likely swerving them.

Or just end it now. No point in dealing with it if its screwing you up.

>>18402948
Fuck what terrible advice.

Just fucking terrible.

Zero world experience from this clown.

Walk down this path and be prepared to lose hours of sleep. Days of peace. And security and safety for your children.

It's like a woman saying 'I'm dating a special forces soldier who goes away for 6-12 months at a time... will it be ok?... how do I not worry...'

YOURE DATING A FUCKING SOLDIER YOU STUPID FUCK ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING THIS QUESTION.

That's the response from me. Someone who's 35 and AS seen what happens to relationships like this one.

I'm all for equality and fairness but the OP is reaching out asking will it be ok because he wants to hear yes it will. And friends will always agree with you it's their job. I'm someone who's not the OP friend and has seen it happen multiple times first hand and can say without a doubt NO IT WONT.

Imagine being allergic to seafood and going to a seafood buffet and asking 4chan... will it be ok? You'll get some dumb shit saying yes but fuck what a retard.

>>18403000
So what do you suggest

>>18402796
>stop talking to your friends because I'm jealous

that'd emotional abuse you know

>>18402851
the fuck? why is having siblings on your gf material list? this sounds really weirdly picky.

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>>18403000

You've established that you think the advice is terrible; have anything you'd like to suggest instead? More specifically, do you have anything context appropriate? As in, maybe tailored to a certain set of circumstances as opposed to a sweeping generality of "TERRIBLE ADVICE IM 35 DONT DO IT"?

For example, I used to date a girl who was a coder for a popular cellphone gaming platform. Her field was male dominated so, obviously, whenever she would have work functions or trips or any kind of extra curricular activity she spent most of her time with guys. She wasn't a very girly girl either so the handful of times she went out with female acquaintances she expressed feeling isolated at times. She had female friends but they were mostly long-distance. She was only "friends" with one or two of the men at work but this mainly consisted of outings with me or other people present or casual chatting or gaming outside of work. The relationship didn't work out but it was unrelated to her male friendships because that part never bothered me.

What I'm asking is; what exactly what qualifies as a "friendship"? How close is she? How often do they talk? Are you present when they hang out? Are her friendships based out of proximity and necessity like my ex-girlfriend's or does she go out of her way to specifically befriend men?

Instead of losing your spaghetti and sperging out a whole wall of unhelpful text how about you maybe take some of these questions into account and try to articulate a semi-informed response? I feel like context is really really important. There are several situations in which just trusting her to act like an adult and manage her own boundaries is absolutely appropriate and the right thing to do and there are situations in which it isn't.

So, in summary, do you have any productive input besides your terrible analogies?