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I feel pretty bad about this, pls advise
>have younger brother who's a bit of a fuck up, khv and all that
>fired from his last job about 9 months ago
>in that interim I loaned him about 500 dollars lump sum, he pretty much just spent it on video games and liquor because he lives at home
>he's been at a new job for about 3 months now
>I've had to practically pry the money he owes me out of his hands, still owed me 230 at the beginning of the week
>he got paid today and I got 100 dollars
OK, now I got my hundred AFTER yelling at him and losing my temper. I'm not talking about elevated voice yelling, I'm talking like "you touched the drill sergeants hat" yelling, I also put my fist through his door when he told me to fuck off from behind his locked bedroom door.
But the only thing is, he makes good money. He bought himself a hundred dollars worth of liquor, the new Nintendo Switch, a bunch of Wall hanging swords and anime dolls, all on his pay check two weeks ago, and then told me he didn't have money. I let it slide until today (because I'm not hurting for money) when he was paid again, and embarrassingly lost my shit.
He's a depressed adult though, and I feel really bad for shitting on him like I did, I bought him a game on steam but still. I apologized, but what should I do? I already know not to loan him any money.
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Why did he ask for the money if he just spent it on shit he didn't need?
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Your anger was valid and it's completely fine that you expressed yourself in the way you did. You did fine. If you feel bad about it, apologize and try to let it go. You might not have gotten that money if you hadn't done what you did.
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>>18402451
There is nothing you can do. He has chosen his path. You can offer support and advice when you see an opening but the help you offer can't be at a detriment to yourself and you can't drive yourself crazy trying to help someone who doesn't want it.
There is also a fine line between helping him and enabling him. Its good that you care for your brother but unfortunately there isn't a whole lot you can do that you haven't already done.
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>>18402458
That's what I was thinking. If he just lives with parents why would you loan him money
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>>18402458
>>18402464
Well I tried to humor him with this "independent adult" thing so he can buy his own food, gas and such and not bother mom about it. He has absolutely no credit and I know what it's like to be poor, but still want stuff, so I told him I'd loan him x amount of dollars in exchange for proof of application to a certain number of jobs, with an agreement to pay it all back.
So he did the applications, got the job, but had a hard time paying money back, but not a hard time getting drunk in our mom's house, eating pizza and playing 500 $ worth of new video games... When I got the money he pulled this whole "I hate myself, I'm so sorry" thing, even though I know he doesn't mean it.
Mainly I just feel retarded for letting my anger go so far as to use the voice I reserve for specifically for yelling over gunfire, I feel really bad, and embarrassed
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>>18402493
Now I feel like shit because I can relate to your brother.
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>>18402517
Well if you want to feel better then stop blowing people off when they try to help you. I try to get my brother to do stuff, I want to take him hiking or camping, fishing, or out to any non fast food restaurant, a concert or something that he can pick, I wanted to get us motorcycles to have fun with, but I get nothing from him, he doesn't want to do anything.
Even if I just buy a game we can play together he just locks himself in his room, headphones on, and watches YouTube endlessly. And drinks. I understand depression, I've been depressed and had to force myself out of it, it would have been so much easier if I had someone doing this all for me, fuck. Now he's making ME depressed.
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