I can't stop obsessing about death

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More and more frequently I find myself thinking about death.

Not my own death, I'm actually pretty apathetic to it and I've ultimately accepted it.

I think about my family and friends dying. My grandmother is in her mid eighties and has buried her parents, her husband, all of her sisters and brothers, and literally every other week someone in the family has to drive her to a funeral for a friend or former colleague of hers. Everyone she cared about when she was my age is long gone.

The idea of that horrifies me. The idea of watching everyone I care about now dying one by one over the years fills me with an existential dread so powerful it makes me contemplate suicide just to avoid it.

But then I realize if I were to do that I would just be adding that burden to the people who care about me, and bring them that much closer to being in that situation I so fear.

It's gotten to the point that I've made a conscious effort to not allow myself to become emotionally attached to anyone new, and I find myself pulling away from the people I care about now in order to lessen the blow of their inevitable passing.

How can I overcome this? My grandmother is old school Christian, and that brings her some comfort, but I don't think I could sincerely believe in any religion even if I wanted to.