Hey /adv/ Help me a bit if you can. This is my first time ever

bump I guess

You should see a professional counselor or therapist. It would be good to explore why after this ling the emotional pain and suffering has not subsided enough to really begin living again.
Once you are in a place to live life again you will be open to finding the feeling you had with your ex with someone new.
Circle of life, especially with breakups or death, it seems like you are right in a place where you can't move in to full circle to live again.
Good luck anon

>>18399582
Have you gone on dates? How have you tried to get over her?

>>18399879
Casual sex with strangers.
I found I'm really good at making a great impression with women the first encounter.
Also, drugs and alcohol, but my grandmother on my mom's side was schizophrenic. As soon as I found out I had to cut out drugs.
Either way, I realised it's unhealthy and so I vowed to only drink or do drugs when I'm in a better mood.
about 3 failed relationships, 1 fling and 8 other females. Does not help.
Also, I'm 20, so people around me tell me it's just because I'm starting out, but I see others, it shouldn't be this hard..
Also, I've never actually been "happy" only with her.
Even my mother noticed back then that I was only happy when she was around.

>>18399871
Thank you. I hope you're right.
>>18399879
Nowadays to me at least women start to look like they're incapable of love as we are.
Such a shame..
Last relationship ended because I was too depressed to do anything, and did not want her to suffer. With the mindset that "relationships should bring you something positive"
For a woman, having a partner that refuses sex to stay at home usually is just damaging.
I don't think that relationship is the cause of my depression.. As I've been numb before, but all tips are very much appreciated.

>>18399891
>I've never actually been "happy" only with her.

What makes you happy? What ways could do the things that make you happy?

>>18399906
I don't know the answer to that question anymore..
Making people smile or offering them warm hugs and listening to them used to bring me a bit of joy, knowing I can be there for someone.
Shit, when I was 16 I managed to fill a whole karaoke bar with people who all came because I was hosting, all muslim immigrants, about 40, that came with an erasmus trip, and we all got along. I was very happy seeing all those people smiling, and knowing I helped.
But that doesn't really cut it anymore..
Having her as my friend and lover really made me happy.

As I said, I was pretty numb before I met her as well.
I don't have happy memories from any other time.

>>18399920

She will not come back and will never be back, which is fine and you have to accept that. You should look into the reasons why you're saying

>"Having her as my friend and lover really made me happy."

What aspects of her made you happy? Are these things you can practice on your own in the form of a hobby?

The issue here isn't getting over her, it's you learning to be happy by yourself. People will not want to get into a relationship with someone who can't be themselves and you certainly shouldn't be using a person to replace what you need to have found in yourself. You should try to find the things you can do that will make you happy and repair yourself rather than focus so much on the relationship aspect here.

>Making people smile or offering them warm hugs and listening to them used to bring me a bit of joy, knowing I can be there for someone.

Try volunteering or stand up or something along those lines.

>>18399945
My jokes suck..
And I'm pretty agressive.
But somehow all my coworkers like me, and one guy talks about me as if I'm thug jesus somehow.
I think I mostly miss the feeling of having a friend..
But I don't trust people anymore due to other events.
Like, at all. I'm always staking everything and everyone.
I also have random bouts of crying. I don't know what triggers those.
But the things that brought me joy don't do anymore.
The guys above that said to go see a therapist/counselor is right.
Imagine having to explain crying randomly to your father, while crying again.
It's kinda shitty.
I dislike volunteering.
Your conversation is appreciated. Please say something else.
i'm sorry for having such a short attention span, but being tired, sick and thinking about the same person daily 4 years really fucks with your head.

random thing: webtoons.com/en/slice-of-life/lunarbaboon/ep-221-deserve-/viewer?title_no=523&episode_no=222

I like this comic.
When it gets to the part that says "you deserve to be happy" I get sad.
Then on repeat viewings I get angry, because I know no one will ever do that for me.

>>18400017
>Then on repeat viewings I get angry, because I know no one will ever do that for me.

This is not true, you don't know the future. This is an unrealistic thought you're having and it's putting you further down.

>>18400039
I enjoy being angry.
I can use that.. It's all I have left..

>>18400039
The rest of my response was cut off but basically it was that you're the only one who can control your thoughts, so when you say:

>thinking about the same person daily 4 years really fucks with your head.

you have to accept that you're the only one who can change that. Your thoughts will impact your emotions so when you say negative shit about yourself and don't try to make yourself feel better then you'll feel bad. People are not attracted to this and you need to fix this within yourself before you explore a relationship, and that comic highlights this point. Relationships and people don't exist to give you something you need from yourself because otherwise situations like this happen where you get shattered from the ending of a relationship because of what attachments you had to it.

>>18399582
Greeting anon. It has been 3 years getting over a girl for me. I was just wondering if you dream about her at all? I know I used to several times a week and every month on the 24th. They had mostly stopped over this past year probably because I stopped writing it down. Anyways was just wondering if you did as well.

As for getting over her what I found to be helpful was staying away from her and keeping a healthy emotional distance. We still have some of the same friends so we occasionally run into eachother at parties and on the surface we are "friends" but deep down I am at peace knowing that I would never date her again even if I had the chance. Just give yourself some space and focus on improving yourself. Reading, playing chess, going for walks, having bonfires, sketching, keeping a daily journal, and exercising have helped me out. I guess just find some hobbies and enjoy yourself for a bit.

>>18400047
In-between the nightmares. somenights I dont remember what I dreamt, sometimes I wake up screaming, sometimes I dream of her.
I think I'll finally start keeping a journal.
>>18400046
You seem professional and knowledgeable with this.

>>18400046
And you are correct with that.
I think I just really want someone to hold my hand through this...
Also I almost went to prison once.
For growing up as straight-edge as normal can be in my country, it was a huge deal for me, mainly because the events of that night left me scarred a bit.
I get aggressive the instant a male touches my back or shoulders.
Among feeling worse in general

>>18399582
>>18399891
>>18399904
>>18399920
>>18400017
>>18400044
>>18400051
>>18400056

You're not straight-edge or normal, you're edgelord to the extreme.