Fantasies of murder / anger management

Calm down lil pussy boy

I've had similar thoughts, but not to your extent. I think it has to do with feeling powerless. Take that as you will, but meditation will help. Just 10-20 minutes a day, and your mind will level out the more you practice.
As for actually reacting to these slights, try speaking up next time. Not to fight, but develop a silver tongue and you'll be insulting these people in ways they don't even know how to take. It's not healthy to bottle these sorts of things.

>>18399597
I do insult them anf engage in strong verbal fights. Never engaged in a fight because it's my grlfriend to stop me or my mother. If anyone hurts PHYSICALLY them, I wouldn't doubt to punch them a lot.
I have the urge to do that even if they haven't touched them, even if they 'just' lack of respect to my loved ones. I do feel powerlees for not having hurt them.

How do you practice meditation?
Some youtube video with relaxing sounds?

Meditation is really just the act of breathing. You sit down in a comfortable position (some people recommend postures, just find the one that is least irritating), and focus on feeling the air enter and exit your lungs. Your mind will naturally want to wander, and you can let it, but don't lose focus of your breath. It's very hard at first to maintain this focus, but the more you practice, the clearer your head will become. You can focus on montras too, aimed at betterment and questions.

I notice my mind runs like a muddy stream when I'm caught in emotion. You have to let the silt settle.

Eventually, you will become more aware of your emotions as they come. This at least gives you the choice to detach from them and make the best choice in the moment.