GIOYC - Get it off your chest

I'm trying to wean myself off 4chan, but goddamnit if people ofline aren't the most SHALLOW AND UNINTERESTING CUNTS ON THE PLANET

DAYLIGHT

The stars have aligned, if I play my cards right I can get a chance to be alone with my crush. I'll find out tomorrow if that's the case. Then I could get some time with him on tuesday. We'll see how it goes!

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I'm at that point in the lifetime movie where it feels like I can't be helped. Counseling just makes me feel like I'm begging for pity. I can't afford to be locked away in an institution. I'm wondering if I can stay in a haze of medicated bliss until I just drop dead. I don't particularly want to kill myself, I just think that sometimes it would be easier to not be alive. I don't know what I did, or what grand diety I pissed off to deserve this emotional hell.
I think I'm sending out cries for help. I just don't know how to be honest with those who responded. I know they want me to be okay but I'm not. I just don't want to disappointment them.
I'm fucking dieing over here. I feel like I'm going to go out with a bullet in my brain and a grin of relief on my face.

>You have way too many skeletons in your closet. I don't think highly of you anymore.

you can't tell me you thought highly of me, you wouldn't even talk to me. as for the skeletons, that's disappointing that you think the shitty things that happened to me mean that I'm a shitty person.

I have a feeling you heard everything. Sorry man. - can't stop himself once he wants that.

I'm tired of putting effort into this friendship with little to no reciprocation. I understand that friendships are the first things to suffer when people get into relationships and I'm glad you're happy with yours now but I'm just done. You'll stay at arms length for the foreseeable future and I won't feel bad for you when you feel bad about asking yourself, "Where did everyone go?". I am not your friendship of convenience but I will always be your friend to some extent. I'm just tired of being hurt.

I shouldn't have bought that really expensive bass. TRY BEFORE YOU BUY /MU/SICIANS

To be entirely honest... I know I am mess. Like a collection of Legos, everything is scattered, pieces are missing and I might even have a few doubles. I keep stepping on the really pointy ones barefooted and I lost the instructions long ago. I don't know what to build with them, but know I can make something out of all this. So I keep trying.

What I saw in you in the first place was that you had your own collection of blocks as well. Different pieces and colors, and it was yours. And even then you looked at me and simply asked "can I join?" I guess that's why I am like this, broken as fuck but looking for pieces, why I been like this towards you. Because for years I had been wanting someone to share the blocks with, and you were the only one to ever look at that mess and say "let me help".

Now both of our piles are a mess and I'm sorry for that. Sure, you can never give back those pieces I lost. Never really fix me, but you have helped me a lot. I want to help you. I want to see you happy, so I'll keep trying to improve and become a better person. Because you deserve better.

I been stumbling through life up to now, it's time I steady myself and start moving towards better things. If not for the both of us, then for myself.

I will try to hold on as long as I can, but I can only mitigate the pain for so long. Don't leave me hanging and give me hand as soon as you can.
I hope you're doing well, I miss you and I still love you.

>rejects me saying that she has a boyfriend already
>months go by
>randomly adds me on Snapchat
>think this is a big deal

Why am I like this?

>>18395032
Think that's bad? Try this on for size
>Meet MILFy crush
>autistically attempt to ask her out
>got btfo by her telling me she has a kid and a bf already

Stone cold shit I felt from those days onward.

>>18395056
Geez thats rough. I'm sorry bro.

But this snap thing is confusing to me (I'm pretty sure neither of us have the others number).

I'm so fucken lonely holy shit

I care more for other people than other people care for me or for each other.
I'm one of the best people that exist.

I want to feel genuinely loved by somebody no one has ever done that they just lie like everybody else

Going through a rough patch right now where I feel depressed. I just want to vent a bit, but my "friends" will reply with shit like "get over yourself" or just be as unsupportive as possible. They'll post that kind of shit even when I'm writing about happy stuff. Yet they expect me to shower them with praise. Instead of making them upset,which happened every time I posted, I deleted my fb, and have 1 account up on social media just to follow accounts I like.
They followed me on there and just use it as a new place to down talk me. I don't get why they followed me if they don't even like me? I feel like I need to change myself to make them happy, but I think what would make them most happy if I failed hard and/or killed myself. I just muted them for now.

>>18394766
yeap.

>>18395110
I was so okay with superficial friendships with normies and not being able to find a girl I was really interested in until just recently. feelslikebullshitman.
>>18395118
pull back the narcissism just a bit. like I feel you, but also you've probably got some issues of your own, everyone does.

>>18395181
I feel you on that.

>>18394752
I love goth/emo girls and enjoy tickle torturing the crap out of them.

>>18395496
WE KNOW

I'm very lonely and very unhappy, and I don't think this will ever change.

Why the fuck would you tell me you love me once and then never say it again? What the fuck is wrong with you?

I feel I will have a breakdown soon. Keeping the brave face all the time is exhausting. So far this year has been just full of bad stuff in a row... It does not stop!

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>>18394752
I really hate the fact that my girl worries more about her grades than me. If finals are around the corner she won't see/talk to me.
Lately I'm taking a summer course because I failed calculus and now she's taking calculus for the month of June we could've had class together but she didn't tell me what classroom she signed up for and they filled up the seats. Now I hardly see her and the only time I do is if I came extra early for class. I don't think it's fair. She's so fucking selfish

>>18395596
Side note, we live 2-3 hours away from another, honestly if it weren't for going to the same college. We probably been broken up by now.. I do get her validation that she cares about me, but she's not even strong enough to say "I Love You" kills my heart because I want to tell her. We had this discussion before.

>>18395596
Bro, trust me. Chill.
You don't want to stress out a loaded bridge. Calm down and understand that she's working hard so that later you guys can hang out and shit.

Trust me it sucks. I been there, and I felt the same way as you. It will eat you up and then you ruin shit between each other. You may up causing her to fail or something else. Then they resent you for it.

Look, I know you want to be with her, all you want a little time with her because you miss her and love her, right? Learn to be without her for now. Do anything else when you can't share some time. Pull back from your own emotions and see that those classes mean something to her. It doesn't mean she loves you any less, or thinks you less important. If anything she likely thinks that you will be strong enough to handle this time apart. Tread very lightly, be supportive and find other ways to keep yourself busy. And I know that's hard as fuck when all you want is them, some time with them.

Be strong by yourself, she will think of you better if you support her and don't smother her during this.

Don't fuck up like I did, in trying to get more time with her, I pushed her away.

3rd person those emotions you have right now. Take some time to yourself, pull back from how you feel and really try to figure out why you feel this. It's not simply because of the lack of time, it worries you for some reason. Pull back from yourself, and look at how you feel, why you feel it, and how you think she feels.

We love to forget that our partners are other people with their own thought and minds. Problems and hardships. When do things that impact us we tend to feel attacked, when it's only a secondary effect.

Relax, and do your best in your class. Focus on your success and support her on her's.

>>18395642
The reality is you may selfish in this feeling as well. Understand that she's doing what her can to further herself, and maybe you as well. So try not to look at her endeavors as aneeded attack directed at you. She's just doing what she thinks she should be doing. You have three choices, attack back or support her. The 1st one will likely send her packing, the 2nd one will take effort from your part. But like I said, focus less on what you feel, and more on why you feel that way. When start feeling bad, go for a short walk, 20 mins or so. Relax, don't let your negative emotions ruin something you will miss everyday.

Trust me, it sucks.
>>18395603
Then there is something else. Make sure that you are investing your effort towards someone you actually do care about. What you could be feeling is doubt, figure out what you want first. Then worry about her. Be with her because you want her, not because you need her nor out of convenience.

My help is not good enough.

I don't know what to do. I'm pretty worthless to people. They pretend I'm doing something of worth to them but I'm simply not doing as much as I could, perhaps not half. Then I see them fail many times. They're sad and angry.

I feel as though I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown. My job is hellish because of the workload and stress. My parents are separating and my father has lost his job. My mother is insisting that I pay the mortgage for the house. I was already paying rent but the cost of the mortgage is twice as much as my monthly salary. I can't handle my life right now and I want to end it.

Another miserable conversation. Holding the fort. Little citadel of fools. No place for my little sorrow. Have a rest, please. Go away, send me home.

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Been having lots of trouble at home rrcently with my family.
Gf tried to advise mr and said some shit I didn't like (you are very weak, you let these little things affect you; You are reslly unhappy, I dont want to live my life with someone that is unhappy) . Despie of those things, she tried to advise me for me to open my eyes. I told her to fuck off.

I am really ashamed and sorry now. I messaged her a few times but now she turned off her phone. I told her I am really sorry I didn ' t want to tell her to fuck off. We haven't talked all day, in my 2 years relationship this has never happened before.

I feel like crying every time, my chest literally hurts.

I am afraid she leaves me or attempts suicide becaude of this (sounds extreme but completely possible in my context) .

When she gets online what should I tell her?

I messaged her that Im sorry, but that she has to be sorry to because of those things she said, and because this has happened in the past but she was the one that told me to fuck off and I never rracted in a bad way to it and always tried to understand.

I am very afraid that she breaks it all up. In her last messages she said she was never ever going to be confident with me again, that ahe is tired of forgiving me and trying to help me.

She means the world to me. I couldn't take it if shr breaks up wth me. My chest still hurts.

What do?

>>18395642
Thank you Anon your words have taught me to be more aware and rational. I'll be sure to not forget your words. Thank you so much. I love her without a doubt I'll try my best to stay strong if I wanna be with her.

>>18395694
Call her, be honest with how you feel but not too harsh. Take caution in your words if she's sensitive as you. I'm sure that if you call her and discuss about it you're going to fix it. If not then that's just adding more wounds to the body.

>>18395704
We tend to forget a lot when we get hit by emotions. I speak from experience man. Relax, a relationship takes a lot of work, effort and communication. Our partners don't always do these things on purpose, we feel like they do. That's when need to slow down and really look at the situation. I wish you much luck anon. I don't want others to know this sort of pain, so steel yourself. Find things to do, become stronger on your own and you will be able to stronger when you are together.

>>18395724
Im not good at words speially under pressure. She may feel the same and just wants all fixed (maaybe) , but I am the sensitive one in the relationship. If I insist in something a very little she gets angry, she is very closed with her ideas. I may not disturb her and hope for the best.. thank you anon

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either I started too low for respect from those that started high, have already made it too far for respect from those that started low, am resented by others that started low because of my aspirations, or I'm resented by those that started high because somehow what I've been able to do doesn't absolve me of the sin of having been given the shittest start possible. I'm not "clean" enough.

it's all so tiresome. I just want some small piece of mind. some small thing to keep me grounded. it wouldn't take much, but I must look like a frog to the world.

you know I saw a guy driving down the freeway in a nissan GT-R today, wedding band on his hand, wearing a suit, doing the same shit I was doing last night. arm rested on the top of the door, head resting on his hand like "for what purpose?" what I'm doing is the only way to get to where I want to be because there is no support structure, there's nothing, there's me. for me to have a family I have to be able to support everything, so this is it, but when I get there... doesn't look like it's doing other people any good. literally me in 5 years in a slightly nicer car. what's the fucking point? I would have loved to have been able to ask the guy what his deal was, what he'd change if he could go back.

I think about you all the time. Everyone seems to go for your sister and leave you alone in the dark. I think you are better than her in all aspects.

I don't care if your sister likes me. I want to know if you like me!

I would have told you before, but we're never alone. I don't want to break your sisters heart by telling you how I feel. And I don't want to be in front of everyone, to tell you. I want privacy.

We might never see each other again, and that thought almost makes me depressed...

What should I do text you? Just tell you in front of everyone? I just want you to know that I love you...

>>18395496
we fucking get it. no one cares.

>>18395577
make it stop.

I live 300 miles away from my family. I don't know anyone in my new city and I've been here for 2 years. I know life here isn't very sustainable, but going back home doesn't either. I tell myself if I moved back then I'd have more time with her but the truth is it'd feel worse knowing she's closer but we still can't be together. I hate her for that. I hate her for doing what she did and fucking everything up, including her own life, without thinking of anyone else. I hate her so much but I have no one else. I met her last week and sped away from her house as fast as I could, knowing she wanted to talk too maybe. I'd planned that for two weeks, bitter revenge, like shutting the door in her face like she does to me every day, thinking about how she'd feel after. I hoped it hurt. Yet I still talk to her with the slightest smallest hope she'd be the person she was who I fell in love with. That tiny glimpse of 'her', a bit of hope that she's not lost completely. But it never arrives, and the more I talk to her the worse things get. I just miss the old her, and hate this new person she's become. I want to tell her how much I want to die, how sad I am all the time, but it's like talking to a stranger and that makes all my feelings worse. I'm not sure if she doesn't love me anymore because she's changed too much or because I have in some discernible way, which severely troubles me. She told me once she'd always love me and it made me complacent and now I'm too far along to change otherwise.

>>18395514
well if you don't return it it's a huge sign that saying it is a bad idea. did you reciprocate?

>>18395743
Not that anon, but I was going to suggest that you just send an apology, and don't say shit like asking her to apologize. She has to come to that conclusion on her own. For now, you apologize for your actions, and your behavior. That it was unwarranted when all she wanted to do was help. Leave it at that and give her time. In the meanwhile try to see if there was honesty in her words. Amigo, maybe she spoke truly and you need to grow up a little to deal with these things better. Take this time to see what you can better in yourself. It sucks but you have to learn from you mistakes, this one include.

But that's just my quick analysis.

>>18394752
I wondering if I should just give up and start learning how to card cheap ass ATM's or get into serious crime like dealing.

I've been trying to be on the straight and narrow for the last two years, being sober, and learning new skills and completing probation. However, I've come to realize that my record is more or less blocking me from just about any job that I can get into (I've even been turned down from bottom-of-the-barrel staffing jobs just because of my record.) and I've realized that combined with literal autism, I'm unlikely to land a job even at a mom and pop place. My finances are buoyed by a rich dad and my boyfriend, but I'm tired of putting them on the spot because of my incompetence. I've tried doing freelance WebDev, but I fucked up my first contact because of scope creep and idiotic decisions. People are suggesting to keep going at it, since they say that I'm an okay programmer, but at the end of the day, I know I have way too many emotional issues and a serious lack of balls to properly manage a business and the fact that I fucked up that first contract is proof enough that I'm not cut out for this. I wouldn't even know how to get started again.

>>18395770
Thank you. I really needed some advice. Thanks a lot

I really don't like it when you guys look directly at the camera in your videos because I know that it's meant for me specifically. It's just... it breaks that whole 4th wall thing and it really makes me uncomfortable.

except for Lana. She can wink at me alll dddaayyyyy

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Okay so I got out of a three year relationship about a month ago and I've slowly been getting over it and there's this guy I like
He lives with me because he wanted to finish school over here rather than move with his parents
in freshman year he had a thing for me but I had to turn him down because I was dating my gf at the time but now it's just,, I don't know how to really explain it
He had just recently found out that I liked him about two days ago because he took my phone and read a message I sent to a friend of mine and we haven't talked about it since??
I really have no idea what to do and I can't tell anybody else I know because that all have big mouths

The current idea is to hold on and hope that in three or six months I feel better. I'll keep working, I'll work on my hobbies, I'll fix my motorcycle and get my GED. Save my money until I have no debt and some money saved. After that, I'll either go be a street performer in a warm city because I enjoy playing guitar and performing. And vagrancy is a life I would fit into. Until then, I'll try to put out my album, get my GED, work and stuff. Get better. Maybe I'll go to trade school and get transferred to Cali for networking. Maybe I'll go to New Orleans and street perform.

But right now, I want to kill myself. I'm holding on so it can get better. If I keep feeling like this, I will do it. For real this time. It doesn't seem scary to shoot myself like it used to. Maybe I'll do it somewhere easy to clean up. Maybe I'll leave a note saying I'm traveling the world but I'm somewhere no one will find me.

The hope is that I don't want to in a year.

This has nothing to do with anyone though. Not a girl, not the way things seem around me. Not that I feel failed. It's that I feel like it isn't going to get better and I've felt like that a long time. This will be the best time to do it though, it would blow over quickly and nobody would care a year after.

You are blowing things out of proportions. Me and your boyfriend had sex when we were 17. We in our late 20's now.

I hate that I'm still alive. I wanted to die. Why couldn't I have died?

I just want to be loved in spite of myself.

I feel like I've definitely earned the right to die if I want to though, I've done this long enough. The only thing I can imagine enjoying in life doesn't bring me fulfillment, I'm behind on my path to the point I don't think I'll get back to where I want to be, and I'm detached and don't feel like myself. Inpatient treatment is scary, more medication is off the table. I don't respond to it. I need help but it really might not exist. I may be young but goddamn I'm not going anywhere, I'm not moving forward. If I can't get out of my rut this time I don't deserve to suffer longer. I hope I don't feel like this for long, I actually can't do it.

>>18395767
>well if you don't return it it's a huge sign that saying it is a bad idea. did you reciprocate?
Yes I did! I fucking did.

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>>18394752
>I've known this girl for 3 or 4 years
>met her at church when I was 18 and she was 13
>I could tell she had a crush on me the second I met her
>everyone in our circle of friends knew it, it was so obvious
>I talk to her and be her friend but also keep my distance from her
>fast forward a couple years, she's 16 and I'm 21
>see her once for the first time in about a year at a friend's baby shower, start developing an attraction for her
>fast forward 10 months, I'm now 22 and shes about to turn 17, see her again for the first time since the baby shower when I go to the county fair with my friends
>find out the same night that she's moving away in a month, my heart sinks because now I've developed feelings for her
>I start hanging out with my friends more often and start going to church again so I can talk to her and spend as much time with her as possible before she has to leave
>I have some really good conversations with her over the next month, we really open up to each other, I make her laugh a lot too
>I can tell she still likes me, but I'm not sure if she's as infatuated with me as she once was, I think there are other guys she likes too
>I help her family load their uhaul on their last day here, I get her number, impart some words of wisdom to her, and give her a warm, affectionate hug goodbye

It's been 2 weeks since she left and I'm really sad she's gone. Why did she have to move away right when I started liking her? What kind of shit luck is that? What am I going to do now?

Supposedly they're only going to be living there for awhile and plan on coming back. I'm not sure exactly how long, I've heard them say "a couple of years", "a few years", "maybe about a year", it's always changing. But plans can change and I'm afraid they won't come back at all. I'm afraid they'll change their minds and want to stay there permanently.

I really hope she comes back...

>>18395851
wait wait wait, lets clarify. cause sometimes women think that like, some weird shit that no one can decipher is clear communication. let me rephrase

>did you reciprocate his saying "I love you" with a similarly clear, direct, and easily attributable to you reciprocation with the same definition, connotations, and essentially the same wording as "I love you"?

>>18395871
anything less than this tells any man with any social sense that you are not interested.

>>18395026
That hit really close to home anon.

Long story short beginning of may me and my gf broke up. I wanted to still be friends but she was hesitant but said we could talk once a month. A week later we talk a little bit over phone, everything is normal and we're laughing and joking like we did before. Before we end the call I express that I still love her and then we say goodbye and we'd talk again june 1st. 30 minutes after we hang up she texts out of nowhere that she can't do this anymore and that she's blocking me. And then she did.

I went through an ordeal of emotions but I decided that I was gonna wait until September to go to her house and try to talk to her.
Its not that I want to get back together with her or convince her to stay in my life. I kind of just want some closure or an explanation, or something. I don't want the last time we talk to be so empty and out of nowhere. If she still doesnt want to talk then I'll just wish her a happy birthday and thats that.

Its just so frustrating. I sit here almost everyday and then I just start thinking and I get upset, hurt and confused and I just wanna drive down to her house and talk to her about it, but I know I can't. I've been trying to move on but its just so frustrating not knowing why it ended that way. Sure you could speculate a multitude of reasons but I need to hear it from her mouth.

Idk what I posted this for. Just a bit of a vent I guess.

>>18395930
>but I decided that I was gonna wait until September to go to her house and try to talk to her.

*because thats when her birthday is.

>>18395930
It sucks to hear that anon.
I'm in a similar situation with my ex-gf too. I everytime I want to move on, I'm sucked back in.

Brace yourself, it's not going to get better immediately.

>>18395760
Sadly is out of my control... Just people I love dying in car crashes, close family members dangerously ill, etc etc.... At least I got a new job. I guess is one of those years when everything happens at the same time and you just have to endure it.

I don't think anybody would give a shit if I blew my brains out. Maybe it'd be better if I did, the option is always there now.

>>18396000
yeah but if you blow your brains out then the people that hate you win.

>>18396007
No I win because I don't have to deal with shit anymore

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Griffith knew he was going to turn evil and trusted his friends to end him hence why his only 'real friends' would dare to dream.

Two of my friends just got into a relationship and they're all over each other. I'm happy for them... truly, I am. They seem so happy, even if they're in that honeymoon phase.

I'd say I'm sick of seeing them like this but... they have every right to be happy for one, and two, I'm just... lonely and bitter.

No one will ever give a shit and just abuse me what's even the point

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https://youtu.be/AkI6bCEHoSQ

think what you want. I'm done trying to explain myself. I should've never tried to in the first place.

I have too many secrets to keep. It's probably not a good position to be in, but I keep them for the sake of being loyal to my friends. I wish it wasn't this way, a lot of it is gossip, criticisms about others, or some other shady shit.

Fuck my life desu.

You are the worst people I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. You're just shitty, mean bullies. I feel fucking stupid for ever calling some of you my friends. If I never talk to you again it will be too soon. Get fucked.

<3 I LOVE WOMEN <3

<3 <3 <#

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEIVlYegHx8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9OfBcjyxKY

The taste of human blood.
It was just an accident.
But it was so delicious. I crave more.
My hands are almost shaking.
I guess my own will do for now.

mom I have no intention of picking up right now because you will invariably piss me right the fuck off and I don't want to deal with it. I'm busy. lmfao I'm 2fucking6 you getting angry and addressing me with my full name and making ultimatums over text unless I answer means nothing. you need to learn this cause I'm not dealing with this anymore.

lol I can't with this shit today. I should start drinking or smoking cigarettes again. one or the other.

I really wanna fucking get knee deep in some gash but not just any gash i really want to find a girl I actually like and want to do romantic things with, that's all i've been thinking of lately, like I don't want a dumb relationship because "lul im tryin to lose my virginity" (im 20 male) I want a real one that starts with a friendship or something but Im pretty antisocial and not very good with holding a conversation , the last time i talked to a girl was maybe 2-3 years ago and it wasnt even a big convo

my friend just cut me off which means im cut off from my other friends.

now i have no friends and i can already feel myself sinking into another bad depression.

it was fun while it lasted

i think it's really cringey when i see couples all over each other in public/on social media

i had a 2 year relationship with a schizophrenic and combined with my bipolar disorder we never really showed or felt emotion/anything that resembled love of any kind. i've been out of that relationship for a year and now i feel a huge pang of jealousy every time i see a happy couple.

i just want to be happy like that

I'm not going to pander to you anymore. Everything is being replaced with rage, hatred and disillusionment, as before. I tried to make things right on your end, too, but you don't fucking care. You just who you wanted all along, that's why you're so emphatic about turning me into someone you supposedly hate. So I don't care about what you want anymore, either.

I wish you were aborted. You do nothing but screw up peoples' lives. At least I isolate myself.

>>18396202
As someone who has gone through the same thing, I eventually came to the realization that my ex-friend was not a good friend in the end. If they won't stick with you through thick and thin, they aren't worth calling a friend. You will eventually find better, more relatable and more suitable people to call your friends. Hang in there.

>>18396229
thanks anon. i'm moving to a different city this august i'm hoping things will turn around for me

You will never see her, she will never know you exist, you will never hear her voice, you will never feel her love.

You know what you did. You can pretend that there were other factors, but you left a man to die when he needed you most. You were selfish, and you chose to leave him after 40 years because you couldn't be bothered. You might not be able to admit it to yourself, but everyone knows. Your son knows. Your daughter knows. Your grandsons, grandaughters. Everyone knows exactly what you did.

I won't visit you in hospital.

I won't be at your funeral. She won't be at your funeral.

Stop trying to get in contact, it's long passed the point where you can apologise.

My friends tell me they like me a lot more when I'm taking medication, specifically adderall. I'm more sociable, nicer, and have more energy.

Normally I'm dead fucking tired all the time, I'm grumpy, and I can never get anything done.

Someone tell me why I shouldn't take the medications that work for me. Tell me why they are so bad.

Keep in mind I have only 10 years left to live. So even if they do cause long term damage, I'm just not going to be alive for it to have any kind of effect. That's to say IF they do any kind of damage at all when taken at medicinal levels, like I do.

>>18396226
If you're who I think you are, you were the one who treated me abhorrently in the first place, lied constantly, and took no actual steps to fix any of your issues (something you lied about too). I have already wasted enough time, energy, and my sanity on you. I see nothing left to be saved.

If you're not who I think you are, disregard.

I have dinner with my parents today so I mentioned I'm going to start going to the library to concentrate more. They started criticizing me and telling me I should be able to concentrate on my own, and started talking about how great it is that I have it so much easier than they did. I mean... I do. I'm not poor, I have a secure roof on my head, etc, etc. But like, man. Talking to them always makes me feel like a failure. Meanwhile my friends all make me feel like I'm making the right choice. Am I?

>>18396253
Also, it doesn't matter what you people think.

When this is over I'm going to have money. I'm going to have a lot of money. I'm going to be living in Hollywood. I'm assuming I'm going to have an agent and the like as well.

I'm going to buy so many fucking drugs.

Really, all I want is the one drug but you are all being children about this.

>>18396253
why are you going to die in 10 years? also, why would you stop taking your pills? if they are working you shouldnt stop

>>18396263
You're the one who was constantly gaslighting me, you're the one who fucking cheated, you're the one who lied about your illegal activities, fuck if you ever said anything it was a lie. You treated me abhorrently too, you were just more subtle, inherently deceptive and too self-righteous to see it.

I abandoned my entire fucking identity to change. You're the one who said you would change and wrote this whole convincing letter, then decided to cheat the next fucking day. Unbelievable.

I've wasted enough of my resources, too.

Fuck. I miss you so fucking much.
I wish you would have fought for me. Just once.
I still want to be with you. Why? You probably already forgot that I ever existed.

>>18396279
Wrong person then since I have never cheated. Sorry about that anon.

>>18396287
storytime?

>>18396275
I have a degenerative brain disease.

They stopped giving them to me. The retards claimed that adderall was the same as "Crystal Meth."

I don't understand why they won't give it to me anymore. It did so much good. I was able to focus, I was incredibly productive and had so much more energy.

At the time, I was being extremely fucked with by other people. My ex, the people she was fucking, and a bunch of other shit. This really took it's toll on me... I think the morons in charge of my mental health believe the drugs are what caused me problems and not all the other shit. Which is absolutely and completely retarded.

The argument of "You shouldn't have to take pills for the rest of your life." or "You shouldn't take pills to be happy." doesn't make any sense in my situation. They had me on FIVE FUCKING OTHER PRESCRIPTIONS. All but one of them had no noticeable effect (one of the prescriptions was hormones).

They know my brain disease causes all kinds of problems like fatigue, problems focusing, and other kinds of symptoms that are treated by stimulants. The disease also has symptoms which are treated with opiates.

They are totally find with me taking opiates. They are fine if I smoke weed. They are fine if I take benzos. They increase my anti-depressants by doubling them and those meds do nothing-at-fucking-all.

I hate weed. I hate anti-depressants. I hate benzos. Opiates are going to be needed more and more as time goes on though. (to combat the tremors)

Adderall does so much to improve my quality of life though. They have no idea what it's like to be unable to focus on fucking anything. To have a hard time remembering shit. To be so fucking tired no matter how much sleep I have (REM sleep disorder makes sleep worthless for me. Goes along with the brain disease)

I would love to hear a real argument against taking medication which makes someone's life better.

>>18396101
One thing that is clear.

It's all down hill. From here.

>>18396102
Raistlin?

>>18396134
hmm. 26, feeling similar to you, want to fuck a girl into next week right now.

you'll get better with people. work on your long distance game. evidently if i can't get face to face with people my brain doesn't know what to do with that. weird stupid shit.

>>18396216
PDA is hot. tbqhfam it's twofold, I like holding and kissing my women, and also it's a bit of a dominance thing like "yeah, I get to make out with this person"

You kept talking to me after you broke up with me so you could feel better by keeping the good side of our relationship without having having any of the commitments.
It was cruel and it'll take me a long time to get over it, but I understand why you did it and I forgive you.

Farewell, I'm never going to speak to you again.

>>18396312
I'm sorry to hear that anon. I'm afriaid I can't help you with that argument. If adderall was this good and you are sure you are going to die in 10 years I would take it.

Keep asking. Go there every week till they get tired of you. Find it online if they don't want to help. It's really fucked up that you can't decide shit.

I'm currently staying with some friends in a new city and I've been entertaining the possibility of moving there for a while now.

I don't have anything holding me back from making the jump, but it's tough figuring out if it's something that I should do. It'd be the first time I've striked out solely on my own.

Any advice? Should I just say fuck it and go through with it?

I only have one chance to get a job at the company I want when I graduate in two years but the people who already got in have really impressive resumes, I don't know if I can compete and it's stressing me out, because otherwise I'll need to move to a city to get a comparable job.

>>18396313
ah that double meaning. good, I've been pushing boulders uphill too long.

I have been emotionally drained and extremely stressed out for the past week or so due to relationship issues. It has never been this bad. Tried to relax all day yesterday and eating healthy but having to wake up for class at 6 AM and commuting has made me feel physically like shit again. Should I take a tiny bit of Xanax to feel better? Not prescribed it but I keep a small supply around in case of emergencies. I'm just at my wit's end on how to get over feeling physically shit while dealing with my commuting and schoolwork.

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>>18396374
fuck pills. power through. get through without crutches and you'll be better and stronger for it on the other side.

I'm such a fucking creeper. I've groped women in the past, have told jokes which made others uncomfortable, didn't respect boundaries and just been an all-round weird fuck. I feel like I'm the type of guy women dread. I want to be better, but my guilt over how I've acted in the past makes me wonder if I even deserve someone.

>>18396387
You're right. I hate using Xanax because I'm always afraid it's going to fuck with my brain or make me stupider. It's better I don't use it at all. Thanks for talking some sense into me, anon.

>>18396399
yep and it means I don't get to drink or smoke. yippee.

I am wound so goddamn tight right now juggling all this shit.

I havent eaten and drink anything properly for some days and my head feels like cotton and numb
Just how it should be
If Im lucky its just the beginning

>>18396302
I tell storys with way to much detail, would be to long for me to write and for anyone to read. Sorry.
But thanks, it would have been nice to tell somebody about all these thoughts spinning in my head all the time.

Not sure why I only recognized it after all these years but I'm no teamplayer at all and I sure don't wanna be one with frigid cunts talking shit behind your back.

>>18396390

Mate, don't worry about it.

I'm a fucking "creeper" too.

Know what I did wrong?
Tried to mind my own business, I have autism so I'm careful, and cautious.

I've been called "creepy" for not trying to flirt with women. I've been called creepy for just doing my job.

I'm not an attractive guy but Jesus Christ I don't bother people I just like to mind my own business and avoid that drama.

Shit, when I was in school, I got bullied. You know why?
I made a girl cry.
Guess how?
A teacher made me sit on the same table as her.
That was all. I didn't say anything, I didn't even look at her. Just being within a certain proximity to her and all of a sudden I'm a prick.

Fuck those cunts, they deserve you.
Be the best goddamn douche-bag you can fucking be. Do it for me.

Tired of growing up, everyday that passes seems like life just gets sadder and more meaningless.

>>18395930
Dont go to her house in September. Leave her alone asshole.

>torture someone psychologically in some of the most fucked up ways
>act all surprised when that person is mentally fucked up and broken

What the fuck is wrong with you people.

you flaked on me to go on another date with a guy, are you still grateful you met me and think i came into your life at the right time? or is that just something you say to everyone?

i could be more upset, a lot more angry, call you a slut/cunt/whore/bitch, etc.

but honestly i just want nothing to do with you anymore. Not interested in friends either, i already have flaky friends as it is.

I've managed to let my relationship get in a very risky situation. Do I hope for the best, or do I end it so I can spare myself the pain? I don't want to look back and think "I saw it coming."

>Hey we are going to hook you up with the girl of your dreams
>oh, also there will be a dick girl there.

Way to ruin it, assholes.

I'll never be loved by anyone I want to swallow a bullet

Fuck this shit

>>18396555

It won't help.

First of all, they're hard to swallow,
Second of all, contrary to what I want to believe, eating things will not give you their abilities. You will not be able to move really fast, hit really hard, or be an emotionless metal casing that doesn't feel the pain.
Third of all, even if you could gain its powers by eating it, fuck a bullet, eat a bird (not chicken dipshit, they can't fly). Get the biggest baddest falcon that you can find and go to town on that shit, then hunt a kangaroo for extra bounciness and boxing capabilities. Much easier to eat than bullets.

Seriously though, mate, never being loved is fine.

I'm a loser autistic creep and I've learned to be okay with it. I actually prefer to be alone, so I don't need to act or try to fit in.
It's not the end of the world, and certainly not a reason to swallow a bullet.

>>18396570
I'm not
I have been abused my whole fucking life all I want is to be loved and cared about for once idk why that's so much to fucking ask for

>>18396548
a little bit of info?

>>18396588
now you done did it. now we're going to hear about how dementia anon thinks her doctors are trying to make her fuck people but she doesn't want to fuck anyone with a penis but would do it if they'd give her adderall.

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>lose job Monday
>returning from interview today
>tire blows out
>changing tire, some kids speed by
>call me a faggot, hurl a drink that splatters not only on me but my car, window was open so it got inside too
>have to drive home slow on donut while sticky from fucking cola and God knows what else

Mad doesn't even fucking describe how I'm feeling. I didn't even know them. I want to see their car wrapped around a fucking pole. Who in the fuck actually does this shit?

>>18396645
Fuck I meant last Monday. Damn I'm just too angry.

I was only acting out of perceived defense. But now I know you won't stop. I will fucking assassinate your mind like you've been trying to do to me. You could've chosen love but you chose hate.

>>18396645
Thats fucked up man, i hope you did well on your interview

>>18396460
Stop talking like you know anything about my situation prick.

I wasn't born broken, but I lived broken and I'll die broken. I'm even cynical enough to believe the world will be a happier place without me.

>>18396663

Thanks anon. I think it went well. On the positive side at least that happened after. Showing up late or with cola on me would've been bad.

>>18396460
Why is he an asshole?
She sounds like a cunt if whats said in the paragraph is true.

You were just an emotional prostitute absorbing all of my time, love, and energy with nothing in return but being a good fuck. It was all about you. Your problems and boy did you have a lot going on. Divorced parents, cutting, suicide attempts, no self esteem, and later on tattoos, septum, and other bullshit. I am almost glad I had a breakdown and went to the hospital because I got to see your true colors. You were never there for me. You found someone else a day later. I used to see you as a flower blooming by the moonlight. Now all I see is a black, spiney, twisted, weed growing above the septic tank sending your roots deeper into the muck for nourishment. I am so glad you are no longer a part of my life, and to all of the lies that I have heard you spread about me behind your back all I have to say if fuck you. Enjoy fucking up your life while on a path of self destruction, your life of organized chaos will one day turn to ruin and I wont be around to help you. Good day and goodbye fucker.

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>>18394766
Then become IRL friends with people from online.

>>18394752
Fuck you for passing judgment on me. Fuck you for expecting to know how I should have behaved. You have no idea what it's like to be in anything even resembling the shoes that I was in back then. You would have killed yourself before the age I even fucking met you if you had gone through the same god damn thing, especially considering your pathetic, puppy-like reliance on the approval of your normalfag peers. I hope you fucking die very, very soon so I don't have to put up with your naive bullshit. You do not know what hatred is, I do. Leave it alone. I will fucking crucify you when I am willing to.

You've revealed that this is either a case of your callousness, or deliberate hatred, and nothing more.

>>18395933
which day?

>>18396460
Fuck you, you cunt. You know nothing about my situation. Yes I'm the asshole for wanting to be friends with someone I care about. Yes I'm the asshole for wanting an explanation for someone leaving for no reason. Yeah I'm the fucking asshole for still giving a shit about her. Fuck off you white knighting piece of shit. You know nothing about me, her or anything. Fuck you.

Sorry. just needed to vent about this guy because he was giving me a migraine.

>>18396724
September 3rd. Incidentally thats also the first day we ever talked.

Can someone please text this perv a nice message as hes been following my daughter from school...hes 55 years old.. his name is jock 07923563524 try to be nice not

so that trailer... ummm

One of my theories is that we are part of a gameshow, like in rick and morty with the giant alien head. Except "Show us what you got." is "show us if you can survive psychological torture and there are good people." and all the other planets(or dimensions) have all died/suicided and I saved mankind by... NOT killing myself.

Or a cabin in the woods scenario which is basically the same but instead of the monsters winning, the humans have to win in order to please the ancient ones. And I'm the only one that hasn't suicided yet. Making me the winner.

yaaaaayyyyy

...

... ...

... ... ...

What the fuck am I? What the fuck is going on?

I just want to make some connections. I don't just want support; I want people I can work with. I value the people supporting me, but I just want to meet another musician, you know? It's pretty hard to do all this on my own.

DUDE WEED. PUSSY. VIDEO GAMES. LMAO
I have nothing else to say because really, I'm not sophisticated enough in any other field except those that allow me to more actively screw other people over xD

>>18396746
Looooool woah that is 2deep4me man I can't even begin to comprehend an existential crisis like that cause I'm kinda dumb shit....
hypotheticals are always waaay out of my reach

>boat, helicopter, or learjet? or all but structure it so that the learjet and helicopter are leased out unless I need them and the sailboat is run as a charter unless I need it and then they make money and are write offs instead of drains. I think that's the answer.

I need a helicopter license.


>tfw gonna have to decide if you want to work with israeli government at some point.
I think the answer is yes, but work according to my principles and don't further globalism... but I'll still be making money... idk what that makes me or if it's okay. I could use a grounding force in my life. if I were to do this as things are now I'd lose myself easily.

>>18396431
is karma really a notch sigh

>>18396736
can you please get the police involved thats creepy as fuck dude

I'll never know, if my ex is right and I'm a bad person, or if he's just manipulative. I really wonder. Do other people tell me I'm good only because they don't know me fully? I don't feel like a bad person. I try to be good. But I do often act without thinking. Maybe others are more understanding than him. My ex always made me feel like a monster. I guess I'm still haunted by his words.
I remember when he told me I'll ruin every friendship I have.
Or when he told me I'm a waste of a girl. "It'd be easier to get a girl into nerdy things than fix your awful personality".
Only a guy with low self esteem would want to date you, he said. You lack something basic.

I don't think I ever said anything as horrible to him.
I didn't deserve his cheating or his nasty words.

To think, he wants to get back together with me. I feel crazy sometimes. But I'm never going back to him.
"I left the past behind. I got over my anger for you. Why can't you?"
Of course you did. I didn't do anything to you... I was just an immature teenager and then I grew up.
"Why aren't you willing to make the effort? You never loved me, did you?".
I did, damn it. You were just horrible to me.

When I write it all, it sounds terrible. He really confuses me, huh. He told me I live in my head and I'm out of touch with reality. He really makes me doubt myself. Thank goodness we don't talk anymore.

>>18396785
this.

>>18396795
christ, sorry you had to go through that. that sounds awful. he sounds like his own cheating made him feel guilty and insecure in the relationship so he took it out on you. good on you for not going back to him. stay safe alright?

I'm choosing between moving out to rent my own place or wait
Work is supposed to be slow but still getting decent amount of money to pay off all my bill with some leftover

He told me I couldn't even put things in shelves correctly. He referred to me as a "Succubus" to his friends. He said to me that I am not understandable, that my reasons are invalid. Every feeling, every thought, was denied because it was abnormal, because he couldn't accept that I had feelings regardless of their accuracy. He didn't understand the way he existed, how lucky he was to not be like me, and he compared me to how he would have behaved if he were me. But he never had to deal with what I did, and to this day he still fails to empathize. Fuck him. I hope the hell he wishes on me hits him instead. That's a fucking curse, right there. CursIVE.

Arbys apparently has a pizza slider now.

I want it.

>>18396807
It's crazy because he's so convincing when you talk to him. Only when I'm alone I think "wait a minute...". He justifies his cheating as a mistake he made that I should forgive him for, because I made mistakes too.
Oh, I'm sure if he read this he'd say I'm saying it all wrong and playing victim. And that you think it's bad because you don't know the whole context.
It messes with my mind sometimes, you know? But I feel so much happier now that we don't talk. I have no doubts that it's the right thing to do.
Thank you for reading and replying. Even if you don't know the whole context it's quite reassuring. I think you're right in that it was caused by insecurity.

I am a failure. The tools of success were given to me all my life but I did not use them. My family believes in me but I don't believe in myself and doubt I'll ever feel good again.

I hope you rot in an abyss made only of your hatred, epic trolling luls and constant lying.

I can't believe I forgot that the vast majority of people are like you and you actually aren't an exception, at all, or worthy of any of my attention. You just paid me attention out of desperation for someone to fuck with so I went for it. Damn.

I think I love you.
I can't sleep, my body is not working right. I have been unable to work on my art and to play my music. My grades have dropped and I can't concentrate on anything else because I just can't stop thing about you. You're there in my mind the entire day. I think about how happy we could be, you and me. You have told me, to my face, that if you had a boyfriend you'd treat him like a king. And I want to tell you that I would treat you like a queen. I don't know if we would last for ever, but for as long as it did, I would be there for you, to love you, to caress you, and to protect you.
I like everything about you. The way you look, the way you talk, the way you smile, and the way you think. I especially love that you're a very religious person, because that tells me that you're someone who has held up her principles and values through many adversities.
I need you in my life. I really need you. I can't stress how much I do.
Please, for the love of God, give me a reply. Please tell me if you can go out with me. I'm dying to read your answer. I've been here on my phone and my computer waiting for your reply. It's a pain that I haven't seen you in days. I wish I could ask you out again, face to face, but for now, i can't talk to you any other way.

Yo I know you think that it's all bullshit and it's funny, but I actually know what's up with this shit. And I'm going to fuck you with it. It'll be like the first time I fucked you in the ass. Fuck, that felt so good. So tight, so soft. So sweet the way you moaned. I'll be gentle, don't worry. I'm not as brutish as you think.

I really need a man to fuck me.

>>18396875
Go out and get one damn.

>>18395668
the worst part of living is not all the failures of the world but realizing how much potential you have wasted, i feel you man.

I wish I was cute enough to pull off the trap look better. I want to be a trap. But I have too good of a jawline apparently. Which would be nice if I didn't want to be cute...

>>18396875
Oh man, me too. Someone larger than me, a little chubby, who lets me slide my little dick up his hole. It'd embarrassing for him to allow himself to be dominated by someone so much smaller, in both body and dick size. And it'd show up as a little blush on his cheeks, his secret humiliation and submission. So cute~~!

But alas, it is only a fantasy.

>>18394752
I found the perfect one for me 5 years ago in high school
she was perfect for me flawed in all the right ways
she liked me and clearly wanted me to ask her out
being 18 and terrified i froze like a deer in the headlights
i let her slip away and haven't talked to sense graduation
the indecision and fear kills me every time i think about it
i miss her and knowing i will never get to tell her i love her still
has destroyed my soul i feel empty and it gets worse every day.

I wish I had some way to keep myself from ending back up here every night.

>>18396950
I wish you did too. This place is hell and we are both trapped.

Eh, life is good. By many metrics, I shouldn't be content, but I am. It's strange.

People keep chasing tons of bullshit, and I honestly cannot understand this desire for the life of me. The world is fascinating and beautiful, and the only hatred I have is for those who do not respect life and see it as something to use and take from.

I'm optimistic things will work out, and if not, who cares? I'll be dead eventually. Everyone dies and this was all some random shit to pierce the void.. and that's comforting as fuck.

I''mmm soooo fuuuckkkinnnggg boorrreedddd.

It's so frustrating when you dubasses try to give me advice . It's like... what the fuck. You know what is really wrong and what I really need, so why the fuck aren't you doing that?

also it's kinda amazing how you don't even have to look at a keyboard to type. I didn't realize that this was not a very common thing and you're considered a fucking superhero for being able to type fast and accurately.

Also, have you ever pretended to typem like on a desk or something? You still end up making typos and the brain recognizing them even though you have no real feedback. You'll automatically know when you fucked up and hit the backspace key instinctively.

I found myself driving to my exes house hoping to see her. I parked and waited to see if she came out. As soon as I heard her door opening I started the car and drove away as soon as I could. I want to see her, i miss her so much. But i know she doesnt want to see me.

>>18396795
He using a method called gaslighting. Look it up and you'll understand what's going on better. He's also messing with your self esteem to make you believe you can't find anyone better. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone as manipulative as him. I'm so proud of you for not going back to him. It can be hard when you love them.

>>18397013
If you're so fucking bored then why are you here? If you know what you need then why don't you go get it?

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drained vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith,
And I'm still right here.

Wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.
Be patient (wait it out).

If there were no reward to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through,
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.

If there were no desire to heal
A damaged and broken man along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.

And I still may ... [sigh] ... I still may.

Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to heal,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.

Gonna wait it out.

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I fear to get too high for her.
But I fear that I got too high already.

Man, the love I have for this girl is what will drive me to my death.

I mean, SHE'S A FUCKING CARTOON! This has reached to irrational and wrong. But I love her so much. Why does it have to be like this? What did I do to deserve such curse?

>>18397037
Just reread this, the lyrics site fucked a few things up. Ehhhh...

>>18396849
huh. hello opposite friend.

>>18396859
wait what? what happened anon?

>>18396860
wew lad you sound way too close to me but I'm probably a little older version of you.

>>18397017
this isn't a common thing? I thought this was super common.

>>18397018
Oh shit nigger what are you doing? stop. stop right now and don't do that again.

>>18397018
I almost did this today. But I have a protective order against him, and I could lose it if I was caught trying to get near him, so I decided not to go after all.

>>18397045
>Oh shit nigger what are you doing? stop. stop right now and don't do that again.
I know anon. But it just hurts so much. I dont even know why we broke up. She wont answer my texts and wont answer my calls but I know shes getting them because she hasnt blocked me yet. I dont understand why, if shes not gonna give me an answer then why keep me unblocked? I wont go to her house again. I'm just sad.

>>18397037
dude, I just listened to this on my drive. those lyrics. just. damn.

also YOU. "like a river flows surely to the sea" that was a thing that got written here. I just got it.

>>18397027
It's not up to me. They won't give me what I want and they won't give me what I need. They are assholes.

>>18397055
I'll tell you right now, she can't give you the closure that you want. you're gonna have to find it yourself. you also may not even want the answer from her right now. you may not want it at all.

I'm supposed to be breaking up with my long-term bf right now, but I'm stalling. I've always been the person to get dumped. I'm not even that nervous about it, he's just stimmed out and not talking. How do I get myself to break this awkward silence that is only really awkward for me?

I've realized my mother had taught me that it's ok for guys to harass me. When I told her of boys groping me, she shrugged it off and said, "boys are dumb." Or "maybe they like you." I hate her for teaching me to be weak. To be used. I hate that I thought it was ok for men to treat me that way. I hate that she didn't teach me how to stand up for myself. Maybe I wouldn't have lost my virginity the way I did. Maybe I would have physically fought him after he ignored me telling him no. Maybe I wouldn't have felt like it was my fault for agreeing to go to his house. Maybe I would have pressed rape charges against the other two guys who raped me later on.

Not anymore though. I refuse to let anybody take advantage of my body again. I do not owe anyone anything. My body is mine and you'd better not touch it without my consent.

>>18397101
Glad to see you coming to this revelation, I'm sorry so many people hurt you.
Your body is the only thing in this world that is 100% yours, always remember that.

I got some great news, but it's only going to settle things for a while. There's still going to have to be a big decision in the future. My best friend, or my boyfriend? Who do I choose? I should figure it out as soon as possible, so I'm not in too deep later on. But at least I have some time to think on it now.

>>18397114
Thank you

I haven't had a gf in 7 years
I haven't gotten laid in 5
I lost all my friends 3 years ago

I don't even want to try anymore

They are all dying. Murdered, suicides, overdoses.

I'm a big ol' wrecking ball.

Bad things happen to the people I care about.

>>18397130
why not? do you think something worse will happen if you try? hm? you see the flaw in your thinking right? get up, buck the fuck up buttercup, get out there.

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Why do people keep telling me it gets better? Because it isn't. It keeps getting worse and worse with every passing day. Being hungry while my friends gorge themselves on fast food for every meal only rubs salt in the wound. I should have moved to Europe (Finland specifically) when I had the chance to escape this pit I've found myself in.

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I'm afraid of my 9 year old dog dying soon, despite being in excellent health. I don't see him every day anymore since moving from my parents' house and I'm afraid he'll die without me by his side and I'll never see him again.

Pic related. Visiting mom and dad this week. He's in bed with me.

>>18394823
Go with medication first. If happiness is what you're looking for, you probably won't be disappointed? After (or before) that try getting some interests and friends.

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>>18397167
I feel the same way too. My dog too is 9 years old and I can't believe that so much time has passed since we brought him home, and now that I'm moving to another country I don't know what to do since bringing him on a plane is not an available option. I even thought of staying with him, even if that means that I'd lose my ticket to a better life, economically-wise.

I know it might sound stupid, but I'd rather stay in a failed country happy with my pet than living in a better one knowing that he's dying alone in the other side of the planet.

I don't want to be alone but I have no fucking clue how to talk to women.
How do I start a conversation in person?
How do I start of a message on okcupid or tinder or whatever?

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>>18397214
It's a sad, scary feeling. The only solace I take is knowing that he's here with my parents if something should happen, and they love him as much as I do.

I know it's an exaggeration but I can't help but feel, on his deathbed, if I'm not by him, he'd be scared and thinking "Where's Matt? Where's Matt??" When he's passing over and that breaks my heart.

I know a dang pet's mind doesn't think like that, especially in death, but still.

He's a good boy.

>>18396735
White knighting? Im trying to help you not her. And you just proved you are clearly an asshole. Have fun dragging this thing out making it far more painful than it has to be for yourself. You are obviously a fragile whiny faggot who cant handle rejection.

>>18397229
Pet's minds may not work so desperate, but I can tell you they really feel lost when you're not close to them. It varies on the relationship they have with you.

I've liked her for 2+ years. She knows this. She knows how bad I want her as I express it on the daily.

I've toned it down lately, however. I've stopped coming to see her as much, I've stopped being affectionate in texts. When I see her, I kind of shun her off. I'm not as excited to talk to her or see her anymore. I'm starting to see that she's not that pretty and not that great.
I'm trying my hardest to stop liking her because I won't have a happy ending with her.

She's noticing my distance and it confuses her and she thinks somethings been wrong with me these past few weeks. She knows me in and out, but she doesn't know that I'm trying to move on.

I wish I had someone else.

>>18397233
Not him but your original post was not helpful at all and you sounded like a dickhead.

>>18397233
Please answer I do not understand how he was an asshole in any sense
>>18396691

>>18397115
>My best friend, or my boyfriend? Who do I choose?

How do you even get into a situation like this? Your boyfriend should also be your best friend, and your other best friends should support you and be comfortable with you being in a relationship.

>>18397099
>How do I get myself to break this awkward silence
By actually communicating, try to find out why he is not talking.

My girlfriend is WAY out of my league. I actually consider myself pretty ugly but im fit at least. We've beem together for 4 months and im having the time of my life with her but im dreading the day she breaks up with me. Honestly I think i will never find anyone as good as her ever again. Does anyone feel similar or have any sort of advice? It gives me anxiety because it feels like a ticking time bomb

>>18397291
Enjoy the time you spend with her and make the best of it. Don't do anything for her you will regret and hold against her if things don't work out like avoiding things you can use as leverage against her ("why did you leave me when I bought you Victoria Secret every two weeks and took you out to fancy dinners every Saturday you fucking bitch," shit like this). Don't bring up your insecurities because you're placing the ball in her court. Always have proof if she is being dishonest so you don't appear to be jealous or invasive to her privacy.

>>18397307
Thanks, yeah i noticed that she doesn't take our fights very seriously. So i never fight with her now. And its hard not to get jealous but im trying my best to not. It kind of fucking sucks every day im just feeling insecure and scared of her leaving but i try my best to act cool. I think she knows shes settling but is past the sex crazy phase in college and just wants to be respected and treated well. Shes 22 and im 20

>>18397318
More rando /adv/
>Try taking interests in the things she enjoys so you have random stuff to bring up to her.
She likes you tube makeup tutorials? Try to watch 10 minutes a day to see what she goes through to do her makeup. Ask about certain products and why she uses them so you can make suggestions. Sue likes certain style of clothes? Find cool stores you both can browse online for neat gift ideas for special events.
>Ask to do things together she enjoys that you can get behind.
Not everything is about crazy sex but having a bright, open mind is very sexy. She likes going to poetry readings or karaoke? Try going twice a month. Does she hit the gym with you? Working out together is a great romantic activity. Does she read? Reading the same books gives you many things to discuss when you play off you've read it X amount of time ago and Y is your opinion of it after you asked her how she thinks about it.

>>18397078
Considering that you seem completely crazy, they're probably right.

>>18397138
Agent 47 please.

>>18397263
>I won't have a happy ending with her.

Whys that? also christ almighty anon please just tell her youre not interested rather than confuse/upset her by stringing her along you dick

I am a gay man who is in love with a white straight alcoholic redneck. Why? Because DAMN HES HOT AND FUN TO BE AROUND WITH HOLY SHIT!!!! He knows I'm gay but he doesn't know who I'm gay for. Too fucking bad that I live with a Christian family who hates gays with a burning passion! And since I live in Texas that's a even bigger problem. I tried to like girls but they just don't excite me. I'm confusing my own sexuality just to fit in with something and it's driving me crazy.

As an ex-social outcast I really resent people that complain about social problems and how everything is too hard. I was like that and now that I'm fixed everything just seems so obvious now that getting worked up over things is stupid and irrelevant. Anyway, just wanted to say that I hate almost everyone on this board, and site because everyone seems to accept being dumb cunts rather than actually changing "cause its allllllll juuuuust toooooooooooo hard"
Fuck you, sorry.

I haven't been able to sleep properly since i was small, but in the last 2 days it's been hell. Or maybe 3 days, i'm not sure anymore. I can only sleep 2 hours at a time, and it really has been taking a toll on my psychic. I'm having unusual thought patterns, am tired and nervous all the time. I have no money for sleeping pills, nor i know any that actually works anymore. I'm hungry all the time, and i'm short on money. My OCD has been out of control, and i'm working on manual.

I feel that i'm going insane. I'm thinking and seeing things that aren't real, together with my OCD getting much worse without sleeping. Paired with hunger and worries, i've been living in constant hell. I'm considering money being the source of my prolems, but it started before going short of it this month. I don't know what to do. I almost want to die so i can rest. I'm so tired.

>>18397382
As for the straight guy NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN . DON'T EVEN TRY to make a move on a straight guy because.. theyre straight.

You only got one life and personally i think love is one of the best feelings in life. I wouldnt waste your life spending it with someone you cant really be attracted to. Maybe you should move away from texas and go somewhere more gay friendly if you can. Then get tinder or grindr and go on some dates and see how you like it.

Never come out to your parents unless youre okay with them cutting contact if they really are that against it. Maybe keep your private life, private. Until you get married or something and make that decision to come out when it gets to that point and maybe theyll be more accepting by then

After the past two days I'm uncertain about the future of my and my girlfriend. I feel like I'm going to do something really dumb. Not soon, but in 3 months maybe. And it's actually an incredibly horrible thing to think about and I don't want that to happen. But I fear that if an improvement in her behaviour doesn't happen in September then that will be it.

Why is it the most amazing perfect people and the most awful flaws....

You were the most caring, beautiful human being that I have ever gotten close to. It is a miserable feeling to let go. I wish we could go on, but I know it is a lost cause. I don't regret any of it. When you stayed over at my place the last time, it was the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I will never, ever forget those moments. I will never, ever forget you. I hope you end up happy, but I am afraid you might not.

>>18397410
Have you ever tried meditation? Yeah you're probably like are u fucking kidding me with this shit, but it worked for me when i was going through suicidal state. Just clearing your mind and feeling at peace. Then working on your problems one by one. Theres youtube videos and apps for your phone that have guided meditation that is nice and calming to listen to.

Sorry if this doesnt help at all

I would prefer not to

Ok

I think I'm falling for my fuckbuddy's friend.

No idea when it started but suddenly I get excited every time I see her. Did this whole NSA thing to not get sucked up in commitments and here I am unable to make a move on this other girl because I fucked her friend.

It's getting worse because I'm starting to resent my FB for keeping me from pursuing this girl, heck if my fb is at a party I'm suddenly spoken for, like some fucking object.

I'm so confused by our conversation. I don't understand why you sought me out to talk if it wasn't to make a change. I haven't thought about you in months, yet I feel like you wasted my time and uprooted my life of carefully laid distractions with this conversation.

All you did was talk in circles about what you were unable or weren't strong enough to do for me when we were together, instead of talking about what changes could be made to fix that. All you wanted was a pity party and to relieve whatever guilt you had. It's not fucking fair that you know what could be done to compromise and fix things, but you want to have your cake and eat it too, so you won't.

Knowing this, why did you say anything at all? Why didn't you just leave me alone...

>>18397438
It's fine, not like i have anything to lose. Any vids/guides on how to solve my problems with meditations? Thinking about them during the meditation itself or something? Fill me in on what you know, please. I've hear solid things about it.

>>18397233
>I'm trying to help you not her
>looks back at previous post
>Leave her alone you asshole!!!11!

I hate fuckheads like you. If you wanted to help him how about saying something productive

I wish I could get up right now, and do stuff, any stuff, and get a measure of fulfillment out of it. But I don't. I never do. So I spend my life sitting on my ass, constantly on-edge about the shit I haven't done, am supposed to do, or want to do.

But nothing feels good. It all feels like crap. It all makes me feel like an inadequate, useless failure. So I indulge in internet bullshit, because even videogames can piss me off and sour my mood further, until the day is over, and I've accomplished nothing yet again.

I'm really beginning to hate this place. After clicking and reclicking threads I participate in, I realize I'm basically addicted. But at least this does SOMETHING for me. You can't fail at internetting. And at the end of the say, I have spent my energy into watching videos or expressing myself in long rants like this one, and I could have spent that time and energy on anything else, things that would improve my life, but it all feels like shit, so I don't do it.

There's this series of images from this weird anime about gambling, about a typical normal guy who's floating through life, waiting to "wake up" and start living his real life. That's me. But you have to make it happen yourself. And I don't know why I can't. Is it because I lack confidence, because I don't love myself enough to not be hard on myself? Or because I have huge trouble focusing and planning? Or because I'm just so used to doing nothing that I don't want to break the habit? Or all of them at once? All I know is, I'm seriously growing too old for this. If I don't build a life for myself in the next few years, it's all over. The clock is ticking. But that knowledge just makes it harder, because there's so much more riding on it.

If only I could get up, and start getting shit done right now. But if I do, I'll feel nothing after it. Nothing at all. And I can't rationalize my way through life without feeling good about myself even once.

I haven't fully grown yet and I need some time alone more in fact because when I thought I was ready I in fact wasn't so please understand.

>>18394752
Hey I,

I think I saw you today. Who else would be so cowardly as to speed-walk away at the sight of me and hide his face? Only you. Most people aren't awkward sociopaths who burn bridges with people they live near...
I want you to know I'm doing better without you. You did me so wrong. For a while I was upset about how things turned out between us. I'm still kind of am. But mostly-I'm a new person. I'm confident now. I know what I deserve now. I know what I'll never go back to. I still smile with my eyes, soul, and heart. I still believe in the good in others, and give them the benefit of the doubt. I know there are good souls out there, and that you were a bad apple. I still dance freely and listen to the same bands I loved before I met you. I am completely me. You've taken much, but you haven't taken everything.
I've been doing well. In all my classes, I'm unstoppable, on the Dean's list every time.
I got prettier since the last time we spoke. I beam the way only a survivor can beam. If only my naive, innocent 18 year old self could see how sweet this feeling is. The feeling of being completely free & on your own, and without the weight of a toxic douchebag on her shoulder. If only she knew. She would've saved herself some heartache.

Oh, and I have good friends now. Friends who know what you did and have been warned about people like you. Friends better than your friends, if you have any. Friends who have integrity and dignity, things you know nothing about.

I hope you can one day find it within yourself to grow the fuck up and act like a good person, but I doubt it. You're sociopathic, so other people's feelings literally don't matter to you.
but you can't spend your life screwing people over. It comes back.

What I'm trying to say is:
I am better than you. You don't deserve me, and never did. You are empty inside, and I am brimming with light, hope, love, kindness, and honesty. I am vibrant, and you are dull. You couldn't dull me. You failed.

you look so tired
and unhappy dear
what's wrong?
"is it capitalism?" said the marxist
no.
"is it socialism?" said the republican
no
"then what is it?" mama said

mum you know that feeling in your chest?
that tear in your eye
the crease in your frown
the wrinkle in the old man's forehead
the tummyache of my sister
the blinks of the blind
the hugs of the deaf
the aspirations of the beggars

"duck, what are you on about?"

today is Thursday, and yesterday was Wednesday
routine, routine
such is life
But i wanna explore
I wanna explore but I feel like I can't
I'm constrained by Monday and Wednesday and Tuesday
I have work to do
Things to write
Errands to run
Yuppies aren't just gonna yuppie themselves

"Dearie what's this got to do with the wrinkles of the blind?"

why do we feel bad for these people
when they know the secrets of the world

>>18395871
I told him "I love you too". If he didn't get that I love him too, he's either retarded or... yeah. Retarded.

>>18397021
You know, I've read about gaslighting. I try not to be too quick to jump on those kind of labels. But reading the descriptions... it's eerie to see the exact same things he said and the exact same effect it had on me. It's not normal to read about gaslighting and think "that's my ex alright!", is it? I know it's a bit of a trendy term at the moment.
I just can't see what motivates someone to be like that, y'know? I can't see someone intentionally making you doubt yourself. At the same time, he is quite the liar.... I'll never know why he cheated on me because his excuse changes every time for example.
Oh, and you know what's sad? When I discovered his cheating (by accident no less), he started crying, saying he'd ruined his future, and I consoled him. He payed no attention to my feelings even after cheating on me...
Now his narrative is "I was bad in the past but I've changed! I haven't done anything bad now. I'm leaving the past behind because I love you". Etc... And being shocked that I don't want to date him, surely that means that I never actually liked him, etc. He hasn't changed one bit, has he? Just got smarter with his manipulation. Hah... the sad part is that it took him cheating on me (and more) for me to realize something was wrong. And the scary part is that talking to him makes me change my mind.
I rambled a bit but thank you for your concern. I'm doing better now but I did spend some months thinking I was a waste of space. Getting replies like this is quite comforting

the summertime gardenias, and my honey-scented hair
your perfect leather jacket, and how you act like you don't care
I knew the summer would end, and that our affair would end soon too
but I didn't know I'd keep coming back again to you
that I'd visit you in Texas, and I'd see you in Bel Air
that you'd cover me in kisses and grab my blouse to tear
I reveled in your arms, your cigarette smoke cloud
and how you'd smack my butt and tell me I'm too loud
Right then I said I loved you, and saw your blue eyes freeze
commitment really scares you, you've always been a tease
but then 2 years later, you got down on your knees
Babe, you said, come on and marry me
so I walked down the aisle, and had my special day
I thought you didn't want this, but I guess I've changed your ways
Until I saw you with her
Her dark smokey eyes
Her hair was red and curly
and she seemed way too surprised
What's going on? I cried
"Nothing princess"
and nothing was ever was the same
after the divorce
every man who calls my name
is met with a wistful daze
that is looking for his face
looking for his blue eyes
they're not there anymore
they're not mine anymore
he's with her
and I'm left here
maybs I need therapy?
how long does it take
to get over betrayal

Initially she was only looking for a friend who'd have sex with her. She was afraid of relationships and her claim was that it had nothing to do with commitment. I told her that I'd continue being fwb as I was okay with it. One day she was so happy that she changed her mind and she whispered into my ear: "I think we should make it official." I was smiling a mile a minute. It was like we were normal. I loved it when she was happy and so full of life. Months past. Sometimes she would get angry and hit me. I didn't like that. I told her to stop. She stopped. A few weeks later the semester ended and she wanted to break up. I don't think she wanted anything beside a fwb.

>>18396312

Anon, you suffer from ADHD. I too suffer from it, and it worse than hell. I am on medication - Ritalin, it has improved me. I am thankful to my psychiatrist. It's diabetes of the brain, and it will remain forever with you. So take those meds. Fuck anyone who thinks otherwise, anon.

Watch this:
https://youtu.be/_tpB-B8BXk0

>>18394752
Deep down I hate everyone I know, and I hate myself for feeling that way, but when you surround yourself with degenerate morons it's hard to find people to like.

>>18397626
I also had a brief uni relationship man. Girl had the tendency to keep calling me a fuckwit and put me down while simultaneously praising me for boyfriend shit.

She seemed more in love with the idea of a boyfriend than with me. Her insecurity and made her the equivalent of a teenage girl. In her mind, she was still in high school. I ended that shit.

People get angry from time to time man, but if they start treating like their emotional toilet, move on.

>>18397699
They're a reflection of you unfortunately; if you were smarter and more successful than them you would either have different friends or none at all.

Your options at his point is accept yourself as one of those morons or devote yourself to personal improvement, even if it costs you company.

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Should I fuck the fat bitch or at least try to get a skinny one to lose my virginity to? I'm not fat myself btw.

Don't fuck with me or I'll go over there

I wish I could simply give up. I keep getting hope, only for it to be broken each time.

Lying whore. Putting me through all that shit for nothing. Like you ever tried to make things right. I didn't deserve any of that. You should pay.

>>18397027
Just ignore him, please. He is a schizo spamming. Even if he ask for help he will not take it and blame you to be with "them". He wants people to say just what he wanta to hear. If people here keep engaging him this place turns in a non ending rant from this guy. Just let him be, probably have no one close to hear him out.

Fuck you. You bitch. You can't unsuck my dick. Fucking cunt. Fuck you. You can't unsuck this dick. MY DICK WILL ALWAYS BE ON HIS LIPS. BITCH.

>>18397503
Initials?

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Okay i will keep it short.

>Girl asked me to do something outside of school with her
>Start to really like her
>She always compliments me
>She started to touch me more and come closer
>She always says nice things to me
>She said i'm her best friend dunno if that is something terrible
>She basiclly told everything about me to her parents and friends
>She always wants to meet herself with me

Now.
She randomly texts me this : "Hey anon love you"
Some days later : "Hey anon we should do something together again"
"How about the weekend? We are alone my parents are away"

>I don't know if she want more than friendship when i asked her if she wants a relationship after the first fucking meet up she told me it is too fast and we should wait.
When i asked her if she would kiss me she said: "Yeah think so"

What should i do?
I don't want to die as viring.

My friends told me if i don't even kiss her this time it's over and i should kill myself..

>>18397503
There are a lot of changes I want to do. A lot of things I want to show you, much to work on to never let shit happen again between us. But, for you to know we have to talk. We have to see each other and talk. Not like we have been recently. I won't just send you a dumb text when we should be communicating like adults.

You really want to see what's changed? What can change still? I rather shoe you in person.

>>18397442
Tell your fb it's over and see if you can take her friend any with you?
Come on man, you ain't got shit to lose.

>>18397944
Just wait dude. You are going to regret fucking the fat girl (unless you actually ARE attracted to her).

t. lost my virginity to a fat goth chick and regret it heavily

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HAHAHHAHA

I am the most pathetic male in this world. Girl once told me she went with parents on holiday, guy drove them to the show, and at some day, she basically slipped away from parents' control for an hour, and had sex with a driver, at parking. I am writing that, and my chest goes numb and pressured at the same time, I jerk off like insane, almost crying. Help me, help me, anons, help me.

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I feel like my only true ambition in life is to raise a family and be a father. That involves finding a girlfriend, so I feel like my ambition isn't exactly legitimate. I want to go into astrophysics because I enjoy it, I want to help put people on Mars and beyond, but that is secondary to my ambition to raising a family.

The worst part of it is, I get unnecessarily nervous about dating because of it. I'm terribly afraid of putting all of my eggs in one basket. I can always steadily pursue my academic ambitions while letting the family thing happen naturally, but every time I feel attracted to someone I feel like I can't just "date" them. I feel like I have to meet tons of girls around the world and then choose what type of girl I'd like to pursue. I don't know if I can handle the pressure of knowing I may meet someone in the future who may make me happier, or I may have already let that someone go and nobody else will compare.

I'm a fucked up human being who tries to please and suck up to everybody to the point i try to mimic the emotion they expect to receive out of me in any given situation

I finally met someone, she was nearly perfect, and I fucked it up. I finally had a shot... and I let her get away. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

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You know what fucking bothers me?

People who are quick to preach about how everyone around them needs to work on themselves and make their lives better but refuse to acknowledge their own personal faults either because

a) They have SOME forms of responsibility going on, therefore it's moral licensing for them not to focus or treat those personal faults because they embrace them too much or think others need to see them as "cute" or "endearing"

or

b) They have to come up with some kind of excuse about how they can only act better SOMETIMES.

It doesn't work that way. If you want to be spiritual, work on being spirtual every day. Not just when shit's looking good and you wanna catch the euphoric moment. If you want to be fair to, don't just do it because someone fed into your better nature or because someone you listen to made you feel shitty about the way you're acting.

If you wanna throw a fit about how one person frustrates you and you have to dump all this shit about how you can't stand why they won't make a change in your eyes, take a good look at yourself. It's not that you're not doing anything right with your life or that you're not working hard, it's that you're putting a boundary on your responsibility and sense of accountability to the point you allow yourself not to perceive certain things that are toxic about you as problems and probably never will.

I'm not sure if it'll be too late for you to realize this or if it will drive a rift with you and a closer member of the family. I do believe you have become a worse person than your own mother and the biggest tragedy of that is that you'll never notice it.

I miss you so much. I want to talk to you so bad. I just want to tell you how much I love you. Maybe the only reason we couldnt be together is the timing. I was looking for someone I could spend the rest of my life with but you weren't looking for something serious.
I'm so tired of people telling me I have to find closure on my own. Fuck that. Thats not what I want. I want to know what happened.

Ohhh my hair stylist is great at everything except bangs. It's hit or miss. Today was a miss! Hah... And today I'm seeing my crush. Woo! At least it's not terrible, it'll probably look decent in a week or so... I've had bad haircuts that lasted much more lol.
I think next time I'll just watch a youtube tutorial or something and cut it myself.

Eventually you have to just give up and say fuck it. This way you been treating me is not worth the trouble.
If you don't want a person who's loyal, caring, and loving. Then fuck you, I'll find someone who does. You could always go the same path as your sister and fuck a bunch of guys, catch a STD and shit. Since you seem to enjoy listening to her and taking her advice. I can't deal with this shit, and I simply don't derlserve this sort of treatment. I'm fucking done.

I know you hate me.

I just wish I could hate me too.

>>18396719
Are you a guy?

I have a kind of ideal in mind for what I want myself to become. It's not based on a certain career or anything, but a way of approaching the world with an analytical mindset that makes everything bearable. This is really hard to explain, but I'll give it a shot. I have a form of long-term Depression which manifests in near-total loss of pleasure and interest in the world. By acting as most people do and approaching things with an emotional mindset, I find myself like a puppet tugged along on its strings by whatever comes my way. I become a mindless consumer, desperate for any pleasure I can scoop up, and it's kind of pathetic.

But there's another way. Since childhood, every adult I've truly admired had one characteristic: They broke the world down into parts and evaluated it systematically based on consistent logic. After that, they molded their lives to conform with the results. This trait is very common among great teachers and philosophers. It's like they live in a universe of their own, but one that they've painstakingly created for themselves, brick-by-brick, so that it encompasses all.

A Buddhist perspective fits this, because it has a determined response to any stimulus, and an informed explanation of why that's the best thing to do. The dominant mode we live in - the "normalfag mode" - accounts for most things with quick and easy moral judgments, but those fall apart pretty easily when prodded, and probably don't really fulfill anyone. I want something that lasts.

I prevented a child abduction and it wasn't a happy experience

>>18398790
Story time

>>18398798
It's still possibly an outstanding trial so I better not type too much. Other than, doing a good thing can be so awful sometimes

>>18398767
Hare Krishna my friend.

It's like i'm stuck in sand, I can't seem to change any aspect of my life anymore no matter how hard I try, it's stuck like this forever, I can't make it any better, I can only wait for catastrophes to happen to make it worse.

I was supposed to meet with you today, but something stopped us. Let's see if it happens tomorrow. I realize that what I need more than anything else is to talk to you. To talk to you from my heart. To let you see who I really am. That's the only way we can move forward, if I let you see my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities. It's so hard for me, but it's the only way. Please, when we meet tomorrow, listen to me, and be kind to me, and be open to me, and empathize with me. I really need it. I don't want to lose you. I want to see you again. I want you to know who I really am and why I had such a hard time last year, why I reacted so emotionally and with so much fear to the situation. It was hard for me, but it's not who I am anymore. Will you be kind to me? Will you open up your eyes and see me?

>>18398621

I feel you, anon.

>>18398507
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yhyp-_hX2s

>>18398595
and what toxic traits do you refer to?

>>18398908
you're either missing a place you can push in, or you're not pushing hard enough.

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HELP

>NEET brother finally moves out of parent's house
>I live down the street from my parents
>They're both still pretty young
>45 and 48
>They call me for EVERYTHING
>"Anon come fix this"
>"Anon the internet is slow"
>"Anon come walk our dog"
>"Anon come do this"
>"Anon come do that"
>Go there and back sometimes 10 times a day
>They chain call me while at work
>They call in the middle of the night
>If I don't do as they say they guilt trip
>"When we die of old age you'll regret not helping us!"
>"What kind of person are you that won't help their parents?"
>"What kind of mean son are you?!"

People tell me "Oh they just want to spend time with you" FUCK.NO, I go over there and suddenly I'm cleaning everything by myself, scrubbing floors and toilets while they watch TV, they're not old, they don't have any problems at all, they're just lazy as fuck and guilt trip the shit out of me

How the fuck do I fix this?

>>18398943
stop giving in to their shit. my mom has issues with me not being at home, being independent of her, and evidently with me aiming for massive success and moving away. you just can't give in to it. there comes a time when you have to be comfortable being either at the same level as, or higher than, your parents. you have to demand that respect from them or you will hit a hard wall in your development until they're gone. sad but true fact about life. time to take the training wheels off kid.

>>18398962
lol like I'm 26 and yesterday my mom started calling me by my full name and throwing ultimatums over text cause I didn't pick up the phone. the other day she was only half joking about grounding me. parents can't always handle their kids growing up and if you're not careful they will not let you progress. my mom wanted me to move back in and be a bartender. like you gotta grow up man. get them a nanny in your case, you don't have time to be cleaning their house. the occasional thing where its like you go over and they need your help with something is normal, what you have is not normal, they want to feel like they have kids in the house and it's turned into some bastardized thing where they also want to be lazy and have you do shit. it's psychologically toxic, and it's going to hamper you.

Unemployed for three months, can't even find a temp job, bout time to kill myself.

>>18398936
>and what toxic traits do you refer to?

-Storming out the room when someone gives well-meaning input, no matter how courteous and non-malicious
-Snapping at someone at random over minor if not inert things
-Letting out an obviously annoyed or exasperated sigh without missing a beat whenever someone in particular enters a common area
-Destruction of property out of minor frustration
-Being dismissive towards other people's problems and writing them off because they're not affected by them based on some personal sense of entitlement.
-Getting overly defensive over things that are non-threatening towards others said person is eager to protect, even though said thing wasn't malicious to begin with. Almost like an overprotective (can't stress that part enough) helicopter parent
-Thinking dreams of the worse possible situation are a vision of things to prevent.
-Tries to put on a display that there's nothing wrong and we all stick together, but has proven to be unfair and selective if not biased.
-Exerts control over situations and makes decisions behind other people's back in situations where parties of interest should be informed but aren't.
-Refuses help or input from anyone but a designated party, no matter who is willing. Likely out of some pathological fear of being seen or judged as wrong.

>>18399030
Lol you just described my mother to a T

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>>18399044
Funny enough, my own mother had her set of problems I didn't care for but most of those were just talking to a brick wall. A brick wall that still cried and regretted being shitty as an unfair parent time to time, but a brick wall nonetheless. She might have pissed me off, but I can only count the amount of times she completely ruined my day on one hand and still have fingers to spare at that.

Nothing on that list is describing my mother. Well, almost nothing. The dream part is to a different degree, though.

>>18394752
Feel like pulling the plug but i lack the constitution to do so.

>>18394752
Countless people tell me that I should have some sort of life goal or long-term plan, but I don't have one. I don't see myself as successful in the future, because I lack all the fundamental skills and attitudes for achieving anything meaningful. I've lived a lethargic and lazy life straight out of highschool. I hate myself constantly for being inferior to everyone. I'm not a competitor. I can't out-work or be outstanding in anything.
I want to die but I'm a coward. I'm watching my siblings get their lives on track and move out while I'm still struggling with deciding what to do. Anything would do, but it's all so meaningless when I don't have a long-term goal.
Getting this off my chest just makes me feel worse and I'm wondering whether this is how my life is meant to be, or if I'm just clinically retarded+depressed.

Ah, your hairline is receding. It wasn't noticeable before you got your hair cut.

You're still cute as hell though.

You are going to regret it so fucking much
You should have got with me
Trust me you are going to cry when you see who you have rejected
And for what? Nothing, you dont even have a fucking boyfriend, well good luck until another man like me approaches you which will never happen because I am unique, bitch
And there will be no coming back because I will be gone forever

>>18399096
It's just less pressure. People used to call me out for being ashamed of my natural hair and shit for habitually shaving. Receding hairlines look pathetic and I look better constantly shaved.

Win-win.

>love girl for 6 months
>we sleep together and and only break to eat and shower
>she doesn't consider us to be in a relationship due to hang-ups (complicated shit that involved her siblings fucking with her, she has issues with showing affection in any public way)
>this guy who gave her a 2 hour foot massage around the time we met (before we were a thing, i was really upset anyway) asks her for foot pics
>instead of saying she's seeing someone, she just deflects
>tells me about this later because she thinks i'll find it funny
>i get upset, surprising her
>says she deflected because she didn't want to be mean and he's got some issues he's trying to deal with
>at the same time, she wouldn't tell someone that she's seeing someone to get them to go away even though it's the truth
>says i'm the only one she wants, that people creep on her all the time but i'm the only one who's important
>i completely believe her
>on the other hand i'm furious that she was talking with this guy to the point that he asked that, when both she and i knew from his first message a week ago that he wanted one thing which, sure enough, he proved
>she tried to do everything she could to cheer me up but i'm furious and incredibly depressed
>feel like our relationship is a secret because she wouldn't even tell him about it in a situation like that
>she says she has only ever felt like being in a relationship once in her life, and she doesn't have that particular feeling now, but she might in the future
>feel like leaving the love of my life because i'm so upset and embarrassed/guilty about how upset i am

:( i wish i was more patient but i've been patient for 6 months and i feel like i'm breaking, /adv/. i've never been more in love but i feel like i have to distance myself now to avoid getting hurt, but she insists i'm looking at it from the wrong perspective and even said that my fears aren't valid because she isn't going to cheat on me, she just has these weird hang-ups. i'm just sad as fuck.

>>18399178
Don't waste your time waiting for someone. Don't be some backup.
Otherwise all this time you could have been doing something is spent doing nothing.

>>18399183
The thing is, I'm not backup and I know that for sure. She spends so much time with me that she literally doesn't have time to spend around someone else. And almost all of it is spent in a romantic context. I'm just getting pissy because to me this is a relationship and has been for several months, and to her it's not even though in any possible angle one can look at this from, it is a relationship in every way except that she doesn't want to do PDAs unless it's around super close friends. I'm just struggling to come to terms with that, is all.

She did say though that she should have said a more stern "no", maybe. I think she gets why this is so upsetting to me and will probably do better in the future. But I don't know how to make myself stop feeling a bunch of stupid negative gay bad feelings.

>>18399178
Don't put in time and effort into someone that doesn't return it. You'll end up exhausted and burned out and it will turn into resentment.

You'll hate yourself for it later.

>>18397588
What does this mean?

You really need to work on your anger issues and see a professional. Yelling and throwing boxes of donuts out because you thought someone's joke was insulting you is unhealthy.

>>18399381
>Throwing boxes of donuts out
That would give ME anger problems.

I am engaged to a "man" who throws tantrums like a child when someone passes him on a highway (to the point where he whips my car back and forth thinking he's somehow intimidating the other motorists) and who also doesn't give a single shit about my emotional issues. He tells me everything bad that happens is my fault. I accept the blame, but he continues to just tell me that I am stupid. I bottle up my feelings for a while, but inevitably I have a mental breakdown and spend an hour crying, to which he tells me I might as well kill myself because I am insane.

I know this is no way to live. It is miserable. I want to leave, but I only work part time, have no friends, and my mom can't let me move back home because my schizo aspie brother demands to have the half of the house that my old bedroom is on. I have a car, but it'd be difficult to live in, especially with it being summer and the fact that I have a cat. I wish I could work my relationship out. But it honestly feels like my heart is being ripped out every time he insults me.

>>18399411
This reminds me of the Law and Order episode where Chief O'Brien impregnated a teenage girl.

>>18399418
Jesus christ I don't remember that one. SVU or the first series?

>>18399420
First series. Lost Boys.

It's about Mormons, sort of.

Me too. I'm trying. I promise...

>>18398360
You should definitely date around. Read your post again, you know exactly what you want. Enough thinking about it and go try it. If you find a girl that makes you happy, deal with the potential problems THEN and not NOW. One thing at a time.

>>18398347
Why did that make you sad? How old is your friend? How old are you?

>>18398240
She.. gave you ALL the signals you dense fuck. Kiss the girl.

>>18396891
jawlines are cute anon

It feels strange reading all these stories about breakups and long drawn out aftermaths and will-they-wont-they shit. In a way I kinda wish I had that, despite the obvious emotional turmoil it entails.

I never really tried to reach out to my ex. Our breakup was basically done in 2 conversations over a couple weeks, the latter one ending in us saying some really horrible shit that I know I didn't really mean and I don't think she did. I dunno, she's stubborn, she might stick by those words.

I did ask her what she thought about some bands new album like 3 months after - I don't know why, obviously she didn't respond and I wasn't really surprised. I didn't bother after that and felt kind of silly. Now it's been 10 months, not a word.

I've always just been too scared of fucking things up even more. I'm averse to being where I'm not wanted. I like to entertain that we could probably still be good friends and it's comforting to think that we were always sort of connected, going though the emotions of our breakup together in our own ways. I feel as though I've gotten to the same emotional points that would drive 90% of men to reach out and say something. I used to think that I definitely will one day, but now I'm not even sure of that. That really sucks in its own way.

Basically this:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yv7spNzPVTw

Hey guys, there's this girl at college that i've exchanged gazes with and i want to talk to her but i never have the chance, we take the same bus (sometimes) but she's always with her friend so i think that saying hi would be odd, i've tought of getting close to her in social media but i pretty much only have a facebook and no friends in common, so i think it would be odd to just add her. Any tips?

>>18399527
>In a way I kinda wish I had that
Trust me, you don't.
I'm going through that at the moment and I've never felt worse in my entire life.

>>18399381
>>18399403
was about to say this and saw someone else did it.

Char you weren't good for me and I didn't even particularly like you.

But goddamn I miss you. I miss spending time with you every day. I miss making you laugh. I miss your smile. I miss the kids. I miss that silky pussy of yours and your moans. I wish I hadn't been such a dumb asshole and played it cool. Maybe we could've built something longlasting but in my heart I know you weren't that into me and wanted to be free to fuck around all summer. For that reason, the door to us had to close. I gave you a chance to build something longlasting but like the typical millennial western girl you want to play the field. Have fun with that. I'm keeping my dick in my pants and waiting for something real.

>>18399537
I think you've just gotta go introduce yourself in this situation. You could wait until it's a few minutes away from your stop, so there won't be time for things to get awkward. The fact that you're both students makes it to have talking points and less weird. I wouldn't go in expecting it to be smooth as butter, but surely the jump between you just glancing at each other to knowing your names is worth the trouble.

So is Bree really dead? Who is murdering these people?

Iris really lost her legs from trying to kill herself?

Who is the one that had acid thrown in their face?

Does Renren really have lymphoma?

Why aren't you people protecting these girls? What the fuck is wrong with you, finding enjoyment in people's suffering?

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I cant recognize a friend, I'm a stranger to myself and even family.The few people I hangout with are friendly acquaintances that I'v known for awhile and enjoy being with them,Are they my friends?What of the ones haven't talk to in ages are they still my friend?Am I even a friend to them?

>meet qt 3.14 pure virgin girl
>we fall in love with each other
>have the best time of my life, realy love her
>this goes on for one year
>suddenly she breakes up with me
>says she has feelings for one of my friends
>also says we are still friends

It fucking hurts. I cant stop thinking about her and that fucking other guy. I feel angry, sad, disappointed and betrayed. I don't want to loose her as a friend because I still love her. But fuck, I feel like shit. I thought I found my future wife. What do?

>>18399711
>I don't want to lose her as a friend because I still love her
Don't contact her until you've moved on.
It might take months, but you need to heal by yourself or you'll just get hurt even more.

Trust me, it happened to me.
I stayed friend with my ex because I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. I was convinced she was the love of my life.
She kept telling me she still loved me and we'd get back together.
One day I got a message from her telling me she'd been frequenting another guy all that time and he's the one she cares about so she blocked me from every single social media.

>>18399752
Thanks. I think i'll wait a week and see how it goes. I want to move on before i'll become full /r9k/

>>18399711
Funny how they always want to stay "friends" after they cut your heart out of you.

I keep trying new hobbies, but nothing clicks. There's no magic, no feelings stirred up, no sense of satisfaction, no getting sucked into whatever it is. It really sucks, man. Even intelligent hobbies don't capture me. I give things a shot, you know. I try philosophy, I meditate, I play acclaimed video games and read loved books. But nothing. It's like, I'm playing Fallout, and now what? Go talk to some people, finish a few quests, know more about the world, so what? It doesn't really feel good. And I'd spend my time doing something else, but everything is like that.

I hate it, guys. I hate it so much. I've been coming to this damn board for over a year now with this fucking problem and it refuses to budge. A tiny bit of pleasure while I'm masturbating or eating food is all I can get. It's horrible. And I don't know if I can get out.

>>18399527
>In a way I kinda wish I had that
You know not what you ask. I wouldn't wish this sort of pain on my enemies. It sucks. It's completely draining, and even if I lost her, I would take a real resolution over this. Every moment of my existence is fucking agony. Had I am clear ending, I would have taken it. It would have been liberating. This in the other hand, it's like being disappointed in the person you live the most, everyday. Each time, knowing in your head that this is wrong, and that you should walk, but you can't because you are emotionally chained to this other person. It fucking sucks.

You don't know what ask for. Learn our experience so you don't make these mistakes, so you don't have to feel this.

My chest hurts with every breath I take. No matter how hard I try to focus on other things, she fucking dominates my mind. I do not wish this on anyone.

You can move on, you should. For me, I rather be dead, but I have too much to do, or at least try to do.

Fuck this.

>>18399794
I'm pretty sure they do it to move on more easily.
They want to keep the benefits of the relationship until they've moved on and found someone else.

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It's been months since we last spoke, years since we last touched, but still my heart yearns for your warmth, i don't know if you even feel anything towards me anymore, but i'll wait for you, you're all i ever wanted. I still love you as much as i did back then, i don't care about how much you hurt me, and i hurt you, i just want us back together again.


I miss you.

>>18399818
initials?

>>18399795
I know there's shit I can to do feel slightly better, like exercising. I'm working on my diet right now. The thing is, it doesn't fix the problem at its core. I can't feel things in the right way anymore. Compared to you all, I'm like an alien. I've lost the fundamental thing which compels people to live, which is pleasure. The only way I can get through the day is to act as if I still can, even though it's obviously not true.

I need to see a doctor so damn bad. I've asked my mother for months now, and she still hasn't done it.

>>18399821
CK

well i must of did something. shes distancing herself more and more, flaking on plans and wanting to "play it by ear", barely texts/calls anymore like we used too, and shes back on tinder (i know because i glanced over at her on her phone one night when she was drunk)

be a decent guy and mutually end it or should i just say fuck it and get myself back into the dating pool? she doesnt want to meet up, is hesitant to talk it seems, and im honestly over it.

>>18399804
Fair point dude. You're right. It's not a fantasy I should entertain and I probably should consider myself lucky to have had a brief, if kinda chaotic breakup. The upshot I guess was having to deal with everything on my own. I got so used to having somebody to complain to. I don't know if I can say with much confidence that I'm stronger for it.

She did actually offer to be friends (that was before we went for each others throats) and I told her no because I knew I would end up having unreturned feelings. Since then I've regretted saying that a LOT but at the time I couldn't have been more sure of that decision.

Apologies for being flippant. I hope things work out for you.

Shut up
Shut up
Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to masturbate, go the fuck outside.

I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have. I've felt guilty about it for months, and I wish I had done something about it. It wasn't fair to you, to me, or to my boyfriend. I should have broken up with him back in February, when I realized I loved you. I shouldn't have stayed with him and allowed myself to fall even more in love with you. I became your friend even though I wanted more, and I think you wanted more, too. Now I'll never see you again and it hurts like hell, and I'm sorry I screwed it all up and never allowed us a chance to see what might have been because I was too cowardly to tell my boyfriend I loved someone who wasn't him.

>>18399864
>Since then I've regretted saying that a LOT
Why?

>>18399843
End it. If she's back on Tinder, it's over for her. (Or she's unsure of what she wants, in which case that isn't fair to you.)

>>18399864
Quick is always better, I been going through this for about 6 months. I don't know anymore, she breadcrumbs the fuck out my hopes. I think she's just playing with me now. I don't want this.

Thank you, but I slowly feel like the best I will get from this is an ending like Rhett from Gone with the Wind.

I'm close to not giving a damn anymore. She is not worth this. Not sure if any person besides myself truly is.

J,

I have been feeling alone and confused lately. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I truly, deeply love you and always have wanted the best for you - and us, but I do not feel safe in our relationship anymore. I have decided to leave.

I've realized the many ways you have been manipulating me, saying I am crazy, a bitch, insane, accusing me of rediculous things, restraining me, hurting me, suffocating me, hurting our pets, stalking my phone secretly, punching doors, threatening to divorce me and kill yourself, and the endless bursts of anger. I'm done feeling afraid and like I'm walking on eggshells. I do not think the things you have done to me are okay and I am sorry that I said I had forgiven you when I know now that I haven't.

I feel terrible and guilty about all of this and it is the last thing I've ever wanted to do, but I have made up my mind. I'm sorry but one of the big reasons I have given up hope is that I am scared of starting a family with you that I couldn't protect, and it has broken my spirit since that is something I have always dreamed of with you.

This won't be easy, but I hope you can respect my decision and give us space. I think it will be better for both of us that way.

I do not have the intention of telling anyone about what happened, so don't worry about your reputation. We can work out the details later, but I am leaving my phone here since it is on your plan and you can also cancel the insurance on my truck whenever. I really do wish you the best.

Love,
L

What the fuck this guy's impenetrable. A giant wall of steel. Aaaaaaaagh. What's the fucking point

I miss you. I'm keeping my distance intentionally, but... it makes me sad. I just want to see you. I'm doing the right thing by staying away; I know that. It's not easy, though. I'm so sad it had to come to this. I know I shouldn't, but I do hope we'll bump into each other soon.

>>18399918
Then why? I want to see you too. Why?

>>18399918
Text me.

I feel good today for a change.

But my life is still going nowhere.

>>18399931
Because if I instigate contact, I know I'll want more and you can't give me that. Maybe you'd smile lovingly at me again. Honestly, I want you to, but in the end it would just hurt. I've hurt so much in this and I don't know how much more I can take. I need to stay away.

>>18399963
Don't. Why do you think I want you? For more than what we had. Please, contact me back. Don't stay away.

No, seriously? Do I have to like the ONE guy who seems to do his best to ignore me? What the heck. Every single other guy, I can at least get some conversation going. They're friendly. This fucking guy though. Yikes. But I do see him talking to others! Does he just ignore women? He's not gay.

Is he?

Aaah, I'm frustrated. I can't even catch a glance from him. It can't be accidental, I'm sure he's purposefully ignoring me. This has never happened to me before. I just met some guys yesterday for example, they were friendly, we made jokes, etc. That's the usual. Why the heck can't I do it with this guy? A friend's friend said he's the same with her.

I mean I'd like to ask him out just to get him out of my head but is there any point?!

>>18399970
>>18399963
Work with me and I will work with you.
I don't want either of us to hurt anymore.
We shouldn't be like this, you know this too. What we had wasn't great, but it was ours, and if we work together, I'm sure what we can have will far better.

Don't stay away. I want nothing more than to have you in my arms and never let go, to smile at you the way others never never get to see.

I miss you too. A lot.

>>18399989
I thought life dating as a woman was supposed to be easy but I've been having the worst luck!

i'm pretty mad about the fact that i started dating this really attractive girl and my parents can't stop bringing it up. it's not really about race/ethnicity but she's white and i'm asian and my parents can't get over it. it's bloody stupid and they act like the relationship is the only thing going on in my life atm when it's actually just a part of it. idk how to keep them off my tail. parents are srsly overbearing. i talked to my gf about it and she doesn't mind so that's that. idk it's probs just me feeling this way.

>>18397613
I was in a very similar situation. Although, I don't think my ex was manipluative intentionally. I think it was learned behavior from his parents mixed with all of his self esteem issues that made him toxic. Thank you for reminding me why I should keep him out of my life. Because he's very good at making me believe I'm the one that caused all of our problems. And that I'm not worth anyone's time. I feel if I talked to him again, it would cause me to doubt my current relationship, from feeling like I'm not good enough for my bf.

>>18399970
I don't know if that's true. Maybe you do want me, a little bit, but I know that you're scared. You haven't told me, but I think it makes sense, maybe. You're scared you'll fuck up again and that's why you don't want a relationship. I'm not saying we'd surely make it that far, but if you did really want me and we'd try, you might not be brave enough and I don't want to put my heart on the line for you again.

I wish I had never taken that class. I would never had met you—well, talked to you. I had a crush on you when we were little, you know. It was fleeting, lasted a few weeks. But now here I am, dating someone else and wishing he was you. Even my friends think we'd be good together. But you're leaving, and I can't see you again. I wish I had never taken that class; I was happy before then. Now I'm in a miserable relationship and all I want is to see you again and tell you how I feel, but I know that will never happen. I'm pretty sure you liked me too; even our teachers thought we were a couple. But no, we were just friends. And part of me wishes we had never become friends, because knowing that's all I'll ever be to you hurts my heart more than anything. But the other part of me is glad I could know someone as amazing as you. You lit up my life for those few short months; you're what kept me going, what made me look forward to going to school.
I miss you, C. I miss you a lot. I hope your new school treats you well. You deserve it.

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>tfw you want to blow up but you know it won't end well and you'll look like the bad guy so you just hold your feelings in
I want to fucking lash out at you so badly. You ignore me, then act all worried if I don't pretend I don't know what you're doing, then when I reassure you, you just go back to ignoring me until I push for any and all sort of interaction. If I did the same thing, you'd be so upset. Stop being a fucking hypocrite.
Maybe you'll get the message when I get tired and stop trying. Honestly, I think that's exactly what I'll do. I'm not going to carry any conversations from now on or make any proposals anymore. If this falls apart, it's all on you. :^)

I'm getting my car back soon hopefully and have a dental appointment next week. After that I just want to take off across the country and see the redwoods and the ocean. Just drive and drive and not worry about my small pathetic life and all these little petty people surrounding me who are slowly driving me insane.

I'm living in the past today, and it's excruciating. Everything I thought I was over throughout my life is suddenly coming back. Specifically friends and lovers I have lost. Whats the point? Why am I thinking about these things? Just. Fucking. Let. It. All. Go.

But there are a few people who can't leave my mind. J, my "first love". T, my first and the one who became a stranger so suddenly. D, my old best friend. And of course B, the one who left such an impact.

>>18399992
I don't think you're hurting. You're doing just fine.

>>18400085
The redwoods is my favorite place. So peaceful.

>>18399873
lmfao

>>18399881
well it's about 2 years too late to say it lol, or is it 3 now? I really can't remember. (you are most likely not the right person. don't worry about it)

>>18399911
well if he's anything like me there's a moment where the steel melts

>>18399989
>is there any point?!
yeah. that could be the moment the steel melts.

>>18399998
your almost digits are amazing.

where's >>18399999

>>18399992
>>18399970
>>18399933
>>18399931
So, I've been talking to "you" and I wish you'd actually say something like this. Fuck.

I'll bet you're lying to yourself and pretending that you didn't know exactly what you were doing. You're psycho, but you're not insane enough to not understand what's morally wrong. You can lie to the judge, but deep down you know you did those things intentionally. You'll still refuse to take the blame, just like you always do. But you will know. It will keep you up at night. This is one thing you can't blame on me. It was all you. And it's going to haunt you for a very long time.

well I've hit that point. this is the moment where everything is riding on the razor's edge and I have to execute 110% or it all falls apart and I lose the upswing to things being great. then I'd have to set everything back up again to try again but I won't have the time or resources then. this is make or break right now.

things just keep ramping up in terms of difficulty and the stakes. I've got this, I'm coming out on the other side of this crucible fucking golden.

I found a cigarette right next to a lighter when I was cleaning my car today. must've been there at least what, 4 months? looked like it was brand new, like it was some test by the universe of my resolve. like someone saw my post yesterday about thinking about starting to drink or smoke again as a crutch because of the stress. there wasn't even a question in my mind when I picked it up that it was going in the trash.

everything has to be carefully balanced, and go off without a hitch. tomorrow is a busy day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vksfnZaZ0A4

>>18400112
>well if he's anything like me there's a moment where the steel melts
I don't want to give myself more pointless hope but could you elaborate?

You're completely asexual and it bothers me. I get wanting to wait to go all the way but pushing away hands after granting access, outright refusal to ever make out after saying next time for months, and limiting hugs to 5 seconds is bullshit. Saying you don't want to turn me on is hilarious when you slide up to force a motorboat and grind on me during that hug then think it's gross that I'm at half mast when I'm not the least bit interested and know good and well those clothes aren't coming off. I just want to hold you close, make out a bit, and get you a little turned on so you can one, see how it is to be normal and two, see what you're doing to me since my words aren't working. See you tomorrow, hon

lol, you guys seriously think I ever had a passion for life and living?

Since highschool I have just wanted to fucking die. I have been in perpetual boredom and misery for the last 20 years of my fucking life. Everything I have ever done is to combat boredom and I have never won a single battle. This entire time I spend my days counting down the hours until I am able to finally go to sleep. Going to sleep is the fucking only thing I have to look forward to.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why do you never fucking listen to me? Are you that desperate to be right? Is it that fucking hard to understand that my life, the way my mind works, is not the same as yours?

>>18400030
No one had ever done what I did to you. You probably never thought I could even after all the other shit I did. And, a little bit? No, I want you more than I can put into words, I want you in a way that I can show, even if it takes me years to make up for it, because I want to see you smile. Because I miss your smile, you rarely did, and when I got to see it it would wipe me clean regardless of how I was feeling. Scared? Yeah, I am. I have always been. Of course I am fearful.of fucking up again, but I need that fear to remind me, to scar me as I have scarred you. I don't intend to hurt you. Work with me and I can promise you that it won't be like it was before.
If we don't risk, we don't ever gain anything right? We have to fight, but instead of fighting you, I want you beside me. I want to fight back against life with you along side me and I alongside you.
Im.sorry I hurt you.
>>18400097
Just fine? That's only what I tell others because you know that I could only tell you the truth. You were the only one I could ever show my pain to, but I'm sorry that I packed on to you far too much. I need to be stronger and deal with my shit head on, but I still want you there. I want to support you and be there for you.
>>18400121
No, talk to me..really talk to me. Not this strange dance we have doing for months now. Not this strange miasma we have been in. Where we both can sense what we feel for each other but we don't reach out completely and just say what we should.

Although you know everything so far, I have sent you everything, and I have meant every word of it. My hand is reaching for you, please reach back.

>>18400164
there'll be a point you're trusted. if he's like me you'll basically be trusted with everything. note that the walls can always go back up though and that he'll likely be watching what you do with the trust very carefully. he doesn't have walls for no reason.

don't abuse the trust should you be given it alright?

>>18399336
I honestly don't know. It was 4 am. Do you see a deeper meaning? The first line is from No Surprises by Radiohead

>>18399336
Actually looking back I think it's a commentary on the narcissism and emphasis on appearance and the superficiality that plagues society. People who can't see perhaps feel the beauty of the world even more than those of us who can see. They aren't constrained by appearances and materialism. They still hear people laugh. They can hold others. They walk without knowing what's next. They are free from some the dizziness of anxiety of the first world (and now the whole world). I'm referencing Kierkegaard's premises in Front Sickness Unto Death I guess. Or the poor old man who may have a wealth of wisdom and insight. Why do we pity people who know more than we do? Who know the secrets of life? Whose perspectives and inner worlds we can't fathom

File: d70.jpg (8KB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 250x250px

>>18394752
Im uber depressed about this girl. She likes me alot and I feel the same about her. Problem is her parents dont like some shit I posted on facebook years ago and have taken her phone and prevented me from seeing her.

Fortunately I have a sliver of hope. They said they'd think about meeting me to see if I was good for their daughter. But another part of me is like "Thinking about X usually means no".

>>18394752
How do you self-motivate yourself to get better at playing an instrument?

>>18400367
What did you post on Facebook senpai?

>>18400257
This is nice, but he wouldn't say that. I've had crushes on friends and the thing about those was that I obviously thought of them as more; I thought they were special and sweet and the feelings I had were very tender, but I didn't think of them sexually and I never pursued any of them. Mostly because I didn't understand what was going on. When I look at everything that's happened, I think that's how he feels about me now, or at least the last few times we saw each other. I don't know. I'm afraid it's all just wishful thinking, although I don't think it is.

>>18400448
It's alright. Sometimes it's a small world, sometimes it's not.

>>18400434
Motivation is fleeting and will come and go. What you need is some self discipline. Discipline to practice even if you dont feel like it. Only then will you become great at it.

I don't know what the fuck is even going on anymore.

All I know is I feel like an animal backed into a corner now for a long time.

No one will tell me what's going on but it's not like I haven't overheard enough to know something is up/wrong.

>>18400436
A shitty king of the hill meme and a troll face comic. I was 14 when I did it and it came back and bit me in the ass.