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Hi adv. I have a problem and I'm wondering if it's because I'm a "nice guy" or it's because of how I grew up(Catholic). I'm 28 years old now. When I was in my early twenties, I worked in a restaurateur and a lot of the girls there were cute; but they all drank/partied a lot and I just never felt comfortable in those scenarios.
Recently I met a new girl and she seemed nice, but always liked to pretty herself up whether she had a bf or not. And I took that as her simply looking her best for personal reasons, no problem. But when I hung out with her as some mutual friends dragged me out; she loved to drink and I quickly heard stories about the hooking up and partying that she did. Still I liked her enough and kept telling myself "her past doesn't matter if she likes you". Then one day I saw her face busted up and covered in bruises, I asked what was wrong and she told me that she'd gotten drunk and fallen on the street. She would often show up with random bruises that she didn't know where she got them from. As we got closer, she started showing me signs of being manipulative and lying(She borrowed my car to visit her parents and I assumed something was wrong with hers. But she told me after that it was because she crashed her car and dented it badly a year before we met, and that her parents would be pissed if they found out. I told her to just be honest with them and face the consequences, but she sad that if they didn't know; it wouldn't be a problem.
Long story short the girl cheated on me, blamed me for not "caring enough" about her and didn't even tell me she was gone until I called her up for a date and she said she was going with someone else on one.
How do you guys/girls balance red flags with emotions? I find it hard to run away when I like a girl and find out that she has "flaws". Is it my faith overriding my logic and saying that "people can change"? Should I avoid bars and just go to Church for a partner?
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If there was a shit ton of red flag labeled walk this way to get punched in the testicles would you keep walking that way?
Same thing except these flags are telling you there's no good future with this woman. If she's too much or causes too many problems you need to count your chickens and move on. I guarantee no matter how much You like her, you will not be able to change who she is to fit you better.
Women like this only get worse the longer you stay with them.
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You should just jump ship as soon as a major red flag pops up.
>Should I avoid bars
Well yeah
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On the other hand this is a great opportunity to practice manhandling women. She's always covered in bruises, which means that she's either clumsier than Mihoshi, or she gets into accidents a lot, or she prefers men who beat her up.
In either case it's your word against hers, so you'll get away pretty easily.
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>>18393659
If this girl is around you, no trustworthy woman will dare getting close to you. You'll be surrounded by manipulative people. So you need to clean the house and stop worrying about someone that does not reach up to your standards. Just dump her for all the reasons abovementioned. You look like a comfortable blanket to her, nothing more.
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>>18394485
Well like I said, she already cheated on me and I didn't find out for about a month. I feel like a complete loser and am not sure what to do with myself. All I wanted was to give her a chance and admittedly took her words to mean something. The week before she cheated, she told me that I was the only guy she wanted to be with. :/ How was I supposed to avoid that?
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>>18394901
>>18394901
Sometimes words are just words. She definitely crossed the line, and cannot be trusted. She hurt you no doubt you feel bad, and you're not the one who should feel unworthy. You got betrayed with a big knife in the back!!!
Cut clean this relationship, learn from this and move on. Honestly, there is nothing you can do to get your self esteem but meet someone that is worth your time and efforts.
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>>18395524
I get that. But how do I know if warning signs are warning signs, and not me just being apprehensive? Like from day one I said "This girl is trouble" and my two good friends said "She's a horrible and mean person". But I had to give her a chance, no?
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>>18396542
Well, you had the gut feelings. It does not mean you had to follow it. Ensuring you have no regrets is often the best marker. You can definitely find better. Learn your lessons and raise the bar. Better relationship then follows
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>>18397467
But now I regret not having slept with her and she's dating someone else now. Yeah she's still an alcoholic and chain smoker with a mean streak, but I'm very conflicted. What the f is that about?
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>>18398661
You need another girl to make things right. Your dick is pulsing blood into your head.
It's like eating a candy which fell into the toilet, still a candy but thinl about how much shit went through
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