Thrive for attention and companionship

Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting. You sound very much like me, except I stayed this way.

I'm turning 31 next week.

>>18390756
But I get nothing anon. Are you telling me to change?

Its so hard to change. All I want is for a single person I could cling to, maybe that is even like me, that would cling to me back.

If that is what I want, how do I trick myself? How do I make myself content with being alone, and finding happiness through hobbies and myself, rather than others?

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I'll bump with an upset anime girl I suppose.

What do you mean you cant act normal in a relationship? So you had relationships in the past?

>>18390979
Yes,a few that I all ruined sadly. If I'm not in one, I feel painfully alone, and if I am in one, I get super paranoid and clingy and anxious about everything they are doing. I panic and worry if they are being unfaithful, or if they really had feelings for me, or really anything.

Although they were all "online relationships" so its not like I actually had any real life experience. I'm even more of an autist when it comes to talking to people in real life.

>>18390985
>I get super paranoid and clingy and anxious about everything they are doing. I panic and worry if they are being unfaithful, or if they really had feelings for me, or really anything.

That used to happen to me, except being cheated on was always the catalyst. Now I don't care if they cheat or not, and if I have a reason suspect them, trust your instincts. It's still not right to treat them that way OP, you need to be able to give them a chance. It's also self sabotaging and unfair to yourself. Find contentment in being alone first, a relationship is not going to fix that. Meds aren't going to fix it, and you're not stuck, you have to make the choice to improve yourself and stick to it. No one on this planet is destined to be alone, and everyone has the chance to change it. Honestly I'm not sure what happened to make you that way, but you need to let yourself move on from whatever it is

If your lonely I suggest joining a clan for a game it really helped me bring out my personality.

Confidence. It's as simple as believing in yourself, and changing your mindset to be more positive. Pick up a hobby, find something you can be good at. It'll help you realize you're not as inferior as you think you are, and do things to get you out of your comfort zone. Do something your shy self wouldn't normally be able to do. Meet new people. Don't over analyze everything and go with the flow.

>>18391077
Yeah I understand anon, thank you. I know that its unfair to both of us, but I guess its just so hard.

Like..I can want to improve myself, and try to tell myself that everything is fine. But that only lasts for maybe an hour, or a day at most.

If I get upset about something, its just really hard to tell myself "im going to be getting better" while I'm having a panic attack and crying and throwing up all over myself.

I dont know what happened to make me this way either, but I'll assume its involved with having these problems already for years, and then having my father commit suicide, and my step mother constantly shout in my face while I was going through the dumb "teenage depression phase" I dont know if its right to blame them, or just to blame myself for letting me be the way I am; but its just tough to learn how to get better. I guess thats what therapy is for though right? Maybe I just need patience. Its just hard to make myself better alone.

>>18390985
Well you see then, its not that people dont love you otherwise youd never have had relationships. The problem is that you dont love yourself. You are so insecure and you think that no one could possibly love you, that you end up pushing people away when they do and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

>>18390745
Yeah you sound very much like me I was only in one relationship myself with one girl who Is a really good person and still a good friend (still feels kind of weird tho) but when we started going out I just became way too clingy and I really started to overthink everything. I started thinking that my really good friend at the time was hitting on her.
Even tho she was the one who kind of set me up with her and I just started feeling horrible, it all eventually became kind of a mess and she broke up with me from which I felt fucking horrible and still do if I think about it for long enough. But at the same time I realised that we probably didn't really go well together and I hope she finds someone right for her as I hope to do the same. but at the moment I'm just a sad, depressed guy who needs to work on myself as a person. but a lot of times I just feel very lonely and it feels like I will always be that way.
I tried doing counselling really did not work for me, don't really want to go on meds either but I found that working out and cycling kind of helps for me.

>>18391426
Forgot to add when I feel lonely and horrible I write down exactly how I feel and just kind of have a conversation with myself which kind of helps as well.