Last week, exactly two weeks after graduating from college, I

He doesn't mind keeping it because it doesn't affect his future that much. But yours - you're going to have to put off starting your career for at least a few years, assuming you ever end up starting it. You also don't seem to be able to see a future with him, which means you're essentially going to have to raise this child on your own. Raising a child is hard enough with two parents, let alone one. It's also going to affect your future when it comes to dating and settling down when you're ready.

All in all, I would recommend a termination. It's easy for him to sit there and say he doesn't mind either way, but you need to secure YOUR future.

>>18390619
I don't know it's a tough situation. On the positive side, the father has shown several green flags that he's not going to run from the responsibility. This really is a tough situation, you're gonna have to think hard about what you really want and what you think is right.

>>18390619
I just wanted to say that abortion is not an easy thing to live with. I had one because my life was unstable at the time and there is seldom a day that goes by where I do not feel bad about it. Any time a abortion debate comes up I think to myself " I can't believe I did that" and I'm going to think that the rest of my life. Look up pictures of abortions at different weeks of fetal life and see if you're ok with it. I am pregnant again currently around 7 months and honestly it's not that bad, I should of went for adoption the first time around. You might not regret an abortion like I do but I just wanted to tell you that abortions are not easy on your body physically and they can wreck you emotionally.

>>18390887
How exactly do they do the procedure? Asking in case I ever have the misfortune of going through it. How physically painful is it? Do they use needles? Is there a major surgery?

>>18390619
You shouldn't be thinking about yourself or him, you should think about the child. Do you want to give a child a rough start to a life with parents that might not be loving each other?
If you were in the child's situation, would you like it?

If I were to make the decision, I wouldn't give a birth to a child that's not going to live in a simple, peaceful and 100% loving environment.

>as I was on the pill and we used condoms

Holy fuck.

>>18390930


I'm no gynaecologist, but at your stage of development (~8 weeks) you can either opt for medical or surgical abortion. The former consists of taking abortifacient drugs (antiprogestogens and prostaglandin analogs) to abort the fetus, and the latter is done via suction/vacuum aspiration to remove the fetus from the uterus. Both methods are extremely safe and relatively painless, a fact which even ardent pro-lifers cannot deny short of perjury.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you whether to keep your child or not, so prepare yourself to accept responsibility for the consequences of your choice, and ensure that your boyfriend is prepared to do the same. And IMHO, stay the hell away from pro-life goons; they are notorious liars, and anyone who truly cared about the sanctity of life wouldn't be so eager to seize control of yours.

>>18390619
Give adoption serious consideration. There are a lot of people who cannot have children waiting to adopt a newborn. So many people keep the child in a less than loving situation or terminate the pregnancy out of convenience that the waiting list for adoption of a newborn is quite long.

>>18390930
The procedure itself isn't painful because of the anesthesia but it can feel traumatic if you are awake for it because the doctor is jamming a vacuum in and out of your vagina so your body shakes while he is doing it. The recovery process is what is painful and you experience flushing down large blood clots away for weeks afterwards. It's not something that is "quick and easy" like a lot of people make it out to be. You will be reminded of the procedure constantly while recovering and even after you are done recovering. It's been a year since mine and I still have trouble accepting it.

>>18390967
Holy fuck is right. This happened to my sister in law who was married at the time with two kids. Ended up with a 3rd one right away and then it was tubes tied and the big V. No more after that.

>>18390974
This might be a stupid question, but what kind of doctor would I ask for abortion pills from? Would it be my regular gynecologist?

>>18390982
Wow I didn't even think it could even be like that. That is horrible. They aren't just random pieces of flesh, it could've been another human.

>>18390984
could depend on your country, but gynecologist sounds about right, I don't know if your normal gyn is going to do it though or if he will send you to a specialised place.

medfag

>>18390984
Yes, your gynaecologist would be your first port of call. They may either be able to carry out the procedure themselves, or refer you to someone that can. Is your gynaecologist operating out of a clinic or a hospital?

>>18390619
i'm no woman but if my ex gf would suddenly come to me and tell me she's pregnant I ... wouldn't want her to kill that life.

you got pregnant and that's life.
why not accept your destiny and have this child?

>Getting knocked up by someone who isnt your husband.

>surprised that she got pregnant after having sex

Man has iq of women these days dropped?

You can never divorce sex and reproduction.

>>18391007
I'm glad I'm not the only guy on here that feels this way. I thought for sure if I said this I'd have a ton of feminist beating me to death.

>>18391007
>I'm not suicidal but my doctor suddenly found a tumour on my testicle I wouldn't want an orchidectomy
>I got cancer and that's life
>Why not accept my destiny and allow it to metastasise?

Do you see how idiotic you sound?

>>18391025
Tumor =! Human being

>>18391027
You missed my point. If you can refuse cancer when you have control over your life, why shouldn't your woman have the same right to refuse a child she doesn't want and can't raise? Like it or not, she has the final say over her own body, as you have authority over your own.

>>18391049
The child inside her has a different body seperate from her. You know something is fucked up with society when killing unborn children is disguised as female liberation.

Sex makes babies. You made the concious decision to have sex. Take responsibility.

>>18390619
Yo OP,
I hope this gives you some sort of perspective, im just gonna rant some shit. I love my kid.

Whether it looks like this dude is gonna stick around if you choose to have your baby, or not, yes you do have to think about YOUR future. Some would say you have to achieve your academic and career goals first. I disagree. Saying that that its the right way, seems pretty narrow sighted, and thinking its the easier way is also irrelevant to your situation now. Theres countless ways to work this out if you both want a child.
I would strongly advise against making the decision to have this child based on whether or not your dude friend will want you more or support you or not.. hes already made it clear he would be in it for the kid, but that doesnt mean you, and there is a difference. Although this isnt entirely a bad thing.
If he is as decent a human as he seems he could be, by all means talk about how you guys might make it work. Theres nothing wrong with him helping and supporting you emotionally and financially for a time, but just be mindful that at some stage you will have to depend on yourself for that. Probably not a bad idea to make that one of your first goals post-baby, should you go through with it. My advice is talk and think out the scenario of having a baby without a relationship- without the idea of getting together to make it work. Work together - yeah, always. Just dont fall into the fucking trap of disillusionment that this person, whose uninterested in a relationship, would suddenly be okay with all this if there was a baby. Hed want that baby in his life, you're still his good friend. I kinda feel like you guys could definitely build something over time.. but thats not the end game. If you both want the baby and you both understand youl need to support each other to grow and move forward in your own lives and careers as well as work together to give the kid a good happy life and teach it how not to be shit, work it out and do it. Tl;dr

>>18390619
You wouldn't have this problem if this guy was an ass and took off instead of a decent person and wants to accept responsibility. Next time use a fuck head for a fuck buddy. How dare this guy complicate your life. Cut him out and do what you want.

>>18391055
It's still under debate whether an early-stage fetus, which is essentially a clump of cells, is a 'human being'. Your fully-grown, conscious GF, however, is most definitely one. Again; is she in charge of her body and its occupants, or is she not?

And speaking of human life, where exactly do you draw the line if it begins before the birth of consciousness? Every single sperm and egg cell has the capacity to combine and form life; should we thus stop masturbating and having periods in order to spare billions of innocent potential lives?

>>18390619

>I just feel weird that all of a sudden he wants to be a parent

He's accepting the consequences for his actions (having sex). So he's trying to be a man. Being a responsible adult

>>18391160
He's stepping up and OP doesn't want to. That's why abortion continues to be a form of birth control. In the end it doesn't matter what OP's fwb wants he's just along for the bumpy ride.

>>18391185

It still blows my mind that people freak out with the whole "omg I'm pregnant. How could this happen, what do I do? I need to stop this! It can't happen to me!"

The only way to be 100% safe is to just not have sex. I choose to not have sex for that reason. Being a father is my absolute biggest fear. I've even told friends this, but I would actually shoot myself in the head if I got a girl pregnant. I can't think of anything that scares me more than getting a text saying a girl is pregnant. So, I choose to not have sex. Obviously as OP just showed us, even using Condoms and BC together are still not 100% effective

>>18390629
I had that same problem. I just accidentally punched my girl in the stomach.

>>18391120
Oh god clump of cells argument that medicalcience has debunked. A fertilized egg, barring miscarraige and left alone will develop into a human being.

Countless medical books have human life starting at conception. Doctors will actually laugh at you if you dont know this.

>>18390619
I wonder why in hell OP's guy friend just assumes he is the father? I've had two women try to accuse me and in both cases found out I was not.

>>18391342

That sounds fucking terrifying

I got pregnant too because the vasectomy didn't work (this is actually common so I've heard). It was so shocking and difficult to accept because I'm also pretty young. I couldn't decide the three months if I should keep it, but the longer I waited the more the baby grew and I'd feel terrible if I terminated it. I felt I'd have blood on my hands when I know I could have taken care of it.

Either way, it's your choice and I'm not here to talk you down from anything, but life comes as it goes. I'm at 32 weeks now and it feels okay, thankfully the father sticks by my side and supports me, that's very important to me.

I think it's beautiful when a guy reassures you, and I hope if you decide to keep the child that he will be there for you too.

>>18390619
wow women are psycopaths

>>18391323
Strawman. Previous poster was discussing consciousness. Learn to read.

>>18391206
Hilarious how you think it's your own choice you're not getting any.

>>18390619
I am assuming your friend is a decent guy who would form a family with you and not back down. If you dont know that, then ask him. Then your friend has accepted his responsibility as a father. Now you have to accept your responsibility as a mother.
Dont be ashamed to move in and depend on him, there are many ways to share value. Also, the time seems about right.
Families are rather relationships of virtues and duties and conjoined effort, rather than a love relationship. So it matters more for a family to work if you guys are accountable and decent, than anything else.

>stupid woman gets preggo by some bad boy vet who periodically leaves her
Yeah, no. Carry it to term and put it up for adoption.

Don't fuck unreliable idiots next time.

>>18391120
>It's still under debate whether an early-stage fetus, which is essentially a clump of cells, is a 'human being'. Your fully-grown, conscious GF, however, is most definitely one. Again; is she in charge of her body and its occupants, or is she not?
That "clump of cells" will one day be it's own person. What gives a woman the right to kill a temporary occupant of her body?

>>18390619
Watch a video of a abortion before you decide to "terminate" your child. It is a lot bloodier and the children are usually bigger than you usually would expect. That will help deciding if you REALLY want that.

As well looking up resources on how big a child is at what point in the pregnancy not connected to abortion (so you won't see either pro/ against fakes) will help.

IF you decide to have it killed though do it sooner than later (-> Less pain and awareness for the child).

When you decide to keep it, know that there are support networks, especially from religious communities (of different religions, at that).

They can help you for free with teaching you early child care and such. As well free Counseling etc. However they cannot do all.

When you decide to keep your child already during pregnancy build up a support network among your peers. Your boyfriends involvement would be nice of course, but if you cannot count on him, having other people that can watch your child while you are in a interview or such will really be helpful.

And no, you do not necessarily put down your career. There are a lot of "daymoms" (or what ever they are called in your country) that can take care of your child while you are at work for a small fee.

>>18390983
>>18390967

Not as uncommon as you'd think.
Condoms are fairly unsafe to begin with (2-12% pearl index/ practical failure rate), and while the pill has a lot lesser pearl index (0.1-0.5 %) it IS there. Especially if you skip a day or two by mistake.

>>18391120
>an early-stage fetus
In most countries abortions can be done a lot longer than that. In Germany for example till the 24th week. A child is developed at that stage. The earliest babies that survived an early end of a pregnancy by now were around 20 weeks, and the gap as getting narrower.

And we are not even talking late term abortions there, which are a thing as well, just cause the child is unlucky enough to have trisomy 21.

>>18390619
Btw. since many people don't want abortion, but in your case your bf/ fwb WANTS his child, how about making a contract with him, that he will take care of the child alone after birth? That way you don't have to take care of it, but not to kill it either.

>>18390619
i know this doesn't really apply to your problem, but did you take the pill every day on time?

i'm on the pill and take it as recommended but now that you said you used double protection im extremely worried.

how did you find out you were pregnant on the pill? did you miss a period?

>>18391984
OP here (using a different computer than the one I posted on)
I was taking the pill regularly, although I did miss doses from time to time (but always took it once I realized I missed). I was getting my period at the end of the month each month, but this time I didn't get one. I spotted a little this month (actually before I was supposed to get my period) and for a while I assumed it was just stress related to finals, graduated, etc. but then I started experiencing other symptoms like nausea and fatigue.

>>18391632
I do know that he's pretty good with kids. He's got a niece that he absolutely adores, as well as a younger half sister. There's no question as to whether or not he's responsible, it's more like he's seeing things as easier than they really are, you know? I have a feeling that it would work well in the beginning but down the road it's going to get harder. I'll admit that I'm scared one of us is going to bail. I come from a single parent home and really don't want the same for my kid(s). -OP

>>18392307
Anon i feel that this has not been emphasized as much as it should. Some women have mentioned how much it leaves them emotionally hit after the termination.

Some men too have said they would hate to know a potential child of theirs was terminated. So, why not consider adoption?

Not only do you not have to potentially feel bad about the abortion but also let your child live and grow without grinding your life to a halt? You at least live in the knowledge your child, which you will love is being cared for by people who love it too.

It is in my view the best of three choices: abortion, keep it or adoption.

Food for thought.

>>18391789
nah that's pretty fucking uncommon mate lol. the condom broke, the dude kept going cause he wanted to and knew she was on the pill, but she likely missed a day or two and it got fucked.

case in point >>18392284
so her chance wasn't .1-.5% it was reasonably higher. if you miss a pill the pregnancy chance jumps to 30-80% from what google says.

its not common at all unless someone in the situation fucked up.

>>18390619
You're too young to ruin both of your lives. Have an abortion and try again in the future.

>>18391600

It is tho. I've had several opportunities the past few years. I've chose not to act on it

>>18392993

You don't think she should accept the conciquences of her actions?

>>18390619
>I just feel weird that all of a sudden he wants to be a parent, when he's never really shown interest in being a boyfriend.

You both are adults, you both knew there was a risk involved when yall had sex. He is taking the good route. Yall might not be very close but he is thinking about the child. I will be the same as him, I know there is a risk everytime I have sex, even when using protection. Sure I have one night stands but one thing is for certain: if a child comes I'll take care of it. I won't be a deadbeat father.

If you decide to terminate it that is on you. He said he it's going to support any decision you make so it sounds like you already told him that you may have an abortion. Hey that is a lifesafer especially if yall arent that close.

However don't take that as saying we wont take care of the kid. We are grownass men.

abort that shit. you only get one life why determine your path already