you know what the deal is and what to do with this thread.

Any time I try talking to anyone I have this crippling fear in the back of my mind like "What if they hate me? What if I'm creeping them out?"

I feel like I want or need that constant validation or reassurance that I'm not a horrible person but wanting this makes me feel like a horrible person especially because I can't expect anyone to do this for me. I whole heartedly acknowledge what I HAVE to do and I have to be able to stand on my own but... I'm weak. I can't.

It's hard for me to just try and talk to people and then expect nothing. I'm always going to be wanting "maybe we'll be friends! maybe they'll like me or want to talk to me!" then thinking "or maybe they'll hate me, maybe i'm expecting too much". I have such a horrid self image, my self-hatred is incredibly high, and my confidence is being shot lower and lower each day. Part of me wants to give up on socializing and become a recluse, then another part of me doesn't want that and will be bitter at seeing people around me actually maintain and strengthen their friendships or even get into relationships.

I don't know. I guess I just want people to like me even if I don't like myself in the slightest, but I can't expect anything from anyone. If people don't like me then... I acknowledge that this is just a fact of life. But I want people to like me. But... and then I get stuck in this terribly vicious cycle.

okay you know what the deal is say it it and say it here on my thread

I'm getting blackmailed from Omegle. Person claims they'll send some stuff to family/friends on Facebook so i Acted like I paid out but immediately stopped the charge and deactivated all social media/told people that my accounts are hacked and are sending phishing links


Am I fucked? Ride out the storm? Anyone else had this happen? Ill probably do something awrful to myself if anything' happebs

lol, forcing interviews on people works. good to know, I'd never gone that route. I'm assuming this will up the interview failure rate now that I'll be aiming above my grade, but this is like some kind of master key to life. This is like a checkmate on the system. Fucking. top. kek.

#WINNING

why did I ever fill out those horrid applications?

Texas Dallas USA

I like you

>>18388437
everyone knows what these are. I don't need to tell people to rant, write letters, vent, etc. I mean it's got the picture that says it all pretty much.

>>18388453
dallas a shit tho. last time I was there it was like every highway was under simultaneous construction and it took forever to get anywhere.

granted houston isn't much better and it's just getting worse.

>>18388464
though I do have to say, it's got it's comfy spots now I think about it. their rodeo is second to none I'd say, mainly because there's so much to do in the surrounding area.

>>18388419
Life sucks and then you die.

>>18388464
It's not really about the place, anon.

I cheated last night
I ate a whole pint of banana split icecream and a cherry coke. I shouldn't of, but I was really fucking hungry and craving sweets. so close on the abs, so close, they're just like peeking through

I want to tell you, but I'm too nervous.

I'm like an entirely different person entirely when it comes to interacting with others. I can be sitting here on the computer, thinking about random shit, doing random shit, but as soon as someone comes by and I have to go answer the door, I become a deer in headlights. I can't think straight, I can't speak very well, and I get pretty bad anxiety for hours after the fact.

I wonder how I can stop doing that. I wish I could interact with people the same I do in my head. It's most likely just a practice thing but I wish it was easier.

there's something really attractive about a capable woman with strong values and opinions who also happens to be very attractive, and also has obvious motherly instincts. woman, you are hitting all my buttons and are on my mind.

>>18388586
I do the same thing. It's horrible, especially when the job I work in requires you to be authoritative

I keep alternating between feeling pretty and feeling ugly. At least I have a killer body. I don't have the best genetics, but I think with the right hairstyle, a bit of make up and a smile I can look quite good. So I'm feeling a bit confident atm.

I think I'm going to ask this guy out, before the semester ends. Never done this before as an adult so I'm wondering what I should say. But I'm not sure if he would say yes or no. It could go either way. It's not a big deal if he rejects me so I should just take the plunge.

Goddamnit, I've been craving sex for thr last 8 months now and I am frustrated as fuck. I don't know how or where to meet girls or how to talk to them. Tried datting apps but I am not good at it and a good chunk of girls just want validation on them.

I've been trying to get with a hooker/escort, but they are too expensive or sketchy as fuck and can't tell if I am actually talking to someone undercover. I am so damn frustrated!

>>18388623
>It's not a big deal if he rejects me so I should just take the plunge.
This is what everyone tells themselves and then cries for 2 weeks.

How do i make a woman to stop having doubt?

How do i make her know that a discussion is not a reason for love to die?

Why is she saying "We should date other people" and the next few hours she is saying "You shouldnt date other people, lets try again" and so on?

I miss talking to you. A lot. A heck a lot.

I think you deserve better. I'm nothing, you're everything. You're the most wonderful person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

The longer the silence between us, the more I come to know just how unworthy I am of your love and kindness.

You already have, and will continue to, achieve great things. You're actively making a huge positive difference in people's lives, something I have so much respect for. You're a beautiful soul. I'm lucky to have been on the receiving end of your contagious kindness, you offered a helping hand and your heart of gold to pull me out of the darkness.

I'm sorry I fell back in, harder than ever before. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you thought I was. I'm sorry for being a crappy partner. I'm sorry for giving up so easily. I'm sorry for apologizing so much.

Thank you for everything, for all the times you've listened without judgment and offered advice when I needed it most. Thank you for your boundless encouragement and support, for believing in me. Thank you for being the most selfless, amazing and kind lover. Thank you for being you.

Maybe, in another life, things will turn out better for us.

>>18388671
Haha, I guess that's true. But I'm really not too invested in the guy, unlike those other times where I did cry for a while lol. Maybe I'll cry but only for a day!

>See cute lady
>Nod at her, she nods back
>While she passes me i hear her say in a very shy tone hi
>Still to afraid to approach because of approach anxiety

I've had enough of the fucking bullshit stories i make up in my head and i would rather get rejected then fail ever again by not approaching anyone.

>>18388431
Aw, I like you

>>18388431
You're not. Stop assuming shit bad be normal.

>>18388438
Worse case scenario you're embarrassed. You learned. Now move on and stop doing risqué shit with strangers. Wear a metaphorical condom next time.

>>18388484
Stop it. No reason to obsess over abs but if they're that important stop being fat.

>>18388586
Relax around people. Teach yourself hoe to relax. Force yourself around people to get past your comfort zone. Stop describbing youself as a random person.

>>18388592
Don't sing it, bring it. No point in getting them wet for someone with balls stepping in

>>18388602
I'm sure you'll be fine. Regardless of your gender

>>18388662
Real men hunt. But they also know to not hunt what they can't kill. Bulk up and work on thathe personality if your want pussy

So annoyed with my family. All of them are being lazy as fuck and won't help with anything. It's like a snowball effect, started out with not cooking progressed to none of them cleaning up after themselves and now it's to the point were I'm the only one working or doing anything around the house. I'm pregnant and just had to go cut the yard myself because no one else will help. I feel like I'm about to pass out from doing it and no one gives a shit. So worn out and tired, I just want help

>Be me
>20 y o male
>closeted agnostic
>recently came out to parents about about being no loner interested in religion
>parents helping me move out soon bc they think that's the right thing to do
>whatever idk
>ironically still go to church w them bc staff has no media operator
>simple shit put this here press this at this time
>training others to do this as well
>could give a fuck about it honestly
>but there's this 7.5/10 dame I always manage to lock eyes with
>she's been giving off mad "I like you" vibes nearly every damn Sunday
>wouldn't mind dating her but I understand the religious boundaries
>I want her but I'd hate to ruin her religious experience
>Her mom is friendly towards me
>One of my mates is dating her sister
>If we started talking it would be obvious to everyone
>If we broke it off it would also be obvious
>Would put parents in bad light
>Would put me in bad light

What do? Do I become religious again for this girl or do I date her anyways and not give a shit what happens?

>>18388724
I wish this were meant for me.

You faggots really think I'm going to believe that it was "rescheduled"?

I know what you're doing and it's horseshit.

How much longer is this for real? It must be incredibly far away if you keep on giving me short term estimates but then you always postpone this bullshit.

You want me to be quite, but the longer this goes on the more likely I'm going to find a way to spill all your fucking secrets.

>>18388875
Maybe it is, it's a small world.

>>18388525
We're all friends here anon. Let it out.

>>18388438
what exactly is the blackmail? it sounds like worst case scenario people are gonna find out you have human urges just like them lol

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>>18388844
Follow your own views, don't change yourself just for one person. Living a lie is unhealthy to your mind.
By the way, the answer to your agnosticism. We created religion when we were scared, it's all a grand story that evolved through the generations.

>>18388724
Jesus Christ.
When I first saw this, I thought I would never stop crying. You know when you're reading something, and you can hear the persons voice? Yeah... Her same verbal ticks, the same sort of things she said when we broke up a few days ago. I can't say 100% that it's you, but goddamn if it doesn't seriously feel like it. [[oats]]

If she rejects me I will have currently nothing else to care for or about in my life.

Why does bother me so much that my girlfriend was with people after we broke up the first time? I did as well it shouldn't bother me I'm glad we're back together and it was 6 months.

>>18389148
because somewhere deep down on a subconscious level you know it portends bad things for the long term stability of the relationship.

>>18389145
well that's a problem mate, you need to fix that shit or you won't have a very good relationship in the first place. do you have any goal other than a gf anon? start there. get a goal for this week, this month, 6 months from now, a year from now, 5 years from now, maybe even 10 years from now. get up, go. now.

>>18388875
Same.

Though I highly doubt anyone would feel that way for me.

>>18388772
>Stop it. No reason to obsess over abs but if they're that important stop being fat.
more of a joke that anything. I've been in a cut for about the last month and last night after working on my car I was like fuck this shit I'm eating ice cream. I'm not worried about it. I look better than a lot of the population around me.

>Don't sing it, bring it. No point in getting them wet for someone with balls stepping in
it's a bit complicated. the second I have a chance, I am going to make it not complicated very quickly. all I need is the opportunity but she is far away, and I'm spread too thin right now and have too many things demanding my attention to just hop on a plane. which is stupid cause I can essentially fly anywhere in the world for the price of luggage (carry on travel pro here, fuck luggage carousels and fees) and taxes.

>>18388419
Im becoming addicted to opiates. I stole the other day just to get high. Didn't even have to. First time I ever stole for drugs. Going too far. I might have to quit my job just to avoid getting deeper

>>18389294
Get help sooner rather than later. Quit that shit pronto.

I have prolapsed hemroids.

>>18388419
I'm getting more and more insecure about my weight (though i don't seem to be gaining, thank god), but i have pretty much no self discipline and don't know what to do :/

>>18388419
I've had one real life relationship and a string of online ones that happen because the girl showed interest. I'm talking to a girl I've known a while from the US and I really want to make this happen, but she hasn't really shown any signs and Im always the first to message (sometimes she'd go a few days without responding) so I really feel out of my element. She said she might visit me one day but never alluded to anything beyond that, so how do I go about knowing if she has any feelings without me possibly ruining the friendship by telling her how I feel?

>>18389364
You don't need 100% discipline to lose weight if you just eat less of whatever you like over a moderate length of time. Good news is you're maintaining, so any little bit of change will get you on an upward (or downward, number wise) trajectory, if only very gradually.

If you gorge yourself periodically, start with cutting that out.

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I look old for my age...and that's a huge problem considering I'm supposed to be only a 21 year old girl. A look in the mirror, and it seems okay--only a fine wrinkle beneath my eyes, slight discoloration...I've seen far worse.

And then I look like an old lady in the eye of the camera and I know it shows me the truth. I've tried taking care of my skin for a couple of months now but have made only a little bit of progress...acne, marks, sallowness...it's all still pretty bad. Seriously, when I'm actually 40, how wretched will I look?

Went through a ton of abuse and stress and neglect, try to rise above a hellish childhood, but then still look all burnt out and dead...it's depressing and sometimes I feel as if my life's basically over already. The 30 extra pounds to lose aren't even worth it because, ultimately, it'll make my deep-set eyes more sallow, my pronounced high cheekbones more gaunt, and my chin jut out. What's even the point? I have a reportedly 8/10 body (despite the chubbiness) but that's not even worth anything with this face of mine.

Honestly I just wanted to be a cute 5/10 girl, fresh-faced without needing to put on make-up in order to be socially acceptable. That's it. But now I'm a "8/10" in flattering lighting and a 1/10 in other, more realistic lighting. Life's unfair.

Ego mania
Desensitization
Minimal person to person connection
Little verbal self restrain
Periods of near emotionlessness but malice
Incompatible with other persons
Delusions of grandeur
Incapable of Long lasting relationships
Easily bored with people
Commonly regresses to child like activities
Constant violent thoughts
Constantly views everyone else as inferior
Unreasonable expectation of others
Constant self deprivation
Conscientious of different parts of their mind operating separately but recognizes that every choice is ones own
However adept at human interaction, can make friends tell jokes and manage to get a deal of approval from most.
This fucking mess I call myself is the problem on my chest

you could have given me the meds I wanted.

You could have ended this yesterday.

I'm done with the game.
and
you're
all
Going
to
pay

>>18389398
hmm. so there's this girl I like but a common refrain of people that don't like her and would like her to shut up and go away is that she looks older than her age. thing is she really doesn't, she's really cute. I've noticed recently that since they've gotten really nasty with their insults she's changed her style a bit and I just hope she's not listening to the retards cause she's hot as hell.

>>18389420
I swear your life could be some kind of thriller horror anime.

>>18389427
My life is fucking horseshit.

It's all a fucking lie.

The best part is I have proof for soooooo much of it too. I have countless logs/ips/files and more of my computer being hacked. Last winter there were footprints on the top of house and foot steps coming from the attic. My mom saw these as well. There were a bunch of people harassing me on social media.

I have proof that there are cameras in my room or I'm being spied on from my webcam. Things my GF said that there is literally no way she could have known and even more shit my mom has talked about.

I'm sick and tired of this shit. I know the only people that can see these posts are the ones in on it so whatever. There are other ways I can try to communicate with the outside world though.

>>18389412
You sound exactly like someone i once loved; toxic, manipulating, deluded and very selfish. This personality type is best avoided, there are no redeeming qualities that justify the cruelty and suffering they gladly impart.

>>18389440 yo, same. >18389412 blew my mind to read it and brought back miserable memories. The "Commonly regresses to child like activities" I would swap out for "pathological liar" though unless they're two sides of same same coin. Child-bearing activities -- lying just to lie (something a child does just to do). Regardless, fuck Ohio.

>>18389447
Child-like* child-bearing wtf?

I want a best friend

>>18389453
Get a dog

I can practically sense that someone is twisting my words and talking shit.

>>18389439
well I can assure you, I'm not watching you and I couldn't give a fuck less about your problems tbqhfam. I told you what I thought would help, you called me one of "them". I'll say it one more time dementia/alzheimers anon, ultrasonic therapy to break up plaque deposits in your brain. it's an experimental treatment that if I'm not mistaken should be in like phase 3 clinical trials or extended trials. might even be approved now idk.

>>18389398
>Life's unfair.

> I have a reportedly 8/10 body

Kek.

At least people have shown interest in you? No?
Not a virgin, don't have to deal with that social stigma?

Imagine, what if no one had ever had any interest in you. No man ever complimented you, no one ever tried to sleep with you. No guys asking you out or buying your anything at valentines.

I'm describing a fucking nightmare, right? What life will be like at 40?

No, I'm describing how men live. Welcome to the privileged life. There's room to grow when you aren't coddled as fuck.

I don't have a dream job, nor an interest in a subject I would want to spend my life in.

I have no idea what i'm supposed to do.

I get incredibly jealous around anyone I know as a friend, because 9/10 times they have it better off than me in one way. Maybe I have a superiority complex, but my closest friends are borderline retarded when it comes to life and logic. Nobody takes me seriously because I'm so young too.
They: Get money by doing little work, get almost no disipline, act bigoted to other opinions, and have horrible problem solving and logic mindsets. Yet I work for my interests, and I'm given shit and abused. Am I too dramtic, lazy, close-minded? Or can I blame my asburgers. I still like my friends, why is that?

>>18389508
I don't want to be grouped with the village idiots, but my lack of motivation to finish schoolwork makes people think I'm the moron. I just hate the day in day out prison sentence school is, I care for none of the classes and I'm heckled for my bad grades, despite working independent. Summer is here, but only for a bit, I need to adapt because nothing has changed.

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>>18389498
What the fuck are you even pulling that out from? Guys, aside from a few extended family members, have never complimented me, and I don't know if any are interested in me. I'm a virgin too. Not sure why you're talking about the privileged life, but you're right about there being room to grow.

It's funny how that only guy I talk to online thinks I'm too realistic while I want to escape from the real and how we actually got to know each other that way. Parents and big sis want me to stand up and do something against this hellhole of my job while I just thought of being an asshole to all of them so I can live at my own somewhere. My body's functions are decreasing because I want to,I realized that while screaming from the way after work. I want to see me that way because I don't know myself any other way because I've been a sad sack of shit way too long. The motivation at work is lacking and even new people do my job better than me even though I've been way longer at this company than them. I've got absolutely no savings at all because it's part of my "fuck yourself up" plan that isn't even thought throughly to be called a plan. If I were to drive somewhere with intentions of no return that would be either the greatest idea and chance to improve myself or my biggest downfall and I welcome both. But I'm still watching and waiting for myself to do so.

what the fuck does 40 mean?

A few months ago it was the number 20 again and again. Now it's the number 40.

Are you telling me I'm only 40% through with this shit? That there is another 60%?

Fuck that. I'm not doing that. I'll fucking kill myself far before then.

>>18389412
do you have a diagnosis for any of this or are you a mental hypochondriac?

>Ego mania
ego is a normal human trait. just keep control of it and make sure it's deserved. don't think you're god or anything, if you do, get help.

>Desensitization
what does this even mean? in what context?

>Minimal person to person connection
welcome to modern society everyone is in a digital world these days, no one has time for anyone else. go outside, go to things that interest you, I've been waiting on this big event to go meet a bunch of people that I think will be similar in some ways to me, go do things like that.

>Little verbal self restrain
pro tip, how you are on the internet isn't how you are irl. you just said you don't have p2p contact much, very likely you don't speak the same irl.

>Periods of near emotionlessness but malice
yeah you sound like an edgy teenager that doesn't have goals so you're externalizing your self hate, pretty normal phase tbqhfam.

>Incompatible with other persons
what does this even mean? with who? no one is compatible with everyone and a fact of life is that some people will not like you and you will not like them.

>Delusions of grandeur
definition of that is subjective. most people think my aspirations for international business qualifies as delusions of grandeur. fact is the part I don't like to say is my father is working on projects in israel, africa, and china. pretty damn attainable though I wish I could do it all on my own without his guidance and connections, but that's the only way to learn all this shit. I've already done everything without him just handing it to me, i've proven myself to my self and now I'm going to utilize every resource around me. what are your delusions? that you wanna go build a skyscraper? go get the connections and business and you can.

>Incapable of Long lasting relationships
why? are you choosing the wrong people?

>>18389552
>Easily bored with people
are you surrounding yourself with the wrong people?

>Commonly regresses to child like activities
like what? what does this even mean? like shitting in a diaper or are we talking playing with hotwheels while making vrooming noises?
little weird, not sure it counts as some serious mental deficiency.

>Constant violent thoughts
we covered your edgy teenage malice already. evidently it's really important to you because you've listed it twice with different wordings. good, so it bothers you. congrats that means you're not a sociopath or a psychopath like you seem to want to convince yourself you are.

>Constantly views everyone else as inferior
tbqhfam I got news for you, 50% of the population is below average. that's called realism. the liberal feel good, everyone is equal and everyone gets a trophy shit is mentally deficient, not the realization that some people are inferior. again, are you surrounding yourself with the wrong people?

>Unreasonable expectation of others
real easy to do in a western society with little to no standards.

>Constant self deprivation
deprivation of what? food? fun? what does this even mean? you are literally throwing out buzzwords for your own mental state to justify, in your mind, that there's something wrong.

>Conscientious of different parts of their mind operating separately but recognizes that every choice is ones own
what?

Meh. I can't tell if I'm content or just fooling myself. I don't get out much other than work, but I honestly don't care. There's so much bullshit to deal with, and I can't be assed to make normal human connections and do normal human thinge

>>18389558
>However adept at human interaction, can make friends tell jokes and manage to get a deal of approval from most.
this is a problem? that's called being able to socialize.


you know what your problem is? you ready for this? you've got massively low self esteem but deep down you know it's not right. you live in a society that promotes mediocrity and low standards but deep down you know that's not right. you'd reject all that and form an independent personality but your low self esteem keeps you from not caring what your peers would think. so instead you retreat, being unable to make a decision about who you are. you begin to hate yourself for reasons you can't understand because being you and thinking logically goes against what society has taught you. so you get mad, and then when you can't handle it anymore you externalize it and it becomes hate and violent thoughts.

you're not a psychopath or a sociopath like you seem to be setting yourself up for a hypochondriac diagnosis, you've got low self esteem and you're lying to yourself and trying to fit in a mold that people were never meant to fit into.

if you are so sure that you're so impossibly fucked up, go get help.

>>18389412
someone needed to tell you that you're nowhere near as fucked up as you want to tell yourself you are. you keep doing that and you will become a fucked up individual and it'll be a dark lonely path.

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I've never felt romantic attraction towards anybody before. I started thinking I was asexual due to how little I cared for finding a partner.

But two semesters ago at my college I sat behind this girl in Diff Eq, and as I studied her over the semester I noticed little quirks like how she dressed, how she talked, how she behaved. It all clicked with me, and I felt a desire to get to know this girl better. But of course I didn't do anything. We must have exchanged only a single sentence between each other. It was only after the semester was over that I realized I had developed a massive crush on her. Funny thing is she isn't a particularly attractive girl - she's not the kind that would have guys fighting over her. By all appearances she seemed to be a loner.

Fast forward almost half a year later and I'm completely obsessed, it's driving me mad. This fucking girl shows up in my dreams. What's worse is that despite all my efforts I could not learn her name. One day I drove all over the city on a hope and a prayer that maybe she might have been lurking in a bookstore or something. And today I waited outside of the math classrooms for hours in the off chance she might have taken summer courses so I could see her one more time. I thought I saw her exit a classroom but she disappeared like a ghost in the crowd and I lost her. It feels like I'm going insane. I just want to find a way to covertly insert myself into this girl's life or forget about her and move on. Both options are feeling impossible at this point.

I never fucking asked for this. I'm a fucking person. I have rights.

I want out. I'm done. I'm not chasing the rabbit. Just fucking tell me the truth and set me free. You can't fucking do this to someone. It's not right. You are not God. You do not know what's best for me or for the world. You are doing this out of your own fucking greed.

End this now.

idk what's going on cause there's no real communication but it sounds like a maybe turned to a yes, to a no cause someone is talking shit, to a maybe, to a no. holy crap just talk to me.

>>18388453
wait like, that's where you are? or that's where a person you like is?

I was such an awkward angry sperg in my early-mid teens that it almost completely ruined me.

I would have stayed in a normal high school with normal kids having an actual social life. Instead I had one too many screeching fits and got sent to an absolute shithole where all the kids had legitimate serious issues. I hated most of my peers, and merely tolerated others. I did not belong there. I just needed some help, and instead they sent me off for someone else to deal with it.

I made just one friend there. She was the sweetest girl I've ever met in my life. She had many problems, of course, but she was nicer to me than anybody had ever been. I've never been more comfortable speaking with another human being who wasn't one of my parents.

We haven't spoken in almost a year. I have to assume she developed a serious heroin problem. She was trying to wean herself off of it since she knew how much it would fuck her up if she continued. She might have caved. She might just be dead now.

She was the only good memory I had from all of my teen years. I just want to talk to her again.

>>18389721
> I just want to talk to her again.
What's stopping you?

now you're just looking for reasons things would be bad and trying to project that I must be horrible. now the overthinking shoe is on the other foot except you're running the opposite direction with it.

that's not really fair and frankly it hurts to think that could be what you think of me. #realcommunication

I gotta go work on some stuff in the garage.

I think my gf is cheating on me. I have no proof but these past 2 weekends she went out drinking with her male friend and his friends. She didn't try to hide her going out with them, but all I can think is that she fucked one of them

Been unemployed for three months after my boss just decided he didn't care about the company anymore and it dissolved.

Three job interviews that all went great, and got none of the jobs, one even strung me along for like two weeks making me think I was in. I've applied to every job I could find that was even sort of remotely relevant to what I do and even looked for contractor work. I've gone to job interviews that were 5 hours away, made an excellent connection, talked about fishing, how I'd fit into the company and they hire a guy who has been in the field for like a half year longer than me because he has more experience.

Basically out of money now and am going to have to go full time Uber driver or go bankrupt.

I'm on the slow train to kill your self town and there's no breaks. My family is worried about me and the best thing to do is probably kill myself, but who knows maybe I'll just fake my death.

That is all.

>>18389745
What the fuck? Are you serious? Are you from /pol/? Jesus Christ.

>>18389750
He deleted his post. lol

I think I've realised that having a quarter life crisis can be a good thing. It's inconvenient that it's taken 4 hours of no sleep and overthinking to get here when I have work today but whatever.

I can't realistically expect my friends to drag themselves out of their videogames and misery fuelled comas to understand how much I need to sort my own life out. I can't expect them not to guilt trip me for putting first what I know to be my life's imperatives right now. Our lives are different. I can't scratch any happiness out of mine, and that's my problem to deal with. I have to let them down. I need to learn to suffer gracefully, to suffer with purpose, but to suffer alone.

And I have to stop believing that her being part of my life again is going to drive me to do any of this. It'll do the opposite. It will only coddle me into the same hole those poor friends of mine are stuck in.

>>18389750
lol what was it?

>>18389774
> I killed a tranny who was tied up in my bathroom for the longest time. Feels good to admit that I helped purified the world.

It felt kind of creepy, to be honest.

>>18389749
Why can't you keep taking interviews as a full time Uber? Isn't the selling point for drivers that you make your own schedule? Also sorry to hear life fucked you in the ass without lube.

>>18389778
fucking christ. well. it has been like what, 5 years since the last murder confession on 4chan?

I gotta go. I've been here long enough today. I gotta get my car together before tomorrow for an interview and then to drive to the beach wednesday. I ain't got time for this shithole tonight. especially if there's gonna be shit like that.

Grrrr.... WTF? Seriously???

>>18389787
>>18389793
It could just be a troll trying too hard to be cringy.

>>18389749
>Three job interviews that all went great, and got none of the jobs
evidently they didn't go great. what did you learn? what did you mess up? you messed something up cause you didn't get the job. did you answer questions without getting into the why? did you not ask questions of them? were you completely unassertive? did you sell yourself properly?

>21
>home from college
>parents are leaving for work trip for a month
>im going to be home alone
i don't know why this makes me sad and scared at this age, but it does. how do i man up?

seriously, you keep telling me I'M THE WINRAR but... why is the game still going?

?

I have a confession to make although now I am a little too afraid to say it due to some of the people who may be lurking in this thread. Like >>18389745.

>>18389606
did you try asking other classmates or the professor about her?

>>18389819
I think that anon left the thread, but much like someone else mentioned here, he might have just been a troll. Feel free to confess.

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>tfw weld the same piece of metal on your car's subframe twice.
>tfw it breaks about 2 millimeters above the weld both times
>tfw it's in such a tight spot you can barely get the welding gun in there
>tfw every time it breaks it gets more difficult to reach
>tfw welding above your head with the car inches from your face
>tfw doing this for the third time
welp, time to buck the fuck up buttercup and get it done. fucks sake though.

I've been dating this cutie transgirl and we've been seeing each other for roughly two years now. Yet there is a part of me that feels weird about it because I have never technically dated a biological man until her. I never had any attraction to men at all and have always been attracted to women which is why I would probably never date someone who is obviously male. This girl I am currently dating I always tend to forget she was born a boy since she never gives me any reason to think of her as a boy. She never tries to act like a woman as she just seems to be one. She me question my stance on the existence of gender dysphoria since I was a very hardcore conservative who always voted Republican and I allowed myself to fall into the trap of other people's ignorance. I didn't change my beliefs, but I guess, I just amended them a tad. This girl is pretty, imaginative, intelligent, and has been there for me during a few dark periods prior to us dating. I'm not sure why this bothers me now, but I just have to let this go. I am seriously contemplating making this girl my wife. Not sure if that is legally possible in the state of Texas, but that is how strongly I feel about this person. OH well, it's been said, if someone tries to get her now then I would fight you.

>>18389831
I guess you're right, Anon.

>>18389000
Not that small Anon, unfortunately.

>>18389784
I can, and am. But night driving stresses me the fuck out. I hate that every night there's at least a near miss from some drunk screaming through 4 lanes so close I can smell his license plate numbers and I could be dead for a trip that earned me 4.76. Uber is a company that I feel would not really have your back at all and is basically built on the back of desperate people like me.I was comfortable at my desk job, passengers often treat you like shit or a bag of meat and it puts me in a fowl mood. I've started drinking almost nighty due to stress. I'm am an extrovert that needs alone time to recharge, driving Uber is more demanding than I thought, you need to know the area, driving is inherently risky and people expect you to entertain them. I can do that, but I find it draining. Passengers also all talk about how well they are doing in life which adds to my depression. I will keep doing it, but I want out as fast as possible.

>>18389801
I dunno. I think I'm pretty good at interview, I moved around a lot when I was younger, so I've had 8 different part time jobs, plus 2 "real jobs". In all my life I've literally only had two instances in which I had an interview and did not get the job.

At one of my recent interviews I had an hour and a half interview, connect with HR and the team I'd be working with went great. Then a week later they told me that basically they changed the job from 3D artist to 2D artist and hired someone else. The HR really liked me and even had me talk to the CEO at a separate event.

A gaming company interviewed me on the phone, we connected, I got the guy laughing we even talked about street fighter, even found out we both mained the same character. this one I understood a little more, because I couldn't show as much relevant work, but they seemed to be debating on hiring me, less experienced for less salary or someone with more experience.

Recent one basically the same as the first. I'm generally very good at connecting 1 on 1

>>18389824
I did consider that but on an unrelated note I did ask the professor about a friend who dropped and he remained tight lipped so that's not an option. And of course I don't know any other classmates so that's not an option either.

>>18389831
Not that guy but
I almost became a pedophile and I'm glad that I didn't. Maybe it was back then when I was still in kindergarten at 10 years or so and had a ""friend"" that told me about sex so he invited a younger girl than us to play with her in the playing room where we also would sleep when we tired and I'm not entirely sure how and what happened,but he convinced that girl to take off her lower clothes and then he held her down wanted me to do her. As dumb as I was I also took off my pants and he told me to stick it in,but I was totally flaccid because I was just as confused as that girl. A wonder that she didn't scream or anything,but that friend was disappointed and just dropped that all and we never talked about it again. Then,some time later when he didn't come to kindergarten anymore and I was a bit more aware of how sex worked and tried the same thing again with the same girl. But I wasn't forceful,more like "Thats my weewee and that goes down in there if people like each other" and showed her my penis which was actually erect this time trough the zipper. She thought it was my finger the whole time,but I didn't do anything further than that and also dropped it.
It's not anything too extreme as murder but it still burned a strong memory in my head.

why me though? its clear you have no issue finding guys, why me? why go out a lot and then call me late night when you're plastered to come over, have you say some shit you probably wont remember in the morning, then feel bad and play the sad puppy shit about how you feel bad about it? it was so much fun when we first started dating, I don't know what happened.

I say I love you because I mean it, you say you love me because youre fucking drunk and horny and cant find anyone else to come fuck you at 1am.

it just hurts, I felt a connection, I made a few minor mistakes, and now im on standby as a fuck buddy while she rides the cock carousel with all her friends and complains about toxic relationships.

nice guys aren't completely hopeless when it comes to dating, its just that people take advantage of that shit and run with it till youre worn down to a fucking nub

Im in love with my straight bestfriend and its killing me knowing hes writing with girls, he is a virgin 22 and kind of liking shemales, idk what todo because i really love him but idk if i should say him or not and its killing me rly also have depression and stress at work

I feel so tired sometimes. Yeah, I drink coffee 2-3 times a day and always either under- or over-sleep, but it shouldn't be this bad. I feel like I'm being sucked into a void right now.

I don't miss him. Even though I'm lonely. I don't miss him at all. In fact it's a relief not to talk to him. I feel free. Not free to fuck guys, I've been single for more than a year. Free from all his guilt tripping. All his criticism. Free from the constant narrative of him being a saint and me being a stupid awful person. Free from his complaints about how UNFAIR life is, because I matured after breaking up with him, and now some guy is going to enjoy me more than he did. Even though I would have gladly dated him all my life had he not cheated on me.

But actually, I'm glad he did. Because this is nice. I'm still not quite happy yet, but I'm certain I'm on the right road.

I don't wish any ill will, nothing awful, and infact I want nothing but the best for you, S.

however, it wouldn't bother me if you had a few sleepless nights riddled with crying and self-hatred over watching halfway decent guys walk out of your life.

im kind of glad to be one, but I know we'll both survive.

Have fun, hopefully we can reconnect at some point but honestly I want to act as if we never even were aware of each others existence.

>>18389850
Bro, why does this bother you so much? Who gives a flying fuck if she's trans? Does that come up in your life together as you clearly imply that they don't? It sounds like you're just trying to seek approval from sad virgins who have to rant about their problems on 4chan because they had the misfortune of a relationshit. You seem to be the opposite of them so why are you even here posting about this? Just for the record and to provide you with an answer to the undying question you obviously wish to ask. No, if the male-to-female person passes well it does not make you a homosexual. Sure, there are other labels to describe what you are, but let's keep the Tumblr bullshit at Tumblr for now. Homosexual means that you are attracted to men and men who look like men or men who don't identify as women. So hence, men. You are in a relationship with someone who is by all sense of the word a woman. Given you might be bisexual if you show some interest in this person's genitalia which I am going to assume they want to get rid of in the near future but finding someone who resembles a woman doesn't make you gay. How the fuck could it? I suggest you get the fuck off of this board before you come down with a serious case of depression and it ruins the one good thing you seem to have. If someone pressures you I'm sure you can handle yourself in a fight should it come to it, but if she is as pretty as you say then she passes well to a point where no one else would even question what chromosomes she has or what lies within their panties. I'm sure she isn't like those retards on the aforementioned blog site who feel like they have to brag about their transness. How do I know this shit? I have a realtive who is transgender and she always hates those faggots.

TL:DR: You're not gay if you find someone feminine attractive and do not find masculinity sexually attractive. You maybe bi if you find some interests in your partner's penis.

>>18389853
>In all my life I've literally only had two instances in which I had an interview and did not get the job.
then keep interviewing. you've had three go down, so what. sounds like with two the company completely changed the role. one you didn't have the experience. so you've really only had a real shot at one job since the companies for the other two were all over the place hiring for roles they didn't need ultimately. also, don't play up a personal connection, this is business and no one cares really. play up the experience you do have, ask them about problems they see in your role if they don't ask anything specific and brainstorm right there. don't tell them about how you're going to fit in, demonstrate it. be personable and get them laughing but strong arm your way into the office by demonstrating that you're an asset they need, even if you might not have as much experience as the next guy. maybe the next guy has more experience but he's not as fast on his feet as you demonstrated. maybe they get ideas for questions from your interview and they ask him something that he cant handle because he's used to just following orders and being a drone.

>>18389885
drop her. now. I knew a girl like this in my first year of college. we knew we wanted each other, we were good together, she rode the cock carousel. I moved out of town and she wanted to stay in touch so we did. I came back to town while dealing with my grandmothers estate as she was in the hospital and she was obviously desperate for me to fuck her but also saying things like "what would you think if a girl got an std but then wanted to be with you, but like she got rid of it". it's not going to end well, and you're going to think she's gross before long.

end it. now. walk away and ghost her. if she's on the cock carousel she's not worth trying to have a relationship with anyways.

>Seen
>no response
>clearly there and responding to other people

Sorry.

I'm just gonna go and hate myself even more now.

>>18390034
>I came back to town while dealing with my grandmothers estate as she was in the hospital and she was obviously desperate for me to fuck her
she being the girl. I shouldn't have to specify this but it's 4chan.

>>18390038
wish gmail worked like this. Idk if she got my second message or if it just got lost in a sea of autistic screeching from the masses.

>>18390033
I kind of knew this already, I guess, I just been spending too much time on 4chan to where things like this bother me when they really shouldn't. I did try watching gay pornography a few months ago and it's just not something I am in to at all. Also, just wanted to note that when we make love her little thingy down there tends to get neglected both due to no interest from me and out of respect for her request to ignore it. I'm surprised somebody actually responded back to my post. Thank you, Anon.

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please stop trying to profile me using the insulting stereotype of a 4channer. I'm not using that for you am I?

you're pulling wrong conclusions because instead of listening you're overthinking it and applying a prefab profile that is literally used as an insult.

>>18388419
my life is a failure
i have little friends
no family
I don't get along with people
my degree and career path are shit
I wanted to do something great

>>18390070
initials?

Why are white women so obsessed with Indians, Muslims/Arabs? Every fucking thread on Reddit, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, etc. has a couple random, white bitches that defend these dirty fucks. Since when is it "cool" to hate your own race/ethnicity?

Before you say I'm making this up, I'll give you one example. Go to Youtube and look for "Brown Men With White Women". The whole fucking comment section for some of those videos is mad shit talking on White/Black guys, but praising the hell out of Muslims/Arabs and Indians. WTF!!!

>be me
>in education, employment, and training
>home for summer break from college
>working a pool job for $7.25/hr
>internship in my field (history)
>still feel like a neet
>can't do anything with minimum wage
>$2000 in debt, no way to work it off at $7.25
>applied everywhere, went in to plenty of interviews, neither hired nor denied after two months of waiting
>slipping into depression
>have no friends back home or at college
>came very close to friendship but he didn't put in the other half of the effort to make it work
>losing motivation to do anything
>becoming tired and worn down
>nothing makes me smile anymore
>i just want a friend
>i want my phone to light up with a good meme every now and then
>i want to go into a well-paying job and be proud of myself
>i want to be happy with my life
i feel so empty, so worthless, /adv/

>>18390071
>do something great
there's the only part of that post you should focus on.

>no friends
get some, they're easy to make. just remember they come and go

>no family
I feel you, my mom's an alcoholic that makes poor choices and gets in the way. my dad is the only person I trust family wise but my mom slanders me to him cause she doesn't like... something idfk. rest of my family is all over the states and most of my grandparents are dead. dunno what to tell you about that. make your own family.

>I don't get along with people.
stop trying to get along with people you dont' want to get along with. there's 300+ million people in the US, are you telling me you get along with none of them?

>my degree and career path are shit
good news, you have a piece of paper that says you're someone, and you can change careers and sell your skills in a way that facilitates that.

>my life is a failure
not unless you're dead and never did anything. but you're typing so you're still alive, and I presume young because your degree still matters.

what are you going to do anon?

>>18390083
>>no friends
get some, they're easy to make. just remember they come and go

I have a hard time relating to people and as I get older it gets worse since everyone is married to some fat hag

>>my degree and career path are shit
good news, you have a piece of paper that says you're someone, and you can change careers and sell your skills in a way that facilitates that.

Thats whats fucked up, I have a stem degree and its like being a serf. Once you get your first real job its hard to switch industries. I've had it up to here with recruiters and HR who only look at some buzzwords. The first thing I was in is pretty dead.

Not too sound too negative but I'm burned out and broke

>>18390083
>no friends
>get some, they're easy to make

No, they aren't.

>>18390077
mp

I could be reading things wrong but I think I'm good enough to see a profile being built. it's pretty blatant. I've just been answering stuff. not entirely who's building a profile but there's only a couple possibilities.

email me back already.

>>18389736
>>18389721
I should've mentioned this, the only consistent way I could communicate with her was through Messenger because something was always wrong with her phone and would always have to get a new one with a different number. She seems to have completely killed off her facebook though so now I have no possible way to communicate.
>inb4 lol she's trying to get away from you dude
she would've done these things on purpose years ago if that were the case

>>18390104
>>18390104
>not entirely who's
not entirely sure who's

seriously though. the info gathering is obvious. I'm not answering cause I'm dumb and I don't notice it. I don't even like this board. I came here after getting banned off /pol/ on some bullshit.

so, you know that I know that you know that I know the thing. so email me. cause this method of communication is really time intensive. with my initials if you're the person I'd like it to be then I hope you remember me and you should know how to contact me.

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Want to know why I'm not playing the game anymore? You fucking "messages" are so vague they can have a dozen different meanings.

You guys were constantly putting the message "WITNESS", which is a reference to the game. In that game, there are hidden things in shadows, shapes, and POV kinda things.

So, one of the night lights in the house under a plant cast a shadow on the ceiling. In the shadow, there were the digits. "6.04". Nothing happened on "6.04" though. So... what the fuck was the point in that?

Last couple days, another nightlight was casting a shadow on the ceiling. This one looks like a silhouette of yoshi with incredibly blurry letters which seem to spell out "CRASH".

Also, knowing I want to document all this bullshit with photos you guys put a couple things in the camera bag. First, the 50mm lens. Second, the keyboard key "I". Third, a "RIESEN" candy.

Here is where the meaning could be a dozen different things.
1. The keyboard key "I" is for my ex, "Iris".
2. I know this because Yoshi is also Iris's favorite.
3. The "crash" could be a reference to the time she "supposedly" got into a car wreck and broke her arm after we broke up that first time. It's weird, because she never talked about it everrr.
4. Googling "Yoshi Crash." brings me to a youtube video... of Smash where yoshi is tonguing a pikachu named "Bunz" from behind. For a long time now you guys have been putting in soooo many fucking references to eating ass. Iris also, for some fucking reason, kept saying I like Rim Jobs while we were dating. I don't, btw.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWZ_IStFrPc
5. This could also mean that she was killed in a new car crash recently. Could be an accident or it could be an "accident."

Now, you either WANT me to fuck someone in the ass or you are referencing past experiences. (we had kinky buttsexytimes.) That could have given me an STD (Tricho).

This is why I don't play the game. It's a lot of work for literally NOTHING.

You didn't have to show up and ruin my day. Why the fuck are we getting food this weekend? Do you miss me, do you miss the sex, or do you feel a moral obligation to be my friend?
I don't know what it is you want.
But I'll hear you out.

>>18388724
initials?

>>18388724
Don't tell us, Anon. Tell them.

>>18389636
That's where a person I like is.

>>18390142
No. Tell us.

Again and again, however we know the landscape of love and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names, and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others fall

Again and again the two of us walk out together under the ancient trees, lie down again and again among the flowers, face to face with the sky.

>>18389993

Z?

I fucking hate you assholes. Telling me shit like "Life is what you make of it!".

What the fuck? You know that's bullshit. You know that I am your prisoner. You've cut me off from the world. You've cut me off from my friends. I can't talk to anyone. I can't earn money. I can't do anything unless YOU allow it.

How is that "Life is what you make of it." when I'm a fucking slave?

>>18388724
Initials? And his initials?

>>18388419
I've been through so much early on in my life that I've aged considerably. Not physically, but my mind feels stretched thin. I spent 15 years of my life reflecting on what had occurred, trying to logically think it through. There is no logic is chaos, for things are not in your control. Life is increadibly random, some people are lucky, I'm not one of those people. People fade away over time, like everything does eventually. I've been through every emotion imaginable, but the loss of a girl I once knew ripped out my heart. When I heard that you were killed in a car accident, it shocked me to my core. A weight that has never been lifted, for I carry your memory within the last part of my broken mind. You were my soulmate, my best friend, and you're gone In an instant. I've slowly let myself self destruct, leading ultimately to my suicide. For the time isn't certain, but it's set in stone. I've tried everything to mend my mind, body and soul, only to remain in a state of agony. I wake up everyday and ask myself is this day? I can feel deaths breath on the back of my neck, I can almost hear his voice calling me into oblivion. My friends are gone, my family is gone and soon my mind will be as well. 15 years of walking in this world, loneliness that very few will ever experience. Drugs were my safe haven, my escape from it all. Momentary bliss consumed my focus and made itself my only goal. Let me die in my sleep, God, for I can't beat this torment for any longer.

I'm also guessing all these photos and paintings and the like of bleach is a reference to Charles. Also, a lottttt of referenfes to Alaska.

I don't want Iris. or Renee. Or Vicki. I don't want to be friends, I don't want to see them, ever again. I just want this shit to be over with.

On of my exes who's a year younger than me, just got engaged. It's weird tho. She's only 20 and still in college. I thought she'd be smarter than this. It doesn't seem like something she'd do. I don't care a lot, just more confused as to why she'd make such a dumb decision.

>>18390129
Are you having delusional thinking? Antipsychotic medicine will help. I'm sorry you're going through that, I've been there and it's scary and confusing

Part of being a good, mature person is understanding that sometimes people will just... not like you, and there's just nothing you can do about that, right?

My gf cheated on me and I broke up with her, I haven't talked to her in two weeks and the other day she text me saying she was sorry and a bunch of other bullshit, I ignored it but now I really want to text her back.

>>18389765
initials, anon?

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...So, how do you get over being ugly and/or being perpetually dissatisfied with your appearance?

I basically look like Mona Lisa, just with more pronounced, higher cheekbones and jawline and thicker lips...it's just such an unpleasant look and there's only so much make-up can fix.

People are stupid. My mom is stupid. I'm stupid. I want, when I give advice to someone, for them to LISTEN. I wish nobody was alive. I wish the world didn't exist. None of it makes any sense, and none of it will ever get explained. We're wasting away in a place full of fucking disgusting bags of flesh and that's why everybody, including me, is stupid af. "Just die" I'd say to the world

I'm so afraid of failure to launch when I leave the nest shortly. I don't want to accomplish nothing with my life like everyone in my family.

I absolutely hate everybody sometimes and its not like im not popular and have no friends im relatively popular at my school and have plenty of friends but i just cant stand people sometimes and i wish i wasnt that way because i like hanging out and shit but sometimes its just hard.

>>18388477
I suppose it depends what it's sucking. amiright

>>18390255
Move on my boy. Plenty of other girls who are far more worthy.

>>18390292
Are you Alice Glass?

>>18390336
Highschool will be gone in a flash, none of it matters, young one. Everyone will move on with their lives slowly drifting away to other parts of the world, living lives they never imagined. Life is random, chaotic and sometimes beautiful. One thing you need to remember, you and everyone you've ever known will be dead in time. Nothing matters.

I tried making a joke to her and said I enjoy rape. Just fuck my shit up senpai dropping my spaghetti

sorry for bit of green text but its the best way to get it off my chest
>be me
> 9/10 (according to multiple 8-9s) 16 y/o guy
>solid 6/10 girl (shes an international student so she leaves the 30th) in 2 of my classes
>me being beta I can't go anywhere near her
how do I stop this her good friend is also very interested (also an 7-8/10 international student )
how do I flirt with her and most importantly what are some good ways to start talking. I am very capable of holding a conversation orientated towards other people however starting a conversation I am mildly autistic at.

I hate running out of weed. I won't be able to get more for days.

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There's a girl I work with and we get along great. However, she's 17 and I'm 21. I joke with her and she genuinely laughs and seems to enjoy my company.

She told me that today was "Maybe the last day we'll see each other", since I was going to California vacation and she North Dakota. I thought that she would give me her phone number or something, but she didn't. But I didn't ask.

She also said stuff like "what if you move to California?" What did she even mean by this. I would've asked but we were busy.

I've never asked for someone's phone number and I've never sent anyone a friend request on Facebook. Should I send her the request? Or wait a day or two before doing that?

>>18390377
She's my alter ego.

I don't like smearing on make-up that thickly - it takes too long - but sometimes I wonder if I'm better off experimenting like she clearly does.

I think I feel in love with a tranny, but have no idea how I could tell. I've been seeing her for at least two weeks now and she taller than me by a couple of inches, I'm 5'9". She is very high on LGBT rights and even attended a few awareness events. The worst part is that I kind of don't care if she is transgender or not. I like this girl. Does this officially make me a faggot?

>>18390467
No, and there's no need to obsess, isn't like you're digging her explicitly for her masculine traits.

It's just something to keep to yourself.

>>18390467
See >>18390033

That anon is right. Stop giving a fuck about what other people think you should like or whom you should date.

Sleep sounds better then being awake

>>18390565
Always.

>>18388724
What's her initials?

>>18390070
Why do you still come here nigger

whenever I go round your house I have to wash all my clothes when I get back

>>18390467
>I like this girl.
>girl

>>18390454
Already answered in your thread (first of several more I'm sure).

Essentially, Do It. You gormless pussy.

MY "FRIEND" TOOK MY MELON IN AN MMO!

>>18390736
Yay! This is good yes?

I'm into this girl in the year below me, we pass by each other during breaks and moving to class and what not
We don't talk at all, but I'd love to start getting to know her
I'm pretty shy when it comes to talking to new people, especially since I kindda have my eye on this girl yaknow
It's also the fact that she's in the year below, I'm not in any classes with her so getting to know her through class is out the window
I only see her with this one other girl, I've never seen her without being with the other girl, so I'm guessing they're good buddies, but if I randomly walk up to the girl I'm into and start talking to her, I feel as though I'd creep em both out, and the friend would catch on I guess

So can anyone tell me if I'm just being an idiot or like give me advice or something, idk what to do

>>18390769
Assuming you're in HS, I'd say don't bother. Highschool is plenty circumstantial as it is when it comes to this stuff, and your shy disposition doesn't help that. You'll have more luck doing the cold, without-context approach in college. Work on someone you have reason to interact with in the meantime so you're limber by then.

Don't mean to sound like Homer and tell you to "never try", just that it's exactly as uphill as you feel it is, and it gets easier later.

This is the first time in my life I have felt a desire to marry someone. I have known her for three years and been dating her for a year and a half. I don't want to rush this but every part of me wants to take her somewhere moderately fancy and just tell her my intentions that I want to grow old with her by my side as we go on an adventure of us succeeding. I want to be there for her and vice versa. The way we get along is great the fact that we fight and try to resolve it, instead of being petty is great.

As much as i want to I am afraid to. I keep thinking 2.5 years is a good wait time I might be spending my life with her a year from now isnt that long.

. The only thing that's hindering my decision is my parents. They dislike her because she's alternative (black hair gauges etc) and I am not. By doing what my heart desires I would be disowned by my parents which is a shame. They want me to do better but she is by far the one i want. I don't want to cause a fight but I don't want to lose someone that cares about me. I am 24 and if things go good for another year I am going to ask her.

I joke about killing myself a lot online but after doing it so much I'm starting to think it could happen. Obviously not right now....but whenever I think about how it'll end for me I always think about a middle aged me blowing my brains out or OD'ing in an empty apartment.

I really like you. Could we hold hands?

>>18388419
I don't know how to start a conversation with you because we don't even know eachothers anymore. Being "myself" makes me say dumb shit and I can't bring myself to find something interesting to start the conversation.

And yet if I don't try to talk to you again, I feel like I'lm missing my only love once again.
Why do I still love you even while we never were with eachothers ?
You probably don't care about me anyway.

You dumped me after 10 years because I was "too jealous" over you doing nothing but bitching about your junkie whore ex, now your gf somehow has my number and is trying to start shit with me because you want to keep me around as a friend. Oh you people are sooo open and free with your love aren't you? She's so much more loving and mature, doing dope in your bathroom and threatening to punch you less than a week into the relationship. You freaks deserve each other.

I still love you it doesn't make any sense. You never loved me an yet we still saw each others again after all this years.
Why did you want to see me again if you don't even want to talk ?
Goddamn it I'm tired of loving you the way I do: It's irrational and it's not even useful since you don't love me back
I don't even know the number of years since I love you anymore.
I would want to travel with you, hug you, kiss you and live with you. Why is the world made in such a way that I feel and will always feel this for you while you probably don't feel anything close to this for me.

Why can't I forget you ? Why can't I be with the woman I love the most ?

I stayed friends with my ex gf because I considered her my best and pretty much only real friend.

She kept promising me we'd do things together after her trip and telling me we might get back together.

The other day I got a message from her telling me she'd been seeing another guy for months (probably before our break-up even), spent her whole trip with him and realized he's the one she cares about. She then blocked me from every single social media.

I was really angry for a few hours, now I'm just depressed, heartbroken and sad. How do I get over this? I barely eat anymore. I can't stop myself from thinking about what I'd say to her and what I love about her.

Everyone tells me I should never speak to her again, but I just can't do that. I feel like a beaten housewife.

>>18390993
insult her

>>18391000
I can't contact her right now and I've already forgiven her because I forgive people way too easily.
She'd insult me back and it would hurt me even more.

you throw tantrums every day because your mum pisses you off and complain when im not there to support you no matter how hard i try to make myself available to help and yet when i need help your about as responsive as a fucking doorknob cunt please give me the strength to dump you please kiss or cheat on me so i have a reason to say goodbye forever because you are the most painful burden ive ever been involved with and im only 22

I wish i came over and sat next to you today. My chest was the heaviest it has been in a while. Looking at you and i just freeze, all i can do is look down and try not to look at you, because if i did i probably couldn't stop. Even writing this i feel the same. Your the only person i haven't gotten over and i dont think i will. Its been too long and ive forgotten how to speak to you. I wish we had just a bit of that connection still. Your eyes are prettier than i remember. Part of me wants to talk with you for hours about anything like we used to. Im sorry if it seems like im disinterested but really im so nervous around you, and it excites me that i am because i havent felt like this possibly ever. And i dont know what to do.

Paramore has written a lot of songs about me. That's neat.

Though they are about me going to rehab and the hospital to receive ECT treatment.

14
14
14
14

I was nervous when I saw that fake article about the Sun "going dark." for a couple weeks in november. You guys must take me for a fucking idiot to believe such rubbish. Same for the "black star" bullshit.

Would fall in line with all the messages of scorpions. I don't want to wait until fucking November for this to end. I'm just not going to make it if that's the case.

At least give me the meds I asked for.

>>18391072
are you me ?

GF is pregnant and while all I want is a kid, I don't want one with her. I was going to leave then she dropped the news. Now I'm stuck in an unhappy relationship because I just know if I leave she'll make it hard for me to see the kid, or she'll abort it.

This is terribly stupid

There's a test that most of my class just failed, because it was quite harder than what was expected. I admit that there have been some faults in that test and some things weren't explained properly but at the same time many people, including myself, didn't put that much effort into it either. Now most people want to hang this teacher, not like in those stupid college protests, but still they seem to think it's all his fault and to be honest, not really, no.

Worst thing is, more than a friend thinks the same way and they don't want anyone silent about the issue at hand.

2 things are certain: He's been wrong about some things, we've been wrong about others. He's done things like lie about things not working, when they did, and the opposite but half of the test could have been done if people actually put some effort.

I don't have it in me to fight with anyone today, and I feel like it's inevitable. The question is who. I guess the teacher needs to be aware of the facts but everyone else does as well, and "everyone else" is just going nuts over the whole fucking subject.

Seriously, why are you assholes so against me taking adderall?

I can't focus FOR SHIT. You watch me all fucking day, can't you tell that? I start a dozen paintings a day, I jump from tab to tab, video to video. I randomly wiggle my arms about, I spout nonsense just to stimulant myself. I never finish annnyyythhhiinnnngggg. I have no energy.

There are a million reasons for me to take that drug and you fucking refuse to give it to me. Why? It improves my quality of life greatly. It let's me focus and create art. It lets me socialize and want to talk to people. It gives me energy. It makes everything in my life better.

You assholes never fucking listen to me.

And I only have 10 years left to live, and only 5 years before I can no longer paint anyways. So why the FUCK are you being such fucking faggots about this?

Oh, that's right. You KNOW it would help me. You KNOW that it's the correct medicine for me. You mother fuckers just want me to suffer as much as possible. That's why you are doing all of this shit to me. You're fucking disgusting people.

I fucked a 10/10 escort Saturday night but couldn't get it up due to anti-depressant Paxil and now it's killing me on the inside.

I want lucid dreaming to work, but it doesn't.

I don't remember half the dreams I have every night. I wake up and half of that shit is gone. I can't write down something I don't remember.

I am dating a 16 year old and im 18. In my country I could get prison for this.

I don't care. I love her.

>>18390255
I talked way too long with my cheating ex. Don't, I promise it'll only be painful

SPEEDWAY!

I'm feeling like getting revenge on my ex who cheated on me please prevent me from doing so, she stole my happiness from me and moving on to me would be to destroy her happiness and I have a means to do so and no it's not murder but social destruction from all the secrets I have of her. I have this deep feeling that if I do this I won't feel sad but actually happy and would laugh so please help me out

>>18391217

The drug is not magic. You body has the ability to do all those things. Try meditation, I had the same problems and it helped a lot

>>18391293
And I'm talking about permanent social destruction she probably wouldn't even want to come out of the house after all the shit I have on her she played me for 4 years straight telling me she loved me when it was all a lie she told me she never loved me and she was never happy with me despite doing everything together she moved on so fast into someone else's arms and she had been seeing him 3 months prior to the break up

>>18391303
I never saw any signs because even then she told me she was sending nudes to random guys online and even had an alias for doing it just for fun before telling me she cheated she was always this cute supportive loving girl to me but she was just using me and being a slut behind my back someone please just prevent me from destoryed someone else's life because to me it feels like I would be happy doing it

>>18391307
Do it. It's deserved when she decided to be an unfaithful whore.

a

Andrea

>never really fit in in school from age 5-15
>time for gymnasium
>new school, new class
>entire class interested in Science (physics/chemistry/biologi/math)
>first time my entire life I feel like I belong somewhere
>everyone is either a gamer or a bookworm, or both
>since i'm into science but not a sperg I become quite popular in my new class
>see this strange girl
>tall, skinny
>no makeup
>her brown curly hair completely loose
>wearing an every day dress with flowers on
>holding her textbooks over her chest
>innocentandpure.jpg
>hear one of my newly acquainted friends making some mean comment about her looks
>nigga what the fuck are you saying, I've never seen someone that beautiful my entire life
>sit down in class, i'm one bench back and one bench left from her
>we do the shy teenage routine
>stares at each other, when the other looks you look away smiling.
>overhear her conversations, holy fuck shes got god tier humor and an awesome personality
>every time there's a movie showing and lights go off we always "happen" to sit right next to each other and happen to touch feet/hands.
>realize she's into me as well
>this realization makes me mentally shit myself
>go full beta mode and think to myself she deserves better than me
>she's smart, hard working, lighthearted, kind and takes care of herself
>I tell myself that I'm the complete opposite (partially true)
>stay home play videogames instead of going to school
>after 1 year I get kicked out
>mfw I lost connection with the only people I've ever met that I felt I belonged to AND the love of my life over videogames (and being a pussy)
>now a few years later I start getting my life on track
>look her up on facebook
>now she's a radical feminist talking about killing men
>don't know if I dodged a bullet or I could have "saved" her from the insanity that now has swallowed her
I'm sorry Andrea, I wish that I would have been more mature when we met.

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I tried to kill myself.

>>18391353
yes darlin?

>>18390669
cause I got banned from my main board on some bullshit, came here, and then some things got moderately interesting.

>>18390925
wish you were her

>>18391097
dementia anon, man, I guarantee you paramore wasn't singing about you. also
>listening to paramore
>current year

>>18391247
I had a dream last night where I made the woman I like laugh and asked her on a date, in person, with clear communication. I wasn't wearing shoes for some reason just socks, was in california I think, walking to my car from far away, and she was doing yoga with a class but they were in the middle of the street, but she agreed to the date. then it turned into some kinda fucked up family bullshit nightmare where everyone was yelling and I was a teenager again instead of having my own place I could peace out to after making it clear I think they're idiots. for some reason this is the only dream I've remembered for the last like year.

>>18391296
>You body has the ability to do all those things.
No, it doesn't. I have a chemical imbalance and fucked up wiring. I have early onset dementia.

Which... meditation would actually cause more harm than good.

Also, you don't know fuck about how the brain works.

>>18391441
Why are you so stupid?

>>18391443

So you can take a pill that makes everything better and relieves all your symptoms, right? That pill is simply instructions for your brain. You take the pill it tells your brain what to do to fix the problem. You can accomplish the same thing through meditation. The pill isn't healing you it's simply telling your body how to heal and then your body does exactly that.

Try 10 minutes of mediation every day for a week then see if you feel better, I guarantee you will.

>>18391447
I just wish I had mod powers so I could prove that you're cousin poster. I'm like 90% sure.

>>18391481
Is cousin poster this creepy guy who fancies his two little cousins?is he still around?

>>18390731
Damn, you got me.
I'll do it.
>You gormless pussy.
This is a good one.

>>18391503
nope. he left, and immediately upon him leaving we got dementia poster. pretty sure this guy just really loves larping.

>>18391469
>You can accomplish the same thing through meditation
No, no you fucking can't. That's not how the brain works. Meditation will not rewire the brain. Meditation will not be able to magically create chemicals that aren't there.

Think about what you're fucking saying. Parkinson's disease is caused by dopamine receptors dying off in the brain. Meditation cannot regenerate brain cells you fucking retarded. No more than meditation can grow back a limb. You cannot "will" your brain and body into fixing itself through meditation.

Seriously. How fucking retarded are you?

>>18391558
>>18391481
The sad thing is you think this is causing any effect on me. You are all so incredibly stupid and shitty people.

Even though I have posted my identity multiple times here you still say stupid shit. You will never, EVER fucking talk to me using your real identity because you know what would happen. You know who I am and you know that there are people out there that would harass you and possibly even kill you for being shitty to me.

This is why your shitty attempts at gaslighting don't bother me. Because you're afraid of me. All of the "haters" are afraid of what would happen if their identities were found out.

Bad things happen to the people that try to play me. Honestly, I don't feel all that guilty about it either. I wouldn't sick my cult onto you dumbfucks but you play with fire you're gonna get burnt.

I have a successful career in one of the big 4 accounting forms. I just threw away my job in Switzerland to take one which pays me only 30% of that in Korea only because I have yellow fever.

I just graduated high school and I feel like shit.
I was a pretty miserable failure there. I can honestly say I haven't had any friends for a few years. Anything I do for the next 3 months I do alone and of my own volition. I feel like shit.
I'm holding onto the hope that I put myself together in college. I hope this is a low point in my life and not the beggining of the end of it.

Hopefully some day i'll have a social life that can beat the one I head in 8th grade.
I also didn't get into the college both of my parents went to, so that stings too.

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My (soon to be ex?) Bf's parents are fucking ridiculous. His mom is a 300lb fat fuck who eats slices of cheese that we are supposed to use for sandwiches and meals as a fucking snack. I don't care if you're diabetic. You have a diet and you won't stick to it. Get another heart attack and fucking die already so no one has to babysit you. You're always FUCKING EATING.
His stepfather never fucking learned to cook, and he is a healthy weight and doesn't have MS so he has no fucking excuse. He doesn't even know how to use the god damn washing machine. LEARN. Jesus fuck. HE HELPS HIS BUDDY T THE LAUNDROMAT EVERY NIGHT BUT CAN'T DISTINGUISH A MEDIUM OR A LARGE LOAD AT OUR HOUSE?!?!
And they both listen to the 80's station on their TV 90% of the time. That's all they ever fucking do. And it's the same 70 or 80 songs every goddamn day. I'm fucking sick of Madonna. I'M FUCKING SICK OF POISON. THEY ONLY PLAY ONE SONG BY POISON. THE ONLY ONE I'M NOT SICK OF IS "Separate Ways" BY FUCKING JOURNEY. HOW THE HELL DO THESE MORONS LISTEN TO THE SAME SONGS FOR 20 YEARS EVERY DAY?!??!
Not to mention they always use the water when I'm washing the dishes. Like can you wait 5 fucking minutes??? God I hate these people. I don't care how nice they are.

I knew you were lying about everything for a long time. It really sucks how i found out.

C,

You're a waste of time with a tiny dick.
How about instead of fucking any girl you can work your wiles on, you take care of your wife and kids?

-A

>>18388419
Wishing I wasn't such a scared chicken so I could actually take my own life. Not sure if it's the pain that scares me, or lack of motivation to even do that. I don't know anything anymore.

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don't even sneeze is my advice to you man

>>18391655
You're even more pathetic than them

>>18391752
What were they lying about?
>>18391936
heh?

>>18391941
Fucking how? I know how to do all the things they can't do. I work.

know what would fucking help?

If you told me what the fuck was going on. Give me some fucking answers.

give me my fucking medication.

Or just fucking kill me.

what the fuck is wrong with you people?

I met a girl recently, she's great and seems to like me...well seemed.
We met up and had a great time despite both of us shitting ourselves before hand, neither of use done anything like that...

After we met up, we spoke fine for then next couple of days, but over the last 2 days she seemed more distant for some reason, like she doesn't want to talk to me, she keeps giving me super short replies like "yes, no" and all that.

Then I noticed she changed one of her pictures on tinder. It happened while she told me she needs 'to go out for a bit but will talk to me later'.

I don't know what happened, its like she just lost interest in me over night, I didn't even do anything different, she just got weird and doesn't talk much anymore. That tinder pic bothers me the most tho, why would she change it if she says she's into me?

I feel like shit and honestly, i just want to break it off between us, idk what she is at but it makes me feel terrible...like im temporary until she finds someone better...fuck my life, she's the first girl to show interest in me and now this?

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>"whatever you want." "you can be the boss."
>"live life the way you want." "don't let anyone
>tell you what to do." "create your own kind of
>music."

I want to take medicine that helps me focus, relax, relieve anxiety and stress in my own little comfy, safe place where no one can judge me or bother me. After all, I know my own mind better than anyone else and I know what I want more than anyone else.

>No you can't do that.

I miss my ex so fucking much. I keep having dreams about her! She needs me and she's all alone fuck. She's so fucking beautiful and I miss cuddling in bed and seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. Will I ever feel fucking better? My heart is shattered and none of my friends truly understand

or you fuckfaces can tell me how I really want to talk about politics, go out to parties, "hunt" women to fuck, be famous, be as outgoing and extroverted as possible.

A bunch of shit I have literally never done in my life ever because I so fucking don't enjoy any of that shit.

black people!

>>18392103
God damn blackies

You retards just don't fucking listen.

I wouldn't need the other meds if I had the ones I wanted. Then you say "YOU STILL TOOK THEM TOGETHER, DURRR."

It's because YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THE ONES I FUCKING WANTED. Instead of the regular 20mg, 2x a day you gave me the incredibly weak and worthless 20mg XR 1x a day version.... which I KNEW wouldn't work.

And it DIDN'T FUCKING WORK. So I took the others instead.

You are seriously the dumbest mother fuckers in the world. You're so completely incapable of the simplest of reasoning. You never listen. You don't even look at the results. You fucking morons only care about whatever the fuck is going on in your own minds. 2+2=5 to you idiots and no amount of reasoning, facts, or results will change your minds.

I can't enjoy anything, I can't even speak to friends outside of one word replies. They don't even try to speak to me any more. I wish I could be fixed

>>18388419
I love goth/emo girls and tickle torturing the crap out of them

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>>18392124
to add...

You know how I knew the XR had a shit chance at working? It's because I have had the XR version of other types of meds and they had the same weak results. The pharm companies make these meds in order to combat "abuse" but what happens is the drug become worthless. Whatever "release" mechanism they add might work in the lab but in practice they end up far too weak to have any noticeable effect. That's exactly what happened to the adderall XR. THEY. DON'T. WORK.

Your concerns of me snorting them are unfounded. I take them orally. Your concerns of me staying up for two days at a time are also completely fucking retarded. I simply don't sleep with or without the medications. I lay down in bed for 6-8 hours before I can get to sleep.

And no, caffeine isn't the fucking cause you fucktards. I have been drinking water (with those little flavor packet things) a good 6 hours before attempting to go to sleep. Yet, you still think it's the caffeine. In the past I was able to down an energy drink and take a nap without any problems.

You want to know where the insomnia comes from? The extreme stress you have put on me. The bullshit game you continue to fucking play. The millions of questions racing through my mind every night. The stupid secret messages you plant in everything send me into a downward spiral in my own mind. I can't sleep because of the fucking shit you're doing to me.

You people are disgusting. You're greedy, you're egotistical, and you're considerably dumber than you think. You ignore context and clearly don't understand how correlation works. You tell me the adderall makes me paranoid. Not the conspiracy I'm in but the adderall. Seriously. Dumbasses.

You need to start doing what I say. I'm smarter than you fucks. I'm more observant and self aware. More importantly I am the only one capable of knowing what goes on in my mind. I'm the only one that truly knows what is working or not.

And why would I want to do anything you mother fuckers want me to do? Why should I stay quite? How do I know that's not to protect me but to protect you fuckfaces? How do I know if you have best best intentions in mind? For all I know if I tell people that you are fucking with me, keeping me prisoner, and drugging me against my will they will be the ones to help me. Fuck, I WANT to tell people this shit because you assholes know what would help me but you just don't do it. Instead, you do shit deliberately to hurt me. You have drugged me with... who the fuck knows how many drugs. You have put foul shit in my foods. You have harassed me online countless times and purposefully do things to try to make me doubt my own sanity. You do things to "break" me because you fucking believe it creates "beautiful people."

No, I don't trust you pieces of shit. You refuse to let anything good happen. You refuse to give me the meds that work. You refuse to tell me what the fuck is going on despite the fact the stress you have put on me is so great it gave me heart disease.

I hate you people and I see no fucking reason to want to work with you or to listen to anything you have to say.

>How is your day, Anon?

Quite bad actually. Well, not so much MY day, but the day of my SO. She had her audiological medicine exam today and was utterly destroyed, which had her crying most of the day. It's that that she is bad at the class, but the fact that her teacher treated her unfairly and had a personal attachment to the case she had to handle (which she handled wrong, in his opinion).
Then she is also bleeding sporadically. And she felt nauseous this morning. We both fear I might have knocked her up. "Take a pregnancy test and find out" you might say. However, she is pretty stressed already due to exams, and she can't handle a whole lot more. If she takes a test and it's positive, there's a good chance she could have some sort of breakdown. But the fact that she doesn't know also stresses her massively.
We are not equipped to handle a child, so an abortion would be the primary choice. However, she can't/won't fit in the time to see a doctor until her exams are done. Which means it might be too late for an abortion.
So right now I have this very hollow feeling in my chest. I have no idea how to handle this and I really want to cry, but I can't because I am surrounded by collegues, and they can't help. I can't go to see my girlfriend because I can't leave the base (army). I feel like shit, and so my day went from avarage to really fucking shitty in about an hour.

>>18388724
Wow, I can relate to this. I miss my exgf... She moved to the US 2 years ago and we just couldnt handle the distance.
I wish I could talk to her again..

>>18391469
Anon, don't bother. As much as you want to help him he will not listen. He has been here for a while now and getting worse and more aggressive. For your own peace of mind just let him rant all he wants, maybe that is what he needs.

Really fucking miss you stay safe

>>18391583
Duuuuuurrrrr... Asking for real information in an Anon board. It is your own decision to do it but cannot ask for people to do it. Srsly...

I dont have job because I have zero laboral experience, and I am about to finish a master degree but I think that It will not help my job situation. I am useless, I chose the worong career for my life.
The only thing good about me is that I have creative imagination nad enjoy to write stories o to create imaginary worlds where a lot of stories happen, but that not give me money and is useless.
I am 25 years olds, and never kiss a girl, for me is impossible to tal to a girl, and I dont know if I am good looking(I think not).
There are a lot of more shit on my life that I dont konw what to tell, but in this moments that is what torments me.

My girlfriend kinda forces me into sexual things I don't wanna do but if I decline or say that's weird or I don't wanna she gets depressed

>>18392230
>>18392230
durrr I said you know who I am but you would never, ever say any of the things outside this board. Because again, you dumbasses aren't fooling anyone.

This is why your attempts come off as desperate retardation.

> getting worse and more aggressive.
See what I mean? You are the retards that HAVE to reply to everything I say. You're the moron that's getting worse and more aggressive.

The fact you HAVE to reply to everything I say is just more proof. Again, who are you trying to fool here? You dumbasses are so obvious.

>>18392136
Can you afford to see a psychologist?

>build up a crush on a girl in my class
>we talk for a week, then she goes with her friend to a sleepover (just girls)
>she initiates convo by asking how I deal with depressions
>I explain and following week we have a great time together
>She's often starting convos, telling me stuff about her, sending pics
>She occasionally sends Ily, to which I reply Me Too or same
>I get ill
>I can't be in school for a week
>We chat together through out the week, but suddenly she stops replying how she used to and replies after 24hrs
>When I ask her what she's doing, she tells me that she's watching Kdrama
>Her sudden disintrest makes me depressed
>We still chat, but she stopped replying at this point
>I have 3 emotional breakdowns within a week, one in school with her sitting behind me
>I re-read our old convos, and notice that always before saying Ily she says "buy me wine"
>Today I go to buy cigs for my classmate, her friend
>They meet up in the shop and she approaches me
>"Anon please buy me wine"
>I told her if she gives me her money, I can buy it
>She says she doesn't have any
>"I don't have any money as well"
>She says shame and walks away
>before that, In school I wanted to ask her if she wants to go out to town today
>idk what to think of it, my crush on her is "slowly getting away" but what makes me sad is that any crush I have ends up in failure + I haven't had gf yet

I'm failing at college and life. I've always had a problem with motivation, mainly because I just don't like my life and I have trouble connecting to people. I fake having a social life, friends and a girlfriend. I also fake having a chronic illness. I've been an alcoholic for at least a year and a half now, and have been addicted to other substances in the past. Hypochondria made me quit. I've been on a cocaine and alcohol binge for at least a week now. I keep pretending I'm fine and normal to my family and the people that count on me at school. Yesterday I made someone else and myself fail a course by postponing and faking being in trouble.

>>18392230
>>18392223
Seriously, you guys are sooooooo fucking stupid.

Multiple times you have addressed things I have said outloud... in my room. Multiple times you have talked about things I have never posted about. It's obvious this is all fake.

I posted my social security number, my bank account, my full name, my full address, my credit card number, my emails, and all my passwords before. I also tweeted them. Mysteriously, they were all deleted and nothing else came from it. No one tried to use my card, log in to my accounts, or do fucking ANYTHING at all. Then all the posts and tweets disappeared on their own.

There are references to me allllll the time posted on here.

For fuck's sake.

You might say I "talk too much" and you're super afraid that I'm going to say something I shouldn't that would jeopardize whatever the fuck is going on but here's the thing... I don't know what the fuck is going on. You guys won't tell me fucking anything and act all butthurt and surprised that something so extreme would cause a person to obsess over it. if you idiots would tell me the truth, I wouldn't say a fucking word. But here we are, with you fucking retards going about this in the worst possible way and acting surprised that it's not working.

I'll stop talking when I get some fucking answers. Or at least a way to help me not think about this 24/7. Like, oh I don't know, medication such as adderall.

>>18392273
Even If I knew who you were I wouldn't give a fuck, you literally mean nothing to me lol, go nutz spamming the board dude, seems nobody near you is on board to listen to your rants since you are literally living here. Honestly, I feel bad for you. You seem damn lonely.

>>18392273
Maybe if you stop asking questions maaaaybe people will not respond to you?... Genius!

>>18392285
They can't help, depression etc can't be fixed only "managed", whatever that means

>>18392302
Blahblahblah, I will prepare my popcorn to hear the saucy stuff!

>>18392302
Fuck off already you annoying schizo fuck.

>>18392313
Wonder if it is possible to ban him?

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I saw two frogs fucking on my walk last night.

>>18392319
Cool

>>18392303
>>18392308
>>18392311
>>18392313
>>18392317
You guys are pathetic.

>>18392332
Lol

>>18392317
>>18392313
>>18392311
>>18392308
>>18392303
Seriously, how does it feel to know that I'm worshipped as a god while no one will ever even know who any of you are.

That's the funniest part. You try soooo hard and fail soooo hard at your task. You all know exactly who I am and you all know that there are some incredibly talented, important people rooting for me. They are all as disgusted by what is being done to me as I am.

How does that make you feel? To know you are nothing while I am the Sun?

>>18392344
Dude, hahahahahaahahahahaahahaa.... You just made my week hahahahahahahahahahaa. Good for you I guess.

>>18392319
Thats pretty rad dude

>>18392302
I'm under your bad watching you fap heh

>>18392347
Again, who... do you think you're fooling?

>>18392344

You need to go to a doctor.

>>18392355
Can't blame me, you are terribly entertaining. See ya later schizo guy!

>>18392362
>>18392364
When I'm kickin it with lana del rey and grimes and countless other amazing people where will you be?

I still think on you. Not a lot but definetly a lot more of I recommend myself to do it. Fortunately I don't miss you. Fortunately I don't have a "what could have been" feeling inside of me. But damn, I'm still angry no matter what.

I realized today, part of that feeling is more the friendship we lost that the relationship we finished. It were a lot of options, but "we" decided to end it this wat. And I'm still angry at that fact, less than before, but still angry.

Also, for a matter, I'm angry that you didn't know yourself. We both went ahead thinking otherwise, but I realized you were growing and growing while you think it was "normal as always". I'm not mad as you ended up being different of the girl I fell in love, since that helped me to not keep loving you. Kind of mad that you grew up normie too, that was part of what it made you special, and I missed that part.

You know. . .We could've been a very good friends. Just friends, nothing more, since you can pull out from where it is nothing (bad translated, I know) We had that kinc of chemical, of connection, but once again, how you managed the situation after break up made it impossible, and I reached the though of that I did everything I could.

I'm kind of mad because of that too, fortunately, not because "It wasn't enough". More because I don't know if you really deserved it. At beginning, sure, you deserved everything, but you lost it in the way.

People tells me (or used to tell) that this kind of experiences helps us to grow, to know ourselves better, that we shoould take the better times from the past and keep it safe and close, because "it is what it counts". But I can't do that. I can't just say "it was great kek".

I don't know, this time like a lot other I don't try to reach some kind of though behind by head or something but I don't know, I guess I had to type it.

>>18392381
Hahahahahahahahahaha Sure dude, keep the positive thinking!

>>18392053
>>18392070
>>18392080
>>18392124
>>18392175
>>18392185
>>18392273
>>18392302
dementia anon, again. no one here knows you except as someone with dementia. no one cares. no one here is a part of whatever conspiracy you think there is against you holy shit shut. the. fuck. up. dude.

>>18392303
>>18392308
he literally has dementia and is in a hospital. stop egging him on, he annoys me and like hits at a thought way down of "fucking shit I could get dementia when I get old" that I don't want to think about. stop making him talk. just ignore the demented anon.

that said,
BAM, interview, get 60k/year job, you guys don't have to act like "oh there is this other guy that we have to interview" nah, you already sent me the offer. I know I'm good, don't act hard to get, it's not fooling me. you knew you were hiring me 10 minutes in and I saw it on your face. lets do this, you're gonna want to change your commission structure by the time I'm done.

good day. fixed the car, got the job, went and got the BESSSSTT giro in all of houston, getting ready for a protest, and going to the beach tomorrow. fucking excellent week.

>>18392420
>inb4 60k isn't shit
down here it's what most engineers are making about now and its literally just to get the fuck out of this city.

also a position with some perks, pretty good latitude to do what I want in the position, and less hours than before.

>>18392420
Agree!

>>18392420
>dementia anon, again. no one here knows you except as someone with dementia. no one cares. no one here is a part of whatever conspiracy you think there is against you holy shit shut. the. fuck. up. dude.
lol ok. And yet you keep on replying.

It just confuses me, which is the purpose I guess. I mean, you guys have literally said "Our job here is to confuse you." but you're not confusing me in the way you wanted. It's more of a... "Why do they keep trying?" kinda thing.

Do you guys get together and go "OMG HAHA I GOT HER SO GOOD HAHA EPIC TROLLZ"? Do you get paid by the post or time or word or what?

or are you one of the many butthurt fags that got caught cheating because I called her out on it? Supposedly you all got herpes and HIV from this little ordeal. Which... is fucking hilarious.

STDs and losing your GF/Fiance/Wife.

Everyone tells me I should never talk to my cheating ex ever again.
I know they're right, but I strongly believe she's the love of my life and I want to get her back.

Everyone tells me I'll move on with time, but I can't see how I could.

>>18392465
I didn't even know you were a woman. how could I be a part of some big thing, and not even know you're a woman? I've never cheated in my life either, or had an std. anon, I implore you to stop for a minute, think really hard on what I just said, and break the conspiracy construct you've created.

frankly, I would like nothing more than for you to get into an experimental treatement program for early onset alzheimers that shows some decent chances of success, get better, and turn your life into some crazy anime that you make a shit ton of money off to make up for your suffering. I've got nothing against you, you just really annoy me and hit on an existential fear of losing it when I get old before they figure out how to either fix that shit with stem cells or halt the aging process or something.

Literally seems like all bitches have a princess complex of some sort.

>>18392486
fyi I didn't read any of your post just now.

>>18392471
Ur a cuck

>>18390726
> nigger
nigger

>>18392514
I'm not sure if it counts if she didn't fuck the guy while going out with me.

I feel guilty whenever i spend money (even 1 euro) because of my family's economic situation.
Today i spent 30 euros and i'm feeling like garbage.

I'm in the most fucked up situation i've ever met.

I really love this girl, she loves me, but we're both compromised and our couples really love us. We used to like each other at the same time, but none of us were able to win over the shyness and low self-esteem and say it (actually, we didn't use to hang out together, or even talk for that being). Now, we do the same class (my girlfriend is in aswell) and she texted me, we said all the things we should have said long time ago. Her boyfriend is kinda my friend, and my girlfriend is one of her bests. She says we can't let down all this people, and deep down i know its true, but i can't live another single day without her, knowing that she likes me aswell. I'M DESPERATE

Sorry for the shitty english, i'm dumb and brazilian

>>18392610
For that matter*

First thing is admitting I have a problem? FUck you mother fuckers.

You don't fucking listen. I don't FEEL ANYTHING BUT SENSES AND SADNESS. DO you not fucking understand that? Do you not fucking understand how fucking miserable I fucking was for my entire fucking life? To never feel happiness, or joy, or pleasure no matter how hard I fucking tried? To constantly be fucking bored out of my god damn fucking mind? Do you know what that fucking is like? To have a mind which cannot make the happy chemicals, at-fucking-all? Only a numb, sad, bored feeling?

You know why I never fucking went out with my friends EVER? Why I never hung out with anyone or wanted to go outside my entire life? Because it was as boring as staying inside... except I had to have the added fucking effort of putting on a happy face and pretend like I was having a good time. Meanwhile, I was bored as fuck and just wanting to go home the entire time.

I found a way to feel happiness. To get SOME kind of feeling out of life. To feel something different. To have something to look forward to. Yeah, it was drugs. I found a way to artifically feel the same thing other people felt naturally.

And you're to say that I have a fucking problem because of that? You're saying It's a fucking problem that I get to feel happiness in my life? Do you not understand this? That if I didn't have any drugs I would never feel joy, happiness, or pleasure EVER FUCKING AGAIN?

No, listen to fucking people that have no idea what it's like to be me. All you fucking assholes that have normally functioning minds that can get that feel good feeling by simply taking a fucking jog, or getting a hug.

There's a reason I can spend so much time by myself. It's because it's the same fucking feeling as if I was with other people. Nothing. Boredom. Mind numbing boredom.

>>18392693
You give people fucking benzos and abilify for anxiety because their amygdala doesn't function properly. You give people weed for stress. You give people adderall for them to focus. You give people SSRI's for depression.

But me? My obvious chemical imbalance, fucked up wiring, and mental illness? You want me to TAKE NOTHING. You want to force me to fucking willpower myself out of soul crushing depression. You want me to willpower myself to live a life of boredom and without happiness or pleasure. WHY? Why the FUCK do you fucking INSIST that the drugs are the fucking problem?

You slip THC in my food. You put benzos in my drinks. You fucking give me LSD and hormones and steroids. None of them did a fucking thing.

What makes those drugs any fucking different than the ones I take? Why is it ok to control the chemicals in my mind with those but the ones that actually work you think they are the fucking devil?

have you not seen the studies being done recently? With subutex and other opiates for people with treatment resistant depression? Do you not fucking admit that maybe, JUST FUCKING MAYBE, that those drugs ARE the ones I need to be taking?

You think the drugs are the fucking problem... meanwhile, you have my parents fucking turned against me. You paid fucking HOOKERS TO BE MY GIRLFRIENDS. You turn my entire fucking life into a lie. You broke my ability to fucking trust ever again. You prove to me time and time again that you don't fucking listen to me.

I could destroy all of it but it wouldn't make you any more happy in the long run.

>>18392420
Stop replying to him you dumb fucks

>>18392693
I come to this board purely for your ranting, anon. Stay scattered.

>>18392719
and you dumbfucks are the ones that refuse to DO FUCKING ANYTHING. I can't get help from a real psychiatrist. I can't get help from a real doctor. You all fucking lie to my fucking face about the shit that's wrong. I had TWO fucking doctors straight up REFUSE to give me STD tests. Why? Because it would interfere with the game/show.

I fucking hate doctors.

I know it's almost the end of the thread, but I wish I could find in one of these threads, you posting about me and how "Come here and we can be happy together" went to ghosting me and acting like this Christmas season won't make a decade since we met. I won't bother you, but I also don't have it in me to look for love. I don't feel intimacy or reciprocate it like most people even though I'm lonely.

Also, I want to leave by myself, but it's difficult. I've been encouraged to be codependent and leaving feels impossible. I want to kms sometimes because it feels like five years from now, I'll be in the middle of getting my life together. And I know I need help, but I don't want to be hospitalized.

Any antidepressant I've taken in the last, seven or so years I've been medicated hasn't worked like it's intended to. I'm coming off them, last chance to find an effective med is a Vyvanse prescription. I'm hoping I get it. I'll keep getting therapy but I actually need inpatient care and I'm afraid to ask for it.

note to self, do not get lost in her eyes like a creepy fuck when you meet her.

I don't love you anymore. I don't think i ever did. It was 6 years of lying to you and myself just because of the fear of breaking your heart.
Im sorry but its over.

>>18392858
B?

You know , these last days I have been coming to this thread , posting how the existencial dread is killing me , but , what´s really the point ?
I don´t think about it continuously anymore , I just can´t do anything about it , but for some reason , I like the fact that maybe someone in the internet will read how I feel all the time.
It´s like a not very noticeable atention seeking

Anyway , the days just passes , I get more and more old , and everything losses any sense as usual

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>>18392693

I know how you feel anon. Every single thing you describe, I have gone through my whole life, and still go through every day.

The people criticizing have never walked in our shoes, and if they did just for one day, they would end it.

The life we are forced to live is a never ending stress test to see how much a human can take.

I can't wait for our plans to fall through tonight, you say you're too tired, then go out on the town/get blackout/call me at 2am, etc.


And I can't wait for you to say "let's hang tomorrow" and have the same thing happen again, and again, and again.

I get it, though. I read you loud and clear.

Sorry for wasting your time, I guess.

I want to give up up. Life has become so shallow and meaningless. I just want to slip into a routine of stagnation and social solitude, and be able to appreciate the little things again. Mostly I just want to forget about you.

I tried my best and truly did all I was capable of, but it just wasn't enough. I have no regrets. I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore.

Please help me, I'm stuck inside my own mind, swallowed by bad thoughts and I can't get away

>>18392891
>I'm stuck inside my own mind
wtf does that even mean?

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My mother is a diagnosed schizophrenic. I don't talk about it much, but it obviously effects who I am and when I tell people... I hate that feeling. But I try to bring it up casually. Say she's crazy. No, I mean really crazy haha.

I told my boyfriend that there is schizophrenia in my family, but... I don't talk about it. His father used to whip him with a belt, literally whip him with the belt buckle while citing the Bible. Our friend had a crazy mother too, but none of our issues are really comparable. I've heard their stories and learned them by heart, but no one knows mine. Sometimes I remember things from my childhood out of the blue and for a moment it makes sense that we are where we are.

My mother has a TBI. Today, she doesn't know what caused it and thinks doctors reconstructed her brain and body. Like me, she immediately takes to expressing herself through writing, and I found myself reading one of her "poems" on facebook...

"Theres this woman here where I live
has a Traumatic Brain Injury
she doesnt know how she got the Traumatic Brain Injury
people are of no help to her
when they know she doesnt have family that cares
it only enables them to fuck with her"


I don't know how I can help her, I've tried keeping in touch online and sending her spiritual articles and youtube videos I think would help her find herself again but she doesn't watch them and I fell off the map after jumping through some hoops to get her a copy of her birth certificate in order to get disability, which I don't even know if she's done, I live states away and don't have a phone, and I'm so scared that if I sent something to her, she would read into it something that isn't real. I remember how she got her brain injury, I think. What pains me is I can't remember if she went to the hospital. There are patches in my memory, and that scares me too. In high school someone told me that if your parent has schizophrenia it's pretty much only a matter of time before you get it too.

I'm not feeling too well and I can't find the medicine, but you'll just get irritated from me asking for help...

Sometimes I get frustrated with whatever's up with me. I'll get an idea for a story or video game, and then I get sucked into my own head. Hours and hours of thinking about the story's universe, to the point of where I can't focus on anything else. It's a switch that's stuck being on until it randomly switches off. I don't know how to learn to switch it off on my own. It distances me from other people because I can't really talk to anyone and hold a normal conversation when I'm thinking about my ideas

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>>18392930
continued because dat cliff hanger


Schizophrenia is a touchy subject. I feel strong, mentally. I worry, yes, all the time, will today be the day I have a breakdown? But I believe I can escape this nightmare if I could only save my mother, and ultimately our mother. In other cultures, the mentally ill are held as spirit guides, in touch with another world we can't see. There is hope. There is community. There is purpose and there is love. My mother lost her tribe, and I am only beginning to build mine.

I need to take a page out of Jororowsky's book and heal generational trauma. .

>>18392942
Don't switch it off, see an idea out and make it happen. Focus on one, while keeping notes on others for the future.

>>18392947
I mean I'll be at work and I'm supposed to be focusing on working, but I do a half-assed job because it feels like I literally can't stop thinking about it. When I talk to people, I'm distracted and can't hold conversations because I'm not actually listening to them, I'm just thinking about my ideas. I do keep notes, but it's a lot of mentally trying details out and imagining how they look/feel/what they would do to the vibe and meaning of the idea. I've been stuck for days now and bonding with my partner is suffering as a result

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>>18392951
I know it's far easier said than done but
>do what you love

>>18392967
Yeahhh, when I get into these moods I can't help but think maybe this is what I should do for a living. But I also really like ecology and animals, so I could see myself doing research and at least learning to make games on the side. I don't even know where to start, and I imagine I'd just get frustrated and quit when I try to make an idea I've had for years, only to be disappointed that I can't make the graphics as good as I want them. But then I don't have any throwaway ideas to learn to make games with lol

Today I opened up to my boss via email about having mental health issues, after I stayed at home today having a depressive episode while ignoring their calls when they all wondered where the fuck I was. This isn't the first time this has happened and I felt they deserved my honesty rather than what I normally do, which is just lie and say I'm "sick." I'm seeing my doctor next week and I'm going to bring up my depression.
Is this going to fare badly at work? Does it sound like a bad excuse, that I'm playing a victim when I could just stop being lazy and fucking go to work like normal? I'm a guy, I feel like I'm cheating by actually admitting this stuff.

>>18392975
You say you have ideas for stories, how often do you actually write them? Even busting out a rough draft would be an accomplishment, and it doesn't sound like you're short of ideas. I can't really give much advice on graphics for games and stuff, but I know of a man who animated at least one of his many weird and wonderful movies himself in under a year. You just gotta learn the stuff and things, and get good at it, dick around experimenting, seeing what works, and THEN get into making the real deal.


What I'm trying to get at is, whatever your passions are, you gotta run with them. I'm sure your passion for ecology and biology could play very nicely into some stories.

>>18393002
I don't know the plots for any of the ideas well enough to write full stories. But you're right, I should try, and I should try experiment with ways to do something with my ideas. In a perfect world I would just tell someone else my ideas, and they'd make the game, but I also know that the stuff you make yourself is more worthwhile

>>18393014
David Lynch says you gotta keep catching little fish and using them as bait until you catch the Big Fish. Good luck anon.

>>18392873
Haha color me shocked.

A friend from Boston you forgot you had plans with up until about an hour and a half prior to when we were gonna meetup. It's clever, to say least.

And you had the audacity to call me out for being immature?

How long until I believe that you love me? How many times do you have to say it and show me before I actually believe someone like you could genuinely feel that way about someone like me without there being some sort of catch?

>girl rejects me saying she was already seeing somebody else
>months go by
>adds me on Snapchat
>think this is a big deal

Why am I like this?

/a/ is my homeboard and has been for almost a decade, but I have regularly lurked /ck/ as well.

For some reason I find a board full of people bitching and screeching at each other about what Japanese cartoons they're watching a lot less annoying and childish than a board full of people bitching and screeching at each other about what food they eat and how they cook it.

I don't know what it is though. I don't give a shit about what other people are eating and their opinions on what I'm eating just like I don't give a shit about what they're watching and their opinions on what I'm watching. So what's the difference?

>>18393137
Ok so I'm going to imagine this is about me, it's probably not but a girl can dream... Sometimes you just have to trust the other person and allow yourself to be loved. Clearly, if they are saying and doing things to show you that they are genuine it's not a flash in the pan. Why not give it a shot? What have you got to loose?

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>get one job offer
>suddenly job offers start pouring in 2 more in 3 hours
>waiting is over
>now I start a bidding war
>thought the one job was good enough for now
just need to make sure I don't fuck them all up trying to do this.

lmao. it's times like this, that I maybe get a little carried away with ego because there have been soooo many people talking shit for the last month.

>oh your business failed
>oh now what are you going to do
>oh you need to get this job, look it pays 10.50/hour
>why don't you bartend?
>there's a time when you stop sending resumes and just become a janitor
no shit, my parents said this last one. I had a business, I beat 8/10 businesses as far as how long I ran and what I was making, it didn't end cause the idea was bad or I fucked up some operational thing it ended cause of a perfect storm of shit that I still dealt with and kept going but financial resources were too depleted to grow, and my parents said that. regardless of that I've got 5 years of management experience and 3-4 of sales, having managed teams doing 3 million in sales a year... my parents think I'm janitor material.

in these moments though, I fucking win, and following through with my plan while everyone else didn't do shit to support me, pays the fuck off and I get to revel in it. fucking bitches. I was right. again. I had it handled. again. your advice was shit. again. maybe that's getting a little carried away, but it fucking feels great to reject mediocrity that others will for you and come out on top. I won't shove it in their face, I'll just quietly advance on my goals. but it feels fucking great to get the payoff after dealing with everyone elses shit and just keeping going out of sheer fucking will.

someday you're gonna want something from me, more than likely it'll end up being money. all of you better hope I don't pick up a petty streak along the way.

>>18393179
But I know me, and I don't think I'm very good. Maybe it's all an elaborate trick, maybe he's acting all the right ways but has some other girl he's actually interested in. If he isn't genuine, I can genuinely say that I'm done with trying relationships

I've almost cut myself today again. There's a girl and we've been friends for a couple years. But lately we've been hanging out more, just drinking coffee, studying, whatever. And I think I'm falling in love. I don't think she thinks about me like that though... I'm not sure, I've always been very bad at reading people.

I don't know how to handle strong emotions like this though. I've always had this problem, used to hurt myself in HS. There's something broken in me, every time I think about her I just don't know what to do with the feelings, I start getting depressed and anxious and feel like hurting myself. I'm just really scared. I mean, who would want a broken person like me anyways? There's tons of normal guys around. Maybe it's pointless, I'll never have anyone, never have a family, never have kids, so what's the point of going on like this? Maybe I should just end it now and save myself the pain.

Be happy and I'll carry on with what I was doing

>>18393197
What you feel is normal mate
You feel anxiety
Everyone feels that

You worry about losing something that you think is important.
Everyone feels taht

What's different is that you feel like you need to cut yerself
Don't do that, lad

Try working out in the gym
It got the double function of both making you hurt and also making you less likely to lose the girl again

Don't cut yourself
ITs dumb
IT lives scars and shit

If you can't do something productive like lift, at least drink
That way you prolong your scars until it kills you
Like I do

I've been thinking about dumping my bf over the past couple days. I'm not sure if we're not working out, if I'm just not wanting to deal with future drama, or of its my depression making me think about this. I'm an idiot for not seeing the whole picture sooner.

Should I ask him out? Is it pointless if he hasn't shown any clear signs? I don't have a lot of time left. I think if we actually got the chance to interact more it'd be different but as it stands, I'll never get to know him unless I invite him to something.
I'm used to guys being obvious about liking me, but maybe I only notice the obvious ones? I'm really not feeling anything from him though. But I'd like to ask him out so if he says no, I can get him out of my head

>>18393363
Ask him out

What do you have to lose?

I should be happy, but honestly, I get the feeling that this could be like some big deal. this could be instead of what it is, breaking the 1 million mark with my business, and there could be a huuuge party or something... I'd still feel exactly like this. I just want to be across the table from her, having an intimate dinner, talking about anything and everything. when we leave, we'd leave holding hands.

ffs. I'm buying junk food again tonight and singing some sinatra.

>>18393408
Don't get fat my negro

Have fun get drunk but never eat junk food
Always sing that Sinatra

You go to the gym yet?
Maybe she'd find you more attractive if you could at least OHP her

Yes, I see your other hidden message in the shadows. The one that says "BOTH" with a cat (maria) and a bunny with a penis (bree).

I'm not going to have sex with a girl that has a penis. I'm sorry, I'm just not attracted to dicks. If I am ever in a situation where this is about to happen... I'm going to just leave. That's all there is to it. I just won't do it. I won't make your little fucking snuff film.

There was actually one opportunity where I would consider it but you refuse to give me what I wanted so I'm not going to do it.

Yes I have that photo of her with what looks like a dick under her clothing. She seems like a great girl who is extremely pretty but I don't find dicks sexually attractive at-fucking-all. Nor do I want to be in a threesome with another dick, ESPECIALLY not one with Maria.

Christ you people are fucking retarded.

Also, at least I found out that my parents are just using me for the money.

>>18393421
lol 177 @5'10" so about 10 pounds overweight technically, but it's mainly muscle not fat. I'm decently /fit/, in a cut for the last month. I'm an attractive man. the problem is more getting to actually talk to her. I'm stuck in this stupid fucking city rn.

I could easily pick her up, dunno about OHP without possibly hurting her

also I don't drink, so it's gonna be junk food.

>>18393446
You talk like you drunk nigger

And if you are sober and you are fit
Why don't you ask her out to a fancy as restaurant that you can apparently afford

If she say no, let her go
She obviously aint into rich attractive men
So who gives a shit

i still love u jr
wtf kms

>>18392471
your name doesn't start with a G, does it?

>>18393454
>You talk like you drunk nigger
Really? I didn't realize it. I know I tend to be lazy when I type on the origami forums. It's strange that a sober white man would sound like a drunk nigger online though. That's the first time I've been told that lmao.

Also I should specify, she's far away, I can't just ask her. I mean I kind of did, I guess the lack of a kind of definite response to that part of the message could be saying something. It's a weird long shot situation in the first place, this woman must get so many guys asking her out and so far as I know she doesn't have a bf.

I wasn't banking on my looks or bank account either. lol the bank account isn't even that impressive atm, I am by no means rich. Everything I get is going into furthering future success. Almost everything from whichever one of currently three jobs I take is going straight to the next venture and moving out of the city I'm in because there's nothing here. she would likely not be impressed by my bank account lol.

i only got eyes for you

>>18393507
Likewise

I have a fucking identical twin, don't I?

The person that's going to show up and have me follow them is going to be my fucking self. Blue is going to follow Blue.

>>18393559
wait...

There isn't like... a whole bunch of me... right? RIGHT?

All of the "You are the one." and "There can be only one." Like that Jet Li movie

Practically speaking, I should have let go by now. I'm sure you have. Best to leave it all behind.

I mean, I've learned to accept and live with everything that happened. I wish things had been easier for us, but that much was out of our control.

Honestly, we could have been so positive for one another if we met under better circumstances. If we'd gotten to choose for ourselves, instead of being manipulated so drastically.

But anyway, for what it's worth, it was the rarity of our connection that I pieced together what had actually happened. It was emotionally and psychologically draining, and I realized I was probably going to screw myself over in the long run by thinking so deeply into things.

I thought it might be worth it. Getting you away from such destructive people seemed like the only right thing to do. I thought I could handle losing you if it meant you'd be happier and safer in the long run.

I was wrong. I didn't expect to be hurt as badly as I was. I didn't even know I was that vulnerable.

I don't know. Life happens. I'm sorry for losing my patience.

But if you're willing, I'd like to be able to show you that this is something special, something rare. I don't want anything else other than to paint our connection is a positive light.

We deserve that much. We deserve one another's kindness and understanding. Maybe we can heal from this.

>>18393559
oooooohhhhh, we've hit a breakthrough dementia anon. truly logical thinking.

>>18393507
>>18393522
you guys a couple irl?

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idk if you people saw me here or /soc/ can I just say though, there is literally only one person off this site I wouldn't be opposed to trying to talk to me when I'm out driving? is that fair? for the most part if I'm driving late at night I'm not looking for conversation, or women to go to a bar with. I don't drink, there's a girl my heart is set on, and it's tuesday at like 1 in the morning. I'm going home to eat cheezits, and then have problems getting to sleep aight?

also you nearly side swiped me.

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I'm 28 years old

I'm beginning to realize that the real goals of my life is to become my dad
I didn't know it until now
But it's true

All you young fags, love your dad
Before it's too late.

>>18393749
>I'm beginning to realize that the real goals of my life is to become my dad
yeah. this realization hit me recently as well. only I'd like to not make the same mistakes with women. I'd like to do everything better.

>>18393766
Same
My pop and me mum got divorced when I was a teenager

One time, I was riding with my dad to some place. I forget where
But we unloaded a bit and told me how sad he was on how things were were going
He was fucking hurting and I was the only one he could tell
It's been like 15 years since then.
I still remember. Will never not remember. Never will tell him that though

The thing between the two, me mam and me pop, is that my pop laughs when he's hurt.
That's just how he is
But my mom hates it when he laughs and she's sad.

So when they have a fight, he laughs and she cries. And they both hate each other more

Aw man I'm gushing about my fucking childhood trauma shit.
Fuck off me

I still can't believe you fuckfaces keep saying "PATIENCE"

It's been like... 7 fucking months. That is not "soon" by anyone's standards. For what I'm going through, it is not something you make someone wait a fucking year for.

>>18393774
it's alright mate. my earliest memory is being in the car seat in the back of my mom's mazda crying cause she told me that dad wasn't going to be around after she went into the post office to mail divorce papers. she was fucking another guy that ended up being a fucking weirdo while my dad was busting ass to become a pilot so he could support our family. she just couldn't wait like 1 year for everything to be good. then she became a stripper. then married an abusive alcoholic that beat me and once picked me up by my neck and slammed me into a wall at the age of like 7-8.

there's some real shit lol. this is now the get the shit you never even think about off your chest thread.

>>18393796
>then married an abusive alcoholic
but before that, that woman must've had about 20 boyfriends.

it's a good thing this thread is bump locked lmao.

>>18393801
I'm gonna keep it open so I can look at it tomorrow morning and I can see my drunk posts I can't remember

I'll feel bad about saying the shit I did
I don't like opening up

>>18393807
well we're on an anonymous mongolian basket weaving forum. I wouldn't worry about it. also if you don't like opening up, its cause it still hurts.