General Advice Thread

>>18386328
>oldfag
Yeah, sure you are.

>>18386334

Old for 4chan, at least.

How do I make my dick fit in a burger bun in a comfortable fashion?

How do I ask girl for sex (Both 18, so legal)?

>>18386353

Go with a hot dog bun instead, obviously.

>>18386360

Depends on the context. Generally speaking, if a girl enjoys spending time with you you at least have an opportunity to progress the relationship.

If she's willing to spend time with you alone then all you really have to do is do your best to read her body language and make a move.

Ask with actions, not words. Asking with words is weird.

Idk what tf is going on with my ex, I'll try to keep it short:
>break up with ex 3 weeks ago
>he suggests we stay friends
>I agree because I have nothing against him
>he starts dating other girls asap
>hurts but whatev is his life
>unfriends me on fb
>messages me saying "mail all my stuff back"
This request weirds me tf out because we still have to see each other at the local con and had previously agreed on giving him his stuff at the con. Not to mention the con is 4 fucking days away.
>also includes comments like "wish you could give me that year we dated back, you're not my friend anymore" blah blah

When do I know its time to break up?

>>18386383

Its obvious you guys are young. Young people have a difficult time processing hurt and disappointment without lashing out. Don't try to frame any logic around this because there is none. He probably doesn't even know why he's doing or saying the things he is. He's hurt over the relationship ending and the only way he knows how to get through it is to try to lay some of that hurt onto you. Its a selfish move, yes, but not uncommon with adolescents.

The best thing you can do is just mail him his stuff back and put this behind you. Its obvious he's struggling with this and he needs to struggle alone. Unfortunately, your presence in his life right now is a hinderance to him calming the fuck down and getting his head straight.

>>18386386

>When do I know its time to break up?

I'd need more information.

>>18386397
>adolescents
we're both 26 senpai
I really appreciate the way you're wording this situation and helping me see clearly. Sometimes I need the pov of a third person to fully grasp what is going on.

>>18386404

>we're both 26 senpai

Eh, still fairly young. I sure as hell wasn't as relationship savvy as I would've like to have been at 26. In essence, one is never too old to struggle with processing difficult emotions in a healthy way. From the way you explained the situation it sounds as though you're a generous amount more mature than he is.

I didn't mean to condescend, just trying to put the situation into context.

>>18386386
>>18386401
We're both 25. She lives in another city, with vague plans to move up to where I live. That's been how it is for 2 and a half years now. She's my first and I can tell she really loves me. I like her back but dont quite feel the same. My ideal woman would be at least one of (extremely supportive, a homemaker, a passionate career woman, a 10/10 looker). She's none of those and instead I feel that it's been me supporting her, helping her lose weight, writing her resume so she can get a a better job, and helping her though tough times. It seems I put in more than she does.

On one hand, we get along great in a lot of ways. We've never really fought or had a significant disagreement and I know she has serious feelings for me. On the other hand, I wonder what I'm missing. Would another girl make me happier?

File: tips boater.jpg (17KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 400x400px

>>18386412
No hard feelings

>bf tells me of two sexual instances where a guy was physical with him
>Has also told me about a number of girls he has been with
>Claims he only let the stuff with guys happen because he was depressed, drunk and genuinely didn't care about himself or life at that point
Is my bf secretly gay or bisexual either because he is ashamed or genuinely doesn't think he has an attraction to men? Can alcohol really lower your inhibitions to allow you to let someone you have no attraction to touch you?

>>18386419

So, I don't really enjoy telling people whether they should break up or not. I really feel like that is something that people need to decide on their own.

What I can tell you is that the distance between the two of you plus the vague certainty about the future plus this deep resentment you have towards her says to me that your relationship is not in a good place at all.

What I can tell you is that you have to think really hard and ask yourself whether you're falling prey to the "grass is always greener" dating mentality or if you two are actually just incompatible.

I can also tell you that, whether or not you're being realistic, very few real life people are going to be able to measure up to the homemaker-business woman-10/10-supermodel of your dreams.

Take all of this information and use it to make an informed decision. You have to decide on your own if what you have with her is worth giving up over what you wish you had.

>white blond hair blue eyes
>dating chink gf
>Genuinely love her
>She's convinced she has a future with me
>I don't want to let my genes go to waste or spawn another Elliott Roger
>Torn about breaking up over this

Wat do?

>>18386451
Thank you. I'll take your advice to heart. (Though I'd like to point out that I'm not looking for a 10/10 supportive homemaker career woman, just one of those would be fine.) If I decide to stay with her, how can I move the relationship forward?

>>18386429

All I can say is that, in my experience, I've never heard of or known anyone who participated in homosexual activity because of depression. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I can also say that being ashamed of having a sexual curiosity about the same sex is a very very common occurrence.

The rest of this puzzle you're going to have to piece together with him.

>>18386328
What's a good way to kill yourself without feeling pain or getting high?

>>18386468
Thank you. I will try to talk to him about it further.

>>18386460

Tell her everything you told me. If this relationship is going to work you can't hide resentment. Resentment and unhappiness in a relationship can only exist in the darkness and it only gets worse the longer you keep it to yourself. If you shed light on it you at least have a chance at addressing it and feeling better.

Its obvious that the distance is an issue for you so address it. Create a plan. Its obvious that your feeling of putting more into the relationship than her is an issue so talk about it with her and see if she's willing to do more to ease your mind and create more independence for herself.

Take this one issue at a time and work through all of this with her. Make sure to let her know you're talking about all of this because you care and you want to make the relationship work, not because you want to attack her. If you talk about it and put effort into addressing these issues and nothing gets accomplished then at least you can say you tried, right?

>>18386457

1/10

How to become an adult so I can move states to live with my boyfriend?

going crazy trying to get along with my sister
in particular, how am I supposed to deal with her making comments under her breath?

a common pattern is
>she mutters a comment mid-conversation
>I instantly react asking why she's making comments under her breath ("what did you just say? why did you saying things under your breath?")
>she respond, "nothing", "I didn't say anything", etc.

This clearly really triggers me and maybe she knows it, but without reacting, I can't help but thinking this would keep happening

>>18386488
>1/10
Thx for the advice fagit

>>18386328
Hey old man any tips on cultivating self confidence. I feel like I'm an ugly fuck, I'm pretty sure I'm not, but it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for my girlfriend, and her family, me feeling this way makes me less confident in talking to her family.
fuck reading that makes me feel like such a bitch.

>>18386497

I can only speak from my personal experience. I had a younger sister who I didn't get along with for years. We both did things just to elicit a response from the other and we had a horrible relationship.

That was when we were kids. Now that we're adults we have a very close relationship.

Now that I look back on it I wish I would of made a bigger effort to let her know I cared about her. I feel like making an attempt to be genuine with her might have cut through a lot of the immature behavior we threw at each other.

In the mean time I suggest just ignoring her completely. It seems like she only does it to get a response out of you so if you take away the response she's just muttering to herself.

>>18386494

"Adult" is a big word. You'd have to be more specific.

>>18386516

Confidence is a tricky emotional to nail. As far as developing a sense of self goes, I'd recommend getting a therapist. I only say that because your feelings of inadequacy sound like they come from a self-dialogue meaning you have very little impartial observations to compare the observations you make of yourself to.

A therapist has no reason to lie to you or inflate you so having a third party to talk to is often a really valuable thing. Chances are you are way harder on yourself than anyone else is.

What I can also tell you with certainty is that nothing kills a relationship faster than toxic insecurity. It turns into resentment really quickly and its very difficult being with someone who you constantly have to prop up. Obviously your girlfriend likes you and thinks you're enough. Start with that but, ultimately, don't rely on her to give you confidence. Confidence comes from within, not from out. Validation doesn't equal a foundation for confidence, its just a cheap substitute.

This is kind of a big question so I feel like I can only point you in the right direction and I can tell you that therapy really helped me put some of my more irrational thought processes in check.

>>18386531
thanks old man, I really appreciate the advice. I think my university offers therapy, I'll swing by as soon as I can.
My dad died when I was 16, it sucks not having someone to go to for advice. Thanks again.

>>18386531
I appreciate the advice. I think I'l try ignoring it in the future until we've both grown up more.

>>18386538
>>18386550

No problem guys.

What's a good way to approach a girl a met briefly at a party? I can message her on Facebook - I found her account via stalking - but what should I say?

I used to have this girlfriend, I met her in a really complicated moment in my life, drugs, alcohol, and all kind of gang/cartel related things, I was an I'm fucked up, she tried to help me to keep me up in the good way one way or another to show that the work is not that bad, couple of days ago, I got me dead drunk and we had a fight, I threw every fucking think I had to destroy her, and now I don't know how to move on, I'll kill myself if I had the strength to do it but I don't, what do I do, how in the fuck do I carry on with what I did, got no friends got nothing to look for and I just don't want to drown in this shit, what do I do to keep me going

I am an older old fag. Anon what do I do about a 2nd dui? I am about to graduate with a degree in math education? Can I still teach?

>>18386328
How old, oldfag?
i'm potentially also old fag

>>18386982
>old fag
>hasnt graduated yet
>only 2 duis
oh the naivety of youth ...

>>18386956

Say something like "Hey it was great meeting you the other night!" and just take the conversation from there.

There is always going to be an inherent awkwardness to developing a relationship with someone you've only had brief interactions with but don't get discouraged. Every person you have ever developed a relationship with was a stranger.

All you can do is introduce yourself and hope she is responsive. Don't worry so much about how to approach her and just do your best. If she isn't into it then thats fine, at least you can say you tried.

How do I get my first job?

I'm 20

>>18387045
hand out 100+ resumes

apply to job postings

how is this not obvious?

>>18387052
I already done this.

I've sent easily over a 100, still no answer.

>>18387062
either you arent applying to the right jobs or you're selling yourself wrong. make a new thread and I can help you

>>18386328
when moving to a new city should I find a job before or after I move? if before how the heck do I do that while being 7 hours away?

>>18386328
Late 20 here.

How do you manage to be happy? Do you have all that you wanted as a kid? I feel dead inside.

>>18386970

You seem to have quite the collection of issues. I'd really encourage you to see a therapist. It sounds like you have a lot of demons you need to conquer before you even consider tending to the needs of someone else.

>>18386982

Firstly, seek help for your drinking. Secondly, I have no idea what the background checks for teachers entail so unfortunately I can't give you any input on that.

>>18387070

I've transplanted a couple times and I've always had a concrete plan, a job and a place to live set up before moving but I've never been an impulsive guy. Something about just showing up to a city and then formulating a plan always sounded very ill-advised to me.

Setting up a job and housing from different cities isn't really that difficult if you have some kind of marketable skill, all it takes is an internet connection and some persistence.

>>18387076

Happiness, in my experience, has been more of a desired outcome than a goal. For me, personally, I spent a lot of my life thinking that hitting career benchmarks and appearing successful to other people is what would make me happy.

Apart of being happy for me was loving the things I had and letting go of the things I didn't. Your natural instinct is always to focus on the things you don't have as opposed to things you do; the opportunities you missed instead of the ones in front of you.

I can't tell you how to be happy because its a different journey for everyone. All I can tell you is that it starts inside of you; having something that gets you out of bed in the morning. Having a passion or a goal or some kind of end result you want to achieve between the time you wake up and the time you go to sleep. We hardly ever accomplish the things we dreamed about when we were kids but somewhere along the way we have to forgive ourselves, for everything. Failure doesn't define us; how we use these failures to better ourselves does.

I hate to sound like a broken record but, again, therapy really helped me put all of these thoughts into perspective. Its easy to sit back and look at the whole scope of your life and feel overwhelmed and helpless. Its very helpful to have an impartial observer guide you through the analyzation of your life as opposed to constantly beating yourself down about everything.

>>18386328
Are drunken love confession ever true?

>>18387171

In my experience drunken words are typically sober thoughts. I can't speak to the validity of some drunk person's impromptu confessions but what I can speak to is peoples' propensity to say things when they're drunk that they don't have the courage to say sober.

>>18387184
Well. I guess I'll have to talk to him about it and should stop pretending it never happened.

>>18387204

That's a good idea. The best way to reconcile the differences between a person's sober thoughts and drunk thoughts is to smash them together in confrontation and see what he's willing to cop to.

Also, heavily encourage him to stop trying to use alcohol as a conduit to developing a relationship with you, if that is what he's after. Its stupid and immature and wastes a lot of time and brain cells.

>>18387216
How do I initiate a conversation about this? I waited for him to mention it but he didn't this far.

He doesn't usually drink, he got drunk with 3 beers like a 15 year old.

>>18387232

Just be straight up, don't beat around the bush. Ask him if he was serious about what he said.

Also, he had 3 beers. He couldn't have been that drunk. He was at least fairly cognizant of what he was saying.

>>18386328

Have you ever experience crippling depression, if so how did you pull your life back together?

>>18387246

Crippling depression is a medical condition. If you are so depressed that your life is falling apart you need to seek help immediately.

As noble as it is to try to deal with your depression on your own through sheer will power you need to remember that actual clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain; no amount of meditation or gym routines can fix it. They can help, of course, but not fix.

I, personally, have never been diagnosed with depression but I do have an anxiety disorder that I've struggled with for years. Just from my personal experience I can tell you that it got a lot better once I was able to admit to myself and the people around me that I couldn't handle it on my own and I needed help. With a combination of medication, life style changes, exercise and physical therapy I was able to overcome. I still struggle with it every day but my point is support systems are crucial. Find your support system and lean on it, hard. Its okay to need help.

>>18386386
When you ask this question.

>>18387246
Hey anon, I struggle with this, tried to kill myself last summer. The right anti depressant turned my ship around completely. COMPLETELY.

File: 1435003207763.jpg (10KB, 208x199px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 208x199px

>got a girl coming over for 2 nights
>but another girl wants me to come bang her on one of those nights
What the fuck do I do?

>>18387345
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cmexEZGQbs

>>18387385
Since when is /adv/ one of the retarded reee boards?

>>18387333

lol it already has fallen apart. I know I am in a hole. I know the only way out is climbing up. I know that I am avoiding things that I need to do because my being is content with this shithole of a lifestyle because I can't stand the possibility of failure and rejection.

I am tired. I wake up in pain everyday and I recently let a year slide. Taking fluoxtine right now and that has reduced the suicidal thoughts.

I have no support system because of the emotional baggage I carry. I don't know how people will react when I tell them about my life. I hate my life and was beat as a child. No father figure. Cunt of a mother. Older brother who treats me like a dog. Older sister that is so incompetent.

>>18387339
I am on SSI. It's helping with the suicidal thoughts but I can't get myself to do anything.

how to healthily deal with a breakup? the sorrow is killing me fampai

File: Irish.png (222KB, 549x560px) Image search: [Google]

222KB, 549x560px

>>18386328
I'm heading to college in September.
What do I expect?
Also I have fallen in live with a qt 3.14 30 something blond maths help teacher. I go to her house quite often. How do I go about this?
I want to give her a gift for helping me.

File: u9yU6w7ZxJo.jpg (536KB, 1267x1920px) Image search: [Google]

536KB, 1267x1920px

How do I study, be smarter? I can't comprehend the thought I am stupid as hell. I have been told, several times, that first impression people get that I am smart as shit, and as soon as they start to get closer it turns out I am empty shell, with bad, plain jokes, not able to make conclusions, failing to discuss difficult things, missing out everything rational, obvious. I struggle with studying, no matter what I am studying, and hate it with passion. Forever-C student, notoriously slow learner.

It affected my confidence so much that I even avoid to speak forcibly about difficult topics and sharing my opinions. I have a GF, and she's definitely, absolutely smarter than me in every way.

I can't stop bothering. It would be great if I had skills to work with my hands. Neither.

>>18387679
What are you good at anon?

File: gjyHQpYZuvA.jpg (181KB, 1080x1080px) Image search: [Google]

181KB, 1080x1080px

>>18387683
Can't exactly think of something. Public speaking would be fine, I have extremely weird gestures, basically drawing everything I am telling about with gestures, and face expressions, which mesmerizes people, not sure if my description is quite correct, but as soon as I start to describe something, everyone listens. Also have been told that people love when I am going into rage mode.

I think I tied my ego and self-determination with being smart, as I was the type of kid who could usually get everything almost immediately. Sadly, I realized that almost everyone was in this condition. Having recognized this problem the gap between peers would even be more wide with years. That's what I fear, fear tremendously.

>>18387334
Take my name.

>>18386328
What's her name? I need to find her and sniff her feet.

File: wallhaven-355884.jpg (754KB, 3840x2160px) Image search: [Google]

754KB, 3840x2160px

>>18387711
Hey, Voice of Reason. I read some of your posts, I like it. What advice would you give?

>>18387679
>>18387710

>>18386328
Hey, what kind of questions do you ask to become interested in people? I don't really talk to that much girls over text because I don't know what to talk about. I feel like I'm always talking about just some funny stuff that's happening around me or her but I'm not really getting to know her as a person.

>>18387944

I don't think there is a specific formula, really. If you're not genuinely interested in getting to know that person then I assume coming up with a list of things to ask won't do you much good. Personally, I've always found that profound connection comes easily. When I find myself struggling to keep up with a conversation or find things to say its because, deep down, I don't actually want to be having the conversation.

I can tell you with a fair amount of certainty that passionate people are inherently magnetic. I'm passionate about music and art and my love for those things exude in my conversations. Don't force yourself to have meaningless small talk if thats really not what you want to do. Find something you're passionate about and use that as a base. Not only will it help you find people with strong common interests, you'll find yourself never running out of things to say.

Don't feel this pressure to just chatter on for the sake of conversation. If the connection is there and you're genuinely interested in each other, the conversation will naturally progress. If there is no connection, it won't, at no fault of your own.

File: 1496458200012.jpg (1MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3264x2448px

>>18387679
>How do I study, be smarter?
>struggle with studying, no matter what I am studying, and hate it with passion. Forever-C student, notoriously slow learner.

Just keep your mouth shut and stay humble. You can't seem dumb if you're quiet, and only discuss things you understand. And if you don't understand something, just listen or ask others to explain, read in your free time. I'd imagine your ego may be getting in the way, so just admit that you're naive and have a lot to learn, regardless of how smart others/you think you are. Try to learn as much as you can from everyone you meet, because "everyone knows something you don't." Think before speaking, speak slow and deliberately, and use common sense, which you gain by experiencing things. And just realize that you cannot control how intelligent you are, nor does it matter as much as you think.

As far as being a slow learner and getting C's, that has little to do with intelligence. It mostly represents how hard you work. Some people just aren't made for school