Post Cheating

>>18385792
I didnt read your whole post but mistakes are choices also.
You should at least give her a heads up that you want to break up so she can save money.
Dont make excuses for why you cheated.
I was unhappy in a relationship and cheated but I dont pretend like what I did was okay.
You should have been either working on fixing your relationship or breaking up with your girl.

>>18385792
You really need to be honest with yourself about why you cheated.

Often it is because you want out of the relationship but you are too cowardly to admit it or do it.

Otherwise if you want to save the relationship, you should tell her. At this point the odds are against you. its not impossible to salvage, but will likely take her says 2 or so years to actually forgive you, if ever. Consider this carefully.

also fi you hide it from her, it'll probably come out anyways eventually, then you're totally fucked cause you hid it for so long.

good luck

>>18385844
The problem isn't forgiveness, it's the loss of trust. I cheated on my wife and she never trusted me again. It erodes the marriage. We're still together but don't have sex (we're older anyway). But I'm still cheating.

>>18385831
Tried fixing it by mentioning some of whats bothering me multiple times, but not much changed after a few talks. The last time she said that im making those feelings worse than they are. Figured it could be because of the new city and new job, but they now look like definite red flags.
Not saying its okay what happened but with the thoughts of not being sure if i see a future together etc can all of a sudden change a loyal attitude.

How can she save money though when i give her a headsup? I cannoy afford the rent by my own, so we still are stuck there probably.

>>18385844
Agree that im too cowardly too break it off. This has to do with it being my first relationship, all the red flags of how we are different or not alligned anymore, only having each other because we live in a new city, and possibly the new situation that could create this doubt.

All this made me shift from loyal and not talking to any girl to thinking about ex flings and cheating in the heat of the moment.

Not justifying it, more or less observing what happened.

>>18385992
Would you say you are happy with her. Cant imagine sticking to the wife that im cheating on because she obviously isnt the one for me anymore


I will probably not tell her that i cheated because that will break her heart like no other. The only option i see is to not destroy her self esteem and break it off so she can go on after the normal post breakup period.
How did any of you contact the person you cheated with afterwards and who of your surroundings did you tell?

Thanks for the support anons

>>18387287
You're just making excuses not to tell her because you don't want to "rock the boat". Admit it; you're a coward.
Yes it's a sticky situation, but the longer you keep this, the more devastating it will be for her down the road. So don't go on about "protecting her", when the only one you really give a shit about is your selfish ass.

>>18387337
Lol i dont get how you are able to only jump to this narrow conclusion as in that im protecting her and trying to cover it up with words.
Yes im a coward in that i havent broke up with her before this happened, but quickly throwing a 2y relationship out the window sounds a lot easier than it is when you only have each other within a 200km radius and ur still contemplating if its the right way to go. I appreciate your rational opinion though.

I know now this shit cannot go on like this and I will break up with her. Because i already want to break up i dont see the benefit of why i should traumatise her as well besides the heartbreak by telling her that i had sex with someone we had a discussion about a year earlier.

This burden id rather not put her up with so she wont be affecting by this shitstorm. This way she can find someone who loves her while not being afraid shes gonna get cheated on again.

Did any of you talk about this to your friends or the one you cheated with pre-breakup? I need to ventilate and im not experienced in this shit.

>>18387648
I have never been cheated on, but I can say that I would want for you to tell me and let me decide what to do with the relationship to starters. The circumstances of you cheated, at it's core was a selfish desire to attain satisfaction outside of your relationship. To properly redeem yourself, you need to be selfless and upfront and face the consequences of your actions by telling the truth, whole truth and nothing but, and allowing her to pass judgement on what she thinks should happen in your relationship. You already drove the deathnail in, it's up to her to see if it will be a buried and done issue, or if she can pull through and forgive you.

Do not talk with friends or family, talk to HER. Stop making this about you and what you are going through. You lost the right to that when you cheated. Tell her everything and work it out with her.

>>18387656
Thanks for your insights, you are completely right. I'm the one to blame and therefore it doesnt matter what is good for me.
Though how is this applicable for when I already know that I want to break up? Doesnt really make sense that I ask her if she wants to continue when I already know that I dont.. Since we most likely will part ways very soon, ignorance could be bliss from her perspective. Telling her its over and than also giving a second destructing blow by adding that i fucked some random person will not have any added value and will possible scar her in the future.
Normally im quite an emphatic person, but I dont see the beneficial effects of telling her this when im no longer interested in staying to be honest.