GF has crush...

...cont

She clearly wants us to work, she makes that very certain to me, that she only feels wrong for whats happening. She makes it obvious that even if we "took a break" she has no interest in starting a relationship with him or even sexting unless the distance between them was gapped /and/ she actually likes who he is in real life. Which, neither of them have jobs and just play video games about 12 hours a day, so thats pretty much not happening. She has this belief that we are "soulmates" and even still says she "loves me more than anything else in the world" very genuinely.

Is there a way I can help her to manage this crush she has with this guy a bit better, maybe help her control it?

To me it doesn't sound normal for someone in a serious relationship to get crushes on other people. I think it's a sign that the relationship is missing something, that the passion was lost. But there are many people who believe it to be normal so, who knows, I may be wrong.

You can't really do much to change her feelings. She is the one who has to deal with them, not you. And you don't really have a step-by-step process on how to get over someone, the only thing that we know helps a lot is cutting contact with the person. Time will do the rest. But it seems that she's not doing that and that makes me wonder about her intentions. If she wants to get over him then why is she still talking to him? All she has to do is tell him that she has a boyfriend and wants to get stay faithful to him then block him on whatever social media or app she's using to talk to him. The fact that she didn't do that already makes me think she doesn't really want to get over him.

Also that talk about wedding and stuff sounds really weird to me. Like crazy people weird.

>>18383900
I'm in a serious relationship and get crushes all the time.
its totally normal, its what you do that matters.
In this case her actions are more suspect than her feelings, as you pointed out, why is she pursuing it?

She's your girlfriend and she revealed to you she's got crush for another man? Are two even really dating?
I understand that it's normal over the course of long term relationship to develop some kind of crush to other bseides our significant others, be it on the man or woman's side, but when it gets to the point where she reveals it to you while she's still keeping contact with the crush, you have to wonder if she's still hold any respect on you.
Maybe you don't have something she really needed and so she sought it in others.

I don't know if it'd be the best way to you, but whatever happens don't go confront her with 'the talk' since it'll just make her rationalize more that you're not worth it for her anymore, instead you try to ignore her crush, ignore and joke, ridicule her behavior like you'd joke to small children.
Keep giving her attention and love she deserve, but nothing overboard, focus on yourself first.

>>18383900
She has a very hard time developing meaningful friendships. Her list of regular friends is me and him. Noone else. That's why she doesn't want to get rid of him entirely. As for underlying conditions, our relationship had some problems this situation brought yo thr surface which were positively resolved which have been changing things between us for the better.
>>18383905
She doesn't want to pursue the feelings, but she has an issue with having extremely powerful emotions that last a short period of time she controls poorly. As I stated before, this is her only meaningful friend besides me.

>>18383909
She does respect me, which is why she attempts to make boundaries that I set. I understand she needs friends besides me and has literally no one else to call a good friend. Your advice I think is solid, thanks

From what I understand, these powerful and "short" emotions are there because of her low social life. If she gets more friends she'll feel less like each one is her whole world and won't develop those "scared to be lonely crushes"
But that's my vision and you may not agree with me

>>18383853
OP this isn't about you at all but your girl uses the internet like a romance novel of old for her escape and entertainment. I would ignore this whole penpal crush thing and stop making it such a big deal. She will leave you for another guy but not this one because he's 1000 miles away.

How long have you know her OP?

>>18383938
I agree with you on some level, she's had this situation occuring since she left highschool and began college. It doesn't help I've been effectively smothering her for about 2 years now and became pretty controlling about male friendships, these things came to the surface over the past month and she said she'd perhaps have been less likely to develop a crush were these not problems to begin with. Now that they are effectively fixed since we actually talked about them I feel things getting better and healthier emotionally... but things are constantly in a state of Flux because of him and seems to wildly change every day in either extreme.

>>18383943
I've known her 8 years now. So I should just ignore her crush with him and only worry if she develops something actually tangible?

>>18383950
yep. I know its hard but ignore. Weirdly she has roped you in on her fantasy by telling you. If you really want to help her she needs to have something else to occupy her mind but don't position it as a replacement or she'll resist. Just encourage her to do other things or do them together.

I believe you commented she doesn't have a job but plays all day. She needs to either get a job or volunteer to get her out of the house more.

>>18383947
Then if you agree on this, you may realise that this is not a "real" crush since it is caused by loneliness. Introduce her to people, help her make friends (preferably people you trust since you seem to have trust issues with her having male friends). Even tell her about it. Everything should be better after that.
Either that or I'm wrong

>>18383979
Thanks, this seems to be a common thread to ignore it and laugh it off like it's a bit of a joke (rationally it really is), I guess taking it seriously kind of legitimizes it.

I'd like to get her to volunteer somewhere relating to her major especially as she will be graduating next semester, but she's pretty addicted to gaming.

>>18384000
Thanks, you definitely have a point. I'll see if I can't get her to develop some more close friendships. She's pretty obsessed with 3k miles away boy right now and addicted to gaming but I know of a couple people she could easily develop a close relationship with if she tried

So, wanna add something. I decided to snoop on her a bit, she's been telling him that she loves him a lot lately, and offering to spend quite a lot of time with him and bond with him, and tells him that she wants a future with him straight out on atleast one occasion. They talk a lot about him coming here, even just like a dozen hours ago this is what was going on. Her telling him that she loves him, giving him affection and saying she wants to spend her future with him. It seems like she might have been downplaying how much the emotional cheating is and by the seems of things only is being loyal enough to not send him anything inappropriate. Besides that she says she loves him, sends him loads of hearts, talks like she's in a relationship with him, calls him babe, keeps insisting about him coming here.

Do I still avoid this and treat it like its a joke and not serious? I mean I can get over her choosing to voice chat with people who arent me obviously even when Im available, we see each other like 3-4 times a week and always talk on facebook. But it doesn't feel like she's showing much restraint?

>>18384292
You have two choices only. Ignore it and shut up or break up because you cannot fix this girl.

If it were me and a gf was telling another man she loves him I would know she doesn't love me and it not worth my time to be with someone that doesn't love me. Bye, bye and have a nice life.

>>18384292
It seems like she's living a fantasy with this guy in an attempt to massage her ego. Although you could argue that it is harmless due to his distance away, it isn't a healthy thing to do mentally and shows her inability to commit to one person and be happy.

She's probably getting from him everything that she doesn't get from you. For example, do you ever talk about getting married? If not, she can do this with him without the actual commitment of discussing it with her actual partner.

She sounds like somebody desperate for validation. I would be extremely suprised if she hadn't sent photos to him. She also sounds incredibly immature to be able to fall in love with someone she has never met, in a few months.

I'd leave her. If she can do this online, what's stopping her doing it in real life?

>>18384364
We talk about marriage and a future together quite often, and we've been pretty serious about it. Just a couple months ago we laid out my plan to talk to her family this autumn for permission to propose, and she'd like us to plan something special for our engagement next spring. I do wonder what would stop her in real life, all I can think is that the spark in our relationship has dimmed over the past year due to my smothering and controlling manner which has been fixred and things between us have improved, she likes me a lot more now and has been feeling the sparks with me again, however this all only happened because things began to develop with him and she refuses to let it go with him and its only getting worse. The only way it can be more serious than this is if she is actually sending him pictures and being inappropriate with him without me knowing, because at this point it feels as though she has substituted our relationship. She says she can feel the sparks between us, she can feel a connection with me and she can feel the love really strongly again sometimes, but its never been given a chance this past month because of her obsession with this new person.

>>18384363
Im definitely considering just breaking up with her and going solid no-contact and see what happens. I doubt it'll take very long before she realizes she fucked up, I'd probably take her back in that case.

>>18384377
For your own sake, start ignoring her crush and if she mentions it just act like it's a kid's joke. Prepare to breaking up with her if she shows the sign or outright says she's jumping the ship, so you'd go ballistic if it happens.

If you really interested on fixing your relationship, you could try instill dread on her. By that I mean you star focusing on yourself more and then cement a belief inside your mind that you're above her in term of power and things. Put it simply is put her below of you in status. Definitely keep giving her love and attention IF she deserve to have it. Carrot and stick, man.

>>18383853
>entire first paragraph

Mah nigga. You sound like me mang. Moreso on the accepting crushes are a thing front. I know people who freak out about that shit.

>the rest

Your gf however sounds weird af and the guy too. Who the fucks talking about love and futures and marriages after a month on the internet?

Thats pretty retarded. Is your gf hyper sheltered?

>>18384388
I'll try to ignore it, just after reading some of that stuff it really started to eat at me pretty badly. Like, thats boyfriend talk she's giving him, straight up. I'd like to fix our relationship, but what do you mean precisely by instill a belief that im above her? In what situations would she deserve to have it?

>>18384392
She is pretty weird desu its why I liked her to begin with, she was a weirdo. But this is a different weird, its pretty bad. She is pretty sheltered.

>>18383853
Use the bitch up before she fucks someone close by

>>18384431
>what do you mean precisely by instill a belief that im above her?
To make it simple, you have to prioritize yourself, your happiness first BEFORE you go helping her with anything.
It's a noble thing to put others first, but remember in the long run it's harmful for you. The doctor needs to be healthy first and foremost to be able to help the patients after all.

>In what situations would she deserve to have it?
She'll get love when she makes you feel good, she'll get punishment if she makes you feels no bad like with this crush thingy.
Carrot and stick method.

>>18384441
Punishment being.... I ignore her...?

Besides that I understand pretty clearly

>>18384292
dude, fuck this. Your girlfriend saying I love you to another man? Dump her. Get that shit out of your life. I know it's hard and unfortunately I've been caught in hard situations with women too. But you need to dump her ass out in the cold. Have some self-respect. That's the woman who's supposed to be loyal to you, calling another man "babe" and wanting to spend her future with him. She doesn't respect you. She doesn't value you anymore. Cut her off, and maybe, just maybe...she'll come back around when she gets desperate.

>>18384292
Dude, it's only going to get worse if you don't do anything, I've been in a very similar situation before, if you don't do anything it's just a matter of time before they start sexting and shit. NEVER trust online people flirting with your gf. For your relationship, and more importantly for yourself as a freaking man tell her to cut ties with the guy and block him. If she really loves you and cares about your relationship she will do it, even if she doesn't like it at first, if she loves you she'll get over it pretty quick. If she doesn't want to at all, then yeah you should seriously consider breaking up.

File: 300bfbc27aaed490e7da14c5577ab85b6c0710999ca1a3afc227139242ba0f6f.jpg (182KB, 985x865px) Image search: [Google]

182KB, 985x865px

>>18384377
>>18384448
Dump the cunt. A partner should never ever act this way, and she does it despite knowing you hurt because of it. She is not fit for you. How old are You? You're probably young enough to pick up another girlfriend, one who won't go insane over another man's jock. Don't be a literal cuckold, nigger.

>All these little faggot in the thread telling OP to stay with his unloyal bitch of a gf

>>18384459
this guy has a point. If my girlfriend ever refused to cut somebody off or block them that I was reasonably suspicious about, we'd have a problem. It's a very good litmus test to see how loyal she really is to you.

>>18384448
Sky's the limit, use your imagination for the punishment.

Usually I'd just say to dump the cunt ASAP since from your story her behaviors clearly shown disrespect towards you.
But let's say you'd give her a bit benefit of doubt this time and try to ignore, if she's still doing that shit, BOOM nuke her out from your life without making a fuss. It'll save you precious time.

>>18383853
having crushes is normal but your GF took it way too far. dump her asap or forever hold your status as a cuck

>>18384292
Your girlfriend told another man she wants to spend her future with him? Dude... break up with her ASAP.

>>18385229
yep, you already have the evidence, shes just using you for a relationship while she lines up this other one.

fuck that bitch

>>18384591
>>18385229

These guys have the right idea, but you shouldn't break up. Just continue fucking her without serious feelings until someone more emotionally mature comes along.

What a mess, im still embarrassed for you OP. I shake my head at you for tolerating this