Help

>>18382175
please elaborate

>>18382175
Fix yourself first.

Are you overweight? Eat less and hit the gym. Are you depressed? See a therapist, get a diagnosis, get meds. Are you socially awkward? Get out there and fuck up so many times that you learn from each and every mistake you've made while talking to people (sounds counterintuitive, but it really works).

That's the first step you need to take.

>>18382222
yeah sometimes I turn not succeeding in life into some sort of narrative, which is usually not productive.

that's not to say you haven't made mistakes, but that maybe they all don't fit into the same framework. we all fail sometimes, especially when it comes to fitting in socially.

>>18382203
For the most part of my life I've been putting on this mask that i'm happy and that everything is fine. But deep down I hate myself, and the fact that I act in this way. It's such a fake attitude and it feels so childish. Why am I supposed to laugh at stuff that ain't so funny? Why do I say stuff that I don't really mean?

And like I always do so much for other people like help them with their car, cleaning or whatever. When friends call me I have to put on this persona so that I can please them. But in the end it doesn't even matter because they don't respect me at all. And I still end up wasting money by buying food for everyone or just all-around waste my own time and energy on other people. It doesn't make any difference they don't like me any better. Always worrying what other will think of me.

This fake attitude is killing me i'm crying so many times.

Sorry for rambling.

>>18382228
Yeah, I understand.

The reason why I say "fix yourself" is because you seem to care a lot about what others think. I used to be the same way, and it can really wreck you. At least it did for me anyway. So instead of putting yourself second, you must put your priorities above all else.

>>18382237
No need to apologize, you have shit you need to work on, that's what /adv/ is here to help with.

>>18382175
You need to find the source anon!

Im just like you. Its more mild now but it was horrible when i was a kid. I felt like a puppet saying what everyone wanted to hear.

My source was my mother, i couldn't express my emotions or thoughts around her, without her getting angry at me. so i learned to say what she wanted me to say. I learned to do that with everyone.

The first step is learning to stop. stoping your thoughts and putting them through a processor
before you say them (stop editing your thoughts)

Next step is to try disagreeing with people and hold your own opinion to scrutiny. That ones hard. Theres seems to be a fear of people not liking you for what you said.

But if you can do this and keep doing it. Over time you find you can express yourself and your don't edit anymore.

With that, anxiety really comes down. I had sever anxiety growing up. Shit i had a panic attack first day of college because i had to meet people.

But bottom line you have to practice, no matter how small. But do some every day, slowly it will become easer.

>>18382237
It sounds like you have been putting on face for people who aren't meeting your needs, and that you would like a friend who you can be yourself around.

The only time I'll put on face is to get laid, and I'll tell you, the façade is pretty short-lived.

It's liberating to have someone you can be yourself around. For me, it has mostly been older (over forty), more liberal people.

>>18382222
No i'm pretty fit i'd say. I'm in university now and the gym is somewhat the only thing that keeps me sane for a moment so i'm there pretty much every day.

I'd say i'm depressed and have been all my life. Because once I started working in a factory and somehow it made me so happy being there. I was so relaxed and didn't doubt me one bit. i was 22 then and it's sad to admit it but it was the first time of my life that I actually was myself. Even had a girlfriend back then. So now when this depression comes back I recognize that something is wrong but i don't know how to fix it. It gets tiresome to live like this day in and day out.

U have a point that I should go out and don't be afraid to fuck it up completely. That is a really good tip, ty.

>>18382242
not op again

but sometimes I need to get my goals done, which is a lot different than trying to blend in and please my so-called peers.

my peers often have shit together in a way that I never have. I need to live through the dirt and the grime in order to make progress, and these prissy fucks couldn't possibly conceive of that without resort to drugs and spinning out.

I know once I get through school and am successful (way later than my "peers"), I'll be my own man who doesn't need any validation, and I'll be making newer, more eager friends

If I stopped what I was doing to attempt to please people, I would be crying and out of gas as well. I only play the social game when it works for me. That's how I survive this mess of a life I have been dealt.

>>18382249
I hate to play the blaming game, and ofcourse kids always blame their parents but if I had to point to the source i'd say it's my parents, especially my father. He used to cheat on her and beat her all the time. And always putting me down growing up. Now when i'm an adult and moved to another city he acts like he is there for me and that I can trust him. Truth is I hate him with all my heart I have been swallowing so much shit from him it's unbelievable. When I was younger I thought it was normal but when I look back he has been very abusive towards me and my mother.

I get that he took care of me when i'm a child but now do I have to kiss his feet for the rest of my life because of that? I don't wanna live that dog life anymore it's sickening.

Yes, practice is key. I've been thinking of just saying no to people. No and not explaining myself why I can't. If they see me as an asshole and that I end up with no friends, so be it. It's better to be alone and be yourself, that to have everybody, but not being yourself.

>>18382285
Im in the same situation.

My mom is acting like she did nothing wrong and blames me for all of it because her mother (my grandma) beat her as a kid. She use to tell me i was a failure and incompetent from the age of 6 to 17.

When i visit her, i always have a filter up. I was very afraid of her growing up. Subconsciously i still am.

But lately i've been thinking the best way to stop this is to cut her out of my life completely.

Think about it like this, if your dad was a friend would you hang out with them?

I'd say fuck no, When you were a kid you couldn't help what happened to you. But your an adult now and everything that is happening to you is by choice.

Realizing that helped me say what i wanted to say. When you keep your thoughts in for a long time you become empty inside. I believed everything was meaningless when it was really bad.

I think you will find something else when saying no, actual friends and companions. Some people might think your an asshole.

but there will be people who respect you for it. But also take into consideration when your saying no. Say no if you actually mean it.

>>18382366
I guess you have a point. Even though they are your parents they know how to put blame and shame on you so that you obey them. But it's not good because like why would I wanna sacrifice my own life and time here on earth for them. Because one day they will die, what will I say then? Then everything I've done for them was in vain. All the time I gave up myself for them would be for nothing and I have nothing to show up for it. What is the reward? Gah I hate this.

>>18382443
exactly.

I want to live my own life too. Im afraid when i'm old all i did was please others and be that guy who was nice but never had an opinion, but i do have opinions.

I cant live like that. Fuck that, I want to live my own goddamn way.