do i break up before proposal?

even though he is my most comfortable option, the spark is just not there. he is not romantic enough for me and never makes my heart light up. we are also not that sexually compatible

however, i feel like it's sinful or a stupid mistake to break up with him because we understand each other so well and are so close and are otherwise happy together. at this point, i consider him my BEST FRIEND for sure. he is just not my romantic ideal.

i read an article about a girl regretting she broke up with her high school sweetheart and how the dating field candidates SUCKED and she became super depressed afterwards, and on the flipside the guy was super happy married with kids etc

oh yeah that's another thing. i don't even think he'd end up happy or having a life to be jealous of. instead, i think if i break up with him, he'll be absolutely emotionally destroyed and might kill himself since he's talked many times about being suicidal and relying on me. it would really be horrible if he felt destroyed because of me.

also, i don't think he suspects a breakup from me. but the thing is .. it hurts to write this.. i've said "i love you" to him thousands of times and i don't think i've meant it for at least 5+ years.

i know i'm an attractive enough girl that i can find a better 'ideal' for me pretty easily. yes i'm arrogant. should i take the moral road and 'settle' for my 10+ years boyfriend or should i devastate him and possibly my future self by breaking up for the prospect of something 'better'?

what should i do?

(2/2)

>>18379760
The moral road isn't settling, the moral road is honesty. You've lied to him about loving him for 5+ years and you're talking about wanting better. If you married him do you think you'd end up with him for the long haul, and do you think either of you would be truly happy with that? What would happen if you were married and that ideal man you're dreaming about comes along instead?

Break up with him. He's better off alone than with you.

>>18379752
Break up with him ASAP. HE deserves someone 100x better than you are.

>>18379760
You've been lying to him for 5+ years for your own comfort. Do him a favor and let him find a woman who actually loves him while he still has his relative youth. But don't expect to be friends afterwards, it will almost certainly be too painful for him to bear being around you.

Chasing after that spark will just leave you burned out in the end. True love is a slow burning flame, not fireworks. After your 5th cock and failed romance, you'll come to realize that you did love him after all, and you threw away something good.

>>18379760
If you want some advice on the matter. First, get out that dudes life. Second, stop being such a shitty person. Leaving someone that actually accepts you and cares for you is actually retarded. I don't think you realize how rare that is. Really you need to rethink your own life and stop being a selfish twat. Women who think like you are privliged arrogant scum. .t guy that has been in your boyfriend's shoes

>>18379774
>>18379777
>>18379778
These, and for god's sake do it before he blows thousands on a ring and proposes.

>>18379774


>If you married him do you think you'd end up with him for the long haul

I think I would because I really value loyalty (probably why I've stayed with him so long despite my heart never being more than 70% into it), and marriage is that last final 'lock'. (the previous lock was losing virginity to him, which I kinda regret doing because I'd rather have my lover be my first and only, and I'm not sure I'll always be with him).

>do you think either of you would be truly happy with that?

I really am thinking I wouldn't, and it's like I keep trying to convince myself I really am in love him, but it's just not working.

As for him, I think he'd be happy with ME, but marrying me also comes with things that would make him unhappy. Namely, location issues- he would have to separate from lifelong friends he currently has here, and he really doesn't want to do that. But it's a sacrifice he'd make to be with me, I guess.


>>18379777
>>18379778

Advice like this definitely makes me feel less guilty about the idea. Like, as if I'd be doing him a favor by breaking up with him. Yeah, I mean, I'm starting to feel like a sociopath because my feelings are just unrequited and it's like I've been living a false life emotionally with him for so long. I still really enjoy the "best friend"-y time we have together, though, like watching awesome shows/cooking together/playing games together etc. We are totally perfect together as best friends.


>>18379779

Yeah this is definitely a worry in the front of my mind. Like maybe I don't understand what love actually is- maybe I /am/ in love with him and just have a very romanticized idea of what love SHOULD be. And maybe I actually have it right in front of me, even if I don't feel sparks.

>>18379782

>t guy that has been in your boyfriend's shoes
can you talk more about your experience?
do you feel like you wasted time and energy on her? do you wish you never met? did she blindside you with the breakup? what was her reason for breaking up? did she ever cheat? what do you wish she would have done differently? did you feel like she was in love with you before the breakup? did you feel any signs that something wasn't right?

>These, and for god's sake do it before he blows thousands on a ring and proposes.

he already bought the ring =( but it's not that expensive. he doesn't know I know. UGH

>>18379798
I'm curious, how did you find out?

>>18379800
I saw a text conversation with a relative that I shouldn't have. I actually was not snooping.

>>18379798
Well sure, luckily we never got to the marriage stage. Essentially, it came out of no where we were together for 3 and a half years of good relationship then one day we had a tiny fight over like if we wanted to go to a restaurant or watch movies at my place and she just ended there. No rhyme no reason. It wasn't until reached out to here a month later that I even found out why she left me. She said I was like the perfect guy except she isn't physically attracted to me and she thinks she can get someone just like me but better. I most definitely feel as though I wasted a lot of my time and money and energy on her. I treated her well, she had lots of family issues I helped her though. And I was cast aside for the shallowest fucking reason. If things could go back I'd do it. But it's too late. It fucked me up for a long time and 3 and a half years isn't even that long. That was a year ago and i still can't even find interest in other women. Either learn to appreciate the blessing you have or stop poisoning his life and future as fast as you can.

>>18379794
>Like, as if I'd be doing him a favor by breaking up with him.
No, you would be. There's no as if or maybe, that's just a fact. If you marry him someone better will come along, which will lead to one of two paths,
1. You cheat on him to be with new guy. You know how devastating this will be to all involved.
2. You don't cheat on him, but end up resenting him for holding you back from your better man. This will be similarly devastating.
Your relationship isn't going to end well at all. And you want him to separate from his lifelong friends, for your selfish ass? Give me a fucking break. Cut the guy loose as soon as humanly possible. He deserves better than your bullshit.

And whilst we're at it you deserve better than 5 whole fucking years faking love, get some god damn self-respect and grow a pair, young lady.

>>18379813
Thank you. I value your words immensely. That sounds horrible. I hope you find much, much better, as you definitely seem to deserve it.

>>18379820
I appreciate your sentiment. Hopefully your boyfriend can have what he deserves as well. I wish you luck whether you decide to rise up to what he deserves or allow him to find a woman who will appreciate him.

>>18379819

I basically agree with all of this. I guess I've been holding out for the possibility of option 3:

3. Realize that I really am in love with him and start feeling the sparks that I've longed for for so long. Feel like I'm able to truly and genuinely dedicate my all to him. Be genuinely happy. Say "I love you", "I respect you", "I want us to be together forever" and mean it.

>get some god damn self-respect and grow a pair, young lady.

Yeah, guess I'll soapbox some and say that I have very low self-esteem and always have so /part/ of why I'm so hesitant to break up is because I'm worried no one else will ever love me. I still sometimes am amazed that anyone could (assuming he does, which I think he does). I'm also not much of a catch aside from my looks, like I have a minimum wage job and have trouble doing 'normal people' things like socializing and being responsible. Sometimes he's like my 'babysitter' because he takes care of so much of my life and I'm not sure anyone else would want to take on that role. But whatever.

Also he's too good of a guy for me. Like his heart is too pure. I feel guilty being in a relationship with him because I feel more evil than him.

>>18379832
Thank you so much.

>>18379752
tell him you found out and you're not sold on the idea.
see a couples therapist to find out whats best for both of you. break up or stick it out. that kind of thing.

>>18379835
>Sometimes he's like my 'babysitter' because he takes care of so much of my life and I'm not sure anyone else would want to take on that role. But whatever.
You shouldn't brush this aside so casually. It's a very important question and I want you to think it over and find an answer. Are you happy to be a whore? Because right now that's essentially what you are.

You don't love him like you pretend to. You haven't for five years. But you stay with him because he takes care of your monetary needs. That's cut-and-dry being a whore. You could be making a lot more money if you were honest about it. So forget the relationship for a moment, just understanding this now, can you actually look at yourself in the mirror and be okay with that for the rest of your life? If you and he get married I'm assuming there'll be kids, can you look your daughter in the eye knowing all this? Life is hard. You have a lot to think about.

Reading this thread makes me so fucking mad, how can one person be this shallow?

I can't believe the amount of bullshit here, this girl has a nice guy, not a man.

He maybe don't love you like he should. Maybe he is just scared to be alone, idealize you. Anyway you certainly .ca get what you from him.

Go away before you make him a cuck. He will be hurt, but he will grow up and become a man.

You don't have to feel guilty, you can't force yourself.

Don't mind the resentful emotionally hurt faggot in here.

>>18379865
>Anyway you certainly .ca get what you from him.
Anon take your meds.

>>18379898
My phone is fucked up.

>you can get whatever you want from him

>>18379847

This is all a lot more to think about. Thanks.

> If you and he get married I'm assuming there'll be kids,

your point is valid. I don't want kids for a long time, but I'm assuming I will have them one day, and it would really be messed up to basically not actually be in love with their father but still have to keep up the façade with them


>you stay with him because he takes care of your monetary needs.

He doesn't provide much more than I can already provide for myself. We actually pay half on 95% of everything. Although when there's anything 'bonus' he is the one that usually foots the bill. He earns like twice as much as me and is moving up the ladder pretty fast

>Are you happy to be a whore? Because right now that's essentially what you are.

I definitely worry, given that I don't have much to offer except for my looks, that if I get a new relationship I would feel like a whore. In this relationship I don't, but in a new one, I probably would since I don't think they'd actually have much reason to love me other than the potential sex I'd provide. Still, I do desire having a relationship where I can be honest about my feelings even if that means feeling more dispensable/more useless/less cared about.

>>18379865

Very interesting advice, thanks.
The 'nice guy' thing is kind of true sexually.
But is that even relevant to what you meant? What specifically do you mean by calling him a 'nice guy'? I hardly described him in my post.

Often we realize what we had after we lost it, you can try talking to your boyfriend that the spark is gone.Why are you not physically attracted to him.Is he fat/ugly/a slob?

>>18379752
The kind of romance you want cannot and will not last. If you ever plan on settling down, this might be your last good chance. In short, this >>18379779

>>18379917
Physically his appearance is nice. He dresses worse than I'd like, and he seems slightly low testosterone... he has almost feminine behaviorisms sometimes, which can weird me out.
In bed, he's not extremely sexually compatible with me in terms of his interests. I'd say like 65% compatible. He knows very explicitly what I like and just can't get into it past a certain point. Which makes me feel weird about myself like I'm a freak etc.

>>18379915
A nice guy is a term used to describe the flocks of males (usually young) who says things like, "Girls always date assholes but say they want a nice guy, I'm a nice guy," next to a sad face and broken heart emoji. They tend to fall madly and deeply in love with any girl who gives them the slightest bit of attention.

>I do desire having a relationship where I can be honest about my feelings even if that means feeling more dispensable/more useless/less cared about.
Make or break time. Show your boyfriend this thread.

>>18379924
I see.
Well, as a femanon to another, you were in the wrong for being in a half assed relationship for so long.Now the best thing you can do for both of your sakes just break up and go on your own path.There's no use for you to endure a loveless relationship and for him to be lied to.

>>18379915
Are you scared to lose him ?

>>18380068
Definitely. He's wonderful to be around.
He's also basically part of me since we grew up together. It would be jarring to be without him.

>>18379819
It can and will happen this way. Number 1 happened to me and we will live the rest of our lives apart because she can't leave him. She married him 2 years ago because of pressure. She will never love him, but she owes him the relationship. Her family will never accept her getting divorced. He's a wreck who had a mental breakdown and was thinking of suicide when she tried to tell him she doesn't love him. He knows a lot about how us. He knows very little about himself or how he feels. He would never accept leaving her.

Try not to hurt anyone. Be honest and listen to your heart. If you truly feel the love of your life is still out there, wait for him. Please, wait for him.

>>18380099
Are you scared he would dump you ?
Sounds like attachment to me, it's normal but love is more of a choice.
Have you tried to talk to him ?
Because finding details about him that you don't like shows you just want to leave and whatever you do you can't change that.

You shouldn't be afraid to start over before it's too late. The more you grow up the more easily it will become to date/break up and feel less attached.

Now it's a choice you have to make, stay with him for monetary reasons or any other reasons and then you will have to force yourself or break up and find someone else even if it means less money but more happiness.

>>18379752
How old are you?
Because if you're like 23 and most of your ten dating years were spent in high school and college then obviously break up with him
If you're early/mid thirties, which im assuming you are since you're asking this, then ive got two things.
1. Love is not this extremely passionate thing. So its unfair of you to want to leave him because you dont feel this constant fiery passion. Love, especially in long lasting relationships, is about companionship. You've clearly described some aspects of that but if after 10 years you dont feel that the two of you are true loving companions then you're certainly justified in leaving.
2. Please for the love of god PLEASE talk to him. Let him understand why this is happening and try your absolute best to not make it about him and his perceived failure to live up to your expectations of him. I dated a girl for only around 3 years and she broke up with me out of the blue and to this day i consider it the worst day of my life. Being broken up with by someone who up until the moment it ends was someone you were fully devoted to has got to be just about the worst feeling in the world. That being said, if you make your case and he refuses to accept it and respect your decision and threatens to kill himself, frankly you've dodged a bullet.

If you're 40s or late 30's its too late for both of you. Just get marred. You'll love your kids

>>18380129
No, I'm not scared he'll dump me. I think he is wanting to be 100% loyal, grow old together, that sort of thing.

>Sounds like attachment to me, it's normal

'Attachment'. Exactly right. "I love you" doesn't feel completely sincere when I say it, but "I'm attached to you" would be an understatement. I'm kind of scared of what life would be like without him because I rely on him for so much.

>love is more of a choice.
Really? Maybe that's the disconnect I'm having. I thought love just happened. I thought I had it at the start of our relationship, but it slowly went away and now I can't bring it back. I really have been trying to feel it again, to tell myself that I haven't made a mistake staying in this relationship for so long despite not feeling true love.


>Have you tried to talk to him ?

I have tried talking to him in the past about not feeling 'romanced' by him. For example, he's like a 24/7 'jokester' guy and I've asked him to have 'serious days' because the immaturity can feel like a hassle and also a turn-off. A 'serious' day has never lasted for more than 8 hours, however-- he has trouble changing. And when it comes to sex, he doesn't make an effort to go past vanilla even though I've requested it a bunch.

I don't want him to change FOR me, anyway-- I'd rather be around someone who naturally acts in a way that makes me happy. If they exist.

I've never said anything too blunt or negative, though. I don't want to regret saying anything. You can't take mean words back.

>Because finding details about him that you don't like shows you just want to leave and whatever you do you can't change that.

Yeah. Well, I'm still undecided about what to do. I could list the great things about him-- kind, hard worker, caring, honest, thoughtful, creative... Pretty much a stereotypical good person. Also an attractive guy by looks alone

>>18380129
>love is more of a choice
I have never chosen to love someone. You don't pick who you get to fall in love with. You just fall in love.

>>18380169
Being afraid to lose your guy is sexy for a girl. If he isn't willing to walk away if you act like shit is too easy for you.

>>18380152
I'm 26, and yeah, most of our dating years were high school and we even had a sort-of thing in middle school. It's literally hard to imagine life without him.

But I like the idea of that type of love, theoretically. It seems like a pure, 'moral' relationship, for the mostpart, and like something we 'should' be doing. Whereas breaking up, especially for the minor grievances I have (not feeling a 'spark' but the relationship otherwise is still pretty great), seems like some sort of twisted sinful path taken for solely hedonistic purposes that I'll probably end up regretting because karma and also because the relationship will never be as close or deep, probably. Closeness-wise, can anything actually compare to a romantic relationship with someone you've grown up together with? I don't know, maybe it's a dumb question. Probably. But it feels like after a certain point (maybe 30s+), love isn't as romanticized anymore? Like I'd end up with a partner who doesn't really believe in true love or something. Whereas my partner currently truly and very deeply loves me, I think, and knows so much about me, so it's just terrible that I'm even pondering giving it up.


>2. Please for the love of god PLEASE talk to him.

Okay. What do I say, or at least what parts should I focus on? A lot of the stuff I've said here is too mean to just say outright.
>>18380139

>it's a choice you have to make with him for monetary reasons or any other reasons...

Just so you know, I pay half on pretty much everything. But he earns significantly more than me, and he really sorts my life in other 'responsibility' ways that I feel like I couldn't handle without him (or another person willing to take that role).

>>18380189
I guess that's true. Yeah. It's nice being so comfortable around him but sometimes I do wish he'd demand more from me.

>>18380198
Maybe you could deal with those responsibilities if you wanted to.
He's like your comfort zone, it feels good but how do you see yourself in 5 years ?
Like you should have left and grow a pair to learn to be independent ? Or more like these doubts were useless ?

It's up to you, anon. You only got one life and in this case you're the one in control. But if you stay, make it worth it for him, I mean, love him.

>>18379752
>10 years
>romance

There is a reason they say marriage takes work. Romance is a chemical thing. Those chemicals taper off around 3-4 years. Then you need to work to make the relationship and that flutter happen.

Both of you. Not just him.

Its 2017 you actually need to try too now sweetheart.

Other than that youll likely divorce anyone who isnt your BEST FRIEND as you so put.

>5 years

So if youve been having these thoughts for 5 whole years, why did you wait to act and now allow yourself in this position where hes about to propose and youre about to shatter him after wasting 10 years of his life with you, when youve had now 5 years to fix this shit? By leaving him or bringing it up to him or whatever.


Ill reiterate from above:

Romance does not happen on its own at all after like 4 years (clinical studies exist on this). Youre not out of love because hes not a good man. You are because youve done fuck all to keep it.

>>18379752
I'm gonna ignore the rush of romance you have missed out on with other men. You must know that is fleeting no matter who is your partner.

If you are not sure you want to marry someone after 10 years you shouldn't be with that person.

>>18380226
>Then you need to work to make the relationship and that flutter happen.

I guess I just don't know how. I could try to make myself more sexually available but our sex (lack of kink compatibility) is part of the problem right now. I could try to do general romantic things like cooking for him/giving him gifts and such but that won't necessarily make him change to be how I like.

It seems like the only thing that would work is for me to change what I like in a guy. Expecting /him/ to change as long as I 'work' on it seems like unachievable pipe dream material.

So the only thing I could work on is like mentally learning to be in love with him. Which is what I've actually been trying to do... /That/ is why I've stuck with him for so long and am pondering staying. I'm hoping for a re-spark in myself

Some people divorce at 50 for a reason.
If you've been doubting for 5 years you're more likely to feel worse after commitment and even worse years after. I'll let you imagine how it will be when you have kids, you'll feel stuck.

Even 10 years is nothing when you haven't had children or a house or else...

Maybe you have a need to feel alive ? Maybe are you just tired of this stable comfort you've had since high school and want to take risks ? You don't live If you don't take risks.

Getting the ring is supposed to be a moment of happiness, not a moment that makes you feel like you're getting handcuffed.

>>18379752
What you need is some excitement because this all sounds boring as fuck. Go take a vacation or something and break up with this dude. You won't regret it.

>>18380254
Fuck that. You know what you want. If I was your boyfriend and you were as hot as you sound like you are I'd be shooting fireworks every night. He sounds like a stooge to me.

He maybe felt like something was wrong and bought the ring to prevent you from leaving.
Men aren't supposed to make women stay, it's supposed to be the other way around.

>>18379752
It sounds like your skirting around a "you might marry them but could you be unfaithful?" type question. So in that case you shouldn't accept the proposal while you're not convinced of your staying power with your partner.

>>18380169
>example, he's like a 24/7 'jokester' guy and I've asked him to have 'serious days' because the immaturity can feel like a hassle and also a turn-off.

>Doesn't make more than minimum wage at 26
>Thinks she's not already past hitting the wall at 26
>Is basically a parasite
>Yet he is the one who is immature

Yeah kys dumbass. You probably don't even have a year's worth left in you.

>>18380354
>>Thinks she's not already past hitting the wall at 26

I do think I'm way past the wall

>Is basically a parasite

I pay half on everything but yeah he does other helpful things, not sure if that's parasite level

He knows for sure. But he ignores the signs that you don't love him anymore otherwise he would have made you take a choice or walked away but he's too in love for that, he's emotionally dependant.

>>18379752
Break up with him. He only wants to marry you because you suck good dick

>>18380254
You can't change a person in a day, you had 5 years to ease him into what you like

>>18380198
Break up with him, 100%. Assuming he is the same age, you both still have at least a few years of your physical prime left (more if you take care of yourselves), and there is presumably a huge pool of potential suitors out there for each of you. You chose each other in High School, where this pool was limited, and you owe it to yourself and him to let each other explore all the new options out there instead of entering a marriage which will cause you to resent him from day 1 (and as a result not put your all into being his wife).

As for what to tell him, only you can figure that out, you know more about him and your relationship than anyone here. But I'd start with telling him you've been doing some thinking and you've gotten too comfortable with him being "responsible" for you (or whatever you mean by him taking care of things for you) and that you want to grow as a person and become more independent so that any relationship you might make can be predicated on love rather than convenience. (This is advice too, btw. Not just an excuse. You really should do this).

Lastly, be prepared to leave this guy's life, at least for a few months. Even if it is for both of your own good, it will shatter him and he will probably not want to see you. You will lose the best friend thing you have going on, but it will be worth it.

You seem to be honest with yourself and putting serious thought into this, which is commendable, and I wish you and your boyfriend the best.

>>18380439
This. Also, do you really wanna leave your whole life being co dependant.

You'll be fine to find a bf untill 35 years old or even more. You'll be ok.

Stop wasting his time.

I've been noticing a lot of women bring up this whole "feels more like a best friend" issue as grounds for a break up, and I notice it more on younger women.

Here's the thing, the person you marry or whatever IS supposed to be like your best friend. The marriage wouldn't work otherwise; not for very long, at least.

So, break up with him if you truly don't love him, but understand that what you're looking/asking for only lasts a few months at worst to a couple years at best. Then you'll be right back to where you are now, but with someone else. True love, at least in my opinion, is about effort, team work, loyalty, and companionship, more so than sparks; that shit goes away eventually. It's science. True love is about loving your partner like you would family, because that's exactly what they are, what they'll become to you, and really, who here can say they feel passionately about their family all the fucking time?

What I think is that you do love him (you seem to think highly of him) but you're confusing what has transitioned from romantic love to companionate love for a lack of love in general.

TL;DR: you got two choices. Want more experiences, including new "romance"? Do both yourselves a favor and leave, but make it as quick and painless as you humanly can.

You want true love? Then stay, but understand you have to work for that shit. No more getting by on cruise control. Work on your mindset and understanding him more.

File: received_1197447517068386.png (2MB, 1080x1920px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1080x1920px

My best friend of 7 years and girlfriend of two just broke up with me for the same thing, only she hasn't felt romantically attracted to me for a few months rather than 5 years. She said I was everything she wants in a husband, we had great comparability, great friend and family relationships etc. If I were you, I would do what I wish she had done with me and just tell him how important to you it is that you improve on whatever it is that turns you off to him. If he's like me, he'll do anything to make anything to make you happy within reason and should be willing to do this. Also let him know just how much it's affecting the way you see him and that you feel you can't love him in a romantic way unless he follows through for you.
I think my girlfriend was foolish to end things over such a temporary feeling of romance in the same way I'd be foolish for ditching her if she put on weight or stopped dressing cute when we go out. Looks and feelings fade years into a marriage anyway, so if all else is good, why lose it?

>>18380718
This amount of faggotry.

>>18380787
Where am I wrong?

>>18380812
If you have good self confidence, good fashion, you're fit, have a good life and so on. Why would you change for her ? If you're not compatible, a mutual break up, stay friends and find someone that fits you. There are so many women outside.

>>18380439
>>18380718
I love these responses. Thank you.
I am going to try to talk it out with him, being very careful with my word choices. I do have it great other than the spark thing and I really don't want to lose it over this. I'm going to try very hard to make this work.

>>18381563
please update us when it happens
Make a new thread if you have to. Im invested in your story now.

>>18379752
>>18379760
This is a tough one. Because honestly, the "romantic ideal" you're hoping for does not exist for you. Some people just aren't romantics, and you're probably one of them. You won't be happy with anyone for more than a few years at a time. Even if you hook up with your dream-guy, the excitement will wear off with time, and you'll feel exactly the same way you do with your current guy.

It just comes down to the question - what do you really want out of life, out of a relationship? Do you just want a constant feeling of excitement, "butterflies," "heart lighting up," etc? Because that's just a chemical attraction that wears off with familiarity. You CAN have that, but it means you'll be jumping from one guy to the next for the rest of your life, getting more and more difficult as all the good guys marry off and settle down, and you get older and less attractive.

Or do you see yourself married with kids? Because if that's what you want, you'll never find anything better than your current relationship. A lifelong marriage/partnership IS more about friendship, rapport and compatibility than "spark" and excitement. Those feelings will ALWAYS wear off with time. After 10 years, it's completely normal that it doesn't feel like a roller-coaster anymore. But the deep compatibility, familiarity and friendship you have with him is not so easily replaced. That kind of relationship would make you ideal parents and partners in life.

I think you should really talk this through with him, BEFORE getting married, rather than just bottling this all up in your head. Because there are things he can do, that you can do together, to make your relationship & sex life more exciting than it currently is. But it requires effort, and he needs to know that there's actually a problem so he can make that effort.