How do I get back in touch?

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He kept calling for the first month every now and then, sent a couple of messages etc, but he has quit trying for the past 2 weeks or so. I also went abroad for a couple of weeks so that facilitated the loss of contact.
In any case, right now I'm conflicted. On one hand, I don't regret that I haven't hanged out with him, since our company had suffered this past year and I had felt repeatedly that he was holding me back. While I kinda miss hanging out, smoking spliffs and killing time, I have also positively felt the absence of his negativity. On the other hand, however, I dislike the fact that I completely cut him off, as I've done with other people in the past. While I stand by my decision to sacrifice our company to progress further, I feel the need to find a better way to control my friendships and relationships with people, instead of either hanging out all the time or not talking at all.
So here's my question /adv/: How do I talk again to him, after 2 months of no communication, and try to stay in contact without going back to the close friendship we had? Is it a lost cause to try to become acquaintances again, if I'm not prepared or I don't feel like I have to apologize? Is he gonna be mad, and did I completely burn that bridge by not replying? Seclusion has made me a bit of an autist in those matters, so any advice helps.
Also, along with him, I've done a lot of self-reflection lately, and I have ended up with some other people that I have drifted away from and I'd like to at least attempt to get back together. How do I make amends? I lost communication with most of these people because, in my depressive state, I couldn't be bothered to reply and socialize with anyone these past 2 years, and most of them just got tired waiting for me to reply. While the particular friend I've been talking about will probably be a bit mad at me for not responding, I don't think those other people feel resentful towards me.

Thanks in advance to anyone who bothers to read this!

you already are aquintince
aquintences dont talk 10-20 years and they are still aquintences
if you want new friend find a new one then lol whats the big deal

>>18372859
Here's the thing with your douche friend. It is going to be VERY hard to create a new, arms-length relationship with him given your history. You used to be great friends and hang out constantly, but he didn't have his shit sorted out (neither did you) and actually held you back when you tried to improve yourself.

From the sounds of it, he's not in the right place yet for you to be friends with him and stay on the right track. You're only JUST coming out of a pretty serious period of depression and bad habits, so it's highly unlikely you'll be able to keep yourself on this positive track with someone else trying to pull you down. You stopped talking to him for a reason remember.

I understand that you have history with him, but now is not the time. Give yourself a couple of years of transformation before you see how he is doing, lest you sabotage your own improvement.


In terms of the other people in your life that you want to reconnect with - as long as they aren't negative people, just send them a message asking how they are doing. We often build shit up to be bigger than it is and make out like 'the time has to be right or they'll reject me'. Fuck that. Just send them a text or Facebook msg saying "Dude! How are you going? I was thinking about you the other day and thought I should say hi :)"

Literally that is all you need to do. Some people may be a little unreceptive, but you'll be surprised at the people who will be really happy to hear from you and want to speak to you again. JUST DO IT AND DON'T OVERTHINK IT.

Good Luck!

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>>18372938
Thanks a lot for the reply mate! Really well put together, I appreciate it!
Regarding the other people I wanna reconnect with, your advice was great and you convinced me to bite the bullet and send some first messages out. I'm taking it slow though; my main worry is about me and that I haven't changed sufficiently to support going back to those friendships. I don't wanna put in all the effort and meet up with some old friend just to go back in my same old self and disappear next month. I've seen some solid progress in myself these past 3-4 months that hasn't occurred in the past but I've still got ways to go.
Regarding the particular friend, I get what you are saying. Talking to him might lead to becoming friends again, and that would probably push me back to my old habits. The first month my resolve was strong because I had the reasons I cut him off at hand (and I was pretty angry), but now I'm getting second thoughts and I need to remember those reasons. The remaining issue is, (and I'm going to be straightforward with that), his brother (that I met through him) is my connection for substances (weed mainly). While these 2 months I was working and I couldn't really care less for that stuff, summer is coming, friends are coming, and I'm going to need a hookup. Apart from the nostalgia, that's the main reason I'm looking for a way to make peace and maintain contact without going back to being friends. Should I just forget about it and start looking for a new connection (kinda difficult right now)? Should I talk straight to the brother and see how it goes? The dude was my gateway to that stuff and pretty much exactly what I needed at the time, and I think that's the reason I disregarded a lot of shit he pulled off these past 3 years and stayed friends.

I gave my opinion and/or assistance in a couple of other threads, so here's a shameless self bump

bumping for additional replies

>>18372915
Quaint as in in quaint. Acquaintances.

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One more bump
also, here's a greentext tl;dr, since I imagine many people can't be bothered to read up the 6000 letter thesis I've ended up with
I'm only talking about my last issue, since fellow >>18372938 covered most of my original question.
>be me, uni student, kinda depressed because shit happens
>become shut in, only want to play vidya and smoke weed
>find person in similar situation, become friends and eventually best friends
>3 years pass, decide to start bettering myself
>try to break it to said friend, maybe i can help him become better too
>friend pulls back, resists me progressing in life, turns out he doesn't want to change at all
>tries to pull me back, I try to make him understand and at least not get in my way
>end up giving up, completely quit talking to him
>almost 2 months later, life is looking up otherwise
>realize that I'm gonna need stuff his brother provided me with for the coming summer/vacations
>wat do?
I explained the brother situation at >>18372997
Basically his brother is my dealer, I wanna keep doing business but I haven't talked to said friend for 2 months. I'm thinking of talking to him just to break the radio-silence but I don't know what I would say and I generally have no idea what his brother would do now that I'm no longer "friends" with said friend.
In other words, I wanna go from "disappeared" to "not hanging out anymore", if that makes any sense. Can I make this happen somehow /adv/? Or should I just forget it, his brother was a luxury that came with having him as a friend?

>>18372997

You’re welcome! I’m happy it helped.

>my main worry is about me and that I haven't changed sufficiently to support going back to those friendships. I don't wanna put in all the effort and meet up with some old friend just to go back in my same old self and disappear next month.

It’s important not to get too caught up in ensuring that ‘everything is right’ before you connect. The reality is that improving yourself (in any manner) requires some accountability with other people. The fear of letting people down is ALWAYS part what keeps you on the right track.
The good thing is that now you have some momentum in your life and are seeing improvements. Don’t slow down and wait until you feel ‘ready’ because you will never feel ready. You’re most likely coming up with excuses (whether you’re aware of it or not) because you’re afraid of what will happen if you screw up and embarrass yourself.

I get that you don’t want to let these people down and understand it is scary to back into things, but you have to strike while the iron is hot (i.e. while you are already achieving in other areas in your life and feel a surge in confidence). Have you ever heard the phrase ‘paralysis by analysis’? The longer you wait to start connecting with people the more scary it will begin to feel, because instead of 3 years of no talking it will be 4, 5 or 10 years. It gets MORE intimidating with time, not less (regardless of how much you have going on in your personal life).

I used to have major social anxiety and could ‘reason’ my way out of interacting with people constantly. Eventually I just had to stop bullshitting myself and go hang out with people. The weird thing was is that the majority of people are quite friendly and a lot of that anxiety washed away after hanging out a couple of times. Like I said before, DO NOT OVERTHINK IT, JUST DIVE IN AND YOU’LL BE OKAY. YOU’RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK. /capslock.

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>>18375526
>Should I just forget about it and start looking for a new connection?

Short answer – yes.

You’re trying to improve yourself, so you can’t stay in a shitty friendship so you have access to drugs.

I’m not judging the weed/whatever use btw (I smoke weed), but take a step back and analyse what that looks like. You’re considering staying friends with a toxic person, purely so he can hook you up with weed. That’s an incredibly shitty reason to stay friends with someone toxic.

Maybe it’s time you take a small break from that stuff while you build these new friendships. I know it sucks not to be able to smoke, but sacrificing it for a small period of time and improving your life as a result is going to be WAY better then hanging around with a douche who drains you.

Drugs are everywhere, you’re going to be able to find new people to sort you out. Muster up some self control for a bit while you make this transition and you will be much better off.

(2/2)