GIOYC - Get it off your chest

>>18368479
I will always be alone and broken. I will never be able to be with who I love and ut has completely destroyed me. The worst part is the reasons make total sense. And we talk a lot. She knows how I feel. But the reasons we cant be together make sense. I am still so empty and I love her so so much. And it makes her feel bad because she can't return the feelings. I think I want to die now.

>>18368479
I fucking hate my job and despise the people I am in it with. I am unappreciated every fucking day of my existence, no matter how hard I try, they never notice nor care.

I'm just a speck to them and that annoys me a lot. I'm far more valuable than this and to treat me deplorably is fucking disgusting.

I want this place to burn to the fucking ground and never return. I want the people in there to fucking die of terminal diseases except myself.

It's hell and I need out, but the only way out is if I wait out another 6-8 months. Only then would I be able to release myself from this hell.

>>18368479
I am turning 28 in about two months and I am still a virgin. Never been on a date or had a girlfriend. And I can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'm going to explode. It's making me want to kill myself. I am being crushed under the weight of this hanging over me. I want to scream. I want so badly for someone to just help me with this. None of my friends even know because I lied a long time ago. I need this to change so desperately but there is nothing I can do. I'm totally helpless, I cannot make it happen on my own or it would have happened a long time ago. I really don't think I can do this much longer feeling like this.

J,

I don't know if you're messing with me but you've never scared me wrong before. You watched me through all these years waiting. In the past few months my life went to perfect to absolute shit. Yet you were there watching me as I lost it all, yet you still stuck around and grew quite fond of me because I could smile through it all. We grew closer. To the point where you said if we can fix the chaos within our own lives that we can be together.

Your mistake was challenging me while you held me in your arms.

~L.

Fuck. I think I am going to have to end it. He has too much power over me. Ever wonder if you've met your soulmate? You're probably the closest I will ever be.

Fuck.

I hold a deep seated resentment for my girlfriend whom I've been dating for 2 years now because she was a slut in highschool.

>>18368479
I have so much shit to do today and all I want to do is sleep.

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I know someone that cheats on his girlfriend all the time. They are an older couple so she is desperate harsh I know. He is complete pig and will continue to do this as he never gets caught, she just finds information out by what peoole tell her and he sucks her back in. I would love for someone to text him or call him being a female and just pretend that they are seeing him, that mistrust will hopefully get her to wake up to reality.

>>18368726
>>>/soc/

You're great.

I've been dating this awesome adorable chick for only a month and a bit now, we were hanging out and what not for a good two months prior to officially dating
I'm best mates with her brother, I've kinda known her for the past 6-7 years, I fit into the family extremely well
Anyway, turns out chick and I basically have nothing in common except for the mutual friend of her brother, not that it has caused any issue prior to this date

This one night at the pub before we were dating the boys started to throw some questions at me and I not willingly but did cough up some sexual related answers, I told her the events of the night, she's extremely upset and annoyed with my actions which is understandable I fucked up

Thus now the problem is, because of that night's actions, she doesn't feel sexually comfortable and doesn't feel like she can be emotionally open...

Question is, what can we do to move on from these issues or is it just too far stuffed and we should part our separate ways ?

>>18368496
Why the 6-8months ?

>>18368479
Im a fucking piece of shit. I have no purpose or derection in life. I've never told anyone this but i just wanna do drugs, get beyond fucked up 24/7 and then hopefully one day ill have the courage to blow my fucking brains out. People say you're lucky if you live to be old, but i keep telling myself ill be lucky if i die before the age of 30 (currently 20 years old). But to be completely fucking honest, i just wish i had never existed. There is no purpose or reason to life. I'm a lost soul with no direction.

There is no lasting pleasure in my life. I don't think I will ever be loved, and there is no place in which I feel at home anymore. I am also concerned that I am becoming an alcoholic. I have no substantial identity, and though I feel very spiritual sometimes I haven't felt comfortable in any church service I have attended.
It could be worse. No one cares, so complaining about my situation isn't going to do much. I am not afraid anymore.

Fuck it. And the reality of things is, I am asking for your forgiveness. Because I care. Because this is weird between us. Because I still want to make things up to you. Because I hurt you.

I am improving. I feel better and have been able to fight off my negativity better. And, as you said, I am trying to pull through. I am trying to go forward with my life. The thing is I'm not leaving without you. I want to be there to help you go forward as well. I want to do this together.

God I fucking hate school

>>18368999
Nice digits

Find it really difficult to come with a condom. Don't jerk it very often, using the thinnest ones I can find.

Can you just at least come up to me and say you're sorry for being such a despicable bitch? Can you at least apologize for breaking my heart and then walking away like you're the victim? Can you stop acting like you did nothing wrong, just leaving me like that? I sincerely wish you burn in hell, you have zero redeming qualities. I hope that no other poor guy has to go through what I went through with you. Fuck you.

Sorry for doubting you, /adv/. She did it again, the very same way.

This time it'll be the last. I won't use this hatred i feel now as fuel, but self respect.

Sometimes I think I should have followed my heart more. I created the perfect little life for myself. I followed the rules, went to college, started my career. I taught myself how to be feminine - how to look decent, cook and take care of the house. I have a house, a ring on my finger and the envy of my peers.

But they don't know I'm in a borderline sexless relationship and my job leaves me feeling sad and unfulfilled. Maybe I played it too safe. Maybe I should have taken that year off from school to find myself. Maybe I should have talked to other people for longer. I have no passion in my life. I'm should be happy but I feel so empty.

I'm so sorry for losing your number, I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for it. You were one of the only nice people I've ever met, even if you weren't that attractive, I still love you. I know we'll never, ever see or talk to each other again, but I'll never forget you. Thanks Hannah, I love you and I'm sorry.

Any fucktard writers in here that want to take my bait again and shoot themselves in the face?

I have felt and seen God, propagating through everything, encompassing all.

We are all it.

It makes me feel 0 connections to life and reality, as existence is but a speck of it.

L if you keep reading my posts here I'm just gonna make shit up. I really would like to have a place to vent without you complaining about what I say or use it as evidence for your arguments. I have no friends to talk to and this place helps me deal with that. Can you please let me have that? You say you aren't doing anything wrong NOW, but you're not letting me relax. Let me have this space. I don't want to be with you.

>>18369096
What are you jerking off about?

Are you the deluded faggot that has thinks people give a particular shit about them?

>>18369097
If you felt that and didn't feel the deep connection to 'reality', you dun goofed.

>>18369121

I did, we are all infinitely embedded in reality, but that is such a minor fragment of it all that being dead, alive, or unborn in this context has 0 meaning whatsoever

>>18368904
Gotta build up the experience.
If I don't have it, I won't be guaranteed a job elsewhere.

>>18369124
So, fairy cake ala Hitchhikers Guide?

>>18369127

didn't read, sorry

>>18369130
It's a way to destroy individuals, leave them drooling husks.

You hook people up to a piece of cake with a certain gadget, and it shows them the Universe with a little arrow pointing "you are here". The scale is supposed to render all their hopes, dreams, struggles so insignificant the ego can't handle it and gets blasted into nothingness.

But, it's a thought experiment with its own workarounds.

>>18369104
Hey, why don't you just tell me this directly? You don't want to be with me? Fine, tell me this. Stop being a coward and tell me this. Stop stringing me along, tell me the truth and we can end this.

Hey mom,

I'm tired of being the person you want me to be. I had a decent job but you said it's shit. I work on entrepreneur or freelance stuff and you don't appreciate it. I work as an intern to a job I'd like and test my ability on it, and you said it's shit and I should look for another job.

I hope you're happy when I'm dead or mentally broken cause I've been thinking of suicide lately. Tired of being your barbie.

I will be twenty seven in a week.
My family says they're proud of me.
I graduated law school,
I passed the bar.
Through all of that, I felt nothing at all. I smiled for a few pictures along the way.
I don't want any of this. I'm just a coward. I couldn't say no, I couldn't find my own path.

I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to write mystery novels. I wanted to live in another country for a while. Learn another language, read a thousand books.

I had a girl in mind. She was fair skinned with dark hair and silver-blue eyes and she liked the same books as me. I never met her. I never tried.

I have wasted my youth, worrying about status and my image. I'm too cowardly to stop wasting my life. I will sit in this office, sixty hours a week, for 2600 weeks. I will go home, eat my dinner, and fall asleep. Everything will be gray and familiar.

Then I'm going to die unfulfilled, alone, and full of regret.

I wish she was in love with me too

There's still time for you. I'm not 27 yet either but I always thought of 27 as the hinge age, where you either start living or kys.

>>18369148

Are you me? kek.

>>18369154

>I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to write mystery novels. I wanted to live in another country for a while. Learn another language, read a thousand books.
Do this. It's not too late. You fucking became a lawyer, dude. You can do anything.

>>18369141
If you're the L I know, I told you several times that I don't want to date you again. I've told you all the truth. Stop looking for lies in what I say, it's exhausting. Or fine, think whatever you want, but stop stalking me online.

I feel like I finally had a chance with an amazing girl and I blew it. Eventually drove her back to her ex, who she broke up with in the first fucking place. She said it was because I didn't just "jump right in" after we started dating, despite my attempts to arrange dates every weekend, and having to work around her schedule to find time together.
I don't think that was the real reason.. I think she found me desperate and needy. I just want a companion and she wouldve been almost too perfect and I drove her the fuck away. Maybe this is karmic justice for my past. I just want to have someone to talk to about this.

>>18369206
What's your initial?
You know I'm an L. What's yours?
Chances are I'm not your L.

So I've been in your dreams, huh...

You've been in my dreams as well, but I'm not saying what happened.

>>18369244
Come on, it's a private area here.
I'd like to know.

>>18369244
Lol I just started having dreams about one of my exes..

But the problem is, my dreams are so foggy when I wake up, I can't tell which ex it is, because I just went through three chubby blonde girls back to back to back, and now my dreams are all about rubbing chubby blonde butt cheeks and getting my dick sucked.

>>18369183
Prepare for disappointment

Advice for coping with emotionally abusive relationship?

I have been trapped in a relationship/house with a severely depressed and sometimes emotionally abusive girlfriend for a year.

Last summer, I was entering my junior year of uni, and I had been dating my current girlfriend for just over a year and a half.

We rented our current house last August, and I (along with two other roommates) have been living together here ever since. My girlfriend hates her office job and spends a portion of each day bawling her eyes out about hating her job. It has been literal hell for me to have to come home from school and set aside any/all studying (I'm an English major who has to read a lot) to nurse her from 5p.m. until she falls asleep at 9p.m. I feel like I'm her husband and her caretaker, and I want to be neither of those. Furthermore, she is relentlessly passive-aggressive toward everyone (including me) in the house and is a control freak about trivial things such as which shelf our roommates put their sodas in the fridge.

When she walks through the door for her lunch break or when she gets off work, I have to take deep breaths and mentally fortify myself before greeting her, because I never know if I'm going to be met with a smile and a kiss or if she will shove past me and head straight for the kitchen and start passive-aggressively cleaning shit that's already cleaned and slamming cabinet doors to punish me for her bad day. In between breakdowns, she acts like a saint and tells me I'm the best thing that ever happened to her, she doesn't know what she'd do without me, I'm the only thing good in her life, etc. After hearing those things and seeing her depressive behavior, I feel like it's never a good time to break up with her because it seems like she'll be suicidal.

1/2

>>18368570
I would do you, but I'm a much older woman. Woman find your inexperience sweet. Use it to your advantage. Hang in there. You'll get your time.

I've accepted I'm a fuck-up. I fucked up 30 years. My friends no longer dispense advice or looks of worry and instead watch with what must be morbid curiosity. There is only so much you can do for a man with broken legs still trying to start a race that's long over.

Why yes I can talk wine, women, children, marriage, mortgages and societal issues. Please pass the bottle first so I can forget that I'm an inexperienced pebble in all of that. Please smile and laugh at my increasingly gloomy remarks presented as humor.

I keep thinking about 'it' daily. My parents might be sad but this isn't the son they deserve. People might want my presence but they'll get over it. I've lost before and time heals wounds. Me being out of the picture makes for a better group portrait. I'm no fun anyway.

>>18369393
CONT

Here's the thing. She is planning to move a couple hours away on July 1st, at which point I plan to move in with a friend with whom I am much more compatible. The problem is, I'm not sure I can last another month. It seems silly, since i've been doing this since august and only have thirty more days to go, but the stress is driving me insane, and I'm nervous/scared the entire time I'm near her. I think I still love her - at one point i reeeaaally loved her - and because of that her mistreatment of me always hits home. She can make me feel worse than anyone else can, and she takes advantage of that constantly.

What should I do? I don't really have anywhere to go between now and July, so I'd be stuck in the house with her even if I broke up, and she'd probably be on suicide watch at that point. Over the past 2.5 years, I've realized that she is heavily dependent on having an emotional punching bag and someone to fuck at weird hours of the night. She wants us to be "on a break" (Ross, I know) when she moves away. In this scenario we can see other people, but get back together in a year once I graduate. I have no plans to get back together with her, and I've been looking at this "break" as my chance to get away from her. I have tried to have serious conversations with her about my feelings, but she always has a breakdown and cries until she can't speak.

I'm fairly young and I can't say i'm some kind of genious, but i consider myself to be a little bit more inteligent than some of my peers. At night I can't sleep alone unless i'm very tired because thoughts of death and existencialism pop up in my head and give me the frights, and in the day, I do nothing but do the usual stuff. What i want to know is how do i bring passion into my life? how do i get to the point where i can die without regrets?

>>18368479
I'm really sexually frustrated. I don't need this and it does nothing but get in my way and waste time. I'm not about to hook up with some girl and get my rocks off for the hell of it. I wish there was a way to suppress this naturally. I'll keep doing what I can to push this aside.

>>18369104
Other ~L. here sorry for the mix up. But I can't use real initials because of reasons. But believe me when I say probably don't even know you.

I hate this bitch. I was trying to fuck her despite knowing she regularly gets guys hooked on her pussy. She literally admitted to being psycho. I swore I'd hit it and quit it. Jesus christ the lay was medicore but I wanna fuck her again. Whyyyyy

>>18369463
You're in love.

>>18369399
I second this. A hot 28 year old virgin? That's like crazy.

>>18369022
I'm sorry.

I was thinking about you the other day. I was wondering if you realized that I was right. I know a little bit about you. I know you're life has been hard. Those women raped you. It fucked you up. Being a sex slave to a witch ain't a good thing. That shit is fucked up. Anyway, it's not like I'll ever know you or anything but I do still think about you. Probably just to distract me from my real problems. You're very abstract. You're not even real to me, you're just an idea.

I think I'm jealous, but I'm not sure.

My girlfriend had a kid about five years ago, back when she was with her abusive ex-boyfriend. When she got pregnant she wanted to abort it. She had a lot going on, things set up for her future, so this was a huge wrench in the gears. Her exboyfriend told her though if she did that, he wouldn't love her, he guilted her some more, and kept it. Apparently the pregnancy was terrible. Exboyfriend was barely around, didn't help her at all, he was pissed off all the time, and six months into it he complained and said she should have aborted it. Wasn't even in the room when she was in labor, he kept leaving to go out for a smoke.

She tried raising the kid, once again exboyfriend was barely helping, and it was too much. She didn't have her for too long, and ended up giving her to her mother and step-father, and the kid has been raised as her "sister."

My girlfriend has always been very honest with me. She tells me she doesn't think about her too much, and when she sees her she isn't really remorseful or misses her much - she didn't really spend much time with her after she was born, and their relationship seems like a typical sister-sister relationship. It used to bother her, but not anymore, and she doesn't even really see her as her daughter.

I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but sometimes the thought creeps into my head and I feel like shit. Almost anxious. Maybe jealous. She has already had her first kid, I haven't, so if/when we do it isn't anything new to her. Even if I am there for her and help her, it might be a bit different, but it's not her first pregnancy, or her first child. We don't get to experience it "new" together. Something about that just makes me feel terrible and I don't know how to get over it. I love her so much, we both do, but it just doesn't sit well with me. I don't know what to do.

>>18369535
Nothing new?
Bro, you can be the good boyfriend. The one that stuck by during the process. Be supportive and shit. Yeah, not her first child, but you can be there to be better. Make sure that she move on and be a solid mom. You are already pretty much "my wife's daughter man". Make the best of it you cuck.

>>18368684
and she has entirely too much power over me... but that's part of the deal with relationships.

>>18369244
was a beach involved?

>>18369454
He knows I'm talking about him, there's no mix up. He tells me IRL about my posts. I don't assume every L here is him. I've even seen one with both his initials who wasn't him.

>>18369366
How do you know?

>>18369538
Thanks anon. I guess it's a bit better than if she had kept the kid.

>>18369399
I happen to like older women actually. I would love that.

don't know where you are T but I want you to be safe and hope we can talk again sometime
M

>>18369556
Oh I just realized you said mix up because you thought it was someone else. Yeah don't worry about it. My reply was directed at him.

not having seen anything from you in what now six years doesn't bode well for me but I hope you're doing great or better than I am at least

I got married too young and 4 months in I regret it. I'm trapped in a house all day. No job. Nothing to keep me afloat. I've attempted suicide twice before and thinking about trying and succeeding this time. I have nothing to live for. No family. No friends. Just a husband who bullies and emotionally abuses me.

>>18369560
Look, you would be raising her otherwise. This is for the best. Also, if she had aborted, she would have been a different girl. It's rough experience and I can only say the little I know from how it wrecked my own relationship.

Just because you weren't the first doesn't mean you can be the best.
Remember the first time you had sex? I doubt you were a champion at giving the D. First times mean shit if you got better things to remember.

Now try to get that shit out your mind, stop dwelling on it and enjoy that you have a gf. You have to let go those emotions.

Something else. A mind exercise. Thing of this event from her point of view. Detach from your emotions and try to see and feel hers. Do you think we wouldn't feel about the same? That she doesn't feel bad that she can't give you her first? That she likely feels a pang of sadness knowing you could possibly look down on her for it?

We love to dwell on our own feelings and forget that our partners are living breathing people with their own lives and thoughts. Simply put, relax. Look at yourself from outside, as if you were observing your actions, thoughts, and emotions. You may find that what you feel is stupid. Maybe. Take some time anon.

Good luck, don't let something so petty and small ruin what could be a great relationship.

>>18369590
So it is you? I?

>>18369606
Just cheat on him and provoke a divorce.

Might want to wait a few more years 'til you can secure alimony.

>>18369606

If you have nothing to lose, just empty his bank account, buy tickets to Bahamas and drink rum on a beach until you die. Go crazy. Live your last days like you've never lived before. I'll never understand suiciders who go out quietly.

>>18369606
Find a job. If you're still miserable after that, get a divorce. Don't cheat or steal his money like the others suggested, that's scummy and wrong. I know a girl in a similar situation who stays with her husband because of their religious beliefs and, quite frankly, the fact that he's way out of her league in the looks department. I suspect he might be gay and using her as a beard since he's trying to be a pastor. But That's beside the point. You are very down on yourself because you lack purpose and since your husband works I get the feeling you resent him for having a fuller life and you having to rely on him financially. Get a job, get out of the house (and your own head by doing so), and see if things improve.

>>18369615
Okay I'm confused. I thought both L posters were the same. No I'm not I.

>>18369642
Thanks for the good advice. However I can't get a job right now. I just moved to the US on a marriage visa and can't work for a few months. I'm trapped.

>>18369647
Yeah there's multiple L's with the same issue it seems.
If you aren't an I. Well then, I'm out. Thanks.

>>18369647
No, anon that's not me I swear. I am a grill talking about a dude.

>>18369654
Hmm. That is unfortunate. Perhaps find something to do during the day to get out then? Go to a gym or community events?

>>18369621
I think he would kill me if I cheated on him. He's joked about killing me if I ever left him before.

>>18369676
Bet that got you wet when he said that, dumb cunt.

>>18369654
Where are you from originally? I take it your husband is from the U.S.? How did you meet? Was he always abusive?

>>18369682
Why was that necessary? I came here to get something off my chest and possibly get advice from people who have been in similar situations.

I have no job and no degree and I wont be going back to college because it just costs too much simply to show up and be told "sorry, the classes you need are filled out. try again next YEAR". not even joking, thats a new thing they call 'spring/fall only classes' where certain classes are only ever offered in spring or fall and you wait a year before they come around again.

I want to have hope for a better future but everywhere I look I see doors of opportunity closed to me. I'm starting to wonder if I should just find a tree with a strong low-hanging branch I could throw a rope over.

>>18369700
college is a meme at this point and we're going to see the college system collapse within 5 years under the weight of their own bullshit.

>>18369668
What's you initial grille?

>>18369022
Your complex is unattractive. I'm sure there's two sides to this post.

>>18369471
Pathetic.

>>18369700
I have a degree in a field I'm passionate about and I have been unemployed for four years. I don't regret college, I loved 3 of my 6 years of it after transferring to a better school. But it's hard to say it was worth it at this point either. It's definitely not a ticket to a better life from where I'm standing. Of the hundreds of jobs I've applied for in that field over the past few years, I have NOT ONCE been contacted for an interview or anything. The job market is fucked and I guess I chose a dying career, but all the same, it's not paying off. So here I am trying to find a shitty summer job to get some money and pad my resume while I try to lose weight so I can join the Navy and salvage my life. My advice to you is, absolutely go to school if you want or need to for you, knowledge isn't a waste of time, but don't expect that degree at the end to save you unless you're in a high demand field like computer science that basically guarantees you a job right out the gate.

>>18369609
Thanks anon.

HM,


It's been four years since I last saw or spoke to you. I loved you then and I still love you now. You are the only woman I have ever felt that for and you were one of my closest friends. I miss you so much. It broke my heart when you never responded to the message I sent you on Facebook last year. It's not ideal, I get that, but still. I don't know if It's because you hate me for how I foolishly and selfishly threw away our friendship years ago or if you just never cared and don't miss me at all, but I need to know the truth. I want to make it right. If nothing else, I need real closure. I cannot move on from you. I can't get over this. I think about you every day. Your face haunts my dreams. I truly can't put into words the depth of what I feel for you even still, but I just want the opportunity to try for my own sanity. I should have said it a long time ago when I had the chance. I am sorry if my actions hurt you, I didn't intend that. Losing you from my life is one of my greatest regrets. I hope someday you give me the chance to say what needs saying and to hear your side as well.


-SV

>>18369668
Yeah it's okay, I know my ex didn't reply but I got the two people who replied to me mixed up and misunderstood them lol. I should be clearer when I write

When anons get anon replies, does God/reality/the universe as a conscience speak through this thread? Or is it just random anons trolling?

I'm convinced that I have cancer. I have no insurance. Ive decided to just let it kill me and then I'll go to the emergency room and die in the hospital. I'm American, obviously.

I'm sorry that I post shit here. I'm sorry if that disturbs you. Really. But you don't know what I am. I ain't some normal bitch. I'm pretty sure you knew that.

>>18369815
So you think your ex is here?

>>18369824
What makes you think that? Also, I wouldn't recommend letting it happen, that's going to be a deeply upsetting and painful experience for you. Even if you want to die, a long and painful one is not what you want.

I figured I would bump into you eventually. Fuck you then for being a bitch. You say that have told me, you haven't told me shit. You been cowardly bitch the entire time. I'm sick of you acting like only I fucked you. You did too.
Yeah I been stalking you online, because you haven't worked up the courage to be honest with me.
I will keep doing it until you straight up till me so. Not on this Iranian photo editing website, but by a call or even an actual text saying so. You want to end all this, do it then.

>>18369836
I don't THINK he's here, he IS. He's the one who introduced me to this board. He messages me about things I've posted. He posts things that are obviously by him. We've replied to each other on here. Etc. I wish he'd let me have this place since I have no one to talk to.

>>18369856
A shameful display

>>18369859
Doesn't work quite like that, he's first dibs.

Find another board, it isn't that hard. 8ch, askreddit, other shitpost central boards exist.

I must fight, I mustn't give up, no matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, it's my life and no one will improve it but me.

>>18369859
Tell him directly. This place is a confusing mess when things get like this between multiple anons.
Maybe if you go directly he'll back off from here?

File: 1495741624408.jpg (114KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

114KB, 640x480px

Where do I begin?
Often times you annoy me but I do not intend on "abandoning" you seeing that I have the intention to fuck you one day (as long as you continue to work hard on yourself). You are quite annoying when you don't listen to me though, this area needs improvement. Seeing as you actually enjoy your punishments, I have decided (for your benefit) to completely stop in order to try my new approach on dealing with your ignorance.

Signed,
Goddess

>>18369154
That you Ben?

>>18369859
To be honest I don't think I am your ex. Hmm, the situation may be similar. I just wanted to know your initial to see if you are her. I don't think I ever introduced her to 4chan. So likely you aren't her. If only there was a way to know for sure so that I could calm my paranoia. The world is small enough though.

If you are her, and if you can prove it, I promise to leave this place to you. If I'm not your L, then I hope you get what want eventually.

>>18369894
I've already told him IRL. We're not talking anymore but he posts things directed at me. Even if he backed off from posting he's gonna read my posts. I like having a place where I can post anything without worrying. I've gotten some helpful replies here too.
I guess I'll just let him read and think whatever he wants. It's not the kind of things I want to share with him but oh well.

Goddamnit, I wanna grab you and make up for last time so bad, why you gotta be so far away

>>18369833
C?

>>18369931
You're not my ex. It's just a common situation probably. Don't know how to prove it to you lol, maybe I wasn't clear but I never thought you were.

>>18369953
Sigh. Don't tell me you're L.

>>18369962
Nope. J.

>>18369971
Thank goodness. I'm not the one who made the post though

I've told myself that i'm not lonely for the longest time, but I really haven't been completely until the past year. I've always had atleast one friend i'd see in the hallways at school or maybe sit by at lunch, or even chat with over messaging, whatever. It doesn't make much of a difference with 1 friend or 10 friends, but it's so painfully noticeable when you go from 1 to 0. I can feel it starting to eat away at me.

I'm convinced that I care way more about other people, than other people care about me or each other.

I'm sure you've heard it before: So there's this girl...Hahaha

Well, there is this girl that I really want something to happen with, at first when i met her I tried and it went pretty well>never got to the point of making a move though so>friendzoned!

Went "naaaw shit" but then recently it's been going good again!
Now she's coming over on friday to my place by herself, just me and her, we never get to be "just me and her": Well we've been to coffee a few times just us but this is a waaay different setting: it's just me and her in my home, dinner and drinks!
How do I not fuck up?

>>18369975
You C's are a weird type.
To be honest, it's why I'm attracted to one, and judging by how she looked, I assumed she lurks here.

>>18369954
How about this? Simple yes or no.
Do you happen to work in retail with something that involves animals?

>>18369992
Touch her, on her arm or something, at the earliest opportunity. Go for a kiss before the night is through.

>>18369999
Nope. Also nice quads

>>18370006
Have a double thanks.
That's enough for me.

Good luck anon
Fuck this place, really gets you worried about tiny chances.

>>18369999
Sounds like a nice job. She go over and beyond the call of duty with her work? Nice quads.

>>18369994
That I am. There's something about names am I right? I liked two guys in a row with the same initials. Well I wish you all the luck with her

>>18370015
Yeah, I actually asked a guy I liked once if he made a specific post here, I still cringe when I think about it lol. But it's nice, it means we're not alone in our problems. Just gotta avoid obsessing over posts.

>>18370003
What if I'd complicate the matter even more...
This girl that I like, her best friend is into me.. like they've had big arguments about this (never witnessed been told).

I worry about some form of "sisterhood-code" or something is in the way, I truly think she's holding back, keeping herself from becoming too emotional with me (I can't describe how I think that though, it's just in the way she acts and talks about thing)

listen, this FB is only serving one purpose and I have no intention of linking this to absolutely anyone I know for obvious reasons. especially with my face and actual information attached to it. don't judge it on that merit please.

though then again there's an email. was that always there?

I'm one of the few best people that exist.

just doin it, rip off the bandaid. do it and go belt one out in the car to keep from thinking about crashing and burning.

>>18370060
I had a thing to say, I start typing and my mind blanked. fucking god damn it buck the fuck up buttercup. I'm doin this with or without you brain.

>>18370025
You aren't interested in her friend though, right? Sorry to say, as harsh as it sounds, you can't worry about her feelings here. Seems like someone has to get hurt here and it doesn't have to be you. Take a shot at the girl you want or you'll regret it.

>>18370017
She's been having a hard time of late. She used to be a dog trainer. I knew she loved what she did. Sadly I wasn't too well I'm the head at the time to fully see that. She put a lot of effort into her job and was unsupportive. She recently lost her position as a trainer, to what I suspect had something to do with a shit manager.

So she's customer service now, and I think enjoys it, aside from dealing with people. Such fucking sucks. Kinda wish I could help with that.

She tends to focus on whatever task she has to do. Kinda wish I would been able to tell her that I always loved her for that. Responsible, and hard working. I admired her for it. I simply lost control of my negativity and mind.

Still trying to get things under control. I will eventually. Have to learn from this and hope that she does well in her life, even if all I can do is watch from a far like a creep. Not that we both weren't creepers when we were younger, kek.

>>18370019
Thanks.
Unfortunately, she's the type who would easily demolish me. She's also my coworker, so I dunno how much strain this puts on anything. I'm fine with her just being an on-off again crush.

Not gonna say either of our names, but the hint is that my name is extremely uncommon while hers is common.

I wish I was never born. If everyone in the world had a specific purpose in life then mine is to be a textbook example of what a failure is, just a dumb and pathetic loser who only exists to be mocked and ridiculed.

I'm tired of being sick and depressed all the time. 24/7 I'm in pain, the only relief being that some days aren't as bad as the others, but there's always pain.

I've thought multiple times about killing myself, and how I wouldn't feel like shit anymore if I was dead. A part of me thinks this would be the best option, but another part of me feels guilty for thinking this way knowing my parents and boyfriend of 3yrs would be the ones suffering from my death. I've never brought this up to anyone before because I'm scared of how my parents would react to realizing their only child doesn't want to live anymore.

All I want to do is return back to school in September to hopefully graduate. My dream is to become a Hairdresser, but I worry that with my declining health at only 19, I'd never be able to.

I'm a failure and a disappointment

>>18370095
Not intrested no, and I don't worry.
I'm not gonna deny myself over this, I'm not sure that she (the girl i want) are of the same mind.

>>18370136
Well, if the girl isn't interested, whether because of her friend or just not attracted to you, you'll soon find out. But only if you make a move. And if she does pursue you and it destroys her friendship with the other girl, so be it. Women hate each other and cut off their friends all the time and it likely would have happened over something else eventually if this is enough to do it.

You're just lonely, fight the urges, you're just lonely fight the urges!

>>18368570
Why do you think you can't change it?

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I'm a fucking coward. Worse, an unmotivated coward. I'm 21, and I have almost no hobbies, no passion for anything (except maybe for soccer, and history, but that's all), I don't hate the career that i'm studying, but I don't love it either, it's just so... middle of the road, like everything in my life really. I can't finish anything, I don't have the will or the mental strenght to do it. I am insecure as fuck, I have friends, but they are mostly nice normies that have good and healthy social life's and girls.
I know i'm not ugly as fuck, because at least i'm not a kissless virgin, but she was the one who kissed me. Still a virgin tho. And there is this girl that I know I have a chance with, I know she is interested in me, but because I'm an unnexperienced coward, I don't do anything, it terrifies me. Hell even the idea of being in a bed with a woman makes me really insecure.
I don't want to kill my self, I just want to stop being a coward faggot.

>>18370181
lol a fellow nofapster

heart be still, hands you too.

>>18370192
damn love you scary, I can't control you at all like the other emotions. fear can't get my hands shaking, embarrassment can't get my hands shaking, anger can't get my hands shaking... but you, I have become leaf.

>>18370190
No fapping is fine with me, pursuing a relationship is not.

>>18369815
Lol it okay.

>>18370219
Oh, well then I wish you luck

>>18370203
Love turned you Canadian?

>>18369720
>be me
>Using ~L.
I like dude with J. He challenged me but bretheren doth not know how much emotional stuff I can hoist.
Also thought I cause drama by accident. :^)

>>18370228
I wish. maybe in the future, though that means I can't have my guns.

>>18370247
Oi you cheeky cunt. If I could I would jam it in raw baby.

God damn I am horny.

>>18370227
Thank you I greatly need it.

Anyone else here feel like the world is falling apart? Like they're living in the fucking matrix?

This person right here started the whole "J" meme. Yeah, that was me. Put it on my fucking tombstone.

>>18370264
Lel top kek m8.

C, fuck off you fucking cunt. Don't ever ask me again "what's wrong". What's wrong is you. You're wrong. Your parents are poor and you're wasting their money. You're being a gigantic cunt to A, he's only your boyfriend because he doesn't even know 20% of who you are. Your dad has enough problems as it is and you do nothing, at your fucking age, to at the very least not make his life a fucking living nightmare.

Hang yourself or admit you're wrong and do something to fix things. Plain and simple.

Hell it disgusts me, the thought that at first I kind of got attracted to you. What the hell is wrong with me.

Last year I was this one shy motherfucker, had a bit of trouble expressing myself and getting friends

Now most people I know are cool with me and we have a laugh most of the time which is cool, but I cannot help but feel a little bit like shit, because I'm pretty much emulating someone else in my class.

There's this dude that is a fucking pimp, pretty funny, good with girls. I noticed that my actions and my tone of voice have changed to be similar to his over time. It's stupid. I know I'm a beta fuck, but I notice the lack of personality I had. I'm thankful that the dude is pretty cool with me.

>>18370375
Same here bro.

>>18368479
Hey this is to that kid in middle school where I was bullied and harassed non stop. You said I would be the first one off the plane to get shot of I was in the army. I'm joining the marines now and you shouldn't be in a position to talk shit because you got kicked out of your dads house, got fat, play video games all day, and became a stoner while I have tried to recover from the social anxiety and fear of rejection you and all the other kids gave me. I leave for boot soon and ready to rock this world. The only one I have to depend on is myself it's been that same way for 18 years of loneliness and rejection from my peer group. I will be ready soon. Then it will be my time.

>>18370322
Kill yourself first, "J".

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I'm so insecure about these scars on my thighs that I've never gone out wearing a shirt or shorts. I'm tired of having to limit what I wear

I was stupid six years ago and even now I still have to deal with the consequences. Sigh

>>18370417
They are nothing to be ashamed of. You look fine.

>>18370322
fuck you "J" you the same person that for like 3 months about a year ago tried to make it so half these threads and the letter threads were to "M"?

>>18369154
>>18369154
>I will be twenty seven in a week.
>My family says they're proud of me.
>I graduated law school,
>I passed the bar.
>Through all of that, I felt nothing at all. I smiled for a few pictures along the way.
>I don't want any of this. I'm just a coward. I couldn't say no, I couldn't find my own path.
>I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to write mystery novels. I wanted to live in another country for a while. Learn another language, read a thousand books.
>I had a girl in mind. She was fair skinned with dark hair and silver-blue eyes and she liked the same books as me. I never met her. I never tried.
it have been many hours anon but if you're reading this don't let your fucking dreams be dreams!

you have already succeeded where I have failed and you have only one more step to make to find happiness you CAN do it anon I believe in you!

>>18370187
You are depressed IMO you should see doctor about it

But right now check this thread >>18370270

I honestly can't believe this girl likes me so I always get pissy at her for shit that I blow out of proportion and she almost always forgives me or comes back around. It's really abusive, but I honestly like her and am worried about being hurt by it. I've literally only been able to date and fuck girls in the past who I didn't like because I didn't give a shit about how things turned out but she's the first girl in seven years who I have (25 now) and now I'm pretty sure I'm driving her away. I've only ever said enough to piss her off everytime we argue over shit, but I'm worried one day I'll drop all the life shattering stuff I usually do when I get into arguments.

How do I stop being such an asshole to this one girl I think I actually care about when every little thing that isn't perfect upsets me when with all these other people I just don't care about? What the fuck is wrong with me? What do I do?

I'm nearly 24 and can't drive. I don't live in the city, so I need to learn, but driving scares the shit out of me. I'm worried I'll never learn, what do I do?

>>18370509
Learn?

I mean, nigga. I'm 29 and still learning new stuff. You're 24. 24. That's 20 plus 4. You still have a life ahead.

>>18368479
I fucking hate these threads it's always the same shit about waa waa I'm not happy get over it normies you know nothing of sadness

>>18370539
I know sadness. I lost my fucking thinkpad caps. I lost my fucking thinkpad trackpoint caps, you faggot.

>>18368946
I was same mindset as you. Did drugs to point my memory is fucked and I'm occasionally suicidal but not quite enough to off myself. I'm living in a self created hell. Stay clean and be positive man. It's always the better choice. Please m8 we need good people in the world.

>>18370402
You'll be the first shot when you get off the plane. Isis will sodomize you with a pipe and light you on fire

>>18370417
Stupid bitches and their "problems" >>18370422

>>18370502
>What do I do?
think what you would want her to understand about you or you would like to say to her and write it down on a paper
and when you meet next time read it out to her

just make sure you keep calm even if something annoys you

>>18370551
rofl

>>18370539
don't make me think of the sadness anon. I do all I can to keep the inky black away.

>>18370502

You have to work out your problems and stop sabotaging yourself.

>>18370579
I'm not sure what I would say really. She knows how I feel, but I think with all this it seems ingenuine at times, like I'm just messing with her or something.
I had to move away for a while the last few months so talking in person isn't really possible right now but we always talk about plans for when I end up back there too. But then something will happen and it will upset me and I really try but it builds up with my thoughts and just comes out. I've never been upset with anyone before and have always had a laid back mentality with everyone except her. Maybe its just the distance adding stress or something.

>>18370417
Lmao. Why would you bitch and moan over some baby scars when others have marks way worse than your own! Neck yourself, you disgust me.

>>18370264
If you are guy J that I know plz snap nudes I am of horn.

>>18370651
1st have you tried exercising to the point of exhaustion when something really upsets you?

2nd
>I'm not sure what I would say really.
now you have some free time on your hands think about it and write it down - you will probably have to try many times but in the end you will figure it out just as I did

>>18370675
>>18370651
>distance adding stress or something
also this

>>18370675
Usually if I'm off work I do. It's a bit hard with 12 hour work days though, but if it starts heading that way after work I head to the gym on site and just fucking steady state row for half an hour or an hour.

I'll think about what it is I would like to say to her as an apology though. I know how I feel and how I want to be and this isn't it. I think I'm so worried about all the wrong things happening that I'm causing them all to happen myself, like the other poster quoting me said.
Thanks guys.

>>18370700
>I'll think about what it is I would like to say to her as an apology though
it will be easier for her to forgive you if she understands you better

best of luck anon

My. Fucking. EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

I got drunk the other night. My wife wanted to argue about it, so I got mad and called her a stupid bitch. Never thought I'd talk to my woman like that.

>Try to catch the eye of a qt3.14 at work
>She's always focused on her desk
>I stare off into the distance behind her instead
>She's looking right at me
>Looks away when I look at her
ad nauseam
the fuck

>>18370832
I get that happening too, sometimes.
I don't know what I did, but someone notices me.
Makes me feel warm inside.
Very rarely do I also get this happening at work, but when it does, it feels great.

Motherfucking incompetent Guitar Center salespeople don't have a tracking number for my order. Exactly what I DIDN'T want to hear. What a fucking great way to end an already shitty day.

>18370817
>I got mad and called her a stupid bitch.

The last guy I was with frequently called me a "stupid bitch" to cover up the fact the was a pathological liar, was sleeping with other females behind my back, and was stringing his ex-girlfriend who lives in another country along so she wouldn't be with another guy (he hated to imagine this). I'm aware 4chan believes in some stigma that women are roasties and degenerative sluts -- try considering the possibility some of them genuinely want happiness from guys that won't run aound behind their backs.

>Inb4 martyr for a pointless "cause"
Whatever

>>18370875
I get it happening about every other day at work.
Definitely concur on the warm and fuzzies.
Nothing beats running into her unexpectedly.

I just wish I knew if she was interested in me, or just looking because I'm looking.

The world ends with me.

>>18370892
You seem like a good woman, but like most good women, you seem to have bad taste in men. You won't find that with guys like that and I bet you go after more like him all the time. Not trying to be a dick to you, I just know women and can tell you're trying to fit a square peg in a round hole here in the hopes of finding all the qualities you liked him in a guy who won't cheat without realizing that subconsciously that behavior was what attracted you to begin with and it goes hand in hand.

>>18370892
You're projecting a lot. I said things to her that I never wanted to say to a woman, yeah, but i didn't run around on her. Regardless, that sucks. Shitty people are shitty people, regardless of gender.

I have this lingering feeling in the back of my mind that everything in my life is fucked.

And I don't know why that is happening. Seems like I'm worrying over nothing.

>>18368479
i'm so fucking bored and empty right now i have no motivation my life is pointless

i've never been at this level of inactivity before, like i can't even start an episode of anime

somehow even though i feel bad for not doing shit i'm just still sitting here on /adv/

>>18370945
Is English your native language? Some of the things you said I didn't understand (sorry).
>You won't find that with guys like that
(Guys like what?
>and I bet you go after more like him all the time
He was the first person I was with who behaved that way to that severity. Before him I was in a relationship with my first boyfriend of 4 years. My 1st boyfriend wasn't perfect (neither am I) but he didn't treat me like garbage as the guy I'm referring to did.
>you're trying to fit a square peg in a round hole here in the hopes of finding all the qualities you liked him in a guy who won't cheat without realizing that subconsciously that behavior was what attracted you to begin with
I was attracted to the facade he put on. He was my best friend online for years before we met in person. I didn't know how bad of a person he actually was until I started speaking with his ex-girlfriend who I am very grateful towards for reaching out to me.

I hope I cleared some things up -- I would appreciate your feedback so that I may understand what you said better.


>>18370952
My intention was not to call you out. I can own up that I did project which is a why I did not tag your post. (I did not claim you ran around on her, apologies for coming across this way)

Just give me a clear answer to what you want from me. right now its so hard for me to do anything cuz you give so many mixed signals. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME

>>18370958

Do you not feel fulfilled?

I'm sad and feel unloved. That's pretty much it.

It sucks

>>18368479
I love alternative/emo girls and have a thing for tickle torturing them. Weird huh?

you're so clever. like "I wonder what I've missed" clever. It's really attractive.

lord help me I'm either getting played or life is about to get really good.

>>18371064

that's pretty cool, anon

>>18371047
i'm not even sure
i want to say i don't feel fulfilled but obviously on some level i am since i haven't done shit about it

>>18371080
i like how easy it is to tell when a post is written by a girl

I don't understand how the human race can reproduce without religion.

How do I change the way I see a job I hate?

I want this zeitgeist I'm living in to fucking burn.

>>18371098
kek, fine it was a faggy thing to say.

>>18371119
romance is faggy

I'm a J and my ex is also a J. Is my life a meme now?

This should be the last straw, right? She starts writing me, I write back, she keeps writing and when I wish her happy birthday she just falls silent, again. It's either she's "buried in work" which I can't bring myself to believe, anymore, or she's fallen for someone in the meantime, and if she fell for her ex it's all the worse. I tried to be stoic and enjoy us as what we were but if she doesn't respond what even is there to enjoy? I should just cut all ties and pretend she never existed. Delete her from my contacts and unfriend on facebook. I should unfriend our common friends for good measure because the cunt who introduced me to her is a useless hack and the rest of them havr closer ties to her, anyway.

So why can't I do it? What stupid hope is there that holds me back? I was patient once and it "payed off" in that she wrote. But what good is that when she forgets me so quickly?

>>18371245
Try talking in person and/or on the phone. This whole texting business isn't conducive to romance. Texts are way too easy to misinterpret and ignore. Being unwilling to talk face to face or on the phone is also a sign of weakness. There are literally no upsides, only downsides.

Deleting her from your contacts isn't going to help you and is just another sign of weakness. Chad wouldn't even bother because he doesn't care.

If nothing is going to happen on that date you gave me then... why the fuck did you go through the effort of setting it up? Why?

If nothing happens that day... I'm ending it. If nothing happens then it's proof you are just fucking with me and never plan on ending this. I can't keep doing this.

>>18368479
Still love her, leaving everything behind to seek enlightenment

I literally only get genuinely horny when I see or think of Killua Zoldyck.
He has been all I fucking think about for the past 2 years...
Why do I have to love an anime character so much? It is ridiculous

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How do I stop myself from being a fuccboi?

I had a pretty depressing childhood in terms of low self esteem, depressive shut In etc.
But then as I got to the later part of my teens I came outta my shell and found my truer extroverted self

But at this point, at 23, I've been single for so long I don't feel the need for a relationship. I just don't get how you would need that level of intimacy, I've done fine this far, and I've only ever seen my parents in bad relationships, so not a ton of faith in them

And all my relationships with girls don't involve any real feelings. They're all short flings and I get tired of them after the novelty of sex wears off

And I feel like I'm unable to actually form any deep feelings for them

I have a really high sex drive, so it feels like I'm just going through the motions to get them into bed. And I THINK I have actual feelings for them; but then they just fade so fast

What am I doing wrong? Am I just going for the wrong kind of girl?

JD, you fucking asshole, i hate you and everytime im forced to look at your ugly mug by accident a little bit of me dies deep inside. I tried to fix things, being nice with you, helping you meet new people, just to try and change you, but its all for naught, you disgusting little prick, ruined everything and everyone (including me) hates you, why dont you just realize nobody really likes your company and should just stop trying to befriend people, getting them emotionally invested in you out of pity or genuine interest, just so you can destroy everything built by retarded mistakes or by jumping onto another person to leech off emotional support from, you dont realize how much this has hurt me, i was trying to be a real friend to you, but it seems we really cant stand eachother when it comes to the bare truth

its impossible to see you in a good angle, everytime i have to be visually reminded of your miserable existence i either catch a glimpse of your abhorrent acne scars on your fat, shapeless cheeks or your stupid hair that you think suits well except it doesnt because it never looks like you intend it to, get a fucking haircut you punk

she doesnt love you, she is out of your reach, she only lets you orbit around her so you can pay attention to her. I know you genuinely love her, i know she is everything for you, but its not gonna happen, she will never be yours, seeing you try is as pathetic as everytime you tell her how much you love her. Now that youre moving out, you might as well just snap out of it and drop everyone off your life because it will literally not matter at all anymore, not like you ever DID matter anyway

i await the day you decide to finally die, and i hope it hurts a lot when you do it. [spoiler]Because its all i believe i deserve[/spoiler]

You left me for no good reason. I want to fix things and you won't let me. I hope you never find another girl. She will never be better than me. You cannot upgrade from me. You will regret everything. You will regret it. I promise you.

>>18368479
Stop fucking procrastinating, and get off your lazy fucking ass. It doesn't matter if you're "stressed." Your inability to contribute to the things you want in life is going to end up costing you everything you have and there will be nothing I can do to help, because you didn't do what I told you was required; over and over again. I am sick of warning you, why can't you get it through your naive fucking head that you need to deliver the zero effort things required of you in order to advance your life, and make it not be so miserable? Stop doubting yourself, and your dreams and wake the fuck up to reality. When I am gone who will be there to save you from yourself?

>>18371256
Well it's my fucking luck she's out of the country for the next couple months and I never fucking know if she's visiting town because, surprise, she doesn't text me.

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I don't know what I was thinking, letting you walk away like that. I'm in and out of motels here. I'm not hard to find, you did it twice and you can do it again. I'm in and out constantly smoking cigarettes.

Here's a picture of a cabin I stayed in for a week. It was pretty comfy

H

Here's an actual email I wrote but didn't send, fresh from my drafts folder. I like to read it so I can remind myself that not sending it was a good idea.

Dear _

I know you probably don't want to hear from me, for good reason, so please don't read this if you'd rather not dig up the past.


I just want to apologise, for a lot of things.

I'm sorry for the way I acted back in _. For not having the courage to address anything between us when it actually mattered. For choosing instead to be insular and mulling my problems over endlessly until they became monstrous - 'festering' as you once put it.

Whatever I thought my intentions were the last time we spoke, I think in reality they were just to hurt you. I spent most of the two weeks after our initial breakup doing anything to avoid thinking about it. All I really achieved is that I worked myself up to feel bitter at you over one thing you said months ago that I happened to take issue with. Yes we had our disagreements but I owed you an actual discussion about them, not just throwing my toys and burning everything at the first sign of defeat.

I feel disgusting about it. It was a trainwreck that you didn't deserve to be put through. I wish I could have just stepped back and thought about what state of mind I was in, actually listened to you instead of just building a case against you and hearing what I wanted to hear. Maybe I wasn't capable of it then, or maybe that's a cop-out. I'd like to think I know better than that.

I remember saying something like 'you never understood me' but you did more than most. You supported me time and time again through a depressing and uncertain part of my life and you should have had my thanks and not my scorn.

Sorry it's taken me so long to say all this. I've taken all the stoic male breakup advice that's out there and it just doesn't work.

I know you're strong enough that you might even be laughing at this right now, if you are then I'm happy.

Wish you all the best.

How do i make friends irl. I'm stuck talking to randoms over this website, that i feel as if i have no connection to any other human being in the world.

>>18371277
Ah, I am experiencing the same feelings of shame for a slight obsession with Cú Chulainn, anon.

>>18371360
I've found friends tend to be over rated. I've been through three friend groups in the last 4 years.

one was a bunch of hippies that played bike polo every other night. interesting laid back people but everyone smoked pot. good time just not helping me progress in life.

second was a sort of alternative/goth group and we played dnd and drank. they ended up being crazy and when my ex and I broke up she took all our friends with her. lol even though I was friends with them first.

third group was people I worked with in my business. two screwed me over to put more money in their pockets, one just had a lot of personal stuff and we fell out of touch.

in all honesty, just go do stuff, be nice to people, be reasonably personable, do interesting things and invite people to do interesting things. but don't get hung up on friends. they come and go.

So, are you guys going to play ball then?

You're giving me the adderall tomorrow. You're going to give me 60 20mg IR tablets. You're not going to give me the XR version, you're not going to give me placebos again.

I'll do whatever gay shit you want me to do then. I still really don't want to fuck anyone with a dick though.

I hate myself
I'm useless . I was the one kid who was truthful and just. Now cause of lies I took what i hated and made it a part of me. I can't think I can't sleep. I need to break it . I need to break it. I need to break this habbit. I see people are taking pleasure in the awful things they put me through. They take away when I give in. My pride my life is broken.

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Progression to stop being a child adult is going well. Finally got my license to drive, paid for insurance on the car and getting the actual car tonight. No more waiting for rides or awkward 2 hour walks. Now time for a steady job

I have everything I want, except the thing I want most. Someone who I can really be with, a person that I feel deeply for that feels deeply for me back. I have family, I have a lot of friends, and I'm not some NEET loser who's never even touched someone of the opposite sex... I've just never found someone like that for myself, and every time I think I have, it shits all over my face. It's getting to the point where I almost wanna settle for dying alone.

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I dont understand what having or being a friend means anymore,I never understood it which is the season I never been about to have strong relationships with others.I haven't seen my HS friends in years since I haven't really accomplished anything worth sharing or talking about,what do I say?"Haven't done shit but I did pick up this cool hobby I can make money off of" meanwhile they have jobs and other stuff going on to share.

What does being a friend mean, what is a friend?Does not talking to someone for years mean your not friends anymore even if none of you were on bad terms to begin with?There so many rules for this shit I dont even know....

>>18371392

It's never too late to revitalize the parts of you that you thought were good, truthful and just. Everyone lies and does immoral things. Guilt is just a side effect. So for you to be able to change for the worse, it goes the same for you to be able to change for the better.

I got this qts number and I'm absolutely terrified at any prospect of success. I'm pretty fucking insecure since I've been alone all my life and she's mentioned about having exes so I'm feeling pretty inferior. I have this tendency to self-sabotage when things go well in my life, because I'm so much more comfortable in failure than facing the unknown in success. I feel like I'd much rather fail at someting because at least I know how to cope with failure, instead of not knowing what to do if and when I succeed. This chick is a qt though but I am so completely convinced I'm going to sabotage myself because thats what I do.

>>18371378
jesus dude

I don't want to be a coward anymore.

i just found out that this guy i've been fucking has been trying to trap me and get me pregnant for two months now. he lives with his mom and i live in an apartment pursuing a masters degree. i'm on the pill so obviously no pregnancy, but i'm pretty livid either way.

I am quite afraid that my friend is ghosting me. This girl has spoken in such a way that it would seem like she genuinely cared for me as a good friend. But for some reason suddenly went silent. She agreed to something, I followed up, and she didn't reply. Asked for advice a day later, again, no reply. And after two days of that, I sent "Hey, is everything alright? You've been oddly quiet lately"

(Last message was "You got it, might be a while since we have department training" )

Probably is just a busted or lost phone. But still this is very unsettling because I cant shake that thought that shes consciously ignoring me

>>18371422
Worst part I'll probably die an old man with no one at my funeral if there was one that shit cost $$$

>>18371579
What does he possibly have to gain?

>>18371621
i'm graduating soon and lined up with a job that pays 240k/year... he works at a pizza shop... broke as fuck and wants a kid and financial support

>>18371630
I would stop fucking him. What could you possibly have to gain?

>>18368479
everything in my life seems to have gone wrong
and I don't know why

>>18371637
absolutely nothing i haven't spoke to him since he told me

>>18371517
don't worry he's been diagnosed with dementia and is probably just a larper. thinks the doctors are trying to drug him to get him to fuck people. showed up when cousin poster stopped posting.

>>18371579
the fuck?
>>18371621
this, he's not set up at all or stable enough to have kids.

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when I lay dying I'm gonna laugh the whole fucking time because this life sucks and it's shown me nothing

My dad sees me as I guess a younger version of himself which to a point he's right but he thinks or makes himself think I'm out with all these girls when in reality it's mainly me just going out to fill my time so I'm not thinking about how I will probably disappoint him and my mom because I'll never be able to be with any girls cause I don't see myself as good enough so how would someone else see me that way

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I suck at debates and it makes me feel worthless; like none of my views, thoughts, or statements have any meaning or value to them and it also makes people think I'm very simple-minded and not very intelligent. I feel like people won't have actual discussions with me like they do with other people, they'll only talk "at" me similar how an adult talks to a child: not expecting any development or input from them. I can't form an argument across to save my life and I find it hard to express my opinions. I can state why I agree/disagree with something but as soon as someone asks why I either crumble on the spot or any reason I do come up with it's so easy for people to shut it down without and I can never defend it.

>>18371678
Also forgot to put in that I never had a normal relationship with my mom she's always been there but more like someone leading me and not nurturing and loving me so I force myself to look for a girl to fill that hole of loving me

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Help me,

First, vaginas seem very disgusting to me, the shape, the smell, even the way it feels and taste. It bothers me to the point where I can't even have sex. but at the same time I'm not interested in getting poked with a dick let alone touching another persons dick. beyond that women are attractive. Is this ok, do I need a therapist? or have the 4 pussies I've tried just been bad pussies?

Second, How do I enjoy beer? Wines and hard liqueurs are fine I have friends and coworkers that only drink beer and I don't wanna pass every time they offer

thanks /adv/ you truly are wise

that hurts that you would insinuate that, but it's understandable. thats not my intention and I want nothing like that from you. that is a point of tenderness for me atm because of how things worked out. regardless of the successes and how much I beat odds and statistics it's still a failure. all I can say is I'm not down and out and I've got a plan. everything is all about waiting right now.

It fucking sucks meeting someone like you under such terrible circumstances. We had a pretty amazing and rare connection, but nobody could have kept a relationship or friendship going under all that emotional pressure and psychological manipulation.

Maybe we got to the point where we couldn't heal the damage done to us. Neither of was completely open about how hard things were anyway.

The thing is, we shared a lot of amazing qualities that would make us immensely positive for one another if we knew what to make of things.

By the time you're reading this, you probably haven't thought about what happened for a long while.

Unfortunately, the story will stick with me for a long time.

All I want now is the chance to give the story a happy ending, if we could have one more conversation. One positive, happy conversation, where we square it all away.

Because I miss you. I want us to be able to remember the few but meaningful positive memories we made and appreciate them for what they were.

I can't do that on my own.

oh my god am I going to fly in a helicopter?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>18371724
pic related, you're a space alien who hates good things

>>18371715
You're like me, you just need to practice it more and in your spare time find reasons why you believe the things you do and have prepared responses.

Also debate with questions, for example
>I hate x political policy
Oh, is it bad?
>Well I think it does this and this
Well it also achieves this, is that something that holds no merit?
>Well no but...

>>18371724
Keep trying anon, you have nothing to lose.

Also my old foreman used to say, "the harder you work now, the better the beer tastes on Friday."

Tomorrow I'll see him. I want to ask him for help with my thesis but I'm scared. I don't want to look dumb in front of him. But it'd really help AND it'd be a chance to get to know him. Gotta be brave

>>18371742
More info please, interested in context.

I'm a late 20s loser with a useless uni degree

I'm joining the military now
It's been fucking MONTHS since I started the process
I fear that I'm going to miss the window for this year

I don't know what I'll do if I have to wait another year
I just don't know

>>18371715
A great offense can substitute a meager defense. avoid harsh acquisitions and pay attention to your tone though. when on the offense use phrases like 'devils advocate' and 'I just wanna figure this out' instead of you building the argument have them build it for you. as they speak you can keep track of key points and words that you can collect. A instant counter attack can be difficult so try to buy time. make sure you have numbers even if they are seemingly irrelevant.

>why do you support X
"I dunno X just makes sense to me, why do you support Y?"
>Well historically Y has been the better choice
"Historically? How so?"

>>18371732
It's so fucking cool

When I was a boy, I went on "family days" on the military base.
My pop was a weather guy with the Air Force so he had friends among all the pilots.
He got favours when there was Family Days
The chopper pilots would pull some fun shit with us, like flying under bridges.
Fuck, I miss that.

Choppers are so fun.

>>18371715
Watch Legend of the Galactic Heroes and pay attention to how they argue, debate and place their arguments. Notice how they articulate.

>>18371755
>make sure you have numbers even if they are seemingly irrelevant.
This, you can weaken their morale to argue if you know a few offshot stats. Also you can learn how to twist stats to support whatever argument you want.

>>18371749
if your turning 25-28 you have time, airforce is harder to join in with age, marines is just silly, so obviously Army and Navy are the way to go.

Wait summer out trying to find a recruiter now will leave you with a shitty job like driving trucks or something, wait until spring and talk to a recruiter and ask to join the following summer. Speak with confidence and with out desperation. Also you could always go back to school and do some rotc and get a desk job.

Finally a disclaimer I have friends and family members who have given up years to the military a lot of jobs to not transfer well back to the civilian route. you may end up giving 8 years which are the last of your flexible years. you go in as enlisted and you may not come out with much (I'm assuming you will use your GI bill to pay off loans or what ever)

>>18371746
Um well he's a colleague I kinda like, but I don't get to see him much. I'm working on my thesis and it's very similar to his thesis, that he finished a year ago or so. I need a bit of help with some of the technical parts though. Well I could look it up myself, but since he's already done it it'd be easier to ask him. My director even suggested that. It'd be a great opportunity to talk to him more too. But I'm getting soo nervous just thinking about it.
Not sure if that's enough context, the thesis about model driven development, if it matters.

>>18371659
Im starting to think you just might be retarded.

i feel like a really big slut and i probably am, and i honestly didn't even try to be, someone told me i had bpd? and someone else told me i was a sociopath... i don't know but i think i'll explain:
I was introduced to a guy lets name him Jim, now Jim had the worst reputation around the campus/school, he was known for having a gf and they were in love but they always fought and she was well known and i was friends with her friends for quite a while, before i met Jim (sidenote i look almost exactly like his ex) . ANYWAYS, when i met him we got along well for we had similar likes and interest and the first day we met he gave me his number so we can continue talking, which we did.
We hit it off well, he confessed he liked me and at that time i believed i liked him as well, but we never dated, because i do not like the feeling of dating, idk he was ticked about it and we were kind of a friends with benefits kind of thing and he wanted to claim me as his however i didn't want to date him mostly because i didn't want to have problems with people, i guess that makes me a bitch, this went on for 3 months and we were a happy little pair but everyone around me not to get with him because he was terrible, which wasn't a lie, he was extremely needy, always wanted to know what i was doing and he wanted me to sleep with him through the phone every night, for 4-5 months. he would get so pissed if i didn't give him a hug or a kiss properly or whenever he wanted it, he was extremely jealous and i am very friendly to everyone i hug everyone too which made it impossible for me to be well, me and that's another reason why i didn't date him because he was just a little brat, he pouted and had tantrums and hurt himself if he didn't get what he wanted it was terrible. i had to comfort him 24/7 and i wanted to get out of the relationship asap but he threatened me with him killing himself and everything. Last month one his acquaintances texted me and wanted to be friends...

>>18371779
I'm 26
I first tried to go AF
But my eyes were too shit. Nothing personal, I just can't see good enough
Ok

I started to go Navy. I passed all the tests.
But it's been WEEKS between each test.
It just takes so much time and I feel like this summer is wasting away.
I know it's only May
But it's June today/tomorrow, right?

I started this application last June
June 2016
One whole fucking year.
I gave up on my life and resigned myself to the military

But it's been a fucking YEAR and I'm still in the "Hurry up and wait" phase.

I want to go. Just let me go. I have great grades, no debt, no records, no nothing. Just let me fucking join.

>>18371731
initials?

>>18371416
I have a job,an apartment and scooter

How hard is it to pass the driving test with out much prior driving? I just want a license so I can then get my motorcycle license so I can legally drive my scooter.

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Most people you see who are successful have been to Uni at some point in their life,too bad I'll never be one of them.

>>18371809
ZS

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I collect some of the messages on this board. Save them in a draft email. Love messages, missed encounters. Anything that stirs my lonely heart. Some times I wish they were for me.

I hope I'll be able to get over you soon. The pain of rejection still stings and brings tears to my eyes when I think of you. It doesn't even make any sense. None of this makes any sense.

>>18371821
All of them started their careers in debt
You got that on them.

>>18371831
I went to government subsidized trade school.

I left school above debt.

>>18371826
>None of this makes any sense.
Because you aren't really missing her
You're missing the complex idea of not being alone
And that's a big huge thing that has many possibilities

She's just the unfortunate person who represents your escape from this loneliness

>>18371835
What trade?
Can you find a job in that trade?

You sound far more qualified than any idiot undergrad

>>18371796
(cont'd)
lets name his new friend harold, i told jim about harold and he got super jealous but got over it, I got along with harold a lot more than Jim and it wasn't until the middle of may, me and harold became extremely close, fast forward a bit to last week another guy came into my life lets name him kyle, kyle is a very very very old friend of mine and i replied to his sc stories because he was very depressed and i wanted to comfort him and etc. We got close and he's a stoner, so he skyped me while high and confessed he liked me, i'm here very twisted because i don't like Jim at all however he loves me and we have a little thing that has been going on for 5-6 months, I think Harold is the sweetest guy and i was falling for him but i didn't want to break our friendship and we friendzoned each other, Kyle however skypes me every night now but he is extremely cute and sweet to me and i want to give it a try with him, recently well two days ago, Kyle picked me up from school, Jim and Harold were next to me and i hugged them both, however Jim gets angry like actually furious that i hugged Harold much more properly, (to my defense i hugged Jim twice that day and he kept forcing me to hug him like bro chill) Harold went one way, Jim yelled at me and went another way, and i was walking to Kyle, but Jim comes back to yell at me some more saying he hates me never to talk to him again and he has the biggest fit, he punches the gates and rips up the branches from the trees and yells, i walk away kinda really glad that we ended our thing and i walk to kyle, we walk a long way and he kisses me and we share a moment, but i don't know if i kissed him because i wanted to or because i loved him, and Harold is still my closest friend all of the people around me ships harold and i but i now have a thing with kyle and i didn't even try to get myself into that now i feel like a disgusting slut for jumping from one guy to another while feeling something to another ..

>>18371731
This was very sweet. Best of luck Anon.

>>18371369
It is pain. I guess at least I get merch and stuff of Killua, it must be hard being obsessed with Cú Chulainn and having no real outlet for it

>>18371841
Electrical, working in a union.

I'm an idiot in my own right though, they just let me wire things that can go horribly wrong one day.

Also it's made me smug as fuck.

>>18371843
>>18371796
Holy shit I don't miss high school at all.

>>18371861
That sounds like a career that you can live off

>>18371731

I-I wish this message was meant for me, senpai.

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>>18371860
Haha, well it's him as a hero and also him portrayed as Lancer in Fate Stay Night Unlimited Blade Works

>>18371866
It really is but at the same time, this job has given me anxiety like nothing else has before. Always worrying if I made a mistake that might cause damage/death or injury to something (to which you can be tried for manslaughter).

But I live comfy and have adjusted my lifestyle to the money I make and can't go back.

And if I ever voice this opinion to anyway, it's usually written off as, "it must be so tough being paid well".

They're kinda right though.

>>18371731
Why the fuck should I help you find closure? Find your own, like you forced me to.

>>18369343
I didn't write them down as I don't want my partner to find them somehow. But there was definitely sex involved in it.

>>18369544
>was a beach involved?
Nope.

>>18371873
Ohh okay I see. I hadn't watched that before, at least you get the doujins and stuff then.
Either way, being obsessed with a character who will never be real is suffering

>>18371887

Probably the healthiest way to deal with fuckers. Thanks for posting this, you tell 'em lol!

>>18371831
I'd rather be in debt and exposed to a wealth of resources than be at zero with limited ones. Maybe I should just visit Uni classrooms and ghost while making friends.

>>18371936
No debt, free time and possibility are resources too. Don't sell yourself short.

>>18371586
ideas
?

>Be me
>currently in a relationship
>everything going okay
>Never been with anyone else
>Never seen other dicks

Curiosity led me to /soc/ shit-tier community. SO MANY DICKS. A few caught my interest. Wracked with guilt... but still want to lurk and r8 dicks (only the pretty ones). Am I a terrible person lol?

Miss you smartass

>>18371962
He expects you to be very well versed in dicks

Such is being a woman in a modern age

>>18371962
Are you a grill?

When you say so many dicks, you have no idea how many naked women majority of guys have seen online. You cannot fathom it.

>>18371969
Have you tried looking down?

>>18371970
>>18371971

Yes, a girl. Hmm so it is ok to do so? I think I'd be a bit peeved if my guy was looking at other vags online... I'm conflicted with my own desire vs the 'right' thing to do lol. I'm also afraid to ask him. What if he says no? Then it's double intrigue to look at people's junk. omg. I am a pervert. *hides face*

>>18371979
You're adorable. It's fine.

>>18371979
He's seen more vags than he has seen people in his life
I mean shit you can go through a hundred unique pussies in a single fap session

Also
>using asterisks as action signifies
FAAAAG

>>18371987

T-thanks, I am spaghetti lol c:
...
*secretly goes off to look at dicks*

>>18371346
If you're an A go fuck yourself you filthy whore. I hope you live a lonely life and everyone who you love or get close to dies.

I tried to hold on as long as I could.
I have no idea what you want, but I don't want this.

Fuck it, I quit. Maybe someday things will be different, but today, I'm done.

Later, probably not.

When I was a little kid, at summer camp, we would take one night to go out into the woods and do primitive camping.
We'd set up sleeping bags on the dirt ground at the top of a mountain, and fall asleep to the sound of the fire popping.
The counselors would tell long, dry stories to lull us into sleep. We would wake up with the sun.
I want to believe that I never woke up. That I'm lying here, under the trees, dreaming in a simpler time.
I want to open my eyes and realize you were a dream. I want to grow up without knowing you.
I want your face to fade with time, the way that all dreams do.
You were the worst ache that's ever had my heart.

>>18372006
Good for you mate
Never let some fag's shit drag you down

>>18372045
I feel that
Well half of it

I lived in a small ass town and my math teacher owned a couple square km of land
We camped there as a ritual every year
It was good
He woke most of us up each day with a chainsaw and claimed a bear was coming to eat us.

As for your shit, she's a part of you know
Can't exorcise her.
She's a part of you forever.
That just means you gotta learn

It does get better. It'll last a year or three. Then you'll meet someone new and think that you wasted all your time on someone who doesn't matter

I wrote a very fucked draft of a paper thats due tomorrow and it is well below my usual standard. have around 12 hours to go before I have to turn it in, I dont know if I should try to salvage the paper or start from scratch since I'm sure I can do better than what I have now. I just wrote 2 papers today though so my mind is beat.

>>18372065

just fix it a little if need be. Take breaks, you're gonna burn yourself out. don't be a perfectionist. who the fuck cares in the long run lol. GL anon

>>18368479
i want to relive 2 years ago, i just want to have one summer off, nothing to do, nothing to prepare for, just me, about 10 grams of weed, my easy job, and mcdonalds and wendys almost every night. fuck

i just went to work at about 7pm, then came back home at 12am, then smoked myself silly, and ate whatever meal i bought after work, then watched either ghost in the shell, fight club, or random cowboy bebop episodes, or various other dvds then jack off and go to sleep. i didnt worry about anything at all,i didnt think about anything at all, it was so amazing i just feel like i want that again, i really just want to be insanely stoned again. i just want to not feel a damn thing except divine pleasure and serene comfort

i cant believe its already been 2 years since ive cut my weed addiction, of course i still smoke up sometimes, but not even monthly anymore. idk man i miss it now, but my brain is saying that im better off without it, and i in 99% of situations am better off without a weed addiction. but id be damned if i said i dont want it.

dont do drugs kids

on an unrelated note, i keep thinking if i had to do school over again, what i would do differently is probably make more friends with girls, and try and date in high school, i only went on one date in high school, and it was with this bitch who was using me as a cover for her dating one of my friends, who was mexican, and her parents hated mexicans. i cannot believe she used me like that. i took her to homecoming, and she fucking ditched me there, i should have left without her, but i didnt feel like being an asshole back to her, so i took her home like some sort of beta cuck,and fucking cried on the way back home because i knew she didnt respect me or enjoy my company at all, but its ok, because she was a slut anyway and now shes fucking another one of my friends who she cheated with on her manager at walmart.

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I'm talking to this girl and we've been friends for a while.
We recently started getting intimate and I said we should just be friends. She got very upset.
And I ended up saying let's be romantic and sexual.

Today I visited her and came on her stomach... she got upset and withdrawn.

I really don't want to deal with any of this. It's too stressful for me. She's attached.

How do I end things but still be friends and hurt no feelings?

im listening to podcasts with headphones to drown out the sounds of my roommate fucking the shit out of his girlfriend.

meanwhile im here very stoned alone after disappointing the girl im currently dating (or was which is more likely).

I can kinda hear them talking and laughing like we used too.

I just want to sleep for a year desu

>>18372082
Maybe I'm overreacting

>>18371732
I unironically want to get a helicopter pilot's license. lmfao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmQq6yLe2ww

>>18372083

:(

>>18371821
>Most people you see who are successful
most of the really successful ones either dropped out of college or never went.

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Curse my adaptive skin,I will forever have a farmers tan just by walking outside for afew mins

>>18372087

There is no doubt way more shit to your dynamic than what you can convey in a textpost. Honestly with this kinda thing I felt it's always best to just be as open as possible and tell her how you're feeling.

Get meta and talk about how you're feeling and why you think that is, then listen to her and work it out together.

>>18371586
Maybe something really shitty happened in her personal life and she doesnt have the time or motivation to deal with you right now. Or maybe she is a drug addict and ran off with a guy who has a pocket full of crystals and she will resurface when he runs out.

So one of the guys I game with has apparently developed a bit of a crush on me. He's incredibly sweet to me, cares a lot about my well being, and is freakishly good at reading me. He's a cool dude, solid friend... but uhh I'm still sort of a mess of a human going through recovery from depression/anxiety and abuse. And I'm not a good looking girl. Like, I'm chubby and kind of ugly. He's never seen me, just hears my voice, texts, gaming, etc. I don't know how to tell him to nip this crush thing in the bud to spare him from the massive disappointment of my face/body/general shitshow of a human situation.

>>18372006
hmm, what happened anon?

>>18372065
I graduated with a 3.7 with just first hand DGAF drafts

You're good.

I should talk less to people at work. They apparently take what I say the wrong way. I try to keep my head down and mind my own business, but I also gripe a lot because shit just keeps getting worse as in losing people and the work falls on everyone else. I should be thankful that I have a job, at the same time I'm stressed the fuck out about paying off my debt from when I didn't have one.

Ultimately, I wish I would've done some things differently at a past job as it was a good job and I had a good boss. In retrospect I feel as though I took advantage of him/the situation and it really wasn't my intention. At the same time I did more work than most if not all my coworkers. On my shift I'd usually be the one to put away shipments of supplies, replace full scrap containers, help coworkers with their work or problems they encountered, etc. I'd also run my machine faster when I could where as some other people would milk it. So not really sure how to feel about it other than I was lucky to find that kinda place to work when I was young. It could also be seen as a curse since I didn't get a correct perception of what a lot of jobs are like. Seems like everything is just go go go and everyone is so caught up with that other things get overlooked. Makes me think of the other job I should have kept to get out of the industry I was in, but that's a different story.

I still should have done more to be a better employee and not fucked off, if for no one else than my boss cause he was a really good boss.

you don't think I'm a meme do you? you'd have to wait on the ride. if you want to see where this goes respond to my email or just show.

I'm not a meme, I'm not larping, I'm not catfishing.

>>18372083
I know exactly how you feel

I got this friend I've known this I was 10

We were a pair all the way through college. Fucking brothers, mate. 15 years of friendship
One year, we need another person for our apartment
So he gets this girl at his work to live with us
They start dating
And then after a 6 months decide to get married.

Shit fucking SUCKED for me.
Like me and my bro used to watch a TV show of some sort every day after work/class.
We did that for years while eating dinner

But this bitch came along and I was there along

I was pretty fucking hurt for a long time.

They still married now.
It's been a year since their marriage
She's still crazy, but my bro is somehow dealing with it

>>18372002
Such hostility. Not an A.

Turning 23 hate my job, hate my life, living with parents I'm only one with job so I stuck here in a cycle of living check to check and I end my days with the phrase I want to kill myself. I lay awake at night thinking of when I'm 40 I'm gonna be this same guy going to work and going home. Anyways there's a lady at work. I don't really think about relationships or anything to do with love but someone had me thinking about it and I have a crush on this lady and I'm both enjoying and hating the fact I can feel something again. I know she doesn't feel the same about me in fact kind of blew me off when I tried saying hi to her but hey this crush keeps me ignoring my anxiety and derealization I feel alive not the miserable robot I was. What am I gonna do about it? Not a goddamn thing unfortunately but I feel good this person makes me happy just seeing her. Haven't felt genuine happy emotions like this since high school. Yay Adulthood I guess

huh, I had forgotten almost that entire movie and didn't watch the other one. yeah not like that.

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I have been with the same woman for 7 years. I love her to death and I wouldn't do anything to hurt her.. Or at least I would like to believe so. I have been faithful to her ever since we been together.

However I been craving to have an affair with a younger attractive woman. I believe I just might cheat on my girlfriend soon because I cannot stop thinking about doing it. I have so many options and opportunities and I'm doing my darnest to resist temptation

I feel the walls closing in soon and I just might pull the trigger on it tomorrow or soon. Not sure what else I can do because this hunger has been bothering me for over a year now. Not exactly sure how it started or why. I feel like a selfish jerk.

>>18372211
sounds like you need to take your gf on a romantic vacation and forget that thot.

you should feel like worse than a selfish jerk.

I feel my anger eating eating me up. I want to unleash my anger upon you, but I know that won't make me feel better, that won't changed what happened.

I want everyone to die so that I can be alone, so that I have a real reason to be alone.

I've reduced you next to nothing in my mind. You must have been just a fetish, an itch I never got to scratch. And that's all you were to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Bye loser.

I should really spend more time with my father, especially right now. I keep not spending time with him because I don't want to bring him down with my problems/issues and I'm not the greatest at hiding them or faking it. What he needs right now is my support and to know his kids/family cares about him.

I look back and the shit that man has done for my mom and his second wife and me and my siblings, I just don't know how he fucking does it. How does he not let all the shit seep in and affect him? How could he work 72 hour weeks for 10 bucks an hour and not feel fucking hopeless and depressed? How the fuck am I his son?

>>18372322
I never needed a whore like you anyway. Go fuck yourself you crazy bitch.

L

are you mad at me for something? what do you want? what do you need from me?

why the sudden shift to hostility? or is my radar off?

>>18372322
>>18372366
Now kiss

it fucking does man, it fucking does

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>>18372211
Continued

I woke up an hour ago and checked my phone. I got two messages from this younger woman who wants to do coffee with me at a Peets coffee next to her apartment complex.

I kissed my woman of 7 years whose been sleeping in my bed. Now I'm up and getting ready. Only time will tell if I do it or not

I couldn't do it. The girl I like was right in front of me with her friend and all I had to do was say her name and ask her out and I couldn't fucking do it.

I don't know why I still hurt myself. I hate myself for what I did, but I got people less my age acting more maturely than me. I need to change my lifestyle.

>>18372107
Maybe something shitty happened in her life and just wants some quiet for now

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Had a dream about an overbearing asian father.

And before that had a dream where I was bitten by a dozen snakes.

I hope I get my drugs today.

How do you convince someone to save their marriage and their house by selling their horses?

I got a big, fat, blinking red "Why even bother" hanging over me right now.

Why bother get a better job? Why bother pursuing a dream? Why bother getting a gf? Why bother?

It all wears off into a sense of dullness eventually, or the sense of uncertainty stops me long before. The last time I really struggled for something it turned out to be completely worthless to me in hindsight, and so all the sweat and tears and all the energy I invested seem like a fucking waste.

If I can't actually be proud of my accomplishments why bother?

Ever since I made friends I don't visit this place anymore.

Reason being, everytime I befriend someone who actually gives a shit about me, it's someone who thinks I'm a shrink. I have no solutions most of the time. Everytime it's someone who has more personal problems, more awful things on top of them, while I try to overcome mine without most people noticing. At the beginning I could stand it, but it has been enough people that at this point I can't go on a day without someone yelling at me because they have a personal problem that I'm 0% responsible for, and have 0 solutions for.

I used to see myself as someone powerless, but now I'm starting to grow tired of me being the one to take all the hits. I recognize there are problems bigger than the ones I currently have, perhaps. Now I can't stop these trains anymore. I can't say "calm down" or "focus on something else", because apparently everyone thinks the best solution to go through life while yelling at other people is popping some goddamn pills.

It's sad when I used to be really affected by it, really sad about a man having his wife screw him up left and right, his boss fucking him over and his daughter doing everything in her way to cause him pain, sorrow and depression, but now I'm starting to not feel it anymore. I'm starting to give less of a shit, less caring, less considerate. My mind is trying really hard to find reasons to consider that he might not have it as bad, or make him responsible and perhaps culpable of all the shit that's happening to him.

I had this before with more people, but not to the extent that I've had headaches over something that did not affect me in any way. And I keep thinking to myself "what if I never met him? how many people in this fucking city have problems like these, and why should I care?"

>>18371630
Jesus, what's the job like?

>>18372366

How else am I supposed to get over you? I want to forget everything about you, just like you did.

You never cared, you egotistical jerk.

>be me
>have some trust issues
>don't go to psychologist or other specialist because you do realise they will talk dumb shit to you just to take more and more money
>in other words you don't trust them

Fucking comedy gold.

I no longer suspect, I know you come here, 'I'.
So, stop playing. Pull the trigger and end this mess between us. If you tell me honestly that it's over, then I will walk and leave you be.
But stop playing, and be true. I'm sick of playing with you.

I feel like I'm being interviewed or interrogated. I go along with it with such ease because I understand it. I know there's a disparity between ease of learning information between us. but I would gladly tell you anything you wanted to know. I think you fear having a record of communication because you don't trust me, that kind of sucks, but I understand.

>>18373602
I do worry though that you having unfettered access to me, my emotions, everything, like you do here is going to lead to you feeling like you don't need or want to chase this and you'll lose interest. it's a catch-22. you don't trust me enough to talk more normally, but giving you the information about who I am might make you lose interest because there's no challenge and not want to talk to me.