How do I stop caring about appearance?

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>I'm so sick of, "everyone's beautiful," bullshit. Not everyone is and I'm tired of being lied to.

Beauty is subjective though friend.

Idk if it is for you, but lifting (as in going to the gym) helped me both with liking my body more and caring what people think less. When you have shaped yourself through pain and investment, you can't help but to take pride in that.

>>18366932
>I'm an objectively ugly girl
>My boyfriend
Fuck off please.

>How does one go into the path of self acceptance WITHOUT constant lying?
By winning over cinism. I know that most of the time the optimist approach sounds like the most blissfully ignorant one, but that is not the truth.

As long as you are relatively clean and relatively healthy, you ARE going to match someone's idea of a 10/10. So don't be overly harsh on your boyfriend: unless you have hard proof he's settling just accept the fact he might just find you pretty - even if you're not what the majority might call pretty.

As for "accepting" your appearance, you have to put it in a way that is meaningful to you. Your appeareance does not define you; but those are just words if you do not belive them. Knowing it in your head without applying it doesn't help either.

>>18366960
I suppose, but, one odd man out believing shit tastes good doesn't mean shit ACTUALLY tastes good. They just have a unique opinion.

But, I did feel somewhat better when I weighed less so that's a very good suggestion. I don't have the cash for a gym membership but I'm going to set up a rigorous running schedule and a workout at night I think.

First off youre obviously not ugly if you have a bf and you focus too much on yourself that you dont know how others see you. If you really are worried try changing up your perspective/clothing and look up makeup that could be more flattering on you. The way somebody speaks/posture/personality makes them more attractive. You're going to hate this but the way you look isn't all of it

Oops, I replied and more messages appeared.

>>18366968
It's literally impossible to be a girl and not find people who want to have sex with you. Additionally, my personality is pretty alright.

>>18366986
I really liked this post. Thank you.

>>18367003
Wow must be rough. I'm feeling bad for you right now.

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>>18366989

>I suppose, but, one odd man out believing shit tastes good doesn't mean shit ACTUALLY tastes good.

Taste is also subjective though, shit tasting bad is commonly understood and a widely held belief, but there's nothing factual about it. Nothing about shit makes it inherently bad.

I see what you are getting at, but no-one being objectively less pretty than anyone else is the truth, and I want you to know it.

>I don't have the cash for a gym membership but I'm going to set up a rigorous running schedule and a workout at night I think.

Sounds good, keep it up gurl.

>>18367012
Light a candle and pray for me, Anon.

>>18366994
No, I don't hate that at all. You make a good point but I suppose I'm speaking purely facially - for the most part, my personality has always made up for it, although recently my overall demeanor has gotten quite... grumpy? Idk.

I don't wear makeup just because I focus on skincare and I'm too poor to pay $60 for makeup hauls, skincare hauls, and video games. I'd rather use the money on games and skincare products.

Once I start making more money, I may try a new wardrobe and get some makeup advice.

>he's just settling for me
Are you just settling for him? If that nigga don't make you feel beautiful every day, he can't be your man.

>how do I stop caring about appearance
Find better concerns for yourself, and realize how vain it is to overstress about your appearance.

>>18366932
>>18366555
Being an ugly woman sucks super hard. I don't envy you at all. Thanks to make up and surgery, there are ridiculously good looking women walking amongst us. Yes they are treated like goddesses by beta men and society, hence why so many women strive to attain it. However, if you are indeed a 2/10.

Gym
Nice clothes
Develop good personality
+/- surgery
Getting over your vanity

one or a combination of the above

>>18367032
I'm not going to do that. Enjoy the attention you'll get for being a female on 4chan though.

>>18367036
But I wanna model :c
/s

No, I'm not settling and you're right - it's terribly vain to legitimately let it ruin my day.

>>18367053
Right, though? I guess a lot of my self esteem has to do with jealousy as well. Honestly, I just want to get to a place where I'm not googling different plastic surgerical procedures every few days.

But I do want surgery at some point, nose and jaw but jaw surgery can have terrible conclusions once you're older.

>>18367083
>>18367083

>Right, though? I guess a lot of my self esteem has to do with jealousy as well. Honestly, I just want to get to a place where I'm not googling different plastic surgerical procedures every few days.

If I had a girlfriend doing this, I would be tempted to leave. Mostly because

A: Dat vanity
B: Dat huge cost
C: Dat insecurity

>>18367090
Why is it seen as vain to look into a procedure you may be having in the future? Or simply looking at results?

I suppose plastic surgery is vain, but I don't see why anyone shouldn't change their appearance if it bothers them enough and they have the money.

But also, I wouldn't expect anyone else to pay for it but myself. So, I don't see why it would have anything to do with the cost for a third party.

/shrug

I feel u on the insecurity, tho. Oh well, though?

>>18367083
Problem with these surgeries is you will likely not stop at one. You are trying to fix your self esteem with cosmetic surgery which is doomed to fail and cost you a small fortune.

I would tell you to deal with the genetic cards you are dealt. Get 1-2 small procedures and aspire to be more than some vapid 8/10 instagram sloot, but will you listen?

I know a ton of awesome 5-6/10 girls who are doctors, lawyers, start up founders and live awesome lives despite not turning heads when entering a room.

>>18367103
The surgery is pretty much a pipe dream. I would sooner build a fantastic gaming desktop. Or shoes.

Being attractive isn't everything - I'm actually trying my hand at a start-up now and my appearance doesn't have anything to do with that. I just get really hung up on it sometimes.

>>18367101

Looking into it every couple of days, making comments on it, talking about it, especially if it's well outside of the range of finances for the foreseeable future.

I personally look at it as vanity because it's just how it sounds. Plastic surgery. It's fake. It's not really who you are, it's some "better" imagined version of you. Except that you were probably just fine beforehand. Most of us are terrible judges of ourselves, since we want to imagine some idealized version instead of being able to accept reality.

I worry about how far the surgeries go, I worry about when the initial surgery wasn't "done right" and there needs to be more work done. More costs, more surgeries, more chances of complications, more problems.

All this to slightly change the size of someone nose, or remove a mole, and it balloons out of control based on more vanity/insecurity. I'd rather just pass and not deal with a female Michael Jackson, thanks.

OP again:

Just as a general thing, I always feel like I'm looked down on for not being pretty but I think that's because of deeper issues from childhood. I was depressive due to abuse and had pretty low self esteem - I was also pretty tomboy-ish. In conjunction with my foul attitude and masculine taste in presentation, I garnered some pretty awful comments from peers and family, many along the lines of, "You don't look good when you look that way AND you're awful to be around." My behavior was always mentioned alongside my appearance in some way. When I presented nicer, people honestly just started calling me funny. I wasn't a bitch anymore - just sarcastic and funny. and somewhere along the way, I just started caring a lot more about my appearance than anything else.

Anyway, you were all very helpful, except the angry incel. I appreciate your advice and taking the time to snap some sense into me.

>>18367127
I see your point and it makes a lot of sense. I just feel compelled to be perfect to someone - it's never going to be anyone else so I would rather be perfect to me and surgery would help that. But it's not something I should focus on and have it something that comes up in my head weekly - I very much agree with that.

I'm going to try and get the idea off my mind and work on more important things such as my start-up and learning. It's what I've been trying to do for the past week and I've done it well but I just totally slipped up the past day or so.

>>18366932
Go to college.

No one has the time or energy to care about appearance and neither will you

>>18367171
have you been to college. Its a smoke show of babes on the daily. Parties with young. 8-9/10 hotties regularly...

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>>18367194
Have *you* ever been to college? It's not like the movies.

>>18367165

I had a girlfriend who felt kind of similarly to you. She was pretty, but had no breasts, and felt that it detracted from her. I liked breasts, and admitted as much, but I told her on more than 100 occasions I care more about the person the breasts are attached to than two lumps of squishy, malleable fat and flesh.

She talked about getting breast implants all the time, and it frankly became unattractive how insecure she had become about herself. She was honestly pretty even without make-up, and with it she was often mistaken for a photo model. Yet even she was never satisfied with how she looked, and it was uglier than anything else. Basically it was hardly concealed self-loathing, and it was awful. Having a personality IS important, and I'd rather have someone sarcastic, funny, and playful who is only modestly "beautiful" by societal standards than have some 9/10 hottie who's a braindead narcissist.

You're probably a lot hotter than you give yourself credit for, OP. Keep staying strong, and good luck on your start-up!

>>18367200
Ohio State was like the movies. Just go to a large state school. 7-10s everywhere drunk on every thur, fri, sat, sun.

>>18366932
I'm a handsome dude, I guess. I get told that regularly by girls and guys. I swipe tinder while traveling usually to just see if anything fun is happening where I am at and usually end up with 100 matches in a night. My friends all say I should slay but while I love sex, I feel more fulfilled in relationships and sex feels better with love anyway. That said, while I've had a couple of girls that 8/10, my friends are baffled by me chasing after what they say are 5/10s, or plain girls, or weird girls while curving "objective 9/10s". A couple of girls I've curved were Instagram models, one had hitomi tanaka's body. But I dunno, they just don't do it for me anymore?

>>18366932
rape stuff

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>>18366932
Sorry OP but I dunno what to say, I'm in the same situation as you if that counts for anything. I'm 158 currently after a quick+dramatic weight loss after being forever fat (still am losing) and though I had a brief sense of "oh my god, I'm good looking now!" yesterday today I felt like an ugly blob. Felt like all the attention I've been getting, the warm smiles, the faces that follow me when I stroll through the room, and the gazes after the weight loss was judgmental ("eww, what a disgusting girl!"), or just focused on my decent curves, and wanted to die. What's more? I feel WORSE than before!

Am I really a butterface? I dunno. All it really goes to show that there really is no satisfaction to be had; we might never (regardless of how we really look) find peace in our looks. We're just that type of person. It's kinda like...hmm. You know those cautionary tales about the search for eternal youth? Typically the people who chase it only end up getting fucked up in the end. In this case, what we're looking for - eternal beauty (which isn't all too much different) - is only gonna lead us to ruin. Both of us know that.
I just wish I knew what to do in order to break out of the cycle.

Also
>boyfriend
Lucky you. Why can't you make peace with the fact that he probably finds you hot, and wants to fuck the daylights outta you? A 8.5/10 dude that probably has glanced at me dozens of times in class bit his lip when he finally caught my eyes and it was so fucking hot. Probably cringey and creepy to onlookers, but still exciting. Feeling wanted by someone is nice, isn't it?

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>>18366932
Get some frigin sun! Sunlight will make ANYONE more attractive. And it will cheer your sullen ars up.

>>18367823
kill yourself

pale girls are the hottest.

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>>18367823
Not that I agree with >>18367845 but sunlight isn't all that healthy and tends to accelerate aging.

i know exactly how you feel but i'm a heterosexual male

at least it's socially acceptable for you

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I'm an ugly dude but that doesn't mean we shouldn't care bout our appearance and health. Atleast you're not single like me. Suck it up princess, bigger things to worry bout like taxes, bills and goals.

>>18367862
Oh please don't say shit like this, I'm not OP but I have had it hard all through school life and after because unattractive women get treated less by both genders.I can tell you right now that being another gender doesn't make much of a difference.

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>>18367003

>literally

>>18367165
Hey there OP, I have similar issues to you. Both of our issues are rooted in childhood but my experiences are different from yours.

>grow up in big household
>rarely go outside except for school
>dad and mom works but mom works night shifts so she just sleeps all day drugged up on pills
>not a lot of emphasis placed on hygiene, grooming, or beauty in the household despite being mostly girls
>go to school looking like shit, sloppy clothes, messy hair, dirty unwashed skin, untied shoes, ect
>needless to say i was bullied relentlessly and alienated by all of my peers
>in addition to poor social skills, my hygiene is shit and im suffering depression
>can't stand up to bullies, grades are failing, ect

>get my shit together (somewhat) and recently learn about putting effort in my appearance through the internet

I have a huge complex about this desu. I can't as much go outside with my hair sloppy or else it'll remind me of my traumatizing school days. I'm obsessed with my looks. I can't feel I'll ever be truly beautiful because all the pretty girls I know were always pretty even as kids. I want to kill the old me that used to exist but I get reminded of it and it sends me in a deep depression. I just want to get thinner. Use more skin care. Wear better clothing. Be as cleanly and beautiful as possible.

I'm extremely vain and I guess its because of that.. I still feel deeply ashamed though

>>18367926
With my looks i guess i am objectively pretty. i do turn heads sometimes. guys do talk to me. i want to be perfect though. i know i wont be perfect or at least near it until im exceptional. right now there is nothing exceptional about my average body size
I'd like to get a titty lift too desu. Procedures to get my stretch marks removed.

Oh and I developed extremely early like in 2nd grade. I guess there's a reason to that too

>>18366932
You can work on your appearance somewhat... say get in really good shape and be healthy... But what you want is to really develop your personality, mental acuity and skills. If you are impressive, people will be impressed. If you are lacking a personality AND have no looks.... well i've got some bad news for you.
Also if you dwell on your looks, it'll dominate all that you do. Go enjoy life.

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>>18367900
i'm talking about insecurity not attractiveness

i would even go as far as to say that unattractive guys have it easier than unattractive girls

i'm saying that no guy i know would really hold it against a girl for being insecure. regardless of how ugly or crazy you think you are, women like you and OP still have somewhat (or very, depending on the person) desirable personalities

i'm not even ugly at all but a constant paranoia and obsession with my appearance follow me and dominate my life and if i try to talk to any male about the crushing weight of my perceived imperfections that pull at the fiber of my being every day all i hear is "damn... that sucks bro"

the only people i can even relate to are girls but once you talk about it they dry right up it's fucking gay

girls have it easier

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>>18367929
...This isn't actually OP, right...?

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>>18366932
I'm definitely seconding the question of
>getting over preoccupation about looks without lying

>>18368019
you dont have to lie, say to yourself, "I will never be a model, I will never get discovered on the street and swept into the modelling branch and no guy will jump through extra loops just to give me his phone number. But that is OK and I can live with it, because there are other things in Life that give me joy and make me have a good time."

Say it, but the next time mean it.

Once you get to a mental point, where you can say this without it feeling like lying, you are cured. But to reach that point you have to imagine the worst possible outcome and find things that you enjoy enough to burden that bad situation.

I was an extremely ugly teenager, no girl ever stayed in a conversation for longer than 30 seconds if I tried to initiate a conversation. I got depressed and had to accept, that no girl wants anything from me, that It's very much possible, that I will never have sex, a GF, kids or a respectfull job. And it took me at least half a year deep in my mental prison until I was able to say, i was ok with this. There are things in live I want so much that they can make up for never getting any of the nice things in life. I discovered how hungry I am for new technology, seeing the political ways of the world and I wanted to see a kid grow from a baby to an adult. If i did all of that and still had no fun, hell then suicide is still an option, but I have a lot of fun and girls are attracted to that, even the ones that I feel are way out of my league.

>>18366932

Watch some makeup tutorials on YouTube, girl! There are so many tricks you can learn to have a better look. Plus, you're not fat so that's a huge plus! Get yourself some makeup tricks and you'll be stunned with how beautiful you are.