Forcing it?

Background:
For 3 weeks we've been working at this. I was/am an overweight slob with bad hygiene and an anger/jealousy problem. Atleast the past 1.5 years I have been. We've been together for 7 years now. She said this trend began about a year ago. The past 3 weeks i lost enough weight to wear a belt, cleaned my house, shower and laundry regularly and have greatly improved my mental state with my girlfriend. Field was too long for this info

>>18364340
Only she can decide what will happen, at this point.

Just don't waste any time guessing what she's thinking or how to appease her.

You're better off focusing on positivity and health moving forward, regardless of whether it's alongside her or not.

>>18364479
Well yeah, but my preference is I go with her. I'm focusing on unfucking myself but she is what made the matter clear to me. I'm just simply asking, based off this repeating trend of positive connecting experiences being initiated by her, would me backing off of all the physical and emotional smothering help give her breathing room to grow any feelings she might actually still have for me? My nature is to smother, but should I not? Thanks for the reply

>>18364360
Well that does sound unlovable, no question. Jealousy is the smallest problem.

But you seem on the right track for now. Picture yourself what man you want to be. A body you want and a standard of cleanliness you need to keep up.

>>18364497
Thanks, I know I'm on the right track. Obviously some of it is fake it till you make it, I just feel like our relationship is more complicated than that

bump.

A similar thing happened awhile back. I was for some reason or another very upset with her and did not desire sex, affection.. anything. Her response was become hypersexual and practically demand I fuck her all the time. Sort of like last night, where when I refused the kiss she made out with me for a few seconds before telling me I needed to leave for work.

>>18364340
Learn some diction man. Less words more meaning.

When the fuck did she break this down to you? Are you trying to be a member of the FBI?

If the chick aint into you, move on. Simple. Brush your teeth, get a hair cut, smell nice, and wash your clothing. And make sure your not crazy before dating someone, or you will just waste their time.

>>18364636
Sorry bucko. She broke all this down to me over the course of several conversations spanning a few weeks.

She seems into me. But I'm starting to think I've suffocated her. When I pull back, when I allow her space to feel something or when I become distant or unavailable she immediately becomes extremely desirous of me and if I reciprocate she feels connected and secure and happy and in love.

Should I end it with her or experiment with giving her space and being more distant emotionally and physically to see if she'll rise to fill the gap, and meet her when she does?

>>18364639
"Into me" as in, "under the right conditions she'll seem into me, otherwise she's annoyed and indifferent"

You know, while I was in Maine I had resigned to being without her for life. I accepted it, let it go. 1.5 hours later she apologised and said she wanted to be mine still. I'm seeing a serious pattern here. Maybe this is fucked but how do I intentionally use this in a way not cruel but to my benefit

Drump

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i'm pretty sure she's just afraid of being alone, nigga. i don't believe in "relighting the flames", especially if it's a young relationship. which it definitely sounds like from your description. it's probably in your best interest to move on from this because it doesn't seem like it's gonna end well for either of you. you shouldn't need to force attachment.

I think if you've lost your spark in any relationship, it's almost impossible to gain it back to the same level it was originally. Essentially, it will always feel lacklustre because it will seem less of a relationship than it used to be.

Relationships take maintenance. Even if you're perfect together, it requires both people to make an effort to keep things fresh, passionate and interesting. It seems like perhaps you overlooked this which has caused her to grow apart from you.

From what you've said, it sounds like she is hedging her bets, staying with you and the security until something else comes along. My advice would be to let it die if that's where it's heading, and not force the situation any further.