I overthink when it comes to texting girls in general. Did I

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I probably could of said "oh a research poster? <talk about school> and I was thinking dinner at x"

Also I'm in the mountains of Colorado right now so it's warm but cloudy. I just checked fb and it is indeed raining in Denver

>>18362738
>>18362746
honestly I think dinner is a bit hasty for a first date, especially one you meet on Tinder...most people I find are more likely to agree to just going for drinks or something....less of a commitment and an easy out if things aren't going great.

But besides that I think you maybe did rush a bit, you should talk to someone to at least figure out if you enjoy talking to them before hanging out IMO

>>18362746
bit too clingy

>>18362738
Dinner for a first date is way too much, especially if you don't know who you're going to meet. Chances are she's had to suffer through some really awkward first dates and now says straight up "no" to anything like that.

Instead of dinner, invite girls out for a casual lunch somewhere. That way there's an easy way out for both parties if the date goes sour.

>>18362794
>>18362812
I'm not opposed to doing casual dates... But my experiences to taking girls on dinner + activity dates have far more been emotionally effective for me (and the girl) in the past. Coffee or ice cream are too casual for me and I lose interest in a girl really quick. Because they're not memorable and it's too"friendly" for my taste.

I'll adjust and do more casual things moving forward. But that has been my experience.

>>18362804
How do I adjust?

>>18362812
Also I've had girls tell me "no dinner but how about drinks or ice cream instead?"

>>18362839
Only real thing I see that you did wrong was "something another day lemme know". She probably will not let you know.

>>18362856
What would have been better to say?

Talk to her however you want to talk to her. Let her know the real you right off the bat. If she likes you? Great. If she doesn't? You are incompatible and things will only get worse from here.

Stop bullshitting around.

>>18362862
don't say anything, don't make her think you crave her attention

>>18362865
T H I S

best advice for any relationshit right here

>>18362865
>>18362867
Both of these are true statements

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>>18362738

If I could tell you anything I'd say try to go more casual. Don't plan out a whole night of obligations and activities. Meet her at a bar, hang out and talk for a bit and THEN plan the date. Not only is it low pressure but it leaves natural openings; meaning that if you meet and you're not feeling it you or her can just get up after a few drinks and say "Hey I gotta got!" and leave without knowing you have another 5 hours of shit planned you have to sit through before you tell the other person "This isn't going to work".

Let it flow organically. Its a little daunting to know your date has planned a shit ton of activities ahead of time on a very first date.

Plus, dinner on a first date is very, very old fashioned. There is a lot of ritual and tradition involved in it thats just a little bit too much for a first date, not to mention there are a shit ton of people around and isn't really conducive to intimate conversations and getting to know each other. The waiter is always bothering, people always walking by, and then the whole money thing at the end. Too much, dude.

Half of my first dates have just been hanging out at my apartment or going for a drink, dude. It doesn't have to be so organized and grand. Tell her you bought a bottle of wine and wanna go sit in a park and watch the sunset or something. It seriously always works for me. Something effortless, simple, unassuming, low pressure. Thats the key, especially for Tinder.

>>18362883
Man, you and I come from very different experiences. I'm sure you've had many many many more first dates than I have. I suppose I can adopt a few pages from your playbook.


That said, is there any recovering from this situation? Ex: wait a couple days and ask to hang out at the park with some wine? Lol

>>18362894

>That said, is there any recovering from this situation?

Not really, and why would you want to?

Listen, whether you "screwed up" or not isn't the point. There is no upside to convincing her to be open to liking you again if she's clearly decided to move on. Not to mention, its Tinder, her spottiness could possibly have nothing to do with you. Maybe she just felt adventurous and wanted to talk to a dude on Tinder then decided the next day she doesn't want to anymore. It happens all the time, man. You can't read into it.

I've had DOZENS of girls stop talking to me on Tinder and I couldn't give less of a shit. Conversations fizzle out all the time, and if there is no natural spark that keeps it going then why would you want to spend energy trying to rekindle it? It just seems kind of pointless to me.

The biggest mistake you can make in any situation is apply unneeded pressure. My mentality is this; I'm not a formal guy. I'm very casual, very "easy going" (despite how obtuse and overused that phrase is). I don't want to get dressed up and go through the motions of all these social graces when all I want to do is sit down and have a conversation. When I sit at a park with a girl drinking wine and sitting in the sun I'm not nervous. I'm having a good time, with or without her. Its just me. She's not being impressed by my clothes or my wallet or my fancy restaurant manners, its just me in my most simplest form. Thats what you want to give girls on a first date. Any girl can be impressed by the smokescreen of a planned, fancy date. It takes a real connection to just sit and talk without a bunch of stimulation overload.

If you come across as effortless, her response will as well. Barely any responsibility is required to sit on the beach with a slice of pizza and a beer and talk. Make the commitment easy and more girls will give you a chance.

OP I'm gonna use your thread.

>match with girl on tinder
>send a couple messages
>get her number
>two texts in I'm asking her to meet up for dinner
>she says she wants to get to know me before
>tell her no, getting to know each other via phone is dumb and suggest a place
>she asks what day
>give her time and day
>we meet up
>she is super cute
>talk/laugh have good time
>split bill
>we are walking out
>she goes to give me a hug
>its kinda awkward cause she went for the half hug while I went for the full
>say our goodbyes
>about 2 hours later text her saying I had a good time and I'd like to go out again
>"Okay, I had a great time too!"
>tell her I'll text her on Monday cause I'll be out of town for the weekend
>Sunday comes a long and I noticed she unmatched me on tinder/deleted acc
>texted her today with a photo I took and asked how her weekend went
>no reply

Fuck. Did I wait too long or something? I'm just going to assume she simply found someone else or is just busy. Probably the former.

>>18362928
I think you and I are similar, but you're mature enough to acknowledge that certain social pressures are bull shit.

Thanks for the advice though anon. I'll definitely keep it in mind moving forward

>>18362930
>she went for half hug
Body language tells you everything. Words are bullshit

>>18362930

>Fuck. Did I wait too long or something? I'm just going to assume she simply found someone else or is just busy. Probably the former.

Doesn't matter why. Agonizing over why doesn't change anything. You tried and, for whatever reason, it didn't work out.

Also, you were really forceful in the beginning. That probably wasn't a good move. You need to realize that, for a woman, meeting a strange man for romantic purposes is a calculated risk. You can't imagine the amount of psychos and stalkers there are out there. I've heard some real horror stories about Tinder dates.

The least you could of done is maybe pretend to be sensitive to her worries and entertain her for a day or two while she tells herself you're not going to follow her home and cut her head off.

By forcing relationships to happen on your terms and your terms only you subconsciously communicate to women that a subsequent relationship will probably be a similar tone of stubbornness and inflexibility. I'm not telling you to abandon your preferences and blindly follow anything a girl asks, just at least make an effort to show that you're capable of compromising, especially when its about something as daunting as being a woman meeting a strange man over the internet.

Lighten up, dude.

Can you rekindle a romance that you fucked up because you got bad advice from a friend and u did something that made you look weak and needy? And she continued to talk to you afterward but was a little distant?

>>18362946
I mean I've had plenty of dates where the girl only gives me the half hug but still go out on multiple dates/fucks after so.

>>18362951
Whoa, I don't really thing I was being all that forceful. I understand that girls are scared that shit may happen. But I also hate waiting a week of stupid small talk only to meet up and either her or I aren't what we seemed online. If she didn't want to meet she could have easily continued to say no. And she texted excitingly when I asked her if she was still down.

What I said exactly was, "I like to try to meet up asap. I think getting to know each other in person is better than phone lol".

But anyways, I guess if I don't get a response back tomorrow I'll move on.

>>18362990

>Whoa, I don't really thing I was being all that forceful.

Well, which was it? At first you said you told her "No, getting to know each other via phone is dumb." then after I criticized you you claimed to have said it much calmer.

You were too forceful. I understand you hate waiting a week but girls like to take their time before just jumping into the first meeting after just a few texts and being vehemently against having a grace period before a date is suspicious and weird.

Especially when you ask on a date, she says no lets wait, and you immediately come back with "no, lets meet asap." Like she told you she wasn't comfortable meeting so soon and you just barreled forwards anyways. Its forceful, dude. Sorry.

Either way, it didn't work out. Thats just my opinion.

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>>18363059
You got a point. But like I said, if she really didn't want to meet up that soon she could have simply reiterated it. Not like I am going to reach through my phone and strangle her for saying no.

>>18362987
Bumping my q

>>18363177
You can always try. Better to try than to be thinking "what if" days, months or years later.

>>18363081

>if she really didn't want to meet up that soon she could have simply reiterated it.

That's what you would assume but there's no way of knowing that. You pretty much gave her the option of either immediately ghosting you or showing up because you made it clear that the ONLY way you're willing to interact with her.

Its not a strange concept that someone agrees to something they were pressured into doing it. Maybe she was willing to take the change, who knows. Her showing up on the date also isn't proof that it didn't rub her the wrong way.

Either way, you gotta chill in the future man. Meet people halfway.

>>18363177

No. If the problem is you came across weak and needy crawling back and basically begging her to like you again is not exactly going to change that impression she has of you.

She's out of it, man. The only hope you ever have of rekindling with a girl who thinks you're weak and needy is to cut all contact and hope that your distance encourages her to come back and try again.

The solution to smothering someone with contact isn't to continue contacting them, you see what I mean?

>>18363198
God damn, that's harsh. Yeah the situation was that she just needed a bit of space after a traumatic incident and my buddy was pushing me to smother her and she got weirded out. We were progressing pretty well I'd say too. Fuck.

>>18363198
Also, she still watches my stories and likes my instagram posts. Do I just continue to ignore her?

>>18363205

Its harsh, but its the truth. Maybe her seeing you going on dates or socializing with other people or having a life outside of her in general will help her see that you aren't hung up on her, therefore not completely dependent on your connection with her. That is really your only hope. That or giving her a LONG period of no contact so she can get over the heebie jeebies you gave her and start fresh. Either way the ball is in her court, not yours.

The only solution is no contact, dude. Too much contact ruined it so more contact will only make it worse.

>>18362859
>something another day lemme know

Very important to put the ball in her court if she shuts you down at the first attempt at organizing a date

>>18363223
Idk how long is long lol. But the heebie jeebies was pretty bad imo.

> car accident, she's feeling bad
> friend sends mushy text & asks to hang out again, "make a lady smile"
> she's all, "that's so sweet of you but I guess I need time
> ok, see you around. Do what you gotta do
> but wait you don't wanna talk?
> only if you wanna, proceeds to give her ultimatum
> ok fine. Lets keep hanging out. [open invite to come over whenever]
> friend pushed me to show up right away "OK On my way!"
> that's ok...
> show up and hang out with her anyway
> next few days I regret letting my friend take the wheels and I'm in a situation where I wanna make things up, she continues to keep contact but you can sense she's more distant now

>>18363218

>Also, she still watches my stories and likes my instagram posts

Thats a good sign, for sure.

>Do I just continue to ignore her?

Ignoring her and not reaching out to her aren't the same thing. If she reaches out, go ahead, but at this point I wouldn't suggest piling on more contact.

>>18363256
Ah. So I can feel free to like her shit and watch her stories and not feel bad then. Lol

>>18363259

>Ah. So I can feel free to like her shit and watch her stories and not feel bad then.

Don't like anything. Just watch. If she watches, watch back. If she likes, like back.

If you really want to try this thing again then follow her lead. Only participate in forms of contact that she initiates.

>>18363292
Ah. I was swinging hard on the pendulum

>>18363311

Yeah you had her chasing but you pushed back too hard and it got tiring. You're too available and eager. It ruined the fun of her pursuing you, girls like to chase.

Next time follow this formula: Meet qt, get number, arrange definite date, have good date, kiss her goodnight, wait for her to text you, arrange next date, repeat process. Always let her be the first one to text.

If she doesn't text you after 7 days since the last date feel free to shoot her a text to test the waters, but it's a bad sign. If she responds positively ask her out, if she declines in anyway like "maybe" "I'll let you know" etc just say "no worries let me know when your schedule is more definite"

Don't waste a night waiting for a girl to get back to you on if she's free. That's fucked up. But this girl really seems to like you so just give her space. If you don't hear from her in a week text her, reset the process, and continue with a less attached approach.

>>18363392

>Yeah you had her chasing but you pushed back too hard and it got tiring. You're too available and eager. It ruined the fun of her pursuing you, girls like to chase.

Ehhhhh.... You're wandering into the arena of female stereotypes a little too heavy on this one. This guy is not me >>18363292 >>18363256.

Half of his advice is okay but the rest is a little bit too set in stone. There is no definitely formula for dealing with this "type" of girl or girls in general. She felt overwhelmed by contact so, respond by not giving any. Don't think any deeper about it than that. If she feels comfortable reaching out to you, do the same. Let her dictate the pace.

>>18363392
I may need to wait a bit longer than a week, I think I pushed back pretty hard. There's a couple details I omitted. I *know * I can get a response from her, but she doesn't seem too intent on continuing an interaction

>>18363414
>>18363425
Can I make posts with me hanging out with other girls or... Is the effect of that just dependent on individuals?

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>>18362746
Anon, i think you have to think twice
You got to be chill and not rush the person, don't forget these girls have plenty of conversations/invitations
Listen first and play it cool, don't try to think too much and just let it happen as it comes, mostly learning what she likes and dislikes.
After that she will be happy that you intrested yourself in her intrests, and since you know a bit more you can more accurately propose something to do together, but something that doesn't engage her too much or she will be instantly turned off.

I think this is a good start but you got to be more adaptive to the person of intrest.
Best of luck Anon, and keep your chin up

>>18363507
Yeah... It'll look bad if I back peddle now anyways. Thanks anon
This girl is hella cute too

>>18362883
>>18362928
>>18362865

This is the best advice given in this thread

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>>18362738
Be very very happy you get matches. I can barely get matches and once they find out my height. I get ghosted. Fucking hate myself so much. Sometimes i fantasize of driving into a lake.

>>18362738
I mean, from looking at the conversation OP, it seems like you were pretty eager. It's not necessarily a bad thing, and it seems like you both are enjoying each other's messages, it's hard to tell at this moment.

Try to break up those paragraphs into a more relaxed style. No need to rush getting to know each other, or send such big messages. You sent a good first impression, since she's reciprocating and it's a back and forth thing. But for someone you just met it's pretty hard to commit to replying to such big messages.

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https://bookofpook.neocities.org
For all you young men with girl trouble

>>18363525
Get a filipina/thai/vietnamese girl

>>18362738
Research poster, god man why can't white chicks be like asians...

>tfw never get any matches on tinder
>hike and shoot but made no damn friends

well fuck I don't know how this works.

Look, don't even worry about it.

Some girls feel like they have to seem happy and bubbly or everyone or else they're seen as frigid uptight bitches. From the looks of it she was just trying to be cool and sociable - she wasn't especially in to you. She asked you "what you had in mind" because she wanted to check whether you were hitting on her or not. Turns it out you were, so she bailed.

Just move on.

>>18363443

>Can I make posts with me hanging out with other girls or... Is the effect of that just dependent on individuals?

Live your life, man. Don't do things and post things specifically to win her over. For the time being, move on. I feel like we've given you all the advice we can. Reiterating the same point again and again isn't getting any anywhere.

From here on out, assume she's completely over you and doesn't want to try again. No more "what ifs". Live your life. Move on. If she comes back she comes back but you know all that neediness you were talking about? Its showing, dude. Don't replace being needy IN conversation with her to being needy ABOUT conversation with her.

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Top quality thread m8's. Its honestly rare to see something with quality on this board.

they are like robots god damn, they keep spouting their standard lines, even sometimes the gf does this

dont mention parents btw, you are an independant man
and have a go to fun activity, arcade bar maybe but, probably not for this chick

dont be so, duno, desperate?
>get no answer
>then anything you want! any time!

come up with something concrete, 3 times, then move on