Please help

I'm sorry you're feeling bad.
I'm depressed as fuck also so I don't have any advice aside from, don't kill yourself. Wait awhile. Keep moving forward. We can do this

>>18358858

I don't know man, I just don't want anyone to suffer if I choose to go, especially my mom who has worked so hard to give me a better chance at life, but the pain is fucking unbearable, I've already "toughened up" so many fucking times

I have no studies, no good future yet all my life my expectatives have been set extremely high by other who said I was so smart and talented
This shit is such a bad fucking joke

Hey bud. Right off the bat, I'll include my shell email account for these kinds of occasions, should you need to chat in more detail

lololfireishot @ live . com (no spaces, naturally)

I'm 28. I've dealt with severe depression, anxiety issues, and a handful of other health related problems.

As for the depression, it's honestly just something that comes with the tides. Every spell I've weathered felt like it would never end, and every time I managed to get out of it, it felt like I might finally be free of it.

Currently, I feel mentally wonderful, and it's been quite a while since I actually felt like I was stuck in the abyss, but I know it's still there. My immediate suggestion is to reinforce the notion that you're still young, and with so much left to experience and fight for, you need to push yourself through this. Analyze who you are as a person. What may make you happy. What goals you have or may have.

In such an intense amount of pain, and perhaps feeling as though you have nothing, you have nothing to fear in the pursuit of happiness, or these goals you've conjured up. The best solution is that you find a source of joy that is static. Something that doesn't revolve around something you can lose. For me, I'm an artist of sorts. I can fall back into a creative world that can't be stolen or lost.

I think the worst of it is over for me, but I can never really be sure. Regardless, just know that us fucked up folk stick together. If you ever need to talk, shoot me an email.

>>18358895
Something to also consider here, how much have you discussed these feelings with people in your life, with your mother? From my personal dealings with the fiasco that is my mental issues as mentioned previously- being quite around your friend and family just builds up a wall between you and them. I can definitely say that the moment I mustered up the courage just to speak about it, it helped me not be so distant from people, and I'm sure it made me closer with my own Mother.

Imagine someone close to you having cancer but not wanting to tell you. It's kinda like that. Anyone who really values you is going to want to know there is a problem and put forth and effort to help.

It's also a splendid feeling to just not feel like you're hiding your pain anymore. Like, "oh shit I can breathe easier".

>>18358919

Thanks man, glad you're feeling well, yeah I've already written and produced 4 albums of music of mine, but the music industry and marketing are absolute bitches for bitter fucks like me

If think about how young I am I also think about how much of this shit I have left ahead me and that's it's going absolutely nowhere, and I just don't want to keep dealing with it anymore, the pain is not worth it

>>18358934

Friends/coworkers = never, they would never expect it, I would scare them away

But I have discussed way too much with my mom I think, I made this post because I feel so fucking bad for her

>>18358962
I'm both of those people, just a heads up.

Either way, congrats on working on music dude. Seriously, that's still an accomplishment. It's something I'd definitely urge you to pursue further because it's clearly a passion you possess.

Believe me, I sympathize with the "this is an uphill battle" mentality, because trust me, it is. The biggest thing I can think of for me, was finding a space in my life where I could look at myself and say "okay, no matter what, I have these accomplishments. I have these things I can be proud of. I have these moments of evidence where I can say I'm not some total failure of a human being"

I think a big step for anyone in our shoes is to find that place.

Here are a few other big chunks of advice I can give to you. For starters, begin to work out a bit. This sounds like bullshit, I know. It really does help you in a large number of ways. I fucking hate the gym, so I just found a large number of exercise options that I can do in my home. It's helped me tone up a bit, it's given me a bit more structure, it's made me feel more confident, and it really only takes a fraction out of my day.

Another bit of advice would be to find some way of helping people. When I was younger, and severely depressed, one of the best ways for me to get out of my funk would be to make someone's day better. Could be making someone laugh, could be volunteering somewhere, whatever. Knowing that I was in a state of suffering, but that I could help alleviate the pain someone else may be facing did wonders for me.

It's more of a scattering medicine. You can't persist purely by being a martyr, and if you get to connected to it, it can drag you down. But it can help you become and better person and a happier person if you handle it right.

>>18358991

I have already been working out for 2 years, last year has been masochistic eating and lifting, hell I was once told my arm is bigger than my head while arm wrestling, I too train at home and started at the gym.

I do really like your idea about helping people, I just don't know where to start with it.

I have very little money and I don't think I'll be able to keep doing music because eventually I will have to leave somewhere where I won't be able to do music anymore. That tortures me too, I love making music.

>>18359043
So on the music front, what kind do you make? What are your requirements and limitations? One thing I've learned in my own pursuit of arts is that limitations can actually have a wonderful effect on you. You just have to see it as a new challenge and find a way to adapt to it. A lack of creativity is often the biggest culprit in holding you back.

Depending on where you live there could be any number of places where you could volunteer your time. It could also be something as simple as helping out the elderly with physical tasks they just can't quite handle themselves anymore.

On the music front, I used to work at a radio station, and worked at my college station while I was a student. I'm fairly close friends with one of the biggest radio personalities in Louisville- this is obviously nothing I can promise, but if you send a link of some of your work to my email I may be able to see about getting your music out there somewhere.

>>18359065

I make instrumental metal tracks, so it won't sell, I play all the instruments on them, program the drums, mix and master. For the longest time I practiced like hell, hurt myself sometimes for overpracticing and eventually burnt out and the inspiration went away, I haven't done my exercise routine on the guitar in like 6 months.

The limitation is that I won't be able to do music and lose all my skills because I have no studies so after my summer job is over off to the armed forces I go. I had a fair chance to go and study but I didn't take it because I was depressed and I can't stand people my age anymore.

>>18359087
Gotcha. Well, I never specified, but I do work in film. It could be an outlet for your work. I also so now stations that do prog/instrumental/neo classical segments at night time. I won't put you on the spot if you don't wanna send me anything, haha. If you can find a way to continue making the music on your own though, definitely do it. Even if you have to take some of the elements out of the music, you may find that it offers new ways to explore your territory.

Hope some of this chat managed to help you a bit bud. The tricky thing with depression is that there absolutely is no singular pattern that works for everyone. Just do what you can to better understand yourself, and if possible, turn the despair you are feeling into motivation to pursue goals and interests. The one good thing about being at the bottom of the barrel is that you stand to lose nothing by trying something radical.

I'm off to hunt down some food. Me email's always open to you. Best of luck bud, if I made it out, I'm sure you can too.

>>18359117
Holy shit I need sleep. So many typos. Depression's not so bad for me at the moment but anxiety tends to make me a neurotic wreck about this fucking typos. ><

>>18358895
I feel you. I wish I could be more helpful.

I know it feels like hollow advice right now, but for me, I've been trying to let go of the past and accept that whatever happened, happened.
I've also been trying to ignore other people's expectations of me and not worry too much about the future because it doesn't really matter in the long run, what matters is focusing on how to be happy within the current moment.

I hope you can wait a bit and heal and grow from all this.

>>18358837
Forget your past for a moment.

What exactly is bad about your life right now? Make a list (no job, no girlfriend, whatever). DO NOT put down anything about your past or your parents.

You now have a list of immediate and present issues. DO NOT look at them as 'Results of My Lousy Past'. Look at them as 'Things To Try To Change Going Forward'

Regardless of why each item is on your list, it's there. What could be done to remove/fix it?

Take them one at a time. Start with something easy. How could you fix not having a job? Obviously by getting a job. How could you do that?.....

Taken one at a time, and treated as problems to be solved and not burdens of the past, at least some of your issues will turn out to have direct, practical solutions. And each one you fix will leave you more energy to attack the harder ones.

But the very first step is to forget about the past and deal with the present.