abusive brother just got engaged

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>>18358272

Obviously she had to call CPS - which I begged her not to do because it would make things a fuckton worse and I knew even then the foster care is a nightmare in the UK.


I was pulled out of school within a few days after I had a complete meltdown and the doctor refused to let me go back. My parents fucking hated me for telling and starting 'all this shit' because now CPS was at the door and - while not taking me away - demanded that my brother be moved out.

So he got shunted off to my grandparent's house, my parents don't believe me and called me 'a lying whore' and it all generally just went to a whole new level of hell that I didn't think possible.

I'm turning 20 in a few weeks and since school I've joined several clubs, took classes at community college to get some basic education qualifications, and volunteer at a charity store to get out of the house.

>>18358285
The problem is that nothing sticks. I haven't had a friend since grade school, I do my best to socialize but come off as weird or unfriendly despite my best efforts, and as much as I try I just know that something inside me is broken and it's not going to be fixed. I've made a lot of progress over the years but I don't think I'm ever going to get better.

I freak out if someone touches me, I'm emotionally repressed to where I can only identify when I feel hungry, horny or sad, my family hates me, I have no friends, and I still have nightmares about it. Therapy hasn't worked, and anti-depressants come with too many ill side effects to stick with.

I'm a trainwreck of a person who, even though I've made some progress and stopped losing my temper every 5 minutes and become more socially aware of how to act in public and around people, still has to drink herself to sleep every night just like my fucking parents.

The kicker is that my brother, after staying with my grandparents for a while, moved into a rented house. Where'd the money come from? My parents. Did my grandparents kick him out? Nope, he just wanted his own place.

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>>18358289
They also paid to put him through college (which he failed, so at least he's not as perfect at they thought, kek) and fincially supported him.

From there he met a girl who runs some pet grooming buisness, has a cat and a dog, and the house. My parents (still living at home, should have clarified) just told me today that they got engaged.

So what I'm taking away from this: molest/beat your kid sister over the years for kicks, get a free education and house.

It's one thing that my parents are constantly ripping my head off because I won't come to christmas dinner and stay in my room, that I won't wish him a happy birthday, but to expect me to go over to him and his fiance and congradulate them and drool over the ring?

Get. Fucked.

I was having an okay day, and then this happened. Cried angry and jealous tears.

That fucker destroyed my life and did irreparable damage, and he's living the dream. It all came up roses for him and I'm stuck clawing my way out of hell and constantly falling back in.

But I do have a concern about this wedding - which of course I'm invited to - because my brother's such a stand-up guy, he'd never have kids out of wedlock.

He's going to have kids at some point soon, and I know my parents won't say anything, but I don't even know if his fiance knows about the shit he's done.

I'm worried he's going to fuck with his children.

I just don't know what to do. Thanks for reading this if you got this far. I just needed to get it out.

You're an adult now and you need to cut all ties with your family. You are emancipated and never need to see them again. Get as far away as possible from people like that.

>>18358308
I'm not, though. I'm broke and can't find a job and I still live with my parents since I've got nowhere else to go.

I'm unfamiliar with the process, but is there anyone you could tell about your brother in authority as a preventive measure for his potential children?

>>18358335
Initially I was pressed to go to the police about it and have him put on the sex offender's registry, but my parents talked me down and I never said anything because I didn't want to be booted out of the house.

I'm afraid that if I say anything now then it'd just be stirring up shit for no reason, because I've got no evidence and no one to back me up. I'm sure that he'd get away scot free.

>>18358272
And what was the teacher's response? Genuinely interested in your story, I came from an abusive childhood as well.

>>18358352
I don't think she realized how bad everything at home was. Like maybe at worst she thought that my parents were fighting or something, because when I started crying and admitted to the sexual/physical stuff she looked fucking horrified and sad. She gave me tissues and possibly a hug, then took me upstairs to the head of year who called CPS.

How'd you cope with your shit, anon? I'm not doing a great job myself.

>>18358272
Who cares... You've got to man up

>>18358308
Not OP, I did exactly this. This would also be my advice.

Pros: You're away from that shit show. You're liberated. Blood relatives tend to think they have a say in your life, without them you can do whatever you want without familial judgement. Now you can work on therapy without having your inner turmoil exacerbated by the source.

Cons: Not having blood family is sometimes lonely, not terribly though. You also won't have any perks you could use your family for (financial fallback, social ties, no help in your endeavors, etc.)

Good luck to you OP.

Your parents obviously wanted another boy.

Sorry they were pieces of shit. When you find someone and become happy with them you'll get another chance at parents and they'll fucking love you. Do yourself a favor and don't invite your immediate family to your wedding when you have one.

>>18358317
I've been a homeless vagabond for months at a time and I can tell you it is not nearly as bad as what you've described to us. If everything you've said is true, then there is no other mortal suffering worse than staying with your family. Your number one focus right now should be getting a job and getting the fuck out of that house and town you're in now. The uncertainty of the future is a small price to pay for freedom from that abuse.

>>18358308

+1. These people are toxic. I've had similar problems and recently cut ties with them. Never felt more relieved and happier.

>>18358348
Bill Cosby is going to go to prison for people he raped decades ago. Your brother and parents can go too. Fuck them all. You owe them no obligation to obstruct justice coming down on them just because it inconveniences them. Get a job, move out, talk to the police and they'll give you a lawyer. Do things in that order.

>>18358389
It's kind of a shitshow to know that being homeless is apparently worse than a roof over my head an access to food. Thanks though, anon, kind of a relief to know I'm not the only one in a situation like this.

>>18358384
>>18358391
The problem is that I can't cut ties. I have nowhere to live but home, with my parents. I don't have anywhere to go and not enough money to move away.

>>18358394
you know the fuck what, screw it. i'm reporting his ass. even if it doesn't work i'll at least throw a spanner in the works of his perfect fucking life.

>>18358291
>>18358289
>>18358285
>>18358272

>grade school
>cps
>gym teacher
>community college

>UK

something doesn't add up here

>>18358399
You completely misread my post. Being homeless is a thousand times better than staying with your parents.

>>18358402
Sorry if it's coming off as a clusterfuck, I'm trying to generalize it a bit to make it easier to understand.

Primary school instead of grade school, social services instead of CPS, PE teacher instead of gym teacher, and the community college here is free to go to/gives you equivilants to GSCEs and A Levels.

Thought if I used britbong terms i'd confuse some.

>>18358412
shit sorry, "somehow better" is what I meant to write. But jesus fuck either way, that's just....wrong. To be on the streets and cold and wet and hungry all the time, how could that be better?

>>18358416
Because being in a situation like that is only temporary. I'm not homeless anymore. At least being on your own you would be free of your torment, you could make your own decisions, you can do whatever you can to remedy your situation. Homelessness is not an end-all - just a river you have to ford.

>>18358272

IDK if this helps but there was an anon on the gioyc >>18357035 who shared their experiences. She seems intense but it might be good read for you.

>>18358419
Glad you're not homeless anymore. Did you just get a job and build yourself from the ground up? Honestly curious.

>>18358291
I'm sorry your family are scum. Move out, cut all ties with them, don't forget to tell them how you feel about them before. Also don't forget to report your brother to the police :^)

>>18358368
This >>18358384 is my initial response.
Honestly, I'm struggling with diagnosed severe depression stemming from my childhood funk, and the best remedy may be to speak with a therapist.
I would recommend you to get a little head doctor in your life to work through your problems together. I personally think it's best to take all perspective/advice you receive into consideration and do what you think is best for yourself, whether it be one or a combination of ideas and advice.

Some days may feel like a swirling, sinking hole of depression, and considering your circumstances, it's normal to feel that way. If you are unhappy with how your life or the state of your mental health is right now, it may be best to consider making an appropriate change, however you see fit.

As for what I do, I don't have access to healthcare, so I listen to self-help audio like The Book Of Life on YouTube (is that okay to put here?) and have a few college textbooks on psychology that have helped me to better understand my emotions and work on them. Sometimes I talk to people here. Having an outlet is always good.

>>18358434
I still live at home, nowhere else to go.

The advice on here is helping, and I'm going to try and muster up the courage to go to the cops. Even if the charges don't stick, it's better than living in regret and letting him get away with it all. Proper therapy isn't cheap here, so that's off the table, though maybe one day.

I never thought of ready psychology textbooks, that actually sounds like it'd help. Also yeah, posting links here is fine.

>>18358443

GL anon. If you don't want to report it, you don't have to, it's a painful process to relive everything and fight the person who ruined your life. And there is a chance you might lose.

But if it is worth it to you and you feel you will win your life back (and save their children from getting molested), then yes. Do it and muster up the strength to fight that bastard.

>>18358456
Shitting myself at the prospect but I've gotta try. Thanks for listening, man.

Never had the idea to record him while je was abusive ?

>>18358272

Sorry OP, can relate somewhat. Wish I could be of more help. If you want to chat or something I'm open to leaving a throwaway. Take care and good luck to you in life.

OP, I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I could be your friend. Definitely focus on moving out and supporting yourself, and get as far away from the toxic family as possible.

It's going to take time to reclaim your own life and identity. I know it's easier said than done, but stop drinking.

Fuck, I just wish I could hang out with you and introduce you to my friends and help you heal. Your story is similar to my mother's, and she had a schizophrenic breakdown when I was in high school because she was waiting for some non existent military man to save her. She never trusted any of her partners, and lashed out any chance she could and tried to instill in me that men want sex first and foremost, and shamed me as a whore before I had so much as made out with a guy. She really internalized that misogyny and it really fucked me up.

Sorry, not trying to hijack your thread, but damn if this shit isn't what looms over me most.

I would definitely be worried about potential children in his relationship. Personally, as well as taking legal action, I would consider messaging his fiancee and telling her, maybe without too much detail, that he has a history of physically and sexually abusing you as children and that you're afraid for their relationship and the wellbeing of any children they bring into the picture.


I'm not religious, but I'll be "praying" for you by way of thinking about you and hoping this all works out.

>>18358489

Shut the fuck up you fucking degenerate pale nigger.

>>18358443

>>18358456
>its a painful process to relive
Textbook kid here again, anon is right about this. I was placed in foster care as a result of my childhood abuse. When CPS and police are involved, you will be asked repeatedly to write down and retell your story to many people over. It gouges old wounds. Not everyone is the same, but I'm not shaken by giving a reader's digest of my abuse because I've discussed it with many people by now. Talking about it can make it better. The more graphic details are still upsetting, that's normal.
Just sharing my experience with this course of action.

>>18358489
Not really when you haven't even finished primary school. I didn't even know what he was doing was illegal until afterwards, then I was too afraid to dredge it up.

>>18358505
it helps more than you'd think. any passing advice or little details like this help give me some foresight as to what to expect.

>>18358501
Fuck, that's rough that your mom went through that and brought you for some of the ride. But thanks for the sympathy, that's really sweet of you. I haven't spoken to his fiance because I doubt she'd believe me. He's a smooth talker and manlipulative douche, but he's damn good at winning people over. Considering my track record of being the black sheep of hte family, i'd probably just be given shit for trying to start trouble.

Also had abusive family in childhood, my best move was to run away from them.
My dad used to call me very often, I managed to make him stop.
You gotta take the lead in your life OP, stop being a victim and start acting, this is the only way you can make it, count on yourself and nobody else and also don't take shit from anyone, you have suffered enough.

It'll take time, but you will heal your wounds even though they will always be there.

I'm 26 now, I live on my own, I'm starting to get better but I know this past still has effect on me.

For example, I'll always fall in love with damaged women like you, rarely ends up well. If this happens to you, one advice, don't get too attached. Stay one and only one.

>>18358521
She doesn't have to believe you, just warn her and it will always be at the back of her mind, especially if she has a daughter someday. She might get defensive and start some family drama, but if you plan on severing ties with them anyway, who cares? Just focus on getting tf out of there and creating your own life away from them.

If you're feeling really bold, you can always write out something to send to your brother, saying no matter how much he lies it doesn't change that you both will always know the truth and that while he's done a lot of damage to a CHILD, you're an adult who has grown strong and will not let his sick secret hold power over you anymore. Your story will help others if you continue to talk about it, that much I know.

>>18358538
With all this advice to run away, it's like the devil i know is better than the devil I don't. The family is toxic, but I have internet access, food, a bed, to go on the streets on my own I doubt I'd last very long.

Thanks, anon. And no worries about that - I can't seem to feel anything beyond indifference towards people. That or hate.

>>18358550
that is simealteaously terrifying and impowering as fuck. I can't say I'm not tempted. I guess going to the cops about this will do the job nicely.

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>>18358272
>run away to pray afterwards.