What am I doing wrong?

>>18353330

>I'm almost 25 and maybe the culture has left me behind but I don't understand this non-committal culture that's so prevalent nowadays.

Culture isn't doing anything to you. Girls don't like you because you suck. Own up to your inadequacies and stop looking for a scapegoat to pin your failures on.

>>18353342
>Girls don't like you because you suck.
You know what? You could be absolutely right, and I could suck but how does that address anything I just brought up? It's not like I can't get a date, I can, I just have trouble figuring out what happens after which is what I'm asking for help on.

>inadequacies
Everyone has inadequacies

>>18353352

>Everyone has inadequacies

Are you owning up to yours?

Don't "follow up" - when you leave your soft music place, tell them to call you, and that you won't text or call them (say this with a smile). Ball is in their court, no anxiety for you.

If you can't figure out how to reply in an interesting manner (maybe reply with a question)? then maybe you do have some conversational issues.

> sometimes a girl will text me out of the blue asking me mundane boring question
>this just pisses me off to no end, I have no problem with small talk but if you're gonna try and talk to someone then do it with purpose

I somehow doubt you are a scintillating font of amazing conversation - if so, accept that your standards are keeping you forever alone.

More likely you're an insecure and entitled nerd. Relax and learn how to make better conversation, and don't worry about "double texting" - just make changes to where you don't do that.

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>>18353352

>You know what? You could be absolutely right, and I could suck but how does that address anything I just brought up?

Because in order to solve this problem you need to accept that it is YOUR problem. The common denominator is you, OP. If you begin addressing this issue by insisting that "culture" is at fault for your personal issues you'll never reach any productive conclusions.

More, importantly, we can't reliably help you with the details of this problem. We don't know you. We don't know these girls. We have no idea what your upbringing was or what your values are or whether or not you're even objectively reporting what is happening to you.

Any advice we give you would just be wild speculation based on our own personal experiences. Implementing any advice we have about your personal life would just be playing pin-the-tail. There are too many variables that affect the root of your issue and we know none of them.

The only thing I can reasonably tell you is to look inwards. Get out of your head and look at your problem from a different point of view. Maybe you aren't an objectively bad person but what we can say with certainty is that there is something about you these girls don't like. If you aren't dating the kind of women you want its because you aren't attracting them, not because they've been neutralized by "culture". Those are the facts. That is what we know for sure. Start from there. Why you're not attracting them I don't know. That's where you need to take over because we can't help you with that. We know nothing about you.

Lets also keep in mind that 5 dates is a very small sample size to start making conclusions about women or culture. You can flip a coin and get heads 5 times in a row and its not indicative of any great pattern. Its nothing more than a statistical rarity.

>Everyone has inadequacies

Yes, they do. How they deal with them is what determines whether or not they suck.

>>18353397
I know what my inadequacies are and they are what kept me from not getting a date for almost 5 years till I realized they aren't that important in the long run.

>Ball is in their court, no anxiety for you
See I've done this before and 2 of them never did. Like I feel as if it's a game of chance and some girls want to feel pursued while others want to be given their space.

>maybe reply with a question
Also done this and it also usually doesn't get a response which is way worse than just leaving a statement.

>I somehow doubt you are a scintillating font of amazing conversation - if so, accept that your standards are keeping you forever alone.

You could be right and maybe I'm overrating my conversational skills cause I really haven't bothered to have any romantic interests since things ended with my ex of 4 years, and I'm not trying to be all fedora by bringing up how I wish I was born in another time, it's just that I feel having not been in the dating scene for a long time maybe there's some kind of etiquette I'm missing out on, eg I dont see the point of adding anyone on snapchat

>More likely you're an insecure and entitled nerd.
No need for name-calling. I'm the furthest thing from insecure or entitled, I don't feel entitled to anyone's time that's why I always stress about aggressively following up with people, my mind-frame writing this isn't "wahh why are all women whores who wont pay attention to me" I understand that sometimes

>>18353419

If you're not insecure, why do their lack of replies bother you?

Why do you "stress about 'aggressively' following up"?

Sounds like textbook insecure / anxiety based behavior to me.

The only man's opinion who should matter is the one in the mirror, mate.

>>18353429
>why do their lack of replies bother you?
Cause I just met this person I didn't know and we talked for ~2 hours straight without there being any awkward pauses or silence. I know what awkward conversations feel like.

>Why do you "stress about 'aggressively' following up"?
Cause it's desperate and pathetic. I know all about the chase and taking the initiative but sometimes I hate overextending THEN not getting a reply. There are these 2 girls who text me out of the blue asking me how my day is going, I tell them, then when I try and arrange something either hanging out or a movie they never reply, it's the most mental thing imaginable. Then when I inevitably run into them irl it's usually, "You've been so quiet let's definitely hang out soon" then the cycle starts all over again.

My point in making this thread was to see if anyone else has gone through this and/or how to deal with it. Calling me an insecure entitled nerd isn't advice, it's just needlessly lashing out cause you think I fit the /r9k/ trope when I don't.

>>18353454

Ironically, that anon was trying to help you, and he already said it.

>likely you're an insecure and entitled nerd. Relax

We challenge everything except the things we truly believe. Read your huge walls of text to justify yourself over and over again, then read this >>18353413 over and over again.

>>18353489
Being bothered that people don't follow up is being insecure? I'm not crying myself to sleep cause I'm not hearing back from these women, nor am I in oneitis mode(at least not anymore)

>entitled nerd
Except what I'm saying is the exact opposite of being entitled.

I'm not trying to "justify myself" I'm trying to get my point across in a clearer way and all I'm getting is "no your just an entitled nerd women dont le owe you anything xD"

It's not exactly rocket surgery that everyone is calling you out.

If it bothers you that girls don't call you back, that's insecure - secure people shrug their shoulders and think "their loss" and move on.

If you think they -should- somehow, universal justice speaking, call you back, that's entitlement.

>>18353413 best post, solves all your problems

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>>18353507

You can either sit here in this thread and mindlessly debate a stranger's knee-jerk first impression of you all day or you can accept the criticism that has been offered, genuinely contemplate its validity and try to solve your problem from the inside out.

Like I said previously, the common denominator is you. Either something about you is putting these women off or you're subconsciously attracting women that aren't compatible with you.

Keep in mind that whether or not you're actually insecure or entitled isn't the point because if thats the first impression people get of you it doesn't really matter if its true, does it?

Enough with this pointless back and fourth, okay? Take the advice and move on. We can't help you figure out why 5 girls we know nothing about don't like you, only you can, and the only way you can do that is if you swallow your pride for literally a minute and entertain the possibility that, intentionally or not, you rub people the wrong way.

>>18353330
Didnt read any of the replies but heres my advice OP.

Be straight forward with women. It shows confidence. Personally, i am a blunt as fuck person, that talks very little and usually respond in short answers. But chicks dig my straight forwardness. Im pretty much a 4/10 face wise, and have a dad bod, so i know my looks dont factor. I wear a long sleeve button ups and chinos everyday, even on dates. Also im 25 too. Ive found that the only women who will go out with me are usually 2-5 years older. Its always been the case since i was 21 and started trying to date. Im currently dating a 28 year old whom im pretty sure is a keeper. I was super blunt with my intentions with her. Took her on first date to a grown up resteraunt, talked about goals and family and what im looking for. Walked around quizzing eachother for 3 hours, then ended the date with ice cream. At the end of the night when we were padting, i asked her if she wanted to go on another date, she said yes, and i asked when. This is pretty much how all my dates go btw.

Now, im talking dating, not hooking up mind you. If youre just looking to hook up, then go to a bar or club with high yelp ratings, ask a girl to buy you a drink because bartenders only respond to pretty girls(this line works everhtime), offer to pay for a drink for her and talk to her while you both wait. During those 5 min of talking you can find out why shes there and figure out if you can hook up or hang with her and her friends and hook up possibly with one of them.

>>18353541

Props anon, you give better advice than I do, which is why I called your posts out as being good shit.

What bothers me is that you spend 2h talking to them ??
They know almost everything they need to know about you, no mystery after a FIRST date.

Also, it shows that you're needy, in some way, you have time for them whereas you don't know them. I wouldn't personnaly spend 2h with a girl on a first date, better things to do.

Show them it is for them to prove they're worth seeing you again.

After, you can text whenever you want, and ask for another date. And if they don't reply, move on.

>>18353538
>secure people shrug their shoulders and think "their loss" and move on.
Oh my goodness how is it that you're still NOT getting what I'm saying.

I'm not crying over spilled milk, I'm not asking, "How can I get ALL girls to like me?" I'm asking if anyone has had similar experiences and how they fixed it. Telling me, "The common denominator is YOU" is just a dumb excuse of advice.

>If you think they -should- somehow, universal justice speaking, call you back
Literally nowhere have I come close to saying/alluding anything like this. If someone is frustrated about not getting a job you tell them how to fix their resume so far you're only telling me, "lol you suck why do you care about not getting a job plenty of fish you insecure loser"


>>18353541
>Take the advice and move on.
If any advice was offered I would have.

>why 5 girls we know nothing about don't like you
>don't like you
Maybe I didn't make it clear enough but I'm not frustrated about not being liked by anyone, like I said I had 2 years to get over my past relationship, and any lingering feelings of inadequacy are gone.

Telling me to look inward isn't a solution when I'm dealing with an outward problem. I've been looking inward for years now and will always be looking inward for the rest of my life just like everyone else.

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>>18353583

>If any advice was offered I would have.

>Telling me to look inward isn't a solution when I'm dealing with an outward problem.

You're pretty hopeless. I really tried to be as concise and gentle in my critique of your mindset as possible but at every turn you've managed to not only avoid any advice that you're either unwilling or incapable of accepting but decree that its not even advice at all.

I really wish you the best of luck but, honestly, after talking with you over the internet for just 20 minutes I'm not surprised that women don't feel like spending any time with you past the first conversation. You give off a very "petulant know-it-all" vibe. Its honestly been a very unpleasant experience trying to have an honest conversation with you. You seem to be very poor at genuine introspection so, naturally, your life suffers as a result.

Anyways, I'm done. Good luck with your problem.

>>18353625
You've given the equivalent of "just b urself"

You keep saying I'm insecure as if it means anything when I've still managed to go on consecutive dates when the previous ones didn't pan out so I don't have a problem with "moving on" which is something you keep projecting onto me. Your problem is you're not understanding what I'm saying and thinking your solution fits to me when it doesn't.

>after talking with you over the internet for just 20 minutes I'm not surprised that women don't feel like
How predictable, totally didn't see this statement coming from a mile away. That you think a 4chan interaction translates to real life is hilarious.

>You seem to be very poor at genuine introspection so, naturally, your life suffers as a result.
Glass houses and stones.

>>18353541
>you rub people the wrong way.
How is this meant to be helpful?

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>>18353644

Yeah, the fact that random strangers you have nothing to gain by lying all offer similar advice, and your own problems support their conclusions, surely has nothing to do with reality.

You are obviously right, everyone else is wrong.

And there's no way that you're an
Insecure
Entitled
Nerd

Good luck, you poor oppressed thing. You surely deserve maximum sympathy.

I don't understand why you guys are arguing, why OP even bothers answering that guy and justify himself, I hope you don't justify yourself in front of girls cause that's insecure.

>>18353654
2(two) people have offered the same advice. And it's not really advice cause anyone who hasn't read the thread who reads your post can see you're just name-calling aimlessly.
I already told you to cut it out here: >>18353419 and that I wasn't interested in turning this into an internet fight, but I guess you get valuable life XP by being an internet tough guy and trolling on a Friday night.

>>18353656
I don't ever find myself needing to justify myself to girls 2bh.

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>>18353666
>>18353644

Its very frustrating talking to someone who only responds well to the things they want to hear. A good chunk of people here have been very clear and honest about their first impression of you and you've done nothing but respond like a petulant child; insulting and demeaning people, as if the only reason people don't agree with you is because they aren't smart enough to realize you're right.

If the way you've conducted yourself here is at all similar to the way you talk to people in your real life then I think we've found your problem. You've managed to turn an entire thread full of people completely against you in less than 20 posts. Now, if you can't make a connection between that and the fact that you've completely turned off 5 girls from wanting to see you again after the first date then you're in deep trouble, OP. It means that not only are you incapable of accepting responsibility for your problem, you're not even capable of accepting the objective reality that your problem is based in.

We say left, you say right. We say up, you say down. You're nitpicky, defensive, petulant, condescending, childishly contrarian and so hopelessly dependent on your confirmation bias that you manage to twist every bit of reality into some distorted justification for why you're right and everyone else is wrong.

The fact of the matter is that if your assessment of your predicament were correct, you wouldn't be here because there would BE no predicament. If you weren't an asshole we wouldn't be having this conversation. The way you've approached this is wrong, which is why you're her for /adv/ but then we give you advice you insist upon fighting every last word of it .You avoid truths and obliterate any natural urge people have to sympathize with you by being rude and diminutive.

Although it was just an educated guess at the time, you've more than proved my initial hypothesis correct; girls don't like you because you suck.

That's all I have to say.

>>18353733
>insulting and demeaning people
Literally where have I insulted anyone?

Let's recap:

>1)Ask if anyone has had to deal with my situation
Lol you're an insecure entitled nerd
>I'm not insecure or entitled let's not name-call for the sake of keeping this civil
That's exactly what an insecure and entitled nerd would say, are you sure you're not insecure and entitled nerd? cause that's what you are.
>Okay this is annoying, you're not actually giving any advice and it doesn't seem like you're understanding what I'm saying
Wow after talking to you for 20 mins I can see why no one likes you, you insecure entitled nerd

And I thought you said you were leaving, cause it's pretty clear it's you from before. I don't have a problem getting girls. You however seem to have a personal problem with me and talking down to people. One of the first things I told you was to keep the ad-homs to a minimum but you just can't help yourself.

>Everyone else is wrong
It's not everyone. It's just you, you seem upset that I said what you were prescribing wasn't advice (which it isn't) and then you go on a tirade of projecting even more negative adjectives onto me.

> if your assessment of your predicament were correct, you wouldn't be here
No kidding, I'm quickly realizing that making a thread here was a mistake. I've gotten solid advice here before but that was almost 3 years ago but clearly this board has changed for the worse cause it's now filled with pompous snobby people like you.

>>18353769

looks like you ignored all the good advice and selectively read and replied to "insecure"

Sure looks insecure from here mac

>>18353776
Nope I read all the other advice, the one about not making first dates 2 hours long and the other about being straight forward cause those ones didn't focus on being outlandishly rude and attacking me aimlessly.

Obviously you're gonna use the fact that I got "offended" by your posts as your evidence that I'm insecure, when the fact is for almost an hour now I've been trying to get you to understand that whatever problem you think I have I don't.

Like I said, if being an internet tough guy is what gets your rocks off then have at it but nothing you've said in here can be considered advice. Sorry you took that so personally, sure you're not the one who is insecure?

>>18353788
>when the fact is for almost an hour now I've been trying to get you to understand that whatever problem you think I have I don't.

my mistake