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I don't know if there's anyone who can help, but I wish I could talk to someone. I'm at the lowest point in my life
>29
>Determined student throughout life, had dreams
>Contract unknown disease in college
>Cannot walk or sit up, slew of symptoms like vertigo, nausea, migraines, pain 24 hours a day, every day
>Try to go back to college, cannot make it
>Drop out and go to doctors for next 3 years
>Best ones don't know what I have, worst ones say it's in my head and send me back home
>Lost all my friends, family say cruel things. Am sad
>Slowly work my way up over the years. finish school by a miracle
>Spend 3 years job searching. can't get hired in my field after applying to hundreds of places/networking
>Find an unrelated min wage job, happier
>work on my own video game, finish a demo
>Never dated until 28
>Was dumped because I didn't see the other person often enough. I told them I was sick in the beginning. They didn't believe me, thought I was cheating.
>Illness returned
>Missed the passing of the seasons. can't quite see out the window
>I've been bedridden for 6 months. No one noticed I'm gone. I feel like I'm in another dimension.
>sometimes I hear my family talking in the next room, but I can't get there
>Tried working on my game in bed, but my brain is mush. Really want to leave behind one thing. It makes me afraid to disappear
>special clinic accepted me. I wanted to earn the money to go. I tried stock photography/art. I run out of energy by the time I do one unusable sketch. I beat myself up.
>I destroyed my parent's dreams. They're old now and need me. I'm a burden that can't get water for myself. I stay thirsty so no one has to tend to me.
Sorry for wallowing when there are worse problems. Thanks for reading if you did. This took hours to write.
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Your parents don't believe you're ill? Or that you're exaggerating symptoms? Seems unfairly harsh of them
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>>18353300
One sometimes does and one doesn't. Modern science doesn't have a test for whatever I have, so all my labs come out normal. I'm guessing there may be a test in the next few years/decades, but I'm in trouble until then.
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bump...
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Fuck, hang in there man. You didn't really ask for advice so I'm not really sure what to tell you. You just gotta keep looking for something to live for I guess.
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>>18353963
Do you have any personal hypotheses about what your condition is?
Does your health ebb and flow or is it pretty much constant?
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>>18354018
Thanks. I guess I was wondering if there's anything I could be doing differently, if there's any way to be happier or more functional.
>>18354030
I can only guess what caused it, but maybe a virus initially. I did get better for a few years but never totally normal. I'm back to where I started currently. The onset is sudden each time.
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Unless your illness is depression, you can still lead a fulfilling life if you are creative enough. Like you i work on the computer alot and rarely go out. Im on house arrest for 3 years for dui/evading police/ injuring pilice. I was facing 19 years so I thank my lucky stars I am just house arrest. If you have energy to do compuet work then you can at least make cool shit people like. Miricle I graduated college too, i was so miserable. Whats your major?
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>>18354105
Also, get organized so you can be efficient in your situation. You should have things like water and snacks already near you. And if you can enjoy making shit on the cimputer than cool. I do after effects.
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>>18354142
I make shit like this for the luz.
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Chronic fatigue syndrome? had a friend who had it and experienced the same symptoms as you, most doctors didnt even diagnose her untill five years after showing symptoms
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>>18354105
>>18354142
I have depression as a result of my untreated physical illness, but there are still things I want to do if I can. That's pretty wild about your situation. I'm curious about it but don't want to pry. Congrats graduating. It sounds like you must have good business sense if you're able to do the creating and selling.
My major was design. I can also write and code a bit. I have no business ability, though. It goes to waste pretty much. I use after effects for animating/video editing (not an expert by any means). I got stuck trying to make a displacement map work.
The issue is my brain being mush, not being able to follow a train of thought. What you said about being efficient makes me want to try saving up enough energy for short bursts of work. I do keep water near me. I was referring to when it comes time to refill, but I understand what you mean. Thanks for the encouraging replies.
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>>18354203
One doctor said chronic fatigue syndrome, a couple said post viral syndrome. Chronic fatigue syndrome probably encompasses more than one illness, and it all gets put under one umbrella of I Don't Actually Know. Did your friend find anything that helped?
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>>18354221
Ok to pry, I was drinking like a fish and taking ambien. It was inevitable.
Ive been perusing webdesign for many years and have not much to show for it. I have energy problems and have to drink so much coffee.
Im on disability for depression but hope to get off disability this year. You should apply for disability if you have doctor visits.
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>>18354151
>>18354239
That's new to me. I've never actually seen a porn cinemagraph until now. Good luck with the webdesign. I don't know much about that, but it seems in demand. Hope your depression gets better. I'll look into it, thanks.
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>>18354238
>>18354221
Please try un-pasteurized apple cider vinegar. Mix 1/4 cup water, 1/4 cup apple vin, with 1 tablespoon of honey. Add up to a teaspoon of cayenne pepper if u have lots of inflammation. Promise it will help
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>>18353271
i'll be your friend, anon
do you have discord?
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>>18354690
I've tried this but without the cayenne pepper and honey- do you happen to know if the honey invalidates the acidity of the vinegar? If you don't know it's okay, I'll try it in any case. Thanks a lot for the recipe.
>>18354722
That's very kind. It's John Sr.#1013. I'll definitely reply but I want to apologize ahead of time if I'm slow or not good at realtime conversation
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