Can I only watch someone self destruct?

>>18351113
I talked to the priest as my Church, I talked to my Dad, my Mother, my siblings, my friends, 4chan. Everyone told me the same thing: "You dodged a bullet". But she also told me last year during a late night phone call between us, that she felt that she only had two years to live. I asked her why, and she told me that she didn't feel that she had any value or mattered. I spent an ungodly amount of time on the phone talking to her and we became closer.

I thought I'd feel happy if she quit, that I wouldn't have to see her all the time or her new boyfriend. But I feel numb, I feel...scared, that she actually means it (She already crashed her car twice) and her fucking bullshit friends are always asking her to come party/drink. I know how this goes, that if you try and help the person with the addiction, you'll become the bad person in their eyes. But I feel sick. The last guy she hooked up with(also from a bar) I met in passing and he didn't know at the time that I had feelings for her. And he told me how he fucked her, took pics, etc and that you could do anything to her when she's drunk. This put a huge dent in my affection towards her and we had a serious talk about our sex lives and I told her that I didn't care if she had a past, but that the kind of past did matter. A week later she went on a road trip with one of her female "friends" and fucked three guys.

It was at this point that I wasn't sure anymore about her(I've been saving myself for the right girl. Not perfect, but one that truly cared for me.) and I realized that she didn't even care about herself, let alone me. In the end after she fucked that guy and decided he'd be her boyfriend instead of me, I wrote her a letter and told her that I would always be a phone call away and that when the day came where she couldn't do it anymore, to please fucking call me. And that I'd do my best to help her, help herself.

>>18351120
But I'm scared guys, I'm scared that since we parted ways 5 months ago and she's dove deeper into this fucked up lifestyle of partying, sex and alcohol with no limits; that she forgot. Or that she doesn't care. What do I do? Can I do anything except what I did months ago and hope for the best? There was a time I considered taking her back(some days now even), but I feel disgust when those thoughts creep in, knowing the fucked up things she's done/is doing. I just don't want to hear that she was found in a ditch somewhere. I don't know why I feel like this, I thought this shit only happened in movies.

>>18351130
Bump

>>18351113
You can't save everyone OP. I'm sure you know know this but you haven't internalized it yet. Sucks that you got attached to her. If you attempt to bring her into your life she will only impact it negatively. All the bullshit and horrible shit from her live will find itself in yours. You need to cut all forms of communication with this girl.

If after all the advice you've been given you still want to be with her and have her in your life then do it. I know she will only ruin it but sometimes you have to put your hand in the fire to learn not to do it again.

>>18352093
The first question you have to ask is if she's even interested in being saved. My brother's gone to the same fate and I wish I heard his cries of help. Now he's a full-fledged furry with no dick. The second is if she values you.

>>18351120
You can't always love someone into health. It sounds like she has given up. Gutwrenching as it is if you tried to save her now you'd just be sinking your own ship. Walk away brother. You'll never forget her, and you'll always have that tinge of guilt that maybe there was a way, because you sound like a good person. However, at this point one casualty will turn into two. Let it go. It's the smart thing to do, and really the only thing to do.

>>18352113
I admit that I have a hero complex in regards to this situation. I can't seem to just let it go, because I've seen the thirty some year old people that are washed up, and it's horrible. I think I'm just going to give her a short hard copy letter of my care for her, and that she should reach out when it crashes. It's hard going from friend to almost lover and then watching them be hell bent on self destruction. I know it's not healthy for me to be around her and we haven't talked in months because I cut communication. But I don't want her to go out into the world and think nobody cares. I'm not her parents, but I take care of the people I get close to. It's the most I can do.

>>18351130
OP, you really, REALLY, really need to read a book called Indignation by Phillip Roth. It will help you understand how girls like her operate, and the effect they have on people around them.

Another word of advice, in case you don't read that book, is that even if you master to plan to fix her "worked" you'd likely lose interest. Subconsciously I think a lot of men (myself sometimes included) can be attracted to these disastrous women, because we think if we can save them we'll be heroes in their eyes. That we'll be elevated to this status where they would never leave us and always admire and adore us, but that just isn't the case. She will probably never be a normal, happy person ever unfortunately. She sounds like she missed the train that is never coming back on a few developmental milestones.

Just know I feel for you, maybe inquire into why you're so concerned about a woman who doesn't give a shit about you whatsoever. It's really interesting and peculiar. I think you should really spend some time reflecting on that.

>>18352690
We were friends before any romantic feelings developed, that's the reason why it's a bit complicated for me to detach. You sound like you have experience with this sort of stuff. What happened in your case?

I'm going through a similar thing OP, just without the romantic feelings. A close friend of almost 20 years, who I'm watching throw her life away.

Frankly, what I've begun to learn is that people won't accept help until they're probably already pretty far gone, as there's always a block from them accepting that there's a problem. They have too many people around them enabling them.

I mean, at the same time, you sound young, she sounds young, and you sound pretty conservative/religious (like saving yourself for the right woman). Are you sure you're not just throwing the alcoholic label on her because you're not a drinker and a partier? A lot of people do this in college/their early 20s and grow out of it.

But there's not really anything you can do at this point, I'd say. You expressed that you care, it's about all you can do, and wait for her to come back for help.

But help takes a lot of different forms, so don't be certain that you can "fix" her, because you might just get disappointed.

>>18352749
I'm 30, she's 25. And I did come from a conservative background, but even my friends who aren't have told me countless times to avoid her. She's crashed her car many times, usually has bruises she can't remember about and it's always drinking to drunkenness.

This sounds like you're not mature enough to reach her or even handle this.

>>18352620
Dont give her the letter. Just stop talking to her. Let her do what she wants. Stop trying to control her.

>>18354081
Is that honestly trying to control her? Am I that blind? :/

>>18351113
This is my fetish desu. I want to self destruct with someone.