3 yr relationship ended, exgf wants to give me her first time, doubts

>>18349021
- - - very insecure and possessive. She'd blame me for her weight gain, go through my phone and yell at me for dumb jokes I made with friends, yell at me for a conversation I had with my cousin's gf (she was asking which Monster Hunter monster was his favorite for a surprise gift idea), etc. It wasn't all bad, I still loved her and we still had good times, but she wasn't the person she was when we first got together. It seemed like after she started disrespecting me about all the white people bullshit, she started disrespecting me in other ways. It was my first relationship though, and I still loved her, so it was hard to really threaten her with a breakup or anything, even when I wanted to during bad periods of the relationship. Even then, I'm the kinda guy that'd rather work something out than just end something, so I'd always try to work issues out. After about a year of this though, I moved to another city due to a flood fucking up my mom's house, and she broke up with me. We were already a minor LDR and it wasn't really that big of a move, but I'm still mentioning it just due to the timing. I was heartbroken, tried to ask if it was because of issues we could work out, etc. She told me that I was not the person I was when she first met me, and that she didn't see a future with me. We kept in light contact though, each of us occasionally going through emotional outbursts, though her never allowing a rekindling, and eventually it simmered down and we'd just have occasional normal conversations.

Recently though, she brought up the topic of our first time. In all of our relationship, we had never been able to have sex. Not to sound like I'm bragging, but it'd never fit in there. I honestly feel like I'm pretty average, but she's much smaller framed than me, and it just couldn't get in. During our relationship, she'd always cry or wince and I'd feel bad, and we'd push it off until "next time". She'd do other things for me, though she was too shy to - - -

>>18349046
- - - let me do anything for her. I loved her though, and it was never really a big issue for me, as I wanted to keep her comfort and readiness in mind.

Now that we're broken up though, "next time" isn't a convenient luxury. She said that even though she doesn't love me anymore, she would still want me to be her first. To be honest, I wanted it to, as the mere idea of someone else claiming her virginity drove me insane with jealousy. The longer I've been without her though, the more I've though about it, and it's become a very complicated topic for myself.

The night would come tomorrow, as it's the first time free of work and my recent moving trouble. On one hand, I loved her and wanted her as my first, I am attracted to her, and I feel like doing this with someone like her would be a meaningful use of my first time. On the other hand, I feel like maybe the idea of doing it now that I know she doesn't love me anymore steals from it, and that going through with it would cheapen it. I'm kinda running on fumes at the moment and I'm rambling, but I'm scared and confused. I really don't know if I should or shouldn't call it off. I'd only get one chance, she likely wouldn't talk to me if I cancelled. I'm a 23 year old virgin at this point, and I'm just at a loss, struggling between my desires, my morals, my affection for her, my disappointment and heartbreak over her breaking up with me and the development of our relationship, etc.

Can anyone offer me their perspective or advice? I'm about to pass out, but I hope that maybe when I wake up, some posts might clear things up for me before I have to see her.

>>18349021
You dated the worst kind of shit bag beaner there is. This girl sounds horrible. I know you remember good times and you are convinced she isn't all bad but you need to cut ties. She did you a favor when she sporadically cut things off. I know 23 is a bit late to still be a virgin and you want to cross it off the list to be over with it but she isn't the one. Wait a little bit longer and find someone that isn't racist towards you and treats you better.

Apart from my assessment of her as a person I'll tell you why you shouldn't stick your dick in her.

1. It was your first relationship
2. You are a virgin

Because it was your first relationship you don't have anything to compare it to. You don't have a better relationship to compare it to so you are overestimating just how good it was. If you only had strawberry icecream you would think that was the greatest flavor but things would be different if you had tasted a variety. To touch on my second point you're a virgin. Experiencing this sexual act with her will make you more emotionally involved with her. This coupled with her being your first relationship, you will become addicted again to her. She already doesn't seem to be a great girlfriend and if you get even more attached it will kill you slowly in the long run. It is going to hurt but you need to cut her off and never speak to her again. Listen to your brain not your emotions.

apologies for the errors or if this is a bit scatterbrained, it's rather late where I am

>use lube
>use a condom

That simple

it's your choice man, as you said it, on one hand you can still go through with it since you wanted it to be the first time with her so it could be a somewhat nice experience for both of you, giving it to the memory while she was still a nice gf, and you wouldn't be a virgin anymore if you feel like you're getting too old to be a virgin, on the other hand tho, you've broken up and if you still hang onto your standards that hard, drop it..idk i feel like i didn't say anything new but maybe i helped ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Well, the first question is can you morally live with yourself by losing your virginity to someone you aren't going to be married to? Or even to someone you're in a relationship with. You don't see yourself getting back together, from the way the relationship sounded, it's probably for the best, but if you're going to feel guilty about this decision afterwards, if you're really so hung up about your sexuality that you need for it to hit some sort of moral threshold, maybe virginity swapping with an ex isn't a good idea.

Now, personally I don't think morality enters much into sexuality and as long as it's consensual and no one gets hurt everyone should just shut the fuck up and enjoy themselves. If you can see yourself around your moral hangups, the next question becomes can you live with yourself emotionally if you hitch losing your virginity to your complicated relationship with your ex when it probably only happens once and there's a chance it damages what's left of your relationship irreparably? Because this situation could get really complicated and even if you both go into it with certain expectations, one or both of you may never want to see each other again afterward. That's the risk you run when you throw sexual fire on the fuel of a broken relationship.

In the end, you're the only one who can see your way clear of this. Just remember, some opportunities never come again, and sometimes mistakes are the best learning experiences. Just be safe, don't wind up like your parents.

>>18349021
>>18349046
>>18349064
Whenever someone bothers to write a fucking novel you know he's a master of rationalizations. You won't change, OP. You didn't even reply to the only reasonable advice >>18349072
When will this end?

>>18349072
>Experiencing this sexual act with her will make you more emotionally involved with her. This coupled with her being your first relationship, you will become addicted again to her.
Was actually taking this post somewhat seriously until this part.

>>18349021
>>18349046
>>>18349064
>>>18349263
>>>18349046
Bro fuck her. If she wants you to fuck her there is something deeper there than just lust. Sure she doesn't love you, but just get your dick wet. And it would be meaningful to both of you clearly to lose your respective virginities with each other, so what's the hold up?
And honestly if you want a future with her, hitting the pussy real good and being her first will get her. Take it from me, take charge, hold her down, move her body, and by all means, even if she tells you not to, eat that girls pussy.

>>18349277
Eh, first time you hit the pussy in an early relationship you kind fall in love. I know I did. It had other factors, but the pure instinctual part of you really does hit your emotions hard and foster attachment.

>>18349318
This.
The primal part of your conscience is your worst enemy in relationships.
And as such, your first time is always gonna be a fucking mental mess, even if you don't think it is.

>>18349021
I used * to tell where you can stop reading.

Let me guide you:
>Around Trump's candidacy though, issues arose. I'm white, she's latina, and she'd always take out anger and issues on me over liberal views. Granted, I wasn't really too into either major candidates, but she'd pretty much just take her anger out on me over the new "bad thing" of the week that white people were somehow responsible for.
This is fucked up, but if it was the one and only problem, it would be okay, later.

>>18349021
>She also became very insecure and possessive.
And here you realized she doesn't trust you.*Not gona just trow accusation in the air here, but is usual a sign that she made something that she's ashamed of. Something that she wouldn't want you to know.

>She'd blame me for her weight gain, go through my phone and yell at me for dumb jokes I made with friends, yell at me for a conversation I had with my cousin's gf.
same point of the first, but this is the third, so if you were my friend I would push you to take out the trash, pull the plug...

>It wasn't all bad, I still loved her and we still had good times, but she wasn't the person she was when we first got together. It seemed like after she started disrespecting me about all the white people bullshit, she started disrespecting me in other ways. It was my first relationship though, and I still loved her, so it was hard to really threaten her with a breakup or anything, even when I wanted to during bad periods of the relationship. Even then, I'm the kinda guy that'd rather work something out than just end something, so I'd always try to work issues out.
...before you'd get in what we call "toxic relationship"

>She told me that I was not the person I was when she first met me
Looks like she made some realizations in your absense.*The 2nd topic comes to mind, but again, speculation.

Continue

>>18350344
>>18349046
>-We kept in light contact though, each of us occasionally going through emotional outbursts, though her never allowing a rekindling, and eventually it simmered down and we'd just have occasional normal conversations.
Here you become a sort of "planB". It becomes clear that she has her "own life" now.* You can call it emotional attachment, but the point is that she is trying out replacements.

>Recently though, she brought up the topic of our first time.
*Because means more to you than her. **And if I'm little right she's not a psyc, but she's trash

>Now that we're broken up though, "next time" isn't a convenient luxury. She said that even though she doesn't love me anymore, she would still want me to be her first.
>On the other hand, I feel like maybe the idea of doing it now that I know she doesn't love me anymore steals from it
You don't want to stand the disgust that I know you will feel for yourself after you're finished.
*suspicious: it's logical of her to want to "lose it" (and i'm sorry, you said it hurts, but i have to say, youre not sure you'd be the first, or maybe the first in that... cavity) with someone who she knows won't give her diseases.**but I would be prepared for the "looks like you're the best I can get" or ***" i fucked up my life and no one made me happy"****" so make me a baby so I can feel secure legally draining you, and accidentally telling you the true and what happened when having outbursts and wanting to make you mad as the years go by" worst case scenario.**** but IF that was the case i would also worry that my son/daugher Would become like her and if I tried to teach her why mommy's behaviour is shit, she would take the guard from me, and id course, all your hope of moving on (money). Of couse, assuming you live under American constitution.

Continue

>>18350500
****Btw, remember the old saying, woman age like milk and man and like wine, so she have more reasons than you to be in a hurry

>To be honest, I wanted it to, as the mere idea of someone else claiming her virginity drove me insane with jealousy. The longer I've been without her though, the more I've though about it, and it's become a very complicated topic for myself.
Toxic relationships
*just like drugs

>**The night would come tomorrow, as it's the first time free of work and my recent moving trouble. On one hand, I loved her and wanted her as my first, I am attracted to her, and I feel like doing this with someone like her would be a meaningful use of my first time.
**unless she's not what you expected


>and that going through with it would cheapen it. I'm kinda running on fumes at the moment and I'm rambling, but I'm scared and confused. I really don't know if I should or shouldn't call it off. I'd only get one chance, she likely wouldn't talk to me if I cancelled. I'm a 23 year old virgin at this point, and I'm just at a loss, struggling between my desires, my morals, my affection for her, my disappointment and heartbreak over her breaking up with me and the development of our relationship, etc.
C'est la vie. Take a moment to look at yourself from another viewpoint. You work hard to hold yourself at a noble position: keep your moral values, honor your grandparents...Don't you think you deserve someone better? I know the fear of never finding someone better but even if that's the case, will you forgive yourself now if everything goes shit in the future?

Continue

OP, I'm gonna sum up everything that was said. Leave dat ho and move the fuck on.

>>18350663
>>18349064

>Can anyone offer me their perspective or advice? I'm about to pass out, but I hope that maybe when I wake up, some posts might clear things up for me before I have to see her.

My advice is don't go.
As I see you want to go there, not to have sex but because of despair but most of all you want to be something else when you get there and finish, I may be wrong but, don't you wanna get there and, after some "wild nature" time with your choosen one, hear from her lips something like "I forgot how good it was to be with you. I was so stupid i should have sticked with you since the beggining and a be better girlfriend, if you give me just one more chance I will love you forever. Please, can you forgive me?"? That was intense, but if want advice anon, if this happens, I think you will regret accepting, because I think if she say these word she will have you. It may not be a good thing.
I'm sorry for the accusations I made towards someone who's image you have as something rather delicate. That's what came to me from what you wrote. But I want you to have a notion of his bad things can go wrong, because I'm the end, if the worst happens, and god bless you to not, it all comes down to which decision would bring you less regret, and is the one that have the best reward, AT REASONAMBLE ODDS OF BEING ACQUIRED.
And by all you wrote I don't think your odds are good.

>>18349021
Time's up
How are you now?