Consent

>>18343323
yeah that's pretty fucked up OP. that's definitely sexual assault.

>>18343323

So you didn't want to have sex... yet wouldn't even fight back?

I don't see how he could respect you, seeing as you don't even respect yourself enough to fight back.

>>18343323
It was rape
Call the lawyer its time to ruin a life

>>18343323
basically biggest red flag
>Does he not respect me?
Probably not, that or he can't take rejection for some reason
Either way he's the problem. Maybe meet him in person in a well populated place and see what he has to say but I would advise you to focus and heal yourself.
I don't think you're overreacting, it's not like there is a standard reaction to have to have your boundaries violated by someone you thought loved you.

>>18343323
In my mind, what he did was 110% rape. I guess it really depends on if you know him well enough to see maybe he accidentally didn't notice, or you both know each other well enough that you both know each others limits and he should've noticed how you felt.

You verbally said no and didn't show any physical response to accepting his advances, so there's no doubt he touched you without your consent and that's not okay.

Really knowing if it was a true accident or something he overlooked will tell if you should continue to even give him the time of day.

>>18343323
>I don't know if I believe that he actually didn't know better
Shit happens in the moment. Sometimes your brain doesn't click when your dick is clicking for you.

Could you have done more? Probably. Does it make a difference in terms of culpability? Probably not.

>>18343345
Fight, flight, or freeze

Why are you so scared of your boyfriend that you can't yell no or push him off

>>18343344
"fighting back" doesn't make a situation sexual assault or not. A lot of non-consensual situations can be with people you care about, like in this situation your S/O so kicking your legs and screaming rape isn't going to make things official.

Honestly, the combination of being post orgasm and seeing you sob should've made it click in his head that what he did was incredibly fucked up. I feel like he never would've owned up to even doing anything wrong if you had not left, and that you leaving made him realize you might dump him and try to do some damage control.

OP... please really try to picture the following. Imagine your sister or your best friend came to you upset telling you this story.
Would you tell her anything but to run for the fucking hills?

I can't think of a bigger red flag than a guy of one month disrespecting you like this and violating your trust. Who the fuck does he think he is. Dump this waste of space.

>>18343344
>>18343360
Believe it or not, it can send people into a disbelieving shock if someone they thought they could turst suddenly does a 180. And freezing is generally a normal response in case of a very stressful situation.

http://www.stressstop.com/stress-tips/articles/fight-flight-or-freeze-response-to-stress.php

>>18343370
>>18343370
>>18343370
This.


Also just because you weren't kicking and screaming "rape" doesn't mean it wasn't sexual assault, ignore these assholes trying to gaslight you into thinking this is your fault.

>get raped by your own boyfriend

Get the fuck outta that relationship

>>18343323
Okay so you know Michelle Rodriguez? She's that girl from so many badass sci-fi movies like resident evil.

How do you think she would have handled that? Even if she didnt have muscles and martial arts skills to bash his head in, she would have fought back like a goddamn cat being tossed in a bathtub.

> skip past this section just for a second
This is what im talking about to everyone about how girls are so weak these days. Not only do you not go out and get what you want, when someone starts pushing you around (just imagine those arab rape-fugees over in europe) you just turn into a deer in the headlights and take it.

> girl starts resisting guy getting forward with her
> instinctually just like a predator this causes men to get more aggressive as they get into it better
> then the girl submits and lets him have his way, he goes full throttle, this is natural, she is accepting him.

What part of this equation do you not understand?

^ I would type this in all caps just to highlight the significance of it.

A) You did not Fight Back
B) You may have expressed some reservations but there was not a solid defninitive "NO, get your fucking hands off of me, im calling the goddamn police, you're raping me, get your fucking dick away from me"

You gave Consent.

Even in legal terms its understood that girls may provide some resistance to sex because thats giving-chase behavior. When you try to break a bottle over his head after repeatedly screaming Stop at the top of your lungs - thats when its rape (or when you're passed out).


The fact you didn't want to, on the inside, doesn't matter. You must speak up and Take Action.

What this means is you Hurt Yourself by not speaking up and doing something about it, that is self destructive behavior.

How about biting? How about scratching? I know you're not as strong as him but Damage can get the point across.

>>18343360
Not OP. Probably because of how he was acting? It's a pretty damn good reason to be scared. Valid emotional response.

She shouldn't need to get physical for him to understand a 'no' anyway.

>>18343323
that was good hentai plot OP kek
last week I posted a similar story, too

>>18343341
>>18343349
>>18343351
>>18343354
Thanks for responding. We're both really in tune with each other's non verbal emotions that I think this is why it's hard to believe he didn't know. When I got home I just kept asking myself, if I had to call it assault I really should have said no more than once, to move him away, to say SOMETHING...like I should have physically fought back (I know I'm weaker than him for sure though).
>>18343360
It's not that I am scared of him. I guess at that point I felt so completely exhausted - to say no, reject him outright continuously, and then deal with the aftermath of him being hurt - when you outright yell no and push someone who you've established that you both mutually like this is really difficult to do, and for some reason I couldn't do it. I hope that made sense.

>>18343376
Forgive my ignorance but at what point did he become someone untrustworthy?

He started fingering her unannounced and that's fine, but continuing after a weak and unrepeated "I don't feel like it.." makes him a scary deadly rapist?

I just don't get where it becomes an issue of fear unless the relationship is already abusive

>>18343384

(continued)

You may not have known this stuff, but now you do.

Your boyfriend guy probably Did Not think you were (oblivious to these dynamics). He didn't think you were a soft teenage girl who just plays on your smartphone and doesn't have sexual desires at all.

> He assumes you want sex, that you have a sex drive, and that you were leading him on via instinctual signals

> If you Did Not Want then you would have provided a stronger counter and he would have had to endure Damage and been alot more physical to keep it going.

> You submitted, you let him have you, you gave up. CONSENT

This was playful resistance to him. He got into it and probably enjoyed himself. So he didn't even think anything was wrong until after it was over.

He does Not disrespect you but he's far too Mature for you. You need a more docile man.

He's never going to be able to tell when you Want it or you Dont.

THE MOMENT YOU LAY DOWN AND TAKE IT YOU ARE GIVING CONSENT

(unless of course you're passed out drunk or something)


Safewords are invented for this very reason, so that "stop, no!" doesnt get ignored.

Something like "Doctor Seuss" is so fucked up and off the wall that any guy getting it on is going to go "What?" and stop in his tracks.

>>18343384
Seriously? So the man has no personal responsibility and can hound and physically push himself on a woman like a rabid animal, and she should be screeching NO NO NO RAPE on top of her lungs before he can be expected to acknowledge and respect that no, she does not want to have sex?
OP literally telling him she's not in the mood, crying during sex and trying to move out from underneath him wasn't enough to expect him to see that she doesn't want it?

That's pretty fucking offensive to men. What a bunch of thick skulled, cold-hearted beasts you must be according to you.

>>18343370
Thanks so much. This means a lot to me. I can't believe this happened to me. I feel really dumb.
>>18343376
Thanks for this post.
>>18343384
I know you're trying to be helpful, but why do I have to be the one with the onus to physically beat the shit out of someone who I've established a steady relationship (not some rando on the street) in order to communicate that I am not giving consent? Does he not have any responsibility to understand that he is crossing my boundaries? What?

>>18343400
>>18343407
please read

sex comes with responsibility and one of those is knowledge about how the sex game is played, otherwise you're going to give guys the wrong signals and if you dont know how to put a stop to it this will happen

this is a product of miscommunication

>>18343400
>I would've stopped him from raping me but I didn't want to hurt his feelings
I'm sorry, but I can't understand this at all.

You probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

>>18343404
What's not untrustworthy about not being able to trust that your partner respects your boundaries? It shouldn't be the case that you have to fight your partner to make them realize that you are being serious about what you are telling them. They should attribute weight to your words, all the more when it concerns YOUR boundaries and YOUR body.

And yes when someone is physically stronger than you and shows a complete lack of respect for what you do and do not want it becomes scary quickly. Remember he physically pinned her down.

>>18343397
>tfw my life has become a plot of a hentai plot
>>18343421
Sorry, I can't really explain how I felt that instant, it makes me incredibly stressed out just thinking about it. I'm trying really hard to explain why I didn't outright scream and yell like one poster mentioned - maybe this wasn't the best explanation lol

>>18343413
>responsibility
If you are denying consent it's your responsibility to make that clear

It's his responsibility to accept your denial.

It's a grey situation but it sounds like neither of you acted responsibly.

>>18343407
Seriously you fucking retard? Does she have to staunchly scream RAPIST NO RAPEY 3 times before it's a law breaking act? You are so beyond fucking stupid I cant fathom it. You're a autistic shitstain that should have been swallowed.

>>18343425
The question is if the boundaries were made clear.

It would seem that they were not.

>>18343323
>I can't talk to anyone about this.

Tell someone! Tell someone!

Don't meet this guy aloneagain.

>>18343408
>>18343439
>>18343440

INDEED
and alot of guys get the case thrown out of court for that reason, even if they were a rapist

You're being naive about how sex works.


>>18343413
Because being Raped is practically worse than death. As a girl your reproductives are part of your nature and who you are and letting a man have his way with you when You Do Not Want is compromising the sanctity of just about everything you are.

Yes you need to fight back, like a caged wolverine. Even if they've got a weapon and its obvious they're going to rape, you're better off fighting back and being wounded - or fighting and failing to stop it, because at least you did your best.


Girls sometimes cry during sex, Girls sometimes squirm during sex. There's no way to tell for sure until its over whether that was okay with her or not, and usually its okay.

Unless they're doing obvious shit to counter it.

"No! Stop!" doesnt work, that means he's gonna thrust it in harder to break down that wound up ball of tenderness she has, bringing her closer to an orgasm.

This will work unless he's a real rapist:
"Stop this fucking minute or im going to have you arrested you son of a bitch"

kinksters, people who're into sadism like playing rough and saying things like that but they've got Safewords to make sure the guy knows they want to stop for real.

He's done it once, he'll do it again.

Fucking run OP, if he does shit like this after a month who knows what the fuck he'll do later on.

OP here, just wanted to thank everyone - he's been messaging me all throughout the past few days asking it talk about it and I've told him that 1) I need space (to think about it some more, formulate my feelings better) and 2) that it was definitely that he didn't respect the fact I said no and that I didn't give consent that has made and is making me so upset. All of your words are giving me a wider perspective and vocabulary to explain myself. Thanks again for taking the time to be helping me out.

>>18343440
What's not clear about OP telling him "I'm not in the mood"? What's not clear about OP telling him she wants a hug rather than anything sexual when he asks her? What's unclear about her being 100% passive during sex? What's unclear about her starting to cry during sex?

What's unclear about the combination of all of these factors?

Nothing. Anyone who sincerely does not want to do anything his partner doesn't want will have crystal clear clarity. Even if you think she is giving mixed messages (where were the messages that she DID want to have sex, even?) the reasonable thing to do would be to check to make sure you're on the same wavelength. Not to go ahead and fuck a crying girl, then ask what's wrong like a retard.

>>18343362
After reading your post several times over, it's safe to say I have no clue what you're intending to say.

I do condemn his actions, as would any reasonable person.

What I don't condone is allowing another person to take advantage of you, as would any reasonable person.

>>18343344
>>18343354
>>18343360
>>18343404

Listen, sex is messy and relationships are complex. But if someone says "no" and stops moving, then you should stop.

When people are into stuff, they act. The fact she stopped acting should be a sign she didn't want that. Even if he didn't mean it, he messed up badly. Not saying he is abad person, but at best he is so oblivious he went to town on his GF while she didn't want it. That has to change.

>>18343323
You're confused and upset. Awesome. At least you're able to voice that opinion now. Unlike before.

If you're upset, you're upset. If you're overreacting, that doesn't change that it's a reaction. Overreaction means that instead of being a 5 on the upset scale, you're an 8. But you are still upset, or deserve to be.

BUT. The other guy isn't a mind reader.

> I thought this would discourage him because I'm usually very enthusiastic|
And he thought you were into it.

>>18343408
>>18343414
I agree with the miscommunication part, but not the rest. OP said that she was dating this guy for a month. I'm assuming, from her wording, that this isn't the first time they were physical with each other.
He probably started off other encounters, due to her wording of "i didn't feel like it" implies that others times she did.
OP, stop me anywhere I'm wrong.
So, there's a history of them doing things, and him starting things off. He probably saw it as something similar, and didn't see the signs that something was off.
Something that is very obvious to one party may be completely missed by another party.

>he said he thought I was just being coy.
I don't know how much you two talked about it, aside from that one sentence, but...
>he wants me to forgive him
>does he not respect me?
If he didn't respect you he wouldn't care if you forgave him.

Personally I think you're overreacting, but I also feel you're entitled to your reaction.
But a relationship is about communication. You say you went silent and thought he would pick it up, but he's not a telepath.

>>18343469

Has someone ever taken advantage of you? Not sexually, like, at school or your job.

I'm not OP.

>>18343407
Nice that you mention safewords! Now I can butt in.

In the world of BDSM, this is just one of the mechanisms that prevents those situations. The main ones, however, are trust, communication and the dominant partner listening in VERY carefully during play.

Before doing any sort of play that your partner may feel uncomfortable with, like "consensual non-consent," you talk explicitly about it, make damn sure they are OK with trying it, and then the first time you try the kink out, you very carefully observe the partner for any signs of it not being OK. Better to risk disappointing them than to risk stepping over a boundary by accidentally missing a signal.

This dude hasn't done those things. He's not in the clear. I have no idea how the legal system works in her country, but morally? It's a nope, nope, nope, nope...

>>18343469
That person is saying that you can have a non consensual situation with or without the fighting aspect.

>>18343447
Not really.

Like making it clear that consent is not given... she needs to make it clear that she will NOT HAVE this man around her anymore.

>>18343456

Its Breakup time.

"I didnt want to have sex but you wouldnt listen. I could call the cops and get the law involved? Hows that sound? You think im serious now?"

"Just be grateful I dont and im leaving it at that, I dont know what the HELL was going through your mind but you're NEVER touching me again. You're Gone mister, we're done."


>>18343458
Whats not clear is Putting Your Damn Foot down about it.

Passive is excellent for sex, thats a BIG turn on. You have no idea.

Obviously if you didn't want it, you'd fight it. Thats common sense.

>messages that she Did want to
She let him take her pants off for crying out loud, and didn't get up and run away right then!

Good gawd its like Implied that she wants it unless she makes double damn sure that she doesn't.

> Not to go ahead and fuck a crying girl, then ask what's wrong like a retard.

Thousands of years of human history, and adult experience, say OTHERWISE

>>18343456
You are very welcome but again, please please please consider dumping him altogether. Please copy paste the comments and read them to yourself afterwards. Chances are if you meet up with him he WILL have a story ready to confuse you and make you feel like it was more complicated, or he's so sorry or whatever. What he did was absolutely, completely unforgivable. Respect yourself more than he respected you. Respect yourself enough to feel within yourself that he crossed a line he cannot uncross.

And ignore the douchebags talking big game about what you should've done, while they have never experienced anything like this and cannot know what would come over them in the heat of the moment.

>>18343458
>Im not in the mood
I'll get her in the mood by continuing to finger her like I already was which was apparently fine!
>I want a hug
Ooh, clingy sex, can do!
Or
Playing coy, eh?

If it were a random pickup you'd be right but this was apparently a boyfriend she'd already had sex with. Her body her consent blah blah blah, right there with you, but there's room for reasonable doubt here.

If this were in court it'd probably get thrown out

For what it's worth, rape or no, I don't think OP shouldn't be in a relationship.

>>18343323
This is bait.
Stop responding to bait.
This is a bait thread.
Don't respond to bait, unless Sage is in the options field.

>>18343481
>I'll get her in the mood by continuing to finger her like I already was which was apparently fine!

Has that ever worked for you?

>>18343492
>has manual stimulation ever made someone not horny horny?
Yes.

>>18343477
>Passive is excellent for sex, thats a BIG turn on.
"Starfish" isn't an insult for no reason. But either way, yeah sure there's men into this but even then, an attentive and caring partner would notice if his lover does a complete 180 from her usual behavior during sex, especially if it's towards behavior that can be interpreted as lack of desire.

>Obviously if you didn't want it, you'd fight it.
Except human beings respond in different ways to stress and freezing is a common one, see http://www.stressstop.com/stress-tips/articles/fight-flight-or-freeze-response-to-stress.php if you won't take my word for it. If she fights it she doesn't want it but that logic does not work the other way around.

>She let him
Oh, that's the big show of lust and desire? That she didn't make a big enough show out of NOT wanting it? Please.

>implied that she wants it unless she makes double damn sure that she doesn't
See >>18343408

>you two are in a realtionship
>thats rape...
Kek, what are with these jack asses here? It's natural for him to use you and vice versa. Seriously, and if you didn't fight back idk how it was rape, i could understand not wanting to do it, but young people have a high sex drive.

Rape is him forcing you to fuck him under the circumstance you aren't in a relationship. For ex. If i just came up to you and pulled down your panties and held you down, thats rape. If you where cuddling? No.

>>18343498

No, no, no. I'm asking you if fondling someone after they say "I'm not in the mood" has ended with you having sex with them.

If they just stopped moving while you went to town maybe they were in a similar positon to OP, but right now I want to know only the first part: After someone said "I'm not in the mood", did you get them in the mood?

IF YOU CAN'T TELL WHEN YOUR PARTNER ISN'T INTO YOU'RE A SHITTY PARTNER

IF YOU PERSIST EVEN WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS CRYING AND WON'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU THEN YOU AREN'T EVEN A REAL PARTNER YOU'RE JUST A SELFISH PREDATOR

>>18343481
>>18343507
Different guy, but for what it's worth (which is nothing), my ex-gf had made it clear that she liked me touching her and whatnot, and on several occasions told me to keep going when she wasn't in the mood because enough attention sometimes gets her in the mood. Sometimes things would progress, sometimes after a few minutes she would say "guess tonight isn't a good night for this" and that would be that. But, for better or worse, a lot of people either are, or have experience with the, "can get into it once things start happening" type.

I'm not defending this specific situation or condemning it, just that things aren't so often black and white.

>>18343471
>If he didn't respect you he wouldn't care if you forgave him.
This is bullshit. If OP does not forgive him he can forget sex with her in the future. He didn't seem to care too much about how she felt when she left his place crying, or he would've talked about her right then and there, even after not stopping when she cried during.

>>18343481
Except that he asked her for sex after he already started fingering her and she said no. Even if he took it upon himself to go "huh, I'll change this no into a yes!" that is pretty fucking disrespectful. You don't ask a question only to trample all over the answer you got.

You have to be unironically autistic to not find the combination of "I'm not in the mood" + "I want a hug" once asked in a suggestive way what you want pointing against sexual desire.

>room for reasonable doubt
I disagree 100%. And if he had doubts he should've checked to make sure. Not go ahead even after she started fucking CRYING for fuck's sake. What is doubtful about that??

ITT examples of men to avoid at all costs

>>18343507
I love the implication that I'm a rapist.

I don't engage sex, I'm sub.

If I'm not in the mood but I'm getting a handy I'm probably gonna get in the mood real quick

>>18343408
Your a dumbass, thats not rape anon. Rape isn't exactly possible between two partners. Thats one of the biggest issues i have on this cucked world of today, most scream raoe without knowing what it is. He didn't tear shit or force fuck her. And rape usually ends with some sort of physical damage. If im with my partner and i want sex, there will be sex, iff she wants sex, there will be sex.

>>18343510
>and on several occasions told me to keep going when she wasn't in the mood

That's the crucial difference here, though.

I get what you mean, we all mess up on occasion, but we have to call out this kind of mistakes.

If you (for example) acted with a new girl as if you had consent just because your last girlfriend was like you say, you'd still be a dick.

>>18343514
Man I'm not the anon you replied to but I hope that you realize how hilarious it is that you were arguing that continuing sex acts on someone after they said no to fooling around was not rapey, but then as soon as it's turned around and they ask if you ever did this you say they are implying that you are a rapist? These two contradict each other you know.

>>18343428
>my life has become a plot of a hentai plot
protip: if you want it to be a more believable and less like bait, don't describe every single detail in a time sequence as if you somehow videotaped it:

>He said "That's a first" and continued anyway. I didn't know what to say...he got on top and asked what I wanted. I said "I just want a hug" and he laughed and said "That's it?" and proceeded to take off my pants.

that sounds like perspective of someone gets off on writing smut fiction, no person who just had a traumatic experience could write it like a story with details of every action, and dialogues (fucking kek), plus the OP image, way too obvious.

>>18343514

>If I'm not in the mood but I'm getting a handy I'm probably gonna get in the mood real quick

So you literally have NEVER denied sex to a partner?

>>18343517
>Your a dumbass
>he did not literally break her vagina so what's the problem

Don't reproduce.

>>18343323

>>18343523

>>18343525
Thats not the point retard. There in a relationship you virgin cuck.
Also, rape isn't taking sex, it's forcing it.

>>18343518
The question here, again, is were the boundaries clear.

That's the difference between "guy was horny and a bit oblivious" and "guy is a predator and a rapist"

I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt here based on what very little information we have

For all we know this guy could be an abusive monster cutting her off from family and friends or a near saint who read cues wrong. We don't know and never will.

>>18343511
I don't know how often you've dealt with crying women before, but let me speak to you as a man with a lot of experience here.

>hey, this girl is crying, possibly because of something i did
>fuck. anything more i do will probably just make it worse, I'm no good with women. I'll let her cool off before approaching / apologizing / explaining (depends on the situation).
I've approached crying sisters, gf's, etc. While they're emotional, i can't do anything for them.

>>18343517
I take a middle ground between you two.
Rape is essentially unwanted sex, isn't it?
As such, it is still possible. Although that being said, if you have a long history of consensual sex, i think the bar is a little higher for you to make it known you don't want it.

>>18343530
YES and it's OP's good right to end that relationship because her partner used her as a fleshlight and she does not want that. I don't even give a fuck about whether this is rape or not, legally let alone in your personal little world view. Fact is that it is obvious from his actions, and not reacting at all to her crying, that he does not give a fuck about her feelings and most people do not get involved with someone intimately only to be treated like that.

>>18343524
I have.

By physically separating from them and saying no in no uncertain terms

If I'm just sitting there with their hand on my dick I'm not really saying no.

>>18343531
This is true.

>>18343531
>That's the difference between "guy was horny and a bit oblivious" and "guy is a predator and a rapist"

There's a whole spectrum in the middle and we don't know where OP's guy lands, I agree. I don't think I ever said the dude was a monster, though.

I was always asking Anon if "keep fingering after she said no" ever worked for them. You said a particular girl gave you an explicit "go ahead", so fine. But you had the "go ahead", so it's not the same case at all.

>>18343538
>By physically separating from them and saying no in no uncertain terms

Why did you do that? If they kept handling your cock, you'd become aroused, wouldn't you?

>>18343537
Honestly, if she cried with me it would be over no matter what. OP is a baiting troll anyways.
And rape is rape.
With partners there shouldn't be consent dumbass. Sex keeps relationships alive.

>>18343543
>Why'd you do that?
Because as a sub I know the difference between telling a partner "no..." and telling a partner NO.

>>18343542
Cuck.

>>18343545
>With partners there shouldn't be consent dumbass.
Why not? Imagine you applied this to other shit.

>you're partners, apparently you like to hang out, so you can't ever say no to spending time together
>communication keeps a relationship together, so you are not allowed to need distance or time to cool off after a fight because why would you not want to talk about it right away
And so on and so on. Completely retarded, right?

Enjoying sex with someone doesn't mean you always want to have sex with them. Being someone's partner doesn't mean they don't get to hold you to standards when it comes to how they treat you.

>rape is rape
Yes and legally rape in a relationship is very well possible, at least in the western world, regardless of how you'd like to see things.

>>18343546

Here's the thing, mate. You can chastise OP about the strength and emphasis of her refusal all you want. Her boyfriend knows her personality, so he knows if she is the fighting type, the fleeing type, or the freezing type.

You defend his actions by saying "I'm not in the mood" is an invititation to get your partner in the mood. I say if the only way you get out of sex is by forcefully removing your partner from you, then you need to set better boundaries from the get go.

>>18343545
>With partners there shouldn't be consent
Take all my nope.

>>18343556
Im a femanon. He is correct in my view. Rape is rape. Sex is sex. If i didn't give in some other hoe would. Your a cuck anon, sorry.

And that isn't rape, OP is just a stuck up bitch, the only reason why she "come out" is because her problem is a joke at best.

>>18343542
Just mentioning that me and that other anon are two different people, hard to keep replies straight sometimes.

What I'm saying is that, I had the go ahead with the ex, and my current gf quite literally has a rape fetish. Now, I know that a sample size of two doesn't make for a good extrapolation, but understand that people's defaults aren't all the same. OP and the guy already have a sexual relationship, she mentioned she's usually enthusiastic, and she was thinking that her lack of enthusiasm would just "discourage" him.

His default is probably "when I'm in a relationship and she doesn't say no it's a green light." And her default is clearly "when I'm in a relationship and I don't say yes it's a red light."
The two are not the same, and the lack of communication is the issue here.

Now, she did say no at first, and that's the point to be made, but my own experience with my relationships, which I admit aren't the same for everyone, is that things usually start with a playful, non serious no. "no~, we can't, not here~" or "no~ I'll be late or [whatever]"

>>18343560
I don't think you understand how dom/sub works.

Have a nice day.

>>18343565
Why? What the point of even dating then? To live like a disney princess??? Fuck out of here cuckhold.

>>18343560
I'll raise you one, if the only way to get out of sex is by forcefully removing your partner, that's a partner I for one would not want to have.

I have dated guys who could be oblivious or distracted by hormones. I have never, ever, dated anyone who did not ask me if everything was okay if I was showing even a third of the signs OP described.

>>18343570

Really, be careful. Your relationship(s) sounds dangerous. Just saying "no" once should stop all advances. Having to fight someone off (unless it's part of a game with safe words and other contingecies) is not really that good.

>>18343344
>has never had a panic attack
Seriously fuck you dude you're a piece of shit

>>18343578
Virgin Cuck.

>>18343583
Real Rape does give panic attacks.
OP's case is a joke and at best a mockery of real rape.

>>18343566
I'm a woman as well, quit thinking your cunt adds something substantial to your points of view. If you are going to repeat what the guy I'm disagreeing with said then I'm going to disagree with you.

>>18343578
>unless it's part of a game
What part of sub aren't you getting?

I literally get off on the choice being taken away from me.

>>18343569

The two girls you are talking about told you about this particular relationship dynamic. So again, not the same case at all.

>His default is probably "when I'm in a relationship and she doesn't say no it's a green light." And her default is clearly "when I'm in a relationship and I don't say yes it's a red light."
The two are not the same, and the lack of communication is the issue here.

I get that, but there's another part to it:

>things usually start with a playful, non serious no.

Tone being the key word. We don't know how OP reacted exactly, but playful "no" and real "no" don't sound the same in my experience.

And girls going starfish on you is the worst turn off,at least for me. I get not everyone feels the same, but come on, can't you tell when someone is at least a bit into things?

>>18343589
Thats fine, but just learn what rape is bitch ^_^

>>18343575
Fine, I'll bite.

There should always be consent. Implied consent works, sure, but it's still consent.

When you try something new, you can't just assume their consent. It's common sense. No precedence, no assumptions.

>>18343595
You work with your definition, I'm content with mine. The only thing coming close to objective truth is the legal definition which does include rape within a relationship - at least if you're looking at western countries and not the Islamic world.

>>18343576
>I'll raise you one, if the only way to get out of sex is by forcefully removing your partner, that's a partner I for one would not want to have.

Yeah, I know. BUt I was talking specifically to that Anon.To him, being manhandled is normal under the "Dom/Sub" relationship. I'm telling him to work on communication, but I'm not saying what happened to OP is her fault or anything. I was talking to him specifically.

>>18343591

And do you tell your partner that? Or do they just guess?

Fetish relationships are great, as long as people communicate. But OP's case was not a fetish relationship, so your experience doesn't really apply...

You do you, whatever, though. If you like your situation, great for you.

>>18343593
>playful no and real no don't sound the same
Yeah, i totally agree with you. That being said, from what OP said it sounds like this is really the first time she's said no to the guy. So in addition to a history of going along with it, and them only being together for a month, he probably doesn't know the difference between her no's. And then she stopped communicating after that.
He's not in the clear, no, it's just a messy situation all around.
I'm not blaming her for what happened, necessarily. Just one of those situations where you look at it, and say "this sucks. You, this is what you should have done different. You, this is what you should have done differently."

OP, if you're still here and this isn't a troll, i get that you're upset, and you have a right to be. But this won't be resolved without talking it over with the guy and trying to make it clear to him where you stand, whatever that is.

>>18343633

I didn't say this, but it's so perfect I'll quote

>There should always be consent. Implied consent works, sure, but it's still consent.

>When you try something new, you can't just assume their consent. It's common sense. No precedence, no assumptions.

>>18343633
>he probably doesn't know the difference between her no's
Then it's on him to clear that up and not make assumptions. Or assume the safe way - that her no simply means NO.

>And then she stopped communicating
Crying, not moving at all, trying to move away from him (before he -pinned her down-) is communication. Communication isn't just literal words. He had tons of signs.

>>18343503
Kys.

>>18343323
Sounds like growing pains, based on what you said you did and how he seems to have interpreted it.

Talk to someone about this, you are weak of will and you need to admit it. It's the source of your problem and when you learn how to assert yourself this won't happen to you again.

Regardless of whether or not you forgive your bf or get back with him.

>>18343509
Thanks, this is helpful.
>>18343510
What's your perspective on all this then? Do you think I was being not explicit enough and that there was space for him to misunderstand?
>>18343511
Thanks for this, just to clarify he did want to talk about it after but I couldn't even look him in the eye, I was trying not to cry and asked to be driven home.

>>18343523
You don't need to reply if you think it's bait, there's literally no way for me to prove to anyone this happened.
>>18343531
>>18343542
He definitely isn't abusive, otherwise I would not have dated him in the first place. Also this hasn't happened before with him, which is why I felt so sad and distressed when it occurred.
>>18343560
This, thanks again.
>>18343695
Kind of confused what you meant by growing pains.

>>18343843

You have every right to walk away here. Also, tell someone about this. Someone that can be there for you.

Good luck OP.

>>18343891
Thanks, I'm having a really hard time talking to people I know about it because we have lots of mutual friends. Despite the weird posts, this has helped me a lot. Thanks everyone.

wtf...is it BuzzFeed in here already? If someone doesn't have a voice to say a clear and loud no and move off a situation how is the other person supposed to be stopped. Like, get some balls and say no when it's needed . Let's say some dude approaches you down the road and asks to take a photo of your face for 10 dollars...he force hands them to you and takes the photo and leaves. How are you supposed to stop a situation not moving off it or not being clear and loud rejecting it?I might be alone in here, but I'm with that guy's side...cause in today's society girls are raised to "fight oppression and sexism" and shit, yet get heavier stereotypes ruin their lives...which expecting the world to be gentle as they stay silent , vague or passive . That's not the right to concent. That is blatant stupidity and something that would really never be the rule for any male that's been in similar position out there as well, i guarantee. This man did nothing bad. You might even have a fetish of pretending to submit, or even crying. He can't know. And he obviously figured he fucked up big time. Next time state anything clearly. Don't use heavy words as concent on such unimportant matters. It's not a PEGI +3 world and you have to step on your feet from time to time OP... But I feel sorry for you not having figured out yet. Be brave and bold next time. You got it in you as much as any other animal in nature where females run off males when unwanted mating is about to happen.

>"He didn't realize I genuinely didn't want to, so he's a rapist"
>"He didn't realize I was a xe and not a she, so he's a bigot"

There's a modern, relatable non-sexual comparison. I get that you didn't want to, and it sucks that this happened, but you're a big girl. Saying no in a way that leaves no room for gray areas is not hard.

I was in a similar situation myself recently. I had sex with a barely legal virgin, it started with her being very distant and resistant (didn't want any physical touch), we ended up spooning and trying to sleep, the mood changes and she literally asks me to take her, which I do. Fast forward 15 months, we had a serious relationship-ending argument about something completely different, and all of a sudden I'm a rapist who psychologically scarred her. Bullshit. If you're old enough to legally consent to sex, you ought to be mature enough to clearly decline.

>>18343344
XD

>>18343380
Its never the victims fault in the end. But how anyone allows these things to happen to them, which they obviously are against before, during, and after the moment, is beyond me. Im not trying to blame anyone. I just wonder why this is so often the case. And im not talking about moments where you obviously cant get out of the situation. Im talking about moments like OP's

>>18343400
Well, if you consider being exhausted or having an argument the worse option there.. Maybe rape aint so bad

>>18343425
And he's a dense fucking idiot. And shes a coward. Shes not to blame. He is to blame. Nothing was done to prevent the crime. The facts.

>>18343978
Whoops! Sounds like someone should've gone to prison.

File: oct.gif (823KB, 200x254px) Image search: [Google]

823KB, 200x254px

You want me to rape him? I would totally rape him for you.

>>18344163
Stats?

>>18344163
You look fucking juice man

>>18344163
I would probably let you rape me.

>>18343446
It's obvious you're autistic and just don't understand cues that normal people do.

What OP described was rape but in a relationship context. You don't respond as you would had a stranger done those things, since you never believed you'd have to respond in this manner with someone trusted — so you don't, usually. Freezing as a fear response is the most natural to women since it will keep them safe more often than not, it will not evoke a violent response. It's a bad and not very smart response, but it is the most natural. We are not built to fight like men are.

Something similar happened to me and I'm confused too. In my case I had dated the guy for years and this happened all the time but I didn't consider it rape. But then one time I did say no and I said it a lot and cried a lot and struggled but I'm very weak so I gave up after awhile but a lot of people tell me it didn't count because I didn't fight back. I've never hit anyone before in my life? I'm a really timid shy girl who had an eating disorder at the time so I had 0 muscle. I was also very dumb and very in love and just don't know how to put my hands on my significant other. Someone on this thread mentioned that if you were afraid to hurt the person then rape isn't the worst thing that could happen. At the time (I was a dumb young girl) I genuinely believed him leaving me is the worst thing that could happen. I left him when I got a grip a few months later. I'm older now and obviously this affects me more than the breakup. It's weird. Also I'm sorry you had to experience that op.

>>18344198
>obviously this affects me more
How does it affect you?

You need to rape him with a dildo to reestablish parity.

>>18344159
Kek. He said barely legal.

>>18343820
>What's your perspective on all this then? Do you think I was being not explicit enough and that there was space for him to misunderstand?
Yes that is exactly what I was saying.

I love this thread, let's throw another situation in for you guys to discuss:

>Was it rape?
My sister, let's call her B, gets drunk with friends, brings home a guy, supposedly "did everything" in sex(push him on the bed, got naked, sucked him off, grabbed his junk, inserted it herself, rode, fell asleep). Wakes up the next morning from her black out, in her own house, with someone she willingly brought home. Now tries to claim rape because "her consent wasn't real, she was drunk". He was drinking as well. Without blood tests or hospital records and no report of abuse, no evidence exists to substantiate these claims.

Was it rape?

>>18343323
Ye thats sexual assault. Sounds like he doesn't respect you, but the reason for this interaction could be more complicated than that. I would chalk him if I were you.