Get it off your chest - GIOYC

I know you're reading this. Don't kill yourself.

File: 1483732142571.jpg (54KB, 575x594px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 575x594px

>>18342960

>.png.jpg

I hope you're reading this. I had a dream last night, you said "I think I really love you". I need to know soon. For real.

File: 1460772-26.jpg (11KB, 320x180px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 320x180px

>>18342966
DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!

>>18342960
I am fucking lonely. Even among my closest friends, I feel like an outsider.

>>18343071
I feel the same, I don't fit in anywhere.

File: connie smile.webm (100KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

100KB, 640x360px

I'm now facebook friends with my cousin.

I really want to tell her how I feel about her. But I am 99% sure she don't feel the same. Should I still try? I've had some moments with her were which were straight from my dreams. Should I risk destroying those moments by asking her if "we" have a chance?

I should be relieved for coming over this lovesickness for my crush, but now all I feel is emptiness and it feels like my life is losing purpose once again.

File: 5634333.jpg (13KB, 600x400px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 600x400px

>Wake up
>Try to get in contact with my friend group
>None of them are texting back
>Check Skype
>They've all removed/blocked me
>Check Facebook
>They've all removed me
>Try calling one of them
>Number is blocked
>Try asking people who are mutual friends
>They literally won't talk to me
>Either just walk away or stop talking

What the fuck is going on? Why does everyone hate me all of a sudden? I didn't do anything wrong.

>>18343101
Are you a character in a Murakami book by any chance?

I'm a living failure. I suck at everthing I do, have no real friends, no gf, my grades are average at best, I'm ugly and I generally don't see a future for myself in society

>>18343112
Nope, and it's odd because everything was perfectly fine before.

>>18343088
>I really want to tell her how I feel about her
don't just ask her out. it's redundant, asking her out tells her you like her, telling her you like her either before or after asking her out just makes you look weird.

Every time I am about to participate in some social activity I get nervous, for no logical reason, it is just the uneasy feeling in chest
I hate it

>>18343112
Which one?

welp, now I'm thinking about licking honey off you... possibly with you cuffed or restrained in some way. wew lad.

I think I need a break from the internet. A person can only take so much exposure to toxic people and ideas.

I used to love short, energetic fun girls till about a year ago.
Now ever since I met you all I want is a gentle, loving girl that makes the world seem like a relaxing place just because she exists in it.

File: 1492439171535.png (54KB, 248x190px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 248x190px

Where would a ADHD/ADD adult work?

>>18343180
Apple Store

>>18342978
Long shot, initials?

I can't piece together this whole thing with happiness. I'm happier than I used to be. There's definitely progress and I like it. But some days I'm just not, life is empty, things suck. I don't know if it's just mood swings talking or what, but it sucks.

File: 1492688482636.png (180KB, 500x405px) Image search: [Google]

180KB, 500x405px

NEET almost three or four years. Just sent an application to a place where I'll probably get hired on due to friends/family knowing people there. Sent out tons of other applications as well.

I'm fucking scared to be honest. Regardless I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow. That's another thing that makes me nervous. I figure I have to get over this shit. Staying in a bubble and stagnating has done nothing positive for me.

>>18343101

Are you sure you didn't do anything wrong? Maybe one action you took was taken the wrong way? Or are they not that good of friends at all?

I'm genuinely curious anon. It's odd for normal people to just suddenly cut someone out if they've done nothing to deserve it.

>>18343256
I am 110% sure, this weekend I had to work, we had nothing planned, I looked through all my old messages with all of them, no fights, no misunderstandings, I do have a bit of an update, though

One of them started talking to me and told me that the others are getting together to "talk about me" but he won't say what about.

I know that getting over someone is not a linear path to victory, but it used to be that for every phase where I'd think about her and my regrets, the corresponding okay-phase would be incrementally better than the last. I was perhaps rightfully calling that progress. Now almost a year has passed, and I've fallen into being totally comfortable with the notion of thinking about her every single day.

I wouldn't say I'm particularly sad or embittered. I'm way past understanding what my mistakes were, what hers were and why we weren't that great for each other. But still, I get home and I imagine she's here, imagine what she's saying about world events, imagine her reaction to a band or a youtube video or even a fucking meme. My inner narrator, the silly jokes I make to myself and my analyses of a situation are staged as hypothetical conversations with her. I don't even really miss the physical intimacy, I miss having someone to chat to over cigarettes and cheap beer and music until 3AM.

Maybe I missed the window to reach out and attempt to craft a friendship, so I'm just pretending to myself that I've already done it, in some hypothetical world where my life turned out all fine and I've conquered all the shit that made me such a miserable person to be around at the end. Maybe it's just what's going to happen every day until I find someone else.

>>18343273

That's strange. I feel like something might be left out here or overlooked. Maybe some behavior you've overlooked that eventually bothered them? With my experience so far friends don't just shut out others unless they're vain (I've had people cut contact with me since I didn't fit in with their new found cliques, etc.) or something serious has happened.

Still I wish you luck anon. Maybe you'll find out what's happening.

>>18342960
I don't know how to go to school without wanting to kill myself and I'm not sure what to do because I have brain damage and my memory is bad and I can't really learn anything and I'm okay for the most part when I'm not going to school but when I am it makes me want to shove my hand in a blender and I don't know what to do and I'm so scared my parents are dying and I'm too stupid to fucking drive and I'm so afraid

My alarm clock went off on it's own 3 minutes to midnight.

Prepare for doomsday...

Because I sure as fuck don't know how to prevent it and all your faith is in me.

Is it acceptable to a offer a girl I know (not really a slut, but short for cash anyway because shes a poorfag) offer a large amount of money for sex?
I havent really talked to her about it, shes a bit prudish.
I really got nothing in this life and all I wanted to do was date her, but thats never going to happen so maybe this is an option.
Anyone ever done this?

I can't do this to myself anymore.
You say you care. That I still mean something to you. I don't think I do anymore. I feel played with. You dodge my questions, and change the subject. You won't hint at ending it completely, or talking to each other like two adults would. I can't do this high school relationship level of shit anymore.

I don't think you are supposed to treat those you care about with neglect. Push those that offer help away. I see you are having a hard time lately. Life has been beating into the ground and I have offered my help to you for a while. It's been months like this. Almost half a year and I don't think I can keep watching you eat shit and then push my hand away.

You been dropping bread crumbs on the ground for me, but it's not what I want from you. You say you dream about me, you still call me handsome and get jealous when I even mention a situation that would involve other women, even though I have only been wanting to patch things up between the two of us.

I feel like a toy to you. I can't do this. When you care about someone you make a bit of time to at least say hello, or ask how they are doing. You have done nothing. When you are having a hard time and someone close offers help, it's not weak to accept it, to say you need it. No, that's maturity.

I don't fucking know why I been putting myself through this.
But, I need to stop trying so hard for someone that does not care about me. You are harmful to my happiness, you didn't used to be, you used to be the cause of it. You still are part of it, but I need to move past that part. I need to move on from you as painful as that is.

I need to say goodbye. Even if you won't ever know it.

This lawn mower shit is fucking annoying.

I'm just trying to chill, paint, and listen to music but nooooooo you fucking assholes have to pollute the air every 3 days to make sure your lawn isn't an inch too tall.

I wish it were 1994 forever.

You are nothing but a crush and all you've done so far is crush my spirit and my hope.

I can't wait for the middle of the year when I go back to school.

By then I hope that I can give you the same amount of time you give me

>>18343389
Oh my god no don't do it.

my parents always told me what I wanted to hear instead of the truth.
Is it justified to be mad at them?
Now that Im an adult it pains me to think of all the lies they told me.

I wish this mentally ill asshole would just leave me alone. He treated me horribly and took advantage of my naiveté. It is a wonder how he hasn't realized this after driving away his friends. There is nothing glorious about being a NEET or having no real-life friends as he would like to think. He needs to get a life. It's been several months since I last talked to him but the fucker just doesn't give up on trying to contact me.

>>18343453

Why not, whats bad about it? She can always say no.

Dear Tree,
I've loved you from the very start. You accepted me for me. I know I'm an angry person and rather than constantly tell me about it you tried to help me to be less toxic.. I gave you the years some people dedicate to college ,parties, and causing hell. Instead I stayed home and was a dutiful wife. I cooked at least three times a day, when we could afford it, kept the house running smoothly, and of course gave you my full undivided attention. I gave you everything that I had. I know it must not have seemed like a lot but I'm small and broken so it was the best I could do.
We made a life together in this fucked up world that you and I both know I was exposed to before anyone should have been. I was able to stop the rounds of anxiety, depression, and various filler medications because I knew you were there. You were my Tree of Life through it all. Through psychotic breaks, crippling depression, and anxiety attacks you saved me. No matter how much it hurts to think about now I will always remember that version of you. The you that kept my worst fears at bay. The you that kept me safe and made me laugh at stupid memes, stupid cringe videos, and gross amounts of abridged anime.
I knew being married wasn't setting anything in stone, my parents saw to that, but it felt like after I could introduce myself with your last name that I was new. I wasn't who I was. I wasn't some angry, afraid, jumpy bitch who kept herself locked away from the world for fear of what it would do next. I was just a calm, collected, and nerdish dweeb with fluff hair and a lisp but I was beautiful to you and so it started to shine through me. I became the beauty you saw in me.
Then everything crummpled. You started coming home later, dinners left on the table uneaten, you started talking less and storming off more. When I asked you went into a rage that I wasn't trusting you, I was being paranoid, I was being crazy.. I went to therapy for you.

>>18343402
Ps. I think what hurts the most is that after all these years, I know you well enough to know that telling you all this upfront won't do us any good. That after all this, my only option is to ghost you and move on. What a shitty end.

You really need to get your anger issues sorted out. Though I feel like it'll be hard bringing anything up after what happened....

>>18343142
>>18343119
That's like literally the premise of Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki. 4 of his best friends suddenly cut all contact with him and he tries to find out why.

>>18343505
That's the the thing, you never told me what was happening and allowed my to get angry. Idiot.

Dear Tree Continued

While I was there it was first conceptualized that I had to live for me and not for the benifit of other people. I felt shaken. My life had all been twisted, distorted, and poisoned to the benifit of other people. People I thought loved me because I knew not different. I didn't know that family didn't get into raging fights and pull knifes. I didn't know that mother and daughter were supposed to be closer than firends. I didn't know that brothers and sisters were supposed to help one another and not beat on the other. I didn't know so suddenly this whole new world opened up and I was afraid. Afraid of the unknown. They locked me away for almost a month and called it therapy. I called it regurgitated YouTube selfhelp videos. As quickly as I was shown this new world it started looking duller, disappointing. I thought there was so much more out there and there isn't.
You started lying to me. I wasn't important enough as your wife and best friend for you to come visit. I wasn't important enough for a phone call. I wasn't important to you. I finally got out of that hell hole and rushed home to be with you, to see you, to finally be okay again and was greeted with an image that will forever scorn me. My most prized possessions left out in the spring rain for weeks to rot. Not days. Not hours. Weeks.
You gave me up as soon as I started to see who I am. When I became something more than a mouse I was to much..
I'm sorry that I was to much. I'm sorry that I needed you so badly. I'm sorry I loved you so much that I wanted to be a better person to make you proud. I'm sorry letting you see me be weak. I'm sorry for crying when I signed the divorce papers. I'm sorry for leaving your favorite painting of mine. I'm sorry for getting attached to your family. I'm sorry for not being enough. I'm sorry for being crazy. I'm sorry for being broken. I'm sorry for being me.
To the moon,
V.P

>>18343485
Because it would make her think that you don't hold her to higher moral standard than that of a common whore.

I love you and I will always be your friend but I'm so tired of being the one that puts any effort or care into our friendship. Ya, you got a boyfriend and he's awesome but that doesn't mean you can neglect your other friendships. I feel like I'm getting cucked into oblivion and I'm not going to indulge you any longer. You want to only talk to your boyfriend and have the rest of us be friends of convenience when he isn't available? Fine. I'll treat you as such, then. When you're ready to come back down to earth I'll be here. Until then, best of luck.

>>18342978
This isn't Facebook, numbnuts.

Why do I have to compare myself constantly with others? This only makes me unhappy. Why can't I just do my thing and be happy with how I progress individually?

>>18343547
friends come second to loves, always.

If you think differently, then you're fucking retarded.

>>18343654
I never wanted to be picked over them, that's fine. However, plenty of other couples don't pull this shit.

I want you sooo bad. You're so handsome and intelligent. And so tall. I want you all over my body.

File: feels.jpg (78KB, 600x750px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 600x750px

>>18343696
Come talk to me next time you see me qt 3.14

>>18343654

Serious relationships are definitely important but you can maintain friendships while being in one. I've known plenty of people, some married now, that will still return texts or check in to see how everyone is doing, maybe stop out sometimes etc. It's understandable if they're busy, some people I know now are having kids, but you don't just throw out the people that have stuck beside you through thick and thin the moment you get hearts in your eyes.

I've also known people that would start dating, blatantly ignore and ditch their friends at every turn but come back with their tail between their legs pretending everything is okay. After repeat occurrences it's easy to see that's not an actual friend.

>>18343726
They're mostly in the latter. Its cool that you're in love and all, I get it. I'm happy for you. Could you like, ya know, treat me a little better? Is that too much to ask? More than anything I just want my friend back.

Just as a reminder....

I'm not going to have sex with anyone that has a penis.

I'm not going to have sex with any of my exes.

I'm not going to even talk to any of my exes.

If I ever get in a situation where I see them, I'm going to turn around and just leave.

I'm tired as fuck from online communities. I can literally never get along with anyone and everyone is always interpreting what I say the wrong way. How fucked do I have to be to not even get along with antisocial morons with depression issues?
They're always the most sensitive and assholeish but have the more interesting discussions. It's not fair

you were only young

I hope ya'll have caught on that It's not that I don't like hiphop, I just prefer female vocals. Same for rock, electronic, whatever.

File: 1495392860712.jpg (49KB, 385x500px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 385x500px

I'm a new soul.
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit
About how to give and take.

But since I came here,
Felt the joy and the fear,
I found myself making
Every possible mistake...

See I'm a young soul,
In this very strange world,
Hoping I could learn a bit
About what is true and fake.

But why all this hate?
Try to communicate!
Finding trust and love
Is not always easy to make.

This is a happy end,
Because you don't understand
Everything you have done,
Why is everything so wrong?
This is a happy end,
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away...

I'm a new soul,
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit
'Bout how to give and take
But since I came here,
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making
Every possible mistake

New soul...
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake...
Possible mistake...
I'm making every possible mistake...

File: super sweaty.jpg (43KB, 600x480px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 600x480px

>>18343144
bloody hell I'm distracted today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXTpHNMdOZU

Think I could pick up chicks with "So, my father was Hitler."

You know, before all of this, not being a girl didn't really bother me. Sure, I wasn't ever happy with how I looked or even cared how I looked but it never bothered me.

Now though... after all of this, I'm extremely aware that I'm not who I want to be and I'll never be able to change that. Now whenever I listen to music, see pictures, or watch videos that are about pretty ladies I feel incredibly shitty and sad.

I want to die.

I want to buy an old manual car and just use it as a daily driver. Thing is I'm drawn to the cars used in the show Initial D and I realize it would be an incredibly stupid investment if the car has some hidden "goodies" that aren't mentioned in the sales posting. My uncle drove an old beater car that looked like the civic used in the show but I never knew what kind as he sold it after 4 years (and I immigrated)

>>18343086
Is this the pedo guy who keeps posting about his cousins? KYS

What do I do? What do I want to do? I can't seem to get a clue. I have too many interests, yet I have nothing to pour my soul into. There are no signs to follow and I'm hollow on the inside. I just spread myself too thin to be good enough at anything. I know I should focus on SOMETHING, but I just can't figure out what it is.

I feel expired. As if I don't belong anywhere. I wish there was someone I could have fun with. Someone with ambition, but needs just a little push. We could study and grind together. Even if we don't get close to our destination, the trip alone would be enough for me.

But I know that person doesn't exist. The life I want only exists in feel-good movies. Shit's not gonna fall into place unless I do something. Nobody worth their salt would or should waste their precious time on a NEET like me. I have no sense of purpose. Am I even worth being called human? What even seperates me from a dog or some other animal, then? At least a dog can entertain people by merely existing. I suck the life out of people like a filthy emotional parasite.

So why am I still alive? I don't know. Maybe it's because I still have hope. I hope I'll regain my will to finish college. Maybe there's no reason, but I don't really care anymore.

Maybe I want to care about something. It doesn't seem to matter what it is. As long as it means something to someone else who feels stuck in this world. Because I believe that life is filled with suffering, and there are a lot of people out there that promote it. The best we can do as fellow humans is reduce the amount of it, even if it's just by a little bit. If I can bring a smile on someone's face for even a second, then it would be worth it.

Shitty thoughts, but hey. Nobody's going to live forever anyway.

>>18342960
Dear L,

I'm leaving you because I no longer love you. Well, that's not strictly true, I still love you, I just don't LOVE YOU. I know you've tried changing and I hate that I feel this way knowing it's going to cause you pain, but I just no longer love you. I don't see a future for us, I no longer think about growing old with you, having children with you. I know it's my problem, and I've tried to get over this feeling but I can't. Sorry I've lead you on these past few months letting you think I was happy again and that we were going to work. I truely am. I just can't do it any longer. I'm sorry.

Love - S

P.S I'M STILL FUCKING ANGRY OVER THE FACT YOU SAID YOUD ABORT MY KID/NEVER LET ME SEE IT IF YOU KEPT IT. THAT KIND OF THING CAN FUCK UP THE WAY A MAN FEELS ABOUT YOU.

File: 28948ex693o8lby1.gif (254KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

254KB, 200x200px

>>18343972

>>18344022
Hmm..I would be interested in getting to know you better but I would ultimately assume you would be lying about that

>>18344197
"They" don't like when I talk about it.

But it's true!

File: IMG_20170104_191401.jpg (35KB, 333x293px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 333x293px

>>18344216
(((They)))

I don't feel miserable, nor do I feel like sleeping. Sun is rising soon and I don't feel tired despite of running and walking around town. WTF?

DO IT. get an impractical old manual as a DD. I fucking love mine. though mine is a little higher end than a trueno or something. anything with limited computers and electric systems is fun as hell. get something with around 250 hp, RWD, put a lightweight flywheel and clutch in it... mhm

if you are buying a car because you love it, know that it is never going to be an investment vehicle. come to terms with that. but the joy I get from mashing on the throttle and hearing that straight 6 growl is totally worth it. and the satisfaction I know I'm going to get when I finally get this stupid differential bushing in and can finally really go through the gears with this new lightweight kit... the 3k I spent overhauling her this year is totally worth it.

also, know how to do stuff yourself. if you don't know how to work on a car you're either going to learn quick or you'll be spending about 5 times the money.

protip, never buy bushings. especially not high performance poly bushings. go get a 5 dollar tube of polyurethane for a caulk gun the loctite 3x premium stuff works well, and make your own. 5 dollars for the same thing you'd get spending 100+

do it. its worth it. even if only for the skills you'll pick up. if i had to drive an econo box for all this time I've had my roadster I'd have lost my damn mind with the monotony of commuting.

>>18344252
link no work for some reason.this is for
>>18344132

i'm an 18 year old girl but feel like i'm 30-40. i've learned how to deal with anxiety/depression/all life problems within four years. i've seen things grown men would never want to see. i wish that i could just be a regular stupid teenager. i can't have fun in regular social situations. this is fucking awful.

>>18343241
Good for you anon! I was the same way four years ago (not a NEET but deathly terrified of socializing and public speaking). Decided I needed to get out of my comfort zone and it has truly done wonders. Not only will you gain more confidence and experience but a broader perspective as well.

Best of luck!

When people look in my eyes I wonder if they can tell I'm dead inside.

>>18344334
I don't mean this in the hip-fun "haha I'm dead inside XD" meme kind of way.

I'm genuinely depressed and barely what most would even consider alive.

I wish we could just be friends without this sexual tension.

I feel I've made an ass out of myself today.

>>18344361
Why can't we just be friends with benefits?

I've only known you about a week if that but I'm beginning to feel like I really like you. You're so disarming and for someone like me with issues with closing people off, finding someone I feel like I can talk to is a big deal. I hope things work well between us on our date soon (the one we've tentatively scheduled for next week or so) and beyond.

>>18344278
I want to reach out real quick and say you're not alone. I'm in the exact same boat. Because of my life I often struggle with depersonalization issues and I have intense difficulty relating to others my/our age (I'm 20). Please take care.

>>18344382
Because I'm not that attracted to you, beyond you being the opposite gender.

File: pjzhk-234965838.jpg (23KB, 491x276px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 491x276px

>>18344361
I have never had this problem.

Partly because I'm ugly as fuck and partly because I have no friends..

>>18344409
thanks anon i really appreciate it. you as well.

File: 1422039193522.gif (101KB, 290x290px) Image search: [Google]

101KB, 290x290px

>>18342960
I think I'm broken. That doesn't really bother me, either.

Any physical contact greater than a handshake causes me to panic and start having flashbacks of physical and sexual abuse. I'm being pushed by my family to look for a partner, maybe bring back some grandchildren for them to spoil. After explaining why I haven't, I'm told to get over it. I'm not well off enough financially to afford any kind of professional help, and I don't have any relatives able to share the cost. Low-cost options aren't available where I live. Any anons have any advice on how to hang in there long enough for things to come together?

I'm sorry, eden. For this pain I gave you, sometimes. Shit happens. I realize how much of a shitty person I am. How abusive I can be. How much of a pathological lier I am. And you are right. I have to fix myself and get out of depression before I can continue living on happily and safely. So do whatever you want with ur mind and body. You're right its not my concern. Good bye.


This is the shit I have to say to her cuz I feel bad. But life is so cruel. I can't just say it to her and feel good. I have to enjoy being alive and breathing to fully commit. God, give me a sign.

I'm scared I fucked everything up or am going to... I am so tired. I just want a break.

File: 1490594355332.jpg (138KB, 517x550px) Image search: [Google]

138KB, 517x550px

So...a professor has been calling on me in almost every discussion. He only ever calls on three or so people and it's getting ridiculous, the other students basically call me a "legend" now and ask why I'm always chosen.
I've always been a fairly shy girl - not unlike some other girls in class - so it's kind of weird.

What does it even mean? Why must he pick on me? The only thing
My grade in class is pretty good even if I am a bit of a lazy student...
I sometimes make the class laugh with my humor but beyond that I dunno, I'm not all that articulate.

>>18344278
I feeeel youuuuu

>>18344469
scratch out "the only thing"

>>18344469

have some self-confidence, your professor respects you. you earned it.

>>18344361
t. every woman I've ever actually been attracted to while women I have no interest in throw themselves at me.

I'm enjoying the feeling of being attracted to someone right now, but I know as soon as I ask her thats going to end and it'll be back to the half dead stoic boring bullshit.

I can already feel reality creeping in and the butterflies in my stomach turning to wasps.

and in about a week some cute cashier girl will hit on me and I'll just be bored cause I know we're not compatible long term and she's just going "oh he's cute" but doesn't realize that I'm not about the normie life and I regularly have run ins with international law, and I could get vanned at any moment if the US decided to cooperate with EU IC and theres no fucking way she could survive in my world... which would mean I'd have to stop. and if that's the case then I mean what the fuck is the point? it'd be like dating an NPC as the protagonist.

it's. all. so. fucking. tiresome.

still gonna ask her out, we live in interesting times, who knows.

>>18344469
If you can consistently answer the questions he asks, ask questions that he feels the other students are wondering but will not ask themselves, or are able to steer the lecture in a direction he feels interesting, he'll call out to you. Depending on the course, there may well only be three students in the entire room either willing or able to answer his questions. Rock it. Keep going, try and ask him for further reading material, and get those letters of recommendation.

>>18344278
>i've seen things grown men would never want to see.
Fuck off with your sexist bullshit, you fucking worthless virgin cunt.

>>18344477
To some extent you're right, but it's just very surprising because I know very well my mind's foggy from depression and my body's always tired, I'm always yawning (not in class at least)...I know with complete confidence that I could do far better.

>>18344411
You were by the time we first met.

>>18344509
Don't let it get to you. I finished college with severe anxiety, crippling depression, and ptsd issues out the ass. I was barely able to focus in class and out. Still did well enough to receive regular praise from my classmates, friends, and family. I always thought I was doing either horribly or barely average in my coursework. Took a few years, but I realize now that I was kicking some serious ass even while completely out of it from the medication. If you can't believe in yourself, believe in the professor that believes in you.

I really hate that i lean on you for emotional support and i say i love you but i don't , I feel bad for using you like this, i don't want to let you go because you make me feel better for myself, and you don't want to let me go because you truly love me. I'm really a terrible person i am truly the worst person alive

File: af9f23c3cc5eb81e3bac959ff7ee02ab540eb33361004ea5eeed1b3ce28aeabc.jpg (37KB, 561x402px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 561x402px

No matter what I fucking do, I'm never going to feel qualified. I never do enough, I never accomplish what I want to the extent that I want. Fuck, I'm not even qualified to work at where I'm going this summer, I'm going to be the least helpful person in the entire room at all times. I'm going to be treated like crap for being the boss' kid. I'm going to end up downplaying my own work because of that. Fucking shit why can't I get a job on my own without so much help? It seems like a dream job for me, but I can't fucking believe I'm going to be a nepotism hire. I can barely get an internship, yet I get this bullshit handed to me for no reason.
Fucking fuck I just want to be able to do something myself, accomplish something, and then say "I did that", but I'm never going to be proud enough of myself to even enjoy doing student-level work. I want to do better but I don't think I'll ever feel like I will.

>>18344565

Why don't you love me S?

>>18344578
because you aren't my type and i don't like the feeling of love for someone .. it really isn't you it's me, you are fantastic and i'm sure any girl would love to be with you, but i'm impossible to date

>>18344613
What are his initials?

>>18344626
A.L.H

File: IMG_1530.jpg (108KB, 640x1084px) Image search: [Google]

108KB, 640x1084px

One day I took shrooms and went to a party. At the same party I fucked a good friend of mine. In the middle of sex she said "we shouldn't be doing this" and left. Supposedly I spent the rest of the party talking about how I'd marry her, I don't know I was blackout drunk at the time.

In the subsequent months I spent a lot of time trying to rid myself of my feelings for her but I simply couldn't. I was in love with someone who couldn't and wouldn't love me.

It hurt a lot. I drowned it out with other women, drugs, and went into all sorts of activities to try and forget but nothing worked.

I was frustrated and felt so alone. I had spent a whole lifetime creating these walls that I was operating in, and then I let one person in while I was vulnerable and it seemed like they had just destroyed my whole life.

It took me a while but I got more stable. I was sitting in bed a few minutes ago and had the thought that I didn't really fall in love that day, and what happened wasn't bad at all.

What I felt was a healthy attachment/bonding reaction in my brain that millions of people feel. It may have been on the more extreme side due to the drugs but it was a healthy thing. I simply had no experience with it. Since taking the drugs I've had to confront the fact that I haven't had the best upbringing and I've carried this into many of my relationships. That my depression and anxiety were much bigger than I was making them seem.

It ended up making me a stronger person overall.

I'm glad I could have an experience like that. I'm glad that I used it to change myself for the better. I'm glad that I'm not so broken that I can't experience love.

Thanks Paola.

>>18344631
Well it's not me, but someone I care about is doing the same to me, since she's Bipolar or most likely have BPD.

>>18344644
well the guy i'm doing it to is very needy and most of the time i can't do whatever he says and i hate being demanded and manipulative but i don't love him but i don't want to lose him either, honestly most of the time i was thinking i have bpd or something that's wrong with me because of this, it has happened to me more than once to different people. Either that or I'm lesbian, because in 80% of my old relationships i played the "guy" part in the relationship. plus i'm not dating this person either

>>18344660
Or maybe you're sociopathic. It could be any of these three.

I am in my late 20s, got laid off at my job I hated but worked at for over 5 years, have never had a girlfriend plus can't deal with physical intimacy, I hate spending time with my family, I keep pushing my friends away, my psychologist doesn't work anymore and I have no motivation to do the things I want to do like write or go back to school. I feel like I've basically failed as a human at every possible level and I don't know how long I will be able to keep the part of me that wants to end it at bay. How do I find the strength to keep on?

Last year I was pretty fucked and in a bad place. This pretty chick slides me her number on a napkin while I was brooding. We hook up fast, fucking like rabbits for 2 straight weeks, however, I begin to notice somethings are off about her.... I dump her because I couldn't deal and I became sick of what I had become. She loses it naturally but she threatens to call the police and them I raped her only to apologize for it near immediately afterwards each time but I figure fuck that noise im not taking a chance, so i ghost it.
>TL;DR
>depressed
>fuck good girl
>the D makes her crazy
>Hell no I don't want to meet your parents
>Shit gets weird
>I dump her
>she threatens rape allegations
>I SaddamHussian.jpeq it
>actually escape with my life
>want closure because things are going good now

Fastforward to now, I'm doing alright and I'm in a better place emotionally but I feel horrifically guilty... Ive been thinking about calling her just for closure.

OTOH, I bitch might actually be crazy and I'm doing pretty well now why risk it?

You're a goddamn little shit with no respect for the people who enable your selfish, lazy, and damaging lifestyle. You were literally saved from a terrible household and lifestyle by your dad after he had the fruits of years of working his fucking ass off stolen from him, and thousands more out of pocket for legal spending because your dumb ass CHOSE to stick around that trash heap of a fucking house, not realizing that you would no longer be afforded the leisurely lifestyle you wanted so badly.

And the worst part is, no matter how many times he and I talk, he won't cut you off.

This man, who spent the last half a fucking century working his ass off only to lose everything, continues to work past his prime to keep you happy, and you have the fucking balls to say to his face that he's an idiot? That he does nothing for you?

Well, he's an idiot for sure, because your dumb ass is giggling like a little fucking brat doing who knows what on a $1.2k laptop, like you have been for the past fucking ten years, door locked, only coming out to demand dinner when dad comes home.

I'm no adult paragon, but holy fucking shit, I hold down work sometimes. I help around the house. I respect the friends and family I have.

It just pains me knowing that my dad won't live the last few years he has doing what he wants to do, because he constantly has to worry about your dumb ass. And you know what? Maybe that's what makes him happy, despite what he's told me.

But FUCK YOU if you think I'm going to lend you a goddamn hand once he's left this world. Because I know that's all I'm going to be to you.

I sometimes wonder if youre marrying me just to save yourself from the embarassment of telling people we pushed the date back again. I wonder if youve ever truly been in love because i have, im not sure this is it. You keep pressuring me. I fantasize about running away, alone, a lot. I dont think i believe in marriage anymore. I dont know if i still want kids. Your pressure is showing me a different side of you. Youre so angry all the time. Youre fucking selfish. I miss being with happy people, who have confidence and make good decisions. You cant decide anything. I dont even like going out to do things with you because you complain the whole fucking time and ruin it. You cant keep up with me. Your mind is closed and narrow. You weigh me down. Even my creativity is starting to disappear. Fuck my life. What are we doing?

File: 1360880118326.jpg (63KB, 500x601px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 500x601px

Just like relationships, I'm done tryna understand woman. Rationality is a joke. 2+2= fish. You can literally do anything if a girl likes you and they'll like you more because of it.

You were flakey, always late, immature, neglectful, deceitful, a bitch at times, and unwilling to take you share of the blame. You used me, you always did and I went along because I honestly cared about you. I always did.

Having to let go, it so hard. You treated me like shit. You know you did. You came back apologzing for the way you were treating me, and you didn't change.

And yet, I stayed waiting. Watching you constantly fall, and I was always willing to help you back up. To give you hand only to have it pushed away. You always called me prideful, I can say the same for you.

And, thanks to you I realized you are harmful to me. You helped get out of my depression. You're really did help, but you also were a trigger. You could sink my fragile happiness.


I am so lost without you, and as much as it hurts, as much as I miss you, I have to keep walking.

You ignored the fuck out my calls and texts when I wanted to talk it over with you. To listen to what you had to say. I trusted you like no other. A part of me still does, but the other knows you are the one that won't change.

Yes, I changed from the boy you meet so many years ago. As you did too. The difference is that I was wiling to listen to you and see my errors. You only see yourself as blameless. You arent. I never hated for what happened. It was a mistake on both our parts. I wanted to work past it all as a team. You didn't. You only wanted to lay the blame and you guilt on me. I allowed you to, but not anymore.

I have to return what you gave me. I have to ignore your texts and block those calls. It's too late now, and I'm done playing your game. I'm better than this, I deserve better. I thought you did too.
But like the kids we were, that's all in the past now.

I won't be seeing you for a long time, but I am constantly missing you. I'll try my best to keep in touch with you over the next few months over the phone, but not seeing you around is really terrible. You're a light to me, especially during a troubled time back in the past, and you don't know how much you mean to me. I don't know how the fuck I got to be with a girl like you. You're going to be busy with grad school stuff and work, and I always feel like I'm bothering you when I try to talk to you, even if that's not the case. I'm eagerly awaiting the day I see you again.

AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I. AM. THE. MECHANICAL. MASTER!

>tfw just fixed what most people would call a 3k dollar problem for $13.50 cause I GOT SKILLS SON YEEEEEEEEE.
>tfw maiden drive after an extended rebuild period
>tfw I won't be gentle.

winning.

>>18344752
Do not marry yourself into a prison, Anon. Do not fucking do it.

I have absolutely no business telling you that, but I am sick of people I know coming to me for relationship advice, hearing their awful stories, then seeing them get married despite everything, divorce some time later, and then watching them slowly get back on their feet over the course of several years. It hurts.

Whatever you decide to do, never forget your self, and never downplay the importance of your self, thoughts, and feelings.

I spent 2 years hung up on this guy, just hoping someday he would return my feelings, someday i would win his affection. It became the most important thing to me almost to the point of obssession, being with him was pretty much all i could think about.

Not having an open rejection, because i never made my feelings clear, and just knowing he didn't feel the same for me hurt like a bitch but also kept me hoping maybe he felt that way but was trying to hide it.

I've slowly wised up but i got so used to focus on that i don't know what to do with myself. I still crave a deeper connection to him and since we have to keep contact i can't move on, it's like constantly picking a scab.

And this is someone i knew was unattainable from the start, i always do this shit. Now i'm torn between resenting him and still craving some connection. I really don't know what to do.

Sometimes, when I've done everything for the day and I'm winding down to go to sleep, I still think about you. I think about you and the time we spent together, whether it was the times we were falling in love or the times we were falling apart. I still think about you.

Sometimes I'll drive to work in the morning, ready to put in an honest day's work. Sometimes I park my car and I think about you and I have to stop because I get sad. I think about that time in Manhattan, and I think about sitting in the pool with you, not saying anything not because I had nothing to say, but because I knew I didn't have to.

I think about that and I think about how you're never coming back. Two years later and I've never been the same. I wish I hadn't gone that weekend. I wish I had seen you on the road and just not picked up the phone. I wish I would have listened to you when you said that it wasn't a good idea to get involved.

Even though I still love you, at the same time, I wish I had never met you. I will never be who I was before I met you and I hate myself for that. I want to forget you. I want to forget everything I ever had to do with you. I want to forget everything that either of us had to do with that brought us together. But you will always haunt me.

>>18343402
I feel myself moving in this direction and I really really don't want that to happen

>>18344783
Listen to your intuition and do not make contact with this person. It is like you said, picking a scab.

I remember spending countless afternoons with my best friend. We'd play video games. Learn about space, physics, chemistry, and act like we understood a damn thing. I like to think we did. Talk about our visions of ideal society. Through elementary, middle, and high school. Through college. After work. It's not that we were inseperable or anything, but we'd always have something to talk about.

That doesn't happen anymore. He found a girl, and I was happy for him. But now I'm worried. The talks we have don't happen anymore, because he says they upset her. He gets upset when I bring something interesting up, sometimes even when she's not around, saying "It doesn't matter." "Is that making you any more money?" "Just shut up, I don't care." Then start making baby noises at her. Rolling around on the floor making stupid faces. Talking to each other in that weird voice people who are infatuated with each other use.

Then I get to hear from her about their disagreements from time to time, but mostly I prefer to put on headphones so I don't have to hear the two of them arguing about whatever down the hall. Next day, it sounds like they're buying a house together and getting married or some shit.

I'll live just fine without my friend, but I genuinely wonder what the fuck happened to the guy I used to know. I just hope he's happy. I'd ask, but all I get is, "You aren't with someone, you don't understand," despite having completely lost myself in someone twice before. He saw what happened to me, he was happy I got out. I just hope that since he's seen what infatuation with a girl can do to someone, that he's not falling into that hole.

>>18344809
Are you too stupid to realize you were interfering? Possibly too needy with issues? He literally told you talking to you upsets his fiance...obviously that means hes going to pick the girl he loves over you. Instead of whining on 4chan about someone who doesnt give a shit about you, why dont you find someone who does and let him live his life in peace. Fucking orbiters

I feel like my entire mind is conflicted into two sides. On one side, I am a happy man, I am a relaxed man, I am the person my friends see, the one that laughs, jokes. My mind is healthy, clear and vivid. On the other, my mind is riddled with hatred, prejudice, and spite, filled with issues, constant, spiking pain. I'm quiet, annoyed, stressed. I sometimes cross over to the other side without even knowing. I feel like as long as my other side doesn't get the answers he's looking for, he'll never go away.

>>18344839
I have plenty of other people to talk to.

I've asked him seriously about this thing once, and knew right away he had no interest in talking to me about it, so I dropped it. No shit he's picked her over me, I thought that post made that obvious.

I'm not upset. I even said I'm happy for him, but only so long as he's actually happy. All three of us live together, so I happen to overhear a lot of what they say. The past three years, I've tried to minimize interaction to be absolutely sure I'm not "interfering" as you put it.

Simply, I'm just really surprised to see a complete 180 of a man. I'm actually surprised to have been called an orbiter. The dude lives at my house with her for crying out loud.

I'm sorry I had to push you away. It pains me so much and I will always love you, but I couldn't handle how you treated me any longer. I gave you everything I could and would do anything for you. You never appreciated everything I did and walked all over me. You lost all respect for me and we're just flat out mean. I wasn't lying about being willing to move for you, I know I may have seemed reluctant and unsure, but I would have done it for you. When I look back now it's so easy to remember the times you made me happy and forget all the times you were a terrible person, even if the ratio is fucked.
I don't think I have the energy in me to ever love someone again as much as I loved you, I fear a very lonely existence in my future.
As much as I hate how you treated me, and how much of my life and energy was wasted on you, I will always love you. Bitch
L

>>18344900
Guy?

please help me

my s/o fell asleep but i'm texting his best friend right now. he's drunk and saying he likes to hang out with me and stuff. he has a girlfriend but fuck i would kill to date him instead

>>18344918
What's going on???

>>18344928
Why?

>>18344930
he's funnier/more attactive/ more outgoing...

i'm not an asshole so i'm not gonna try to date him or anything because i don't want to break up his friendship with my s/o

>>18344938
>more attractive

There we go.

Textbook case. Sigh.

>>18344938
Just do it anyway. Maybe you'll be happier.

>>18344954
i'm not sure if he feels the same and i would rather not ruin his other relationships with his best friend and girlfriend so i'm just gonna chill & if he says he likes me ill say it back but right now i'm just gonna wait

>>18344929
I don't know. I'm sick. I'm angry. I have always tried to value human life and beauty in the soul, but I am seriously considering buying a gun, killing crowds of people and kill myself in the end. I know that's selfish for my family, considering I have an already prestigious academic career. I have a decent amount of friends, talk to them a lot, etc. But I can't take it anymore. The world seems like a giant shithole, I don't feel like I belong.

Self esteem issues aside, the biggest thing that hurts is that no one I know irl cares. I was talking to this girl I was interested in and she talked about this guy (who was more attractive and social than me) she was interested it and how she noticed him being sad and all and she tried to talk to him about etc.. I don't mind her liking another guy, but the fact she was so caring of him while completely oblivious to my own problems all because he was attractive pains me. It seems like this world only cares about super hot people while the ungifted like me have to rot and be the last bastion of humanity's evil. I may be completely wrong though, but I just want to talk to someone about this. I feel like the whole world is lying to me.

I know this sounds probably stupid and absurd, but for some reason I can't stop not believing it.

>>18343180
Retail

>>18343416
Me too anon

>>18344973
Have you tried talking to this girl about how you feel?

>>18344989
About my mentally ill world view of the world? Considering this world view of mine has its roots on 4chan (browsing r9k at my teenage years, not a good idea.), I think it'll be very weird to blow it all over her face, it'll probably even take her days to understand it. She's also a bit dumb, she didn't take any of my hints at all and just sometimes balantly disrespected me by talking about being infatuated with this other dude. Not to mention a very important fact: I have never told anyone irl about things like these. All my friends think I'm relatively normal, if I told them everything on how I feel, they'd consider me mentally insane and lock me up.

>>18344954
you're suggesting that she fuck up another person's relationship and her bf's best friendship and you think that's going to result in anyone in that situation being happy?

you're part of what is wrong with the world. kys.

>>18344156
I'm not a pedo

>>18344973
>killing crowds of people
just make sure you go to a place with a high population of muslims alright?

as far as the rest of your stuff. its not that people aren't noticing you're sad, its that you are always sad so there is no change to notice. and furthermore, life is no one caring mate. I'm attractive and no one gives a shit about my problems not even my family. just because that one girl gives a fuck about that guy means nothing for the totality of his life. that is life. no one cares and then you find one person who's the same kind of crazy as you and who's life kinda fits yours and that you like, and you both care about each other. then you make more people that all care about each other and then they make more people that all care about all those people but some are so far apart at that point that they don't really care. at most, in your entire life, maybe 7 people will legitimately give a fuck about you if you're very lucky. and you'll have to create 4 of those people and there's no guarantee they don't end up hating you cause humans. I can't even think of a time where my very best friends truly gave a shit and I've been so close to some people that I would call them brother.

>>18345018
Sure.

>>18345061
I'm not always sad, I think. I can be genuinely happy at times. I won't totally disregard your statement though.

I guess I'm just mad that no one has ever approached me or even taken an interest in me (not just romantically), while this chick is so invested in this guy all because she likes how he looks.

Anyways, I appreciate your post. I really do. Even if I don't agree with some, the fact that I talked it out is enough to make me feel slightly less bonkers.

>>18344913
Yep

I am so sad. I am trying to stay positive though. You know how much I love you, how much I will always love you, I tell you all the time. And you still want to talk to me. I am truly grateful you are in my life again. I know all the reasons we can't be together. They make sense. They are safe. And logical. They keep things how they should be. I knew the reasons then too, but they didn't stop us, at least for a moment. The reasons make sense. Sometimes though, I wish you would forget logic and just let go. I would wait forever. Maybe in a couple years, when you're away from all of them, maybe then. I will always wait. Perhaps it is like you said, that deep down you're afraid to admit it. I could never love anyone else, I could never be with anyone else. I love you, always.

I'm unhappy with my life right now.

I'm twenty one and live at home with my mother. I pay all of our bills because she's handicapped and unable to work. Since I live here she's ineligible for any benefits so we're both burdens to one another.

My savings is slowly draining away and I'm working a dead end job. I make less than minimum wage as a programmer. My boss has made six figures off of some of my work, and I've made less than a percent of that.

I feel like I'm trapped. I've tried finding other work but have repeatedly failed to do so. I've tried moving but can't afford to

I've tried to do so much but can't.

I've been sitting in bed for three hours going over all of my failures I'm life. All of my embarrassments. The biggest of which is the fact I've never even been in a relationship with someone. I know I'm going to die alone, probably penniless.

Not even sure why I wrote this. Probably because I know there's no one I can talk to about any of this any way.

I'm addicted to porn and have social anxiety, I can't even make friends becouse it feels so uncomfortable to talk to strangers. I'm attractive and have a lot of interesting stuff that I can talk about but still can't talkt to girls becouse of social anxiety.
I'm good at programming, writing but can't get a job becouse of social anxiety.
I'm 20 and still a kissless virgin.
Sometimes I hope that a gang will attack me and then I can kill them all to release the stress. I can't even join a boxing club or something becouse of my social anxiety. Feels so shitty.

i miss my friends, i miss my old life. a few years ago it was great but great has became none existent and my world is changing i feel like ending it because i know its gonna be me alone in the end and i cant handle it. you acted like i mattered but then you all changed your mind and ghosted me for the most part. messaging me every once in awhile (to keep up apperances i assume) but its not the same and you dont talk to me like you used to and dodge my questions. its whatever i guess thats life i give up trying to force it. goodbye ill miss you

File: kill-yourself-or-die-trying.jpg (19KB, 360x357px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 360x357px

I'm probably not going to respond to that friend request, and if I do, it’ll be to tell you this.
You are NOT my mom. I may have signed those papers to make you legally my mother, but I did that as a Christmas present to you when I thought you were becoming a better person. Especially considering the wound in my heart from losing my biological mom, I thought it would mean a lot to you for me to finally accept you as my mother, and at the risk of sounding conceited, I thought it was tremendously big of me to give you that gift. And then you fucking SPAT all over it.
You are, hands-down, the most twisted, psychopathic, dishonest, disloyal, selfish, petty, stupid, pretentious, insecure, spiteful, unstable, solipsistic, manipulative, self-indulgent, parasitic, toxic, shallow, hateful, pathetic, and downright EVIL person I have ever met in my life, and I know people who have committed murder. What you did to me amounts to torture, and that is an understatement. I've met people who lash out from spite and anger. I know people who are abusive. I know people who are driven by a petty sense of revenge. I know people who are selfish. What shocks me about you is that you went out of your way to try to corrupt my very soul. I've never met anybody else who actually wanted to make somebody hopeless and wicked. You actually tried to instill a sense of despair in me. Fuck you-not your flaws, as though they were separable from your essence, fuck YOU, the person, at your very core-for that, and fuck everything you represent to me. And make no mistake, your most essential and defining qualities as a being are the worst parts of you.

>>18345374
You taught me to be spiteful and vindictive and mistrusting of others. You taught me that being downright cruel to people over the slightest of mistakes was normal, and that a state of constant and complete toxicity and tension in a household was normal. You taught me to lie and manipulate. You taught me to scream at people and abuse them. You taught me to hold grudges and punish people over sleights months after they happened, and you taught me to always be on the lookout for opportunities to hurt people and tear them down. You taught me to just flat-out not like people.
I was SHOCKED after I left the hell you made out of our home. I was shocked to find that people don’t normally freak the fuck out over the slightest of mistakes. I was shocked to find out that people NORMALLY let things slide. I was shocked to find out that most children in our society can disagree with their parents and voice it without fear of disproportionate retaliation that lasts months, and that they’re not the little shits you made them out to be as a result. I was shocked to see the lack of tension and the affection that defined most household conversations.
And on reflection, I was shocked to discover that the most positive and wholesome aspects of the way that parents normally treat their children were things that you had expressed nothing but disgust and contempt for in the past.

File: seriously.jpg (18KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 1280x720px

>>18345379
You told me I had way too much of a stick up my ass and that I should smoke some weed and chill the fuck out. The irony in that is palpable. I’ve never met anybody who could get as stoned as you got as often as you got and STILL be full of anger and hatred. It would make sense if you were a super-responsible, strict, no-nonsense, listen-to-me-or-else tiger mom and you were actually on top of things. It would also make sense if you were a laid-back, let-it-slide, constantly-stoned, fun, pj’s-all-day mom. What makes no fucking sense to me is that you barricaded yourself in your room, locked the door, made us afraid to ask you for anything, got high, ate ice cream, and watched fucking Lifetime movies all day, and when you came out, you were STILL through the roof with how angry and toxic you were. I’d never get blazed with you, and that’s a shame.
We made a mess trying to make you breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day. You responded to that by screaming at us and throwing a large, full glass jar at Lexi’s head. It didn’t miss because you weren’t aiming at her. It missed because she ducked in time, and it shattered against the part of the wall where her head had been only a microsecond earlier. It’s not even to your own credit that you didn’t murder your daughter that day.

This stupid girl is like 15 years older than I am and it somehow bugs me and I dont know what to do. I feel shit about caring about her age, besides that shes a dream

File: youre-such-a-cunt-.png (18KB, 600x700px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 600x700px

>>18345388
I will never forget the palpable cruelty and spite in the way you treated A____ and I largely blame you for her cutting herself and developing an eating disorder. That’s not the only way you almost killed her, either. Smacking a girl with a shunt in her brain is just asking to dislodge it. You spat on the very fact that she’s alive, and you should have been awed and grateful for that miraculous fact. I don’t know why you hold such hatred for her in your heart, but it’s so intrinsically, fundamentally opposed to motherhood that you don’t deserve the title.
I will never forget the look of satisfaction and glee on your stupid fucking face as you watched my dad beat me into the floor at your behest. I will never forget the times you outright lied about me in order to sic him on me like a dog. You worked for the family court. It was within your power to be a mother and to save me from that abuse, and instead, you actively encouraged it and threatened to use the forces of law and deception to bring me back and beat me even harder if I ever dared run away.

File: you.jpg (53KB, 500x663px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 500x663px

>>18345391
I will never forget the “no” when I asked if you believed in me.
I will never forget that you specifically admitted to never giving me any positive reinforcement ON PURPOSE.
I will never forget the fact that you told me to go run away and find my mommy if I didn’t like how you were treating me. And I will never forget that you said that on three separate occasions, spaced-out years apart. The level of deliberate and calculated cruelty in those words is staggering.
Letting an adult male friend fuck your 14-year-old daughter, with your knowledge and approval, under your own roof, isn’t just creepy and wrong, it’s illegal, and you belong in prison. One of the proudest moments of my life was rescuing my sister from your evil, filthy fucking clutches, and I’m sorry you didn’t come and try to take her back, because I would have shot you in the fucking chest with a gun we had for that purpose alone.
Paying 6k for a fucking cruise, and paying hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for “massages” (whore), while you can’t even pay for your own children’s shit? That’s disgusting. 7 dollars for a bottle of shampoo that doesn’t burn my fucking scalp off is not too much to ask when you have money for cock and drugs and other such luxuries.

File: youagain.jpg (64KB, 478x646px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 478x646px

>>18345396
I have no fucking clue what my dad saw in you. He tried to ascribe that attraction to redeeming aspects of your personality, but frankly, I know that’s horseshit. I think it was primarily a physical attraction, and I actually think a little less of him for trying to make it out to be something more noble than that. It is abundantly clear that you use, and have always used, your physical attractiveness to get what you want from people. That beauty will fade, and then you will be left with only your inner beauty to move people. And guess what? On the inside, you are fucking UGLY. The more bridges you burn, and the more you age, the more the false halo around you will dissolve and the more you will come to resemble what you truly are.
Remember how you said L___’s dad was a “sperm donor” and not a father? That seems to indicate that you understand that being a parent entails more than just DNA. Guess what? It also entails more than just a title. It entails nurturing and care and responsibility and a genuine dedication to the betterment of your child. What you gave me was abuse and cruelty and venom. You went on and on about how I had to obey and respect you because “I’M THE MOTHER.” The truth is, though, you weren’t. You were just a piece of shit.
You were right about exactly one thing, taking everything we ever fought over into account: I didn’t respect you. I had no reason to.

File: youreallyarethough.jpg (83KB, 952x536px) Image search: [Google]

83KB, 952x536px

>>18345397
You have no son, and there is not a single positive thing about me or my life that you can take any credit for whatsoever. The only good that has come from your existence is the existence of your daughters, and I am simply amazed that they’re good and worthwhile people considering who birthed them. It took me YEARS to recognize what venom you had instilled in me, and it took even longer for me to purge it. I hope they can do the same.
You have driven away everybody you supposedly love, you are on a path that will result in you dying alone and miserable, and if that is how you wind up dying, it will not be a thousandth of the kind of suffering and indignity that you deserve. Good job on actually managing to bring the Evil Stepmother trope into real life.

File: rip.jpg (26KB, 400x300px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 400x300px

>>18345401
P.S.
Whatever happened to you that made you hate men doesn’t matter. I don’t know what it was, but it’s clear it had to be SOMETHING from the way you talked about men and boys and from your penchant for Lifetime movies. I don’t care if you were raped, or beaten, or whored out, or whatever. It’s not an excuse to be a bad person. I hope to be good and noble in spite of everything you and my dad have done to me, and I hope my sisters are good and noble in spite of everything, too.

P.S.S.
This is all going in your obituary, in some form, and I will fight or pay whoever I have to in order to ensure that.

>>18343416
Me three, exactly that year

>>18345401
>thinks the daughters of a gold digging whore will be good and noble

got some bad news for you, bub

Fuck you J. Its all me, me, me.

>>18345413
They very well might be, considering that we raised each other instead of her raising us. They're not even her daughters by anything except blood.

If I can come out of this without being genuinely evil, they can come out of it better, too.

>>18345421
https://youtu.be/l1JVYmxFmhM

Follow, follow the sun
And which way the wind blows
When this day is done

Breathe, breathe in the air
Set your intentions
Dream with care
Tomorrow is a new day for everyone,
Brand new moon, brand new sun

So follow, follow the sun,
The direction of the bird,
The direction of love

Breathe, breathe in the air,
Cherish this moment,
Cherish this breath
Tomorrow is a new day for everyone,
Brand new moon, brand new sun

When you feel life coming down on you,
Like a heavy weight
When you feel this crazy society,
Adding to the strain
Take a stroll to the nearest waters
And remember your place
Many moons have risen and fallen long, long before you came

So which way is the wind blowin',
And what does your heart say?

So follow, follow the sun,
And which way the wind blows
When this day is done

I love you, A. Maybe next lifetime.

>>18345499
Not even in your dreams. You can't keep it in your pants.

>>18345526
I can and I'd prove it if you just gave me a chance.

I feel as though I'm doing this class for nothing. Only because I don't have a choice. Only for the money. Because my dad is making me. It's only 2.5 months, but 10 hours a day, 4 days a week on something that has no bearing on the rest of my life, in a class with 4 idiots who can't do math at an elementary level. This is soulcrushing. I'm supposed to get all the money he is getting paged for the class, but my computer just broke and I can't use the money to get a new one. What's the point of going through a class that makes me want to kill myself if I can't even use the money for something that I use very often. I know it's very childish to be so upset over my computer, but it's what I do in most of my free time, it's what my friends and I do together, it keeps me busy. Everyone does something in their free time, so why does he dismiss my hobbies so heavily?

>>18344801
It would be easier if i was able to put a physical distance between us but i still have to see him regularly at work. I can't change that either

>>18345548
You lie and sleep around too much there is no changing that

>>18345602
I don't want to sleep around anymore, I want something meaningful. The only reason why I wasn't always honest was fear of pushing people away/appearing too needy, I want to change that too.

>>18345606
You need help

>>18345608
Why?
I'm trying to improve myself.

How can you say "You deserve so much more than just a text" and then never call? How can you say "I care about you so much" and then just ghost me.

I know you're in a really challenging place with school and health issues, and I get why you wanted put things on hold, but this silence is fucking hurtful. It's hard for me to have someone who I actually felt like I could open up to, and to feel vulnerable around just up and abandon me. Especially considering the sheer volume of communication we had before you left.

Can we still be friends? Why not? I'm going to wait for you regardless, so why can't we still talk in the meantime. We don't have to be in a "relationship" but I still want you in my life.

I think I'm falling for a boy I've met online months ago; it's not a good situation.

>>18345619
You can always be the one to talk. I think I have done enough talking on my part. Shown that I wanted more than just friends. I want you in my life, but I'm tired of this game you been playing. Give me a break and give me the ball from time to time. You talk to me.

File: 1480081785571.jpg (144KB, 800x1200px) Image search: [Google]

144KB, 800x1200px

Every single one of you think I am so happy, so full of energy, so positive and so careless, but it's all because I don't give a fuck about this world, really. I don't even hate it. I just don't give a shit. Every single one of you could die and I wouldn't even cry over your dead corpses.
You tell me your secrets as if you knew me for decades. Why? Why the fuck are you doing this? Truth is, I don't care about your shitty lives, so I don't tell anyone those secrets, so maybe that's it.
However, there's one among all of you that makes me tingly inside.
You're a bit shy, don't talk a whole lot, yet you had the courage to sprinkle water in my face and laugh like a child about it. You don't judge me. You don't protest when I grab your hips everytime we say goodbye.
What's your deal? There's no sexual tension between us, yet it's fun to even just look at you.
Maybe it's just that last fuck I give about this world that is trying to make me care about somebody else, and you just got caught in it.

A
Halfway through the week. You're still gone. I hope you're happy now. I care too much about you to not want the best for you and your family. I can't be spiteful; only self-loathing.
I keep getting my hopes up; I keep thinking maybe you or someone or anyone will come knock on my door, call me, tell me to come over... Anything.
But they're all your friends too and as much as it hurts, even if they did so- i would still turn everyone close to you away. I don't want any of them to see me like this. I was supposed to be a good influence. I don't want to be comforted. I want to work, I want to write music and I want to smoke 24/7. I don't want anyone to tell me it's going to be okay. I'm obviously not okay.
How much more weight do you think I can lose before this kills me?

The cable that powers my computer's hard drive caught fire. So I sent it to some guy that repairs computers in my neighborhood. He said the hard drive most likely got damaged too and can't be recovered. But I'm still very worried that maybe it didn't and that when he tests it he will dig into my files out of curiosity and find all the photos of me crossdressing that I have hidden in some folder.

I'm losing my fucking mind.

I was dating a girl for four months and then her career took her to another state. We ended on good terms, but neither of us wanted to do long distance.

It never went as far as love, but has been eight months and I'm still not over her. It was four fucking months, we've been apart for twice as long as we were together. What the fuck is wrong with me? I've fucked nine girls since and have been on three dates, so it's not like I'm just sitting around dwelling and not doing anything to try and move on.

I'm fed up with thinking about her. It's completely nonsensical. Maybe ending on good terms makes it harder to move on. Perhaps logistics having been the only problem does too. I dunno. I just wanna meet someone and move on but it ain't happening and I don't think I'll move on until I do.

Sometimes I think about killing myself but I stop because I know some people will miss me.

Anyone else do this?

>>18345796
Yes. But I only really worry about my parents because I'm their only child. I'm sure my friends would just get worried for a day and then move on like I never existed. So yah I guess I'm not killing myself because of my parents.

>>18343112
Why is everyone suddenly reading Murakami these days?

>>18345526
Abbie?

L, you said you really wanted to talk, and yet here we are, you haven't responded to my texts, and have made no effort to contact me at all. If you like me and care about me as much as you say you do, you sure have a funny way of showing it, what can he offer you that I can't? Weed? You said you wanted to quit anyway. Protection? You said you're afraid of him and feel safe in my arms. Love? We have a connection stronger than any you or I have felt before. Sex? You know damn well that I'm better. Commitment? I have been ready to wholeheartedly give myself to you since we first met. Looks? I may not be the best but you said yourself I'm a total stud (I don't see it but I took your word for it). Brains? Dudes an idiot. The ONLY thing he has that I don't is weed, and that he's a few inches taller. Whatever, I love you, but your behavior has been despicable, I know I should walk away from this whole situation, away from you, but I can't. You're perfect to me, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and smart to boot, we share so many views and interests, we can talk to eachother for hours about anything. And yet you can't make a commitment to me. Why? I don't understand, we're perfect for one another, you know it, I know it. So how can you look me in the eye, tell me you're ready to make a commitment, kiss me, and then the next day tell me you need time to work on yourself?? We both know damn well that means time to be with him, and I hate the fact that I'm willing to wait if it means I can have you, because if it were anyone else I'd be gone already. You're the only girl for me, sure I can get with plenty of others, but it's not the same, nobody makes me feel the way you do, nobody can excite me the same way. I can't bring myself to do what I know I should do. I can't just leave. And today is going to be there last day I see you in class, we don't have any classes together next semester, and I'm terrified of losing you entirely, or parting on a bad note. I love you.

>>18342960
I'm telling people I'm leaving my wife because I no longer love her like I did. (which is true) and because she said some things which make me not able to see a future together anymore. (also true).

But part of me is leaving her to fuck other woman.

So i had an interview today but dint get proper street address so i couldn't map that shit properly. Part of the blame was on me for no asking for the address myself, was given a second chance tomorrow so ill try to be there early, i hate fucking up this bad, it makes me look unprofessional and like a complete buffoon, have been looking for a job a pretty long time now, i know i fucked up but i want to work twice as hard to make up for it. idk wtf the job is, its in a clinic and they just asked for a youngin who knows how to use a computer. i act like a know all my shit but im actually pretty nervous desu, how should i take this? thx for reading <3

Ilán estás más bueno que el pan

>>18344973
Don't stop believing...

Life is finally looking my way. 18 now, and flirting with a girl that I was scared to even make eye contact with four years ago. I'm sociable, my acne is clearing up, I'm getting /fit/, and I'm joining the military. All of a sudden I'm very happy. I've learned to live life without fear of others, and I know the GF will come soon, and I know I'm going to be a better person thab many in this world :)

>>18346078
That´s great anon keep up the great work! i learned 2 things that are important though, take them how you want.
1. Don´t let love outweigh yourself or your goal in life.
2. Always keep an eye out for the bad stuff in life, be ready for it, keep that guard up and stay safe <3

>>18346124
What if my goal is love?

And thank you for the kind words, I know life will throw whatever it will at me, and you just gotta march on through

>>18346078
>joining military
>life is looking my way

I have a drug addiction more serious than I ever admit. I spend all my money on weed and keep going after I reach negative credit.

File: image.gif (880KB, 350x250px) Image search: [Google]

880KB, 350x250px

>be me
>be last November
>going through a rough "break up" with my best friends
>don't talk to many people now
>invited to girls birthday party
>it's like -10 degrees out with 25-30 mile per hour winds
>freeze my ass off walking to her place
>walk inside, make small chat with people
>then, later through the night, walks in this beautiful girl
>around 5'10, dark brunette hair, beautiful brown eyes, and that smile
>just wow
>she's an exchange student from Eastern Europe
>has a cute accent that sounds like a mixture of Russian and Romanian
>we sit and talk while drinking
>it's around 9:30 at this point
>we talk about all sorts of topics. Politics, school, where she's from, etc
>check watch
>"11:30"
>we talked non stop for 2 hours
>we hit it off immediately
>later on see her in my English class
>we sit next to eachother
>joke around all class long
>the kind where you make fun of eachother and laugh about it
>this goes on for months
>I have oneitis
>one day we are sitting and working on a presentation
>she lets out a sigh, grabs my arm, then rests her head on it for a bit
>at this point I'm madly in love
>one day she gets me chocolates from her home country
>she tells me to give her my address so she can send me some more when she's home
>I ask her what she means about "when she's home"
>"oh anon, I'm not staying here. I'm going back in a few weeks"
>time passes
>I forget all about it
>yesterday she tells me it's her last day
>I fucking feel like a guy smacked me right in the face with a bat after she said that
>end of class comes around
>she gets up and hugs me
>"I'm gonna miss you so much"
>"I'll miss you too anon."
>she pauses
>"now. I need two things from you."
>"I need you to have fun, and to smile more"

Fuck man. She's gone now. Been listening to this non stop: https://youtu.be/L-nYXv3tes0

I miss her so much and it hasn't even been a full day yet...

So, i'm 25. While i was in school i always lied to the parents about my grades, cause they weren't great and they expected more from me. Of course it almost always backfire, but i had my time of peace and not giving a fuck.

After school i went to the army for no good reason for one year and then left to university in other city. Since that i made a lot of bad mistakes, so during those last five years i was lying a lot. Right now life starting to get to me really close and i can't even ask my family for help, cause i'm afraid of their reaction much more than of my actual real problems.

I almost don't have any other people in my life. Not cause i'm shy or can't talk with people. I just don't feel like i care enough.

So, i care enough to lie to people who love me, so they won't worry and think better about me than i am, but don't care enough to fill my life with some substance.

I feel like i'm ruined and i totally deserves it.

Can I be straight and white and still feel uncomfortable around people who are homophobic and racist? Am I allowed to complain about it?

>>18344278
I saw 3 guys get their heads blown off with a shotgun right in front of me, and I'm a grown man. Tell me, what have you possibly seen that not even I would never want to see?

>>18342960
To myself.
You need to push yourself
For a long time you've let the opportunities pass you by.
And the descent into this depression self conscious shit show you've led yourself into and resided for for years isn't working anymore.
Either you go for it, reach for your Passions, or kill yourself.
In the end it's your decision.

It's been a week since I talked to my ex and I feel so much better. Too bad I'll probably have to see him today.

All I can think about lately is I'm always going to have a subpar/miserable existence and I really don't want to deal with it anymore.

File: 10013022_758794274225316_1330456852_n.jpg (18KB, 320x320px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 320x320px

>>18346428

It'll be really nice when I can properly feel emotions and enjoy things again. Right now, life is nothing but waiting. It's been like this since January, and I hope it ends soon.

I fucking hate myself. I hate myself for not knowing how to fix myself.
I worry about things that don't matter but I can't stop worrying about them and drive myself insane.

Tornado watch today, apparently severe storms were supposed to hit here.
It didn't, but more importantly my mom freaked out, said there was a "tornado warning" in my area (there wasn't) so naturally I panic and stare at weather radars for hours.
My chest still feels tight, but wow that was a whole lot of panic over nothing. Thanks mom.
Also, why the fuck do I have to entertain your redneck friends for a couple hours while you aren't home? One is extremely quiet, and the other is racist. I hate being around them. I hate it when people slap responsibility on me when I don't want it.

Why do people say "Its gonna be okay" when there's a chance it won't? What does it mean? Call me a sperg but I honestly don't get it. Does it mean okay in the long term distant future run? Or is it just some generic shit people say that actually means nothing and is pure bs?

I want to start an airbnb business but I am scared as shit because I know for sure I will hide spy cams in the toilet and soon or late they'll catch me. how can you not hide spy cams in the toilet?? it's impossible

>>18346562
pure bs also there's no future just present so get you shit together and live

>>18346562
People use because they believe it will cheer you up even though it won't. It's easier to say that than to try to come up with something that would actually help the situation.

Also what this anon said
>>18346576

I just want to fuck you all day, but none of us have our own place. Will we even be able to fuck once in the next few months? None of us have our own place. We really need to fuck before we go long distance, at least.

Anyone have tips on how to fuck when none of us have our own place? We're pretty poor

>>18346018
my wife is adorable, perfect etc but I really need some fresh pussy and have no excuse to get it so consider yourself lucky anon

>>18346582
use handicapped toilet at mcdonalds?

>>18346533
take a trip

What the fuck am I?

>>18345186
I would give you my money my job my car and my wife to be 21 again, move your ass

>>18346602
nothing, just like me and michael jackson

>>18346594
We've gotta have a bed

>>18344278
good news, you are exactly a regular stupid teenager!

I have a big dick but it is fucking BLACK and doesn't match the rest of my body

>>18346618
if you don't mind old fart watching there's plenty who would accomodate you, undersigned anon included

>>18346642
fuck in the dark

>>18346648
kek

>>18342960
26 years old and have had multiple girlfriends but never more than a few months at a time. Co standby suffer from severe paranoia that they are going to break up with me and believe that I have a sixth sense for when it is going to happen. When for example they take forever to text back my pessimism and paranoia set in something fierce.

How do I build up the self confidence enough to stop feeling this? Feeling it now with the current gf as she's not replying...

>>18346660
you're paranoid and pessimistic because you give a fuck. stop giving a fuck and it will all be cool

fucking food tastes better. fuck me this is going to be a whole thing isn't it. exactly how far did I push myself and what else are you going to reawaken?

>>18346562
If you are some rando it simply means things will be fine.

If you're someone I care about it means "How about you stop being a little bitch, because I believe in you and as long as you stop crying about it and get moving and do something about it, shit will be okay". Fuck, now go on and get shit done.

File: 50.jpg (302KB, 1280x790px) Image search: [Google]

302KB, 1280x790px

>>18342960
I have a friend that I don't know what the fuck do to with.

He's a cool guy, we've known each other for some time already, we used to live in college together for 2 years.

The problem is he's so goddamn clingy, I honestly don't know why, he has more friends than me as far as I know. He calls me almost everyday to talk about how his day was spent, even when there's nothing interesting to say, he can talk for 30 minutes about his trip to home depot and how they ran out of certain kind of lightbulbs that he wanted to buy and I'm just answering with "yeah, alright, yup".

It's been going for six months now, even my family laughs everytime my phone rings. It's not that I don't like him but I don't even talk on facebook with my best friends that often, let alone phone calls. Shit, my own mother or brothers call me more rarely.

As far as I know, he has some problems with his parents, like his mum was suicidal or something. He only talked about it once and that's understandable, I told him that whenever he needs to talk, he can come to me, no problems brah but I didn't mean literally to call me every time he opens up his mouth.

I've been through some shit in my life too and I also had a time when I needed to talk to someone, so I always consider an option that he goes through something heavy. But if that's the truth and I'm here to listen, why does he fucking blabber about such unimportant things?

And honestly, he acts like it's all going well, he's confident and shit, I've never had a single sign that something could be wrong. Therefore, why he needs contact with me at least 5 times a week? I'm honestly starting to thing that he's just a clingy faggot, but why though? What's even funnier, he's one of the most inteligent people I know, why can't he see that what he does, makes him look comical?

/Adv/ what am I missing here, what is hidden from my eyes? The fuck is wrong with him?

>>18346772
are you the opposite sex? or is he gay?

>>18346786
we're the same sex, we're males, I highly doubt that he could be gay, he had straight porn on his computer and he was meeting some girls for a short time

Is it possible to kill a fly by swatting it in the air too hard?

I know these fuckers like to play dead or hide.

File: Hx06UHz.jpg (141KB, 1024x700px) Image search: [Google]

141KB, 1024x700px

I wish my girl would be more open to me when she's going through rough times. Things are wonderful otherwise but her emotional hang ups sometimes make communication rough. I let her know how much I love her and that I'm here for her and she reciprocates that love but she still has difficulty sharing her pain with me.

How do I convince her that she isn't a burden and that I'm here for her like she has been for me?

>>18346772
I have random conversation with friends like that. Sometimes it's the emotional support of just having someone to talk to period. Sometimes I need trivial advice because I can be unsure of myself. Try telling him that you're busy at the moment and will talk to him a bit later. Reassure him if he seems hurt that you're still his friend and that you just have a few things going on and are more than fine with talking another time.

>>18342960
I masturbate to some heinous shit.

I hate being so weak and lonely, I didn't get better from my younger self, I'm still the same.

>>18346186
jesus dude. tell her. just tell her. dont live with that regret

Don't worry you can watch all the porn and sex you want tonight lol fucking sad. And you wonder why I never want to fuck you anymore. Parasite

>>18347003
Trouble in paradise?

Why do they put bell peppers on pizza?

Just the worst and it's flavor overpowers everything else.

My bandmates took me for granted, pushed me to suicide and I left. There's a gig Saturday night and they are harassing me to save their ass. What do?

>>18346424
And I did and I'm sad. But it'll pass

File: 1448398459257s.jpg (8KB, 250x216px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 250x216px

Ok adv here it goes. Meet this girl 7/10 .Turns out she is casual about sex etc and i was in the mood for it and we made a deal. so the deal was tha we would have sex untill her platonic love came from germany to see her for the 1st time.Turns out we are into the same music and nearly every fucking else. We go on dates etc and we eventually fuck. This went on for 2 weeks.
Today was the last day.we went out gravbed a beer didnt even talk about sex we just talked quite and relaxed didnt even kissed just talked. As i dropped her at her house i saw her eyes filled with tears like mine .we hugged and said goodbye. I fell in love with a girl i know only for 3 weeks tops and now i lost her.she told me she will message me tommorow but i told her next week. I dont plan on responding again. Anything to lift my spirits guys?

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

>>18347137
Do it for the spirit of rock and roll.

>>18347184
Only if Dio crashes to my place for a beer.

Why won't you tell me what is going on still? Every single minute of every day it eats at my heart and mind. The extreme of this... it's cruelty to do what you people are doing to me.

I want to start my life... you stole everything from me. I just want to start living a real life.

I want to know what is going on.

I know this whole thing is about torturing people in order to make them suicide but holy shit... you tell me I won. All the rest have given up and I'm the one that remains.

So why keep pushing me? You can't jerk off until everyone dies or something?

>>18344900
Initial?
Long shot but damn if it doesn't sound like something my so would say.

>>18346858

Tough one. Shes probably been hurt once or twice by people close to her. Protective instincts.

Not much you can do except keep showing a genuine concern and be there regardless of whether you are satisfied with the answer. Eventually she will come to realize you aren't going to use this information in some way to hurt her and hopefully be more open. If not, up to you.

File: 47ae61003ecb58897bc88f6fbcd79449.png (939KB, 992x902px) Image search: [Google]

939KB, 992x902px

>tfw super stiff/painful joints in the mornings
>go to doc
>blood tests
>tfw get them back rheumatoid factor and c-reactive protein are high
>(i.e. potentially rheumatoid arthritis)

>tfw trying not to freak out until I get a diagnosis from the doc

I sew/knit/ do shit with my hands. I'm terrified of the prospect of potentially having it be too painful to enjoy those activities. I'm not that old (28) but it's kinda poop.

I am so sick of you sometimes. I just want this to stop.

I'm so horny after seeing you. If you want to fuck, text me.

I hope it hurts.

File: why_doesnt_this_count.jpg (873KB, 585x900px) Image search: [Google]

873KB, 585x900px

>>18347469
>I'm terrified of the prospect of potentially having it be too painful to enjoy those activities.
This is something I can relate with anon.

I apprently have parkinson's/dementia... in less than a decade I won't have control of my hands.

And I'm a painter (pic related)

yyyaaaaayyyyyyyyy

>>18347569
When I fell from heaven?

It did. Every single time.

>>18347610
That looks stellar

>>18347610
Better draw all you can until then. Some people give up painting after less than a year. Imagine what you can do in ten years.

>>18347610
At least through your paintings there'll be things that people can remember you by, and perhaps you can remember yourself by

>>18347610
Holy shit, can I order a bigass print of that??

>>18347137
Either do it for a ridiculous cut of the profit, or give them a big fat fuck you and relish their anal devastation

I'm gonna leave if you don't stop being cucked by your ex girlfriend. I know she was abusive, I know how fucked up it was for her to do that to you, but it's been so fucking long. She is the most toxic person imaginable and you are ALWAYS there when she cries out for help. I'm not feeling this, I don't really care what happens to her, and I certainly don't need to stick around so you can get closure at my fucking expense.

Is it wrong that I'm bothered that my girl does coke?

She only does it once a week or two, I don't know if I'm just being a prude or if this is a valid concern

Is it okay to leave a pregnant girlfriend if she's abusive and slaps you a lot knowing you wouldn't dare hit her back?

How the fuck did I end up here

>>18345186
>My boss has made six figures off of some of my work
Make a portfolio of some of that work and start going to job fairs.

Get there before it starts and you basically get to talk to any of the company reps you want

>>18344731
>Ive been thinking about calling her just for closure.
NO

I live with my mom and have been having to help her take care of her dying mother for 5 years now, im 17 and ive pretty much lost a parent as she refuses to put her mother in a nursing home even though she has advanced alzhiemers and dementia among other things and she even has a trachea tube now. We lost our home of several years through the combined efforts of her being unable to work due to taking care of her mom, she used to gamble a lot of our money away, and spending large amounts of money on medical supplies for her mom. We were evicted and are now staying with my aunt. Weve had to stay with my aunt two other times and there is nothing i hate more than it. They are disgusting, they live worse than pigs and they dont even flush their toilet paper and instead opt to throw it in the trash next to the toilet. Since we moved in I have had to share a small bedroom with my mom and even the same bed, i have no privacy she moves my things all the time and i dont sleep well as she likes to sleep with heavy blankets and the tv on and gets mad when i turn it off. We have even been forced to pay rent when the deal was that we were not going to so we could move out faster. Now they are going to kick us out on the 15th next month anf im afraid of what we are going to do. Our only income is child support and thats running out soon along with the fact that she sells her prescription medication for money. Every day for the past year we havr been living here she drones on about all her problems and thr issues with her mom not considering how i feel at all. I tell her I dont want to hear about her drug deals and she mocks me and gets upset and still tells me. Everyday i think genuinely that i hate my life. I was bullied for every year in school until high school. I dont know if there is a god but please if there is one show me how i can repent or what i have done to deserve this, I dont even want everything to end anymore i just want to know why, why don't i deserve to be happy?

>>18347610
Like >>18347714 said, I'd love to place an order for a wall scroll of this. Where can I view more of your work? Do you sign your work? All artists deserve credit. Heed >>18347714 advice as well.

>>18347760
>>18347610
Heed >>18347710 advice as well. *

>>18347755
I normally dont talk about myself or my problems but i feel a little better after writing it out, thanks for this thread.

>>18347381
She has and it's sometimes plainly obvious. Thanks, I'll definitely keep trying. I genuinely love her and care about her and it's easy to see that she feels the same about me.

My dog just died this morning, anons. It fucking hurts.

Dear Margaret,

You can't be a con forever dear. Going home with whatever rich asshole can't be good for that vagina. I know Milo pimped ya out, but he didn't say for you to sleep with them. Stop saying your a Republican, skank.

Also diagnosed with "incomplete theory of mind" isn't real. Stop making excuses for causing drama.

>>18343457

It might not be you, but I'm mentally ill and did try to get someone far away now that used to love me back to talk to me again. I'm doing better lately and have held my job. Sorry I pushed so hard, I really do love you but my head isn't on great right now. The best I can do is what I'm doing.

>>18347610
Anon that painting is amazing but where is her left nipple

File: IMG_3292.jpg (162KB, 941x960px) Image search: [Google]

162KB, 941x960px

Nate,

You're such a close friend, I have seen you through your worst and best, and the same goes for the other way around.

But why, why on fucking earth did you hook up with me when I was drunk and you were completely sober? And then yell at me when I asked you about it later?

Why the fuck do we have to never talk about it? You've never had a girlfriend since I met you, and have always ALWAYS loved being in risque situations with men like our friends.

Don't use me and then blame me for your own repressed sexuality.

Fuck it hurts so badly to know you just didn't give a shit to atleast have a conversation about it after all we've been through, I'm tired of us just pretending that shit never happened

File: tmp_5716-CIA1418717632.jpg (62KB, 960x720px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 960x720px

I snorted heroin off my dogs belly a few weeks ago. I was really fucked and there's no hair on her belly and she lays on her back a lot. It was a bonding experience.

I'm going military in a few weeks
I'm excited and nervous and afraid at the same time.
Mostly excited. I'm going to have a real job and real career

Here we fucking go

hey r
i miss you so much

Everyday i want to die

>>18342960
>ok cupid doesn't allow you to search for people it is legal to have sex with

there is literally nothing wrong with wanting to date a 17 year old

>>18347841
I'm a disabled veteran. Trust me, you'll spend countless hours waiting on word from your leadership only to get nothing, you'll spend hours cleaning the same spot or raking sand, only to get off work and blow your money on your future alcohol problem. Deployments and other operations can be either shitty or real cool depending. (I did a humanitarian deployment to South America and ending up feeling like shit about how terrible human beings are)

>hired to new job as shop hand for oil company
>no experience whatsoever
>4 days later car is fucked engine blown, gets towed home
>inconvienice parents with 30mi drives
>shop foreman seems to really like me
>offered his old Ford ranger for me to just borrow till more $$
>declines anything I can think of as reimbursement

I haven't seen the truck yet but I get the feeling I'm going to be in his debt for awhile. I know his house has storm damage but he declined offer. I really want to go far with this company.What can I do pay him back?
I
know he likes beer, guns, coffee, and vape rigs but little funds atm. Also I haven't asked if he was selling the truck or not. Plan is to drive it home tmmrw.
Thanks.

>>18347855
I'm going Navy, so I think things will be a bit different

But even still, my thoughts are, as a person with very little career future, that I'll be bored as fuck as a civvie anyways
I worked for years as a god damned fucking dishwasher doubling as a janitor
I can't express is words how fucking done I am with that life.

Yeah, maybe I'll be doing the same, but least I'll get paid more than the fucking coins I find in between the seat cushions.

Do you want to talk about your time in the service? I'm all ears if you want to.

File: let_me_hug_you.png (369KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

369KB, 640x360px

>>18347855

>>18347861
Bro, I was in the Navy. Things are not different.

>>18347867
How'd you get disabled, if I may ask?

>>18347860
Just do good work for him, and don't break his sweet heart by fucking it up or being a dick

Some people just don't want things in return, you can only repay them by being a good human being in return

>>18347870
Traumatic Brain Injury on top of mental health issues. I was a Corpsman.

>>18347879
Shit nigga, you should have said Marines instead of Navy

Get some shit blown up in your face?

>>18347875
Thanks for the reinsurance. I figured it wasn't a huge deal. Was just a bit unsure being a new hire and all. As for work ethic I think I got what it takes. Always aim to please whenever I am getting paid. Won't let him down.

>>18347887
Nah. My first one happened on a ship that my unit was on. When you're a greens idea Corpsman stuck on a ship that's being a taxi service for your Marines you tend to get stuck helping ship medical. I was carrying supplies down a ladder well and slipped and busted my dome piece. Woke up about 20 or so minutes later on a rack in medical. Second one was from a bad car accident in my duty vehicle. Was doing a duty run late and got hit by a drunk driver on base.

I didn't end up in the desert. I was sent to Central and South America for 6 months though. Built schools, helped hurricane victims, provided aid for malaria and also victims of the cartels. Got to watch some big cartel drug busts though.

>>18347907
You're making me worried some

You got some brain trauma during the least bothersome tasks you coulda had.

Oh well, I'm doing it anyways. I'll have to be careful on the ladders

>>18347909
Ships are dangerous. They are floating death traps. People lose limbs and get brain trauma all the time on em. You wouldn't believe how many airdales and boatswains mates end up medically retired cuz they lost a limb doing regular ass work.

As for the drunk driver hitting me. That was just plain unlucky and honestly sad. That dude ended up in the brig though.

>>18347915
Good news then! I can pretend I did something dangerous

I have no one to share this with, so I'll just post it here. A guy on facebook (we are not native english speakers) just described something using the word RAMMDON (trying to say random) are you kidding me. It's on par with yostins (joysticks)

>>18347924
Chances are you will do something dangerous. Ship work ain't always easy. Engineers, deck crew, mess crew, and aviation all have potentially hazardous jobs. Just cuz you might not see boots on the ground in the middle east does not mean your job doesn't come without risks.

>>18343296
>>18343273
>>18343256
>>18343101
Update?

>>18347927
What about officers?

>>18347930
Depends on the officer's job or area of leadership. My regimental surgeon was a CDR who had been blown up and shot at plenty. My chaplain had been shot at as well. Seabee officers see plenty of hazardous work both in theater and in the states. Pilots go down plenty as do the flight officers and air crew officers that work with them. Regular shipboard officers face most any regular day to day ship hazard but an engineering dept officer or a deck dept division officer will probably face more hazards simply cuz they are around it.

>>18344132
Dude don't worry. Those cars come apart easy as shit, I am doing the same thing. At this point I've had every panel that can me removed, removed, at some point because I was fixing or tweaking something. You'll end up doing the same thing if you want it to look decent or if you want to lighten it. Except there WERE goodies in it, the old coot left his pot under the horn button. Shit looked like it had been there for over a year.

Still smoked it.

>>18347944
I'm OK with that
I'm glad to hear it actually

I'm going to be an officer
Shipping out in a few weeks
Glad I'm not totally going to be some prancy fuck

>>18347930
I ain't trying to sway you away. I think it's a great thing and I'm grateful for my chance to serve. I'm just telling you that the Navy isn't just getting hammered on port visits and fucking Thailand prostitutes. There is work involved. Sometimes tedious and boring and sometimes potentially hazardous.

>>18344488
Stop importing drugs/loli manga off the internet.

>>18347948
I've met the absolute weak college boy officers and I've met some truly brilliant officers that I'd follow into the pits of hell. My biggest advice is just listen to your enlisted Sailors. Remember that even your E-3s under you may have more time in the service and you need to respect their experience. If you trust and respect your Sailors then they will do the same.

>>18344839
I have no idea if you're still here, but after sleeping on this one, I'm still genuinely shocked to have gotten this response.

While there's a very significant chance that this isn't a genuine response, in the off chance you really derived that from my post - possible since I was intentionally vague for many reasons - I really want you to consider why you read so much into that post, for your own good. There may very well be something going on in your life that is affecting you in ways you are not aware, and I'm genuinely concerned for you if that is the case.

Wish you the best, Anon.

File: Received_Threat.png (81KB, 949x636px) Image search: [Google]

81KB, 949x636px

I received a very direct threat to my well-being today from someone who I thought was a friend. We lived on the same floor freshman year, have always gotten along well, and been generally cordial since. However, today she sends me a threat out of the blue (pic much related). And I'm a mixture of confused and afraid. She's a very iron-willed person, and I have never known her to fuck around or even to joke in this manner. I have a feeling that it's about a mutual friend of ours who I've spent a lot of time with, but it baffles me that this woman would play guard dog. Not only that, but ironically I gave her a pickaxe for Christmas as a secret santa gift (She's in geology), so I actually have her a tool with which she could handily maim or kill me. I got this message this morning, and I'm still unsettled by it.

>>18347962
I've been asking this question a bunch over the last couple weeks
And your answer is right up with what I've heard
Listen to shit you hear from the people "under" you

I'm open to any suggestion, advice, or just plain hate.
What's an officer to you?

>>18347974
Well the technical definition is anyone with a commission or a warrant who has graduated whatever candidate program they were in.

What makes a good officer is one who is dedicated and ready to put his Sailors and the mission first. Be the type of officer that earns genuine affection from his Sailors. Secretary Mattis when he was the commanding General of 1st Marine Division said something along those lines. To be a good leader you have to be human and my best officers I had over me knew that.

Great job asshole, you've tied up the kitchen for 4 fucking hours, once again disregarding the fact other people live in this goddamned house.

I remember when we met in 1st grade... we always had a great time with each other. Then we became young teens and would text each other all night. I fell in love with you. Then you danced with me at our 7th grade dance. That was the best night ever and I will forever remember this. 8th grade hit and we never really talked irl but would still text. I really wanted to keep talking but you would be busy hanging with your boyfriend. This destroyed me emotionally but we were still friends. High school came around and it was as if you never met me. You never responded to my texts and you never acknowledged my existence at school... Now we're seniors in high school. Tomorrow is our last day of school. After graduation I know you'll forget me. But I'll never forget you. Ever.

I just wish I could've built the confidence to tell you that I love you...

>>18347791
My dog died about a month in a half ago. It's fucking tough to deal with. I couldn't hold my tears back for a solid weekend and i still tear up at the thought of him. If you have friends or family. try to go to them for comfort.

>>18348085
fuck, i meant week. Stupid autocorrect

I like your smile, though you always seem somewhat surprised or flighty when we run into each other. You don't seem that nervous in general - do I bother you? Our conversations have always been engaging, though sparse.

All. these. voices

Every time I hear them speak, I look around me and nobody's there.

It makes me wonder if someone else is wearing a skinsuit replica of me and I'm hidden someplace else, transmitting supposed "thoughts".

>no matches on tinder
>someone suggests okc
>in the middle of making a profile
>get distracted by a reddit post on missed signals
>slowly realize that most people have a history of interactions with the opposite sex that is completely different from mine
>i am in a completely different class of loser
>lose all motivation
>close okc tab

literally crying at how worthless as a sexual being i am

>>18348162
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpspzHyyGI

>>18342960
I *need* you to grow up. I want to be patient because I love you, but you can't keep making bad choices about your future, criticizing me to no end, lashing out for no reason, gas-lighting me, refusing to have serious conversations with me, etc. You love me? Then make an effort. Make an effort to engage with me even if it's uncomfortable. Make an effort on valentines day and my birthday and stuff. Make an effort to accomodate rather than just expect. Right now I feel taken for granted even when I do so much to try and help you, and our relationship has become you doing the bare minimum in almost every respect. It hurts me and I wonder if you know and if you do, if you care.

>>18348187
Are you a male or female poster?

Fuck, M, I'm moving, we really could've had something special.

>>18348201
Female. He's 19, I'm 22, and I'm starting to think I've done too much to try and be a good girlfriend, and not enough to make him responsible for his own progress.

>>18348170
At least finish the profile before you give up.

I know you still need me, but do you still want me?

>>18348172
It's quite annoying that anyone would go insane desu, you gradually hear voices and you'll feel like they're trying to take over your mind.

>>18348228
Do you know about the mathematician John Nash?

These voices can be dealt with, and you can learn how to realize when your brain is bullshitting you

It won't be easy, but it's possible

>>18348233

I know how to differentiate my own thoughts from external sources, the problem is that I constantly hear it every single day.

And "it" feels like gaslighting

>>18348025
whew lad i feel your pain. i just got rid of a family of room mates who i swear to god spent 12 hours a day in the kitchen.

>>18348214
It reminded me of my current situation. The guy was stringing me and another girl along treating us the same way your guy treats you..turns out he was sleeping around behind both of our backs. Sounds like you're dodging a huge bullet but I'm probably completely wrong. It's late here so if you make another post later on I'll do my best to respond logically

File: 1469526684908.png (68KB, 345x542px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 345x542px

>>18344167
You are me

>>18347726
Don't just leave her, call the cops on her. If it was the other way around you would be going to prison so don't fucking stand for that shit.

>>18347722
No it's not wrong to be bothered by her coke habit. She will only get worse as she gets older and drug addicts are worthless scumbags incapable of feeling empathy or taking care of their responsibilities and you end up having to take care of them like a child but they never appreciate it and always fuck you over.

>>18348206
wait what?

>>18344167
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkE-D7mJ9CA

https://youtu.be/UbQgXeY_zi4

I really like the kitty cats

Every day I get home from work, I go through one corridor of the internet after another....4chan, dating sites, other shit sites on the internet....it doesn't work, I don't connect to anyone. No, I don't want to "add you on skype" and talk about it, I think the problem is, that I am not wanting to connect to other human being's strongly enough to make it happen. I am content entertaining myself with solitary hobbies.

But to connect to other people, how can I do this, without directly contacting them? I don't trust charities. You don't know where that money is going. If you give money to a hobo on the street, he won't buy food, he'll buy beer, drugs, etc. If you give a hobo a fresh sandwich from subway, he'll eat the thing damn happily.

So what I want to do, I think I'm getting at here---is to create something that I can give to people, not money....how can I create something to make people happy, while also getting closer to God. I feel alienated from my own people, and that God is the only real connection I have. I understand Him, He understands me. I don't blame him for my isolation, it is my own fault, and maybe a test of His. My love for God is undying and eternal, but where do I start wanting to love my fellow human beings?

What I can make is my book I am writing....but its not going to make anyone happy. I think my book might send everyone in a bad direction. I think it will be contagious---this mindset I have, anyone who reads it will gain it. The problem is, I can handle this mindset because I am strong. I think if the weak pick up my mindset, they will commit suicide immediately. I don't know if I should unleash a thing like this on the world.

Ascend the need for your fellow human beings and perfect your soul. I write this all while half asleep, broken in dreams, time to go back...

I'll never understand mathematics, there's too many branches and the American education system fucked me scared to learn on my own,meanwhile /sci/ is no actual meaningful help and the only person that can help you is yourself but I don't trust him either.

C, you behave very weirdly.

First you dropped talking to my ass for 5 weeks, and now since last week, you want to resume?

Why? What's the reason? For what purpose?

Listen, here's the thing: Sure, I'm available, but I'm extremely doubtful of ever giving myself to anyone, let alone you.

You look like you would squash and eat me for breakfast. Not literally of course, but we're entirely different types of people.

One day, I'd like to go on a date with you. For now? hahaha, no.

You also look like the type who would ANNOUNCE THE WORLD who you're dating. I'd prefer to be a phantom, thank you.

>>18348206
is this M a girl or a guy?

Completely regret letting you get so close to me, you're so toxic. I made it a point to keep anybody I could smell causing drama away because everything was so harmonious, and yet you used the first opportunity you could to weasel your way in and cause shit with me the minute you felt comfortable and accepted. I genuinely hate being this guy, but I won't waste any more time on people who can't be pleased. Getting older sucks but getting wiser ain't so bad.

File: UAcnweT.jpg (26KB, 564x518px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 564x518px

>>18342960
>mfw fell in love with my single qt 3.14 30 something plus neighbour
What the fuck do I do lads?

>>18348240
"it" is not real. Just remember that.

>>18348697
Girl

I'm so tired but instead of going to sleep like I actually kinda want to, I'm borderline forcing myself to stay awake just doing nothing and being sad instead, even though I know I'll feel fine once I wake up.

>>18347719
We are not getting paid, so a big fat fuck you will be given and their anal devastation will be relished.