Gf invited to "coffee"

Sounds like you are right

>>18342086
I mean he prolly is trying to hit, but you have to trust your girl, G. She hasn't cheated yet or given you any worries about being unfaithful/shopping around, has she?
I've been in a relationship where the girl cheated once and broke up with me to immediately hook up with her ex the day after, so I have some experience. You can kinda tell usually.
If you aren't suspect about her moving on from you, you have to trust her. You will be nervous and wonder, but she's your girl and she's gotta be her own person. That includes hanging with other dudes, maybe alone. If you can't trust her with that then you should prolly break up with her, because you should be able to. Ik bitches wanna be hoes, but you gotta have faith even if the idea gets all in your head and bugs you out.

>>18342086
>unfamiliar 8 year older guys invite to his house for "coffee" is not just any case.
You're fucking right and if she disagrees with you she's a fucking whore and you should just dump her whore ass

It's totally normal to feel a little uneasy in this situation mate, but if you really trust your girlfriend, you shouldn't prevent her from accepting the invitation, because she'll turn down the guy if he tries anything and she really likes you. Besides, if she really wants to cheat on you, she'll find a way eventually.

Op here
her friend who i think likes me as her girls bf, is actually encouraging her to accept

should i write to her on fb and ask wtf she think shes doing

>>18342122
Yeah no thats fishy as fuck.

>>18342086
>invite my girlfriend to his house
she thinks you are an idiot and fool OP and if your girl thinks that no rational conversation you have with her will make any difference because she'll just dismiss or call you stupid. you and we and she knows exactly how this ends up

>>18342086
How about this

No woman in a relationship goes over a new work acquaintance home to be alone with him unless she hopes something more will happen.

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

God damn you're dumb.

Yes, they're fucking.

>>18342086
Fuck that, OP. Tell her you want to "expand your friendcirlce" too and ask to go with. Throw that motherfucker off.

>>18342122
Don't OP it will blow up. What you need to decide is are you ok with a new gf going to a guys home alone she just met. If not you should find a new gf. My take is she doesn't think much of you and is going to do whatever she wants and that includes hanging out with your replacement.

>>18342134
While that would throw the guy off she'll double down with the new guy or find another. Unfortunately for OP, he already lost but doesn't know yet.

>>18342122
Nah she'll tell your girl in all likelihood and your girl will be salty and embarrassed, it's clear you don't trust her enough, which is fine (not really but you can still get by without trust), but only if you play like you do trust her. Doing shit like this makes cheating or moving on a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep worrying about her cheating and communicating that worry in any significant manner, she is going to be pushed away and way more likely to cheat on you.

>>18342128
>>18342131
>>18342133
>>18342134
>>18342135
>>18342140
I can understand being suspicious about this, but yall are buggin out. Like there is no reason to fully believe that. Let her go, peep the situation, maybe case shit out a little. Keep the suspicion in your mind but there is no need to let it ruin a potentially rewarding relationship. Nothing has happened yet (as far as OP can tell). And you have to fucking wait. Don't be so scared of taking the L of having a cheating hoe that you fuck your chances up. Keep an eye out and let her be the one to ruin the relationship if that's where it's going.
Just my $0.02.

the guy is seeing his chances and your girlfriend is trying to fit in

its a test of honesty of loyalty
and you cannot in any way have any influence on it

if she wants to cheat, she will
if she doesnt, even if a wagon of hot male models try to seduce her she wont

you can say you are uncomfortable with it, privately, no scene then be sad if she acts against your will

>>18342141
I agree in principle with what you said, it will give her reason to justify a jump but what is missing is you cannot manage an immature girl that thinks this is ok. A more mature girl would see the invitation for what is was and decide if she wanted it or not immediately. The immature girl knows what it really is but wants to go so she can see if its what she wants or not and expects her bf to wait it out.

gotta trust

that said no one invites someone over to their home for coffee, they invite them to a coffee shop

>>18342086
Coffee out in some random restaurant or coffee shop? That's ok. Now, if they hardly know eachother and this older dude wants to straight out bring her to his place, it sounds like ifshe goes she'll get ruffie'd and gangbanged m8

>>18342155
Though this is just my opinion, as I don't know to people's houses unless I know them well. Your gf might just be a little less precautious in that sense

>>18342155
coffee at his house this time but Netflix and chill with a sleep over cause its late next time.

>>18342151
Eh, I see what you are saying, but some girls are honestly just retarded and don't read into that shit. And some are just fine turning people down and still want the social engagement. So idk, OP really has no moves unless he honestly wants to end the relationship over this invitation, which is fucking overkill imho.

>>18342086
if she has never given you reason to believe she'll be unfaithful then a simple conversation where you voice your concerns is enough.

it's strange for someone you hardly know to invite you to their home for coffee cause "come over for some coffee" doesn't mean just drink coffee. it means come over and see how i'm living and then let's hang out and grab lunch after, spend the day together, etc.

i'm sure she has male friends that she spends the day with, eats out with, has coffee with, etc. they're established friends and effectively a non-threat to you. this is a rando from work that she met a week ago. he's not inviting Helga from HR for coffee cause Helga is 150lbs overweight and smells like she just came out of the gym when you know damn well she doesn't have a gym membership.

your only play is to let it happen though. even if you're certain of this guy and his motivates, you take the role of the "overly jealous/protective boyfriend" that's putting limits and restrictions on her freedom to be a flirt. she knows exactly why this guy is inviting her to coffee at his fucking house.

i by no means have experience with women but even i can see that he has things on his mind other than *coffee*.

If you don't feel you can trust her, break up with her.
What this anon said is true >>18342149
If she's going to cheat, you trying to stop her won't help.

You don't have to trust the guy, from what it sounds, he is trying to make moves on her and she might be too oblivious to realize.
But have a little faith in her.
If she loves you and has no intention to cheat, she won't.

>>18342164
She can get to know the new employee at work or with a group outside work. Likely she's interested in the guy, wants to spend some alone time and she is trying to have OP go along with this since he is her only obstacle that will point out what it really is. She prefers to fight OP over going rather than considering he may be right and looking out for her stupid self.

>>18342086
Why are women so shitty?

>>18342177
ditto but even I can see that she has things on her mind other than coffee

>>18342179
>>18342149
what if he drug rapes

>>18342211
its her damn fault then

>>18342211
tell her to fill out paperwork to withdraw consent, stating she was under the influence when originally giving consent.

mail to appropriate departments.

remind her not to bathe.

drop her off at the police station and instruct her to detail what happened and request a rape kit/testing.

then break up with her.

>>18342211
Then that's rape and he will be arrested.
While it would be unfortunate, it's unlikely.
>>18342215
this

1. Tell her you break up with her if she accepts that invitation
or better
tell her you want to come with
if she says no do number 1
if she says yes, go with and show him that she has a functioning bf

go with her

>>18342250
OP cannot go to the house of her crush

>>18342261
what do you mean

>>18342267
what the hell would OP talk to him about or her. She wants to be alone. Some one on one time with the guy she just met at her part time job

If my gf had been in her situation, she would have either asked him to have coffee in a public place instead or asked if I could come too. She is ovwrly-polite and rarely refuses people but even so she would get a weird vibe by being asked even by the nicest guy to go hang out with him at hos place without anyone else. I think you need to talk to your gf and if she can't at least see how the situation makes you uncomfortable and try to compromise with you for it, that you should treat it as a serious red flag. It's one thing for women to be oblivious to something like this, as in general I do find women a bit ditzy and always thinking that other men have the best intentions, but it's another thing for her to recognize how it makes you feel and disregard it, as it shows that your feelings as her boyfriend are lower on her priority scale than'expanding her friend circle'.

>>18342277
you've never had dinner with someone?

>>18342086
Lol why the fuck does she need to go to his house for coffee? Who does that? "Hey I barely know this guy, but he asked me over to his house so he could brew us some fucking coffee". What a load of crap. It'd be understandable if they were going to a Starbucks or some place like that and getting acquainted over a cup of coffee, but going to his house? That's a different story.

>>18342086
gf of two years really beautiful and had guys ask constantly for innocent or not so innocent time and she always politely declined then she started a new job and accepts an invitation from her boss. She fucked him after working there and knowing him 2 weeks. She didn't have the decency of telling me one of her coworkers had to. I shipped everything she had at my apt to hers and changed my phone number. When women get wet for a new guy you are done.

>>18342211
It's always a possibility. You can't get too hung up on it. You can't just live life fearing that she'll be taken advantage of. My "best friend" got my last girl stupid drunk (she is a small/young girl and she drank almost a whole bottle of bicardi) and told her I have other bitches, then seduced her. And he busted in her. And didn't but her plan B. Luckily she didn't get pregnant. It hurt A FUCKING LOT, but you can't live life in a state of caution like that. It happened and we got over it the best way we knew how, by being together and trusting each other and supporting each other through the emotional fallout. We ended up breaking up badly for other reasons, but the process of healing from that infidelity was done well, so it's a good example. It wasn't the end of the world.

>>18342306
oh my god that's terrible and would be considered rape in most jurisdictions

>>18342306
I can't believe you believe this and using it as a stellar example. There was consent or it was rape, which was it?

>>18342346
Yeah I mean she kind of blamed herself for not reaching out to me, owned up to her decision but prefaced everything with the fact that she was blackout drunk and had no plans of going there until he made her feel alone and swooped in to fill her emotional void. She isn't the type of girl to scream rape in such a situation, she just broke contact with him and moved on with me.
That shit actually happened in my sisters room (used to be my room) in her bed (which used to be my bed) a few hours after he met her. He asked if it was weird for him to hang alone with my sister and my girl I said no, I trust you bro. I left to go back to school, this shit happened a few hours later. It was some fuck shit.
>>18342355
In my country, sober consent is the only consent. This guy was 3 years older than her and lied and manipulated her in a very predatory way after plying her with copious amounts of liquor. Additionally, she was in a very bad emotional state, is very insecure and uses sex to make herself feel better when she feels such a way. She fucked up but it wasn't her intent to fuck up. My "friend" isn't even attractive or particularly engaging, he's a short little aspie with social anxiety. I on the other hand am pretty good looking, a little above average height, not too muscular but decently-toned and not socially retarded. So I know she didn't play me.
I'm one to say that intoxicated consent is a grey-area, with some being valid and some being really sketchy and predatory. While this was predatory, he didn't slip her something, he wasn't sober himself (he was a lot more sober though), etc... so I consider it very borderline. But I wouldn't really call him a rapist. It does fit the legal definition of rape, however. And it is a very schemey and advantageous act, I really can't approve even if it wasn't me who was her man.

>>18342433
You say your horrible break up later was unrelated but your relationship with her really ended when she opened her legs for another man. You went through all that pain trying to save something that was doomed.

>>18342185
Why do you generalize so much?

>>18342453
Naw. You don't know shit son. We had a healthy relationship after that. Until it got unhealthy... But it wasn't cheating unhealthy. I could agree it was doomed, but not by that encounter. Perhaps by some of her insecurity and immaturity that when combined with alcohol and manipulation contributed to that infidelity, but not by the infidelity itself.

ignore all the women in here trying to sabotage your relationship

if she wasn't looking for strange dick she would have immediately declined.


don't dump her, just find a new gf and keep fucking her skanky ass until she realizes

Confront her about it and tell her how it makes you feel and if she still goes dump her due to principle.

>>18342453
I should also mention this happened at a VERY early stage in our relationship, we had really just gotten together and didn't even talk about exclusivity yet, but for me that is kinda assumed when you are more than a one night stand or a fwb at all. It was complicated and she was not emotionally stable, I knew what I was getting into and it was a perfect storm of shit that we were actually able to overcome and have what was a rewarding and healthy relationship for a while.

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Kek. Just fucking dump her. If she really wants to go its probably because she is going to get dicked down.

>>18342086
>invite my girlfriend to his house
how does she not see something off when as you say they have seen each other no more than 6 times? its also worrisome that the friend is encouraging her to go. what the hell for unless they have been talking about this guy or perhaps your gf already knew him. Something smells here. I've been invited to a coworkers house to smoke weed but never for "coffee"

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>>18342086
"Looking to expand her friends circle" is just code for she is shopping around for your replacement.

>>18342086
if she didnt immediately shut him down, you have already lost her. best to end the relationship now to spare yourself further bullshit down the road
sorry about your luck, anon

At 30yo, I can only say that I don't bother with a woman that seriously entertains a situation like this as entirely innocuous.

Maybe there's something more to it, maybe there isn't, but I just wouldn't put my partner in the uncomfortable position of introducing that kind of grey area into the relationship, and I want a partner who is similarly considerate.

Like, if you're ACTUALLY an adult, you know the deal with these kinds of situations. You've been there enough to know the potential for lines to get crossed. Only a child seriously feigns ignorance, and that's not someone ready for the kind of relationship I'm looking for at least.

>>18343051
mutual respect and well put anon

>>18342086
If a guy invited my girl over to "his" place for "coffee" I'd joke about how he would probably want to "Netflix and chill" too. I'd lay it out to my girl that unless if it's a public setting or there will be more friends involved then he just wants to bone her and that she should probably inform him that she's currently seeing someone.

If she doesn't see reason then simply say how you'll invite Jessica over for "ice cream"

Pro tip you don't actually need to have a friend named Jessica. That's just how I would approach the situation.

>>18343009
i dont want to defend her
but what if she really cant see that this is and will be a sexual advance

>>18343051
>I just wouldn't put my partner in the uncomfortable position of introducing that kind of grey area into the relationship

This. Fucking this.

It's a maturity thing that comes with age. It's what happens when you get two people who genuinely just want a relationship and none of the bullshit. "I'm with you and only you. You're with me and only me, and that's the way we like it."

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>>18342086
I used to be a jealous person OP before i lost my emotions. I would be in a jealous fit if i was in your position a few years ago.

But, let me tell you how I see it from today's vantage point. A date out for coffee would be upsetting, but could potentially justify it as innocent. But inside his house? Hard to justify that, even if they both have good intentions, as it's simply seen a certain way.

Here's what I would tell her.
"This date with this guy at his house, I'm not comfortable with it. You can do whatever you want, I'm just telling you where i stand."
And then if she goes forward with it despite making your stance known, she has proven either your own feelings aren't important to her, or she's minimizing your comfort level.
While in a relationship you should go to appropriate lengths to make the other person feel secure / happy / etc.

Don't phrase it such that "If you do / don't do X I'll XX." That's an ultimatum and it drags you into a corner.

Just make your feelings known, and then proceed from there. You give her all the information she needs, and let her make her own decision. If she makes the "wrong" one, then... well... she's the type of person who doesn't share your views on things, and then you can decide what you want to do from there.

>>18343306
You're an idiot

OP follow
>>18343299

Advice

>>18343306
If she's truly wanting to expand her friend circle, maybe her and OP can come to a compromise.

>>18343319
what does a 20 year old uni student with a part time job as phone interviewer want with a 27 yo potentially fulltime phone interviewer?

potentially since i dont know what hes actually doing, maybe he already has a degree, but then why would he start a job as phone interviewer

>>18343316

>>18343306 is basically saying the same thing as >>18343299
or am i wrong?
they are both saying if the girl doesnt care or feel OPs feelings are important, shes not worth it

>18343316
You fucking what, mate?
I pretty much said a more passive version of the post you linked.

That post said that she should already be mature, my post said that you're making it clear that it bothers you and giving her an option to make said mature choice after making clear that you see it as an uncomfortably grey area.

>>18343319
The compromise is inherent in the "don't do things I'm uncomfortable with and I'll return the favor for you" that you present.

>>18343347
>fucked my post link
oh well.

>>18343343
Maybe that guy is reading it weirdly, but yeah, I'm essentially saying what those other two posts are just with different wording.

>>18343347
Idk, maybe they can all hang out together or something. That way, she can still talk to the guy, and OP can determine if the guy just wants to fuck her or if he's interested in having a friend to talk to at work.

Going to bed now. thanks for advices

>>18343352
I was in that situation before. You have any idea how exhausting it is to vet every encounter, or person, or etc?
I put up with so much shit with my ex that I'm never doing that shit again.

It's sometimes hard to read reply chains as anon, so I'll make it straightforward with you.
>1v1 w/ guy alone at his place
No.
>1v1 (with other people around at a public place)
Don't like, but sure. This *is* the compromise option. I don't like any partners seeing anyone else, period. But I recognize that people are more social than me, so at least do it in ways that aren't inherently suspicious.

Idiot

>>18343646
Which means?

If someone wants to get coffee with someone, they go to a coffee shop. If someone wants to bang, they invite them to their house. I think you're just asking for trouble, OP

>>18343051
this shit right here
at best, she could have asked him if she could invite her boyfriend along, as to make things very clear from the fucking start

>>18343700
not everyone is a male model

>>18342086
shes a slut, if she says that (or pretends) that is innocent she is just a retard or a whore. Start going for coffee with some other girl and see what she thinks then.

>>18342290
>Who does that

Whores who think their boyfriends are too dumb to know what going to a man's house for coffee means. The fact OP thinks there's still a chance nothing is happening means he's a dumb boyfriend who doesn't know what coffee at a man's house means.


She told him to his face she's going to go get dicked by her new coworker.

>>18343277
She knows what this is. You don't get to adulthood and not know what it means when you're invited to someone's house for coffee, unless you're a virgin aspie who's never been in the same room as a woman.

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Probably nothing.

>>18343316
But why is >>18343306 an idiot?

>>18342554
If she doesn't change to a coffee shop or bring you with, this.
>>18342086
OP, man, if she gave a fuck about you or wasn't dumb as fuck, she'd have declined or suggested an alternative that isn't sketchy as fuck. His house for fucks sake? Come on. But most people in here are right, either end it because it is crossing a line for you, wait for her to end it by cheating/whatever, or option 3 above and slowly detach yourself from her.

>>18343306
Best answer OP

>>18342086
Dump
Without even reading the thread, just dump

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dump her


if my gf even entertained this idea, id leave her immediately. Don't listen to the cucks saying to "trust her". your gf is after new dick, plain and simple. Otherwise she would've immediately declined.

There's nothing you can do but wait and see how her behaviour changes.
You won't gain by calling her out for something that she hasn't done yet.
You won't gain by being paranoid around her and protecting her from other 'threats'.
Either she is looking around and will not hesitate to be unfaithful or she is legitimately trying to make a friend. Give it some time and come to a decision when you have more information.

>>18345239
She's already done enough in a short time that this 27 yo coworker was confident enough to ask her to his house. The ball is already rolling.

>>18342086
OP, I bet this new coworker doesn't even know you exist. Your gf has never mentioned she is in a relationship.

>>18345744
she told me she did

>>18345836
lol

fucking end this shit already
go slap her in the face and leave her

>>18342086
time to break up

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>mfw OP stays in denial and gets cucked, becomes a pathetic beta moneygiver for the rest of his life before his """GF""" divorces him and takes half his shit

>>18342086
Unless he is gay then he is definitely trying to make a move on your girl. Also women when in a relationship still subconsciously seek attention from other men. So she wants to go over to his because she wants that D at least in the primal sense. Think about it. Before society demanded that monogamy was the only way to be in a relationship, primal women would seek multiple sexual partners to increase chances of conception. That primal instinct still exists within women. Men as well have this instinct.

>>18346853
when blood rushes to your genitals, male & female, you lack oxygen in your brain and rational thought is gone.

OP's girl met a new older guy and that pussy is swollen

>>18345836
you had to ask I bet?

If she did, and doubt it, she must have intimated your relationship was not solid and he believes there is a chance to hit it.

I asked a female coworker the other day if she was in a relationship and she said yes but grimaced and rolled her eyes. I took that as a no and we are meeting for drinks in a few. I found out from another coworker however she has been with the guy for over a year.

>>18342086
if she goes to other guys for coffee she doesn't respect you. She knows fully well this isn't acceptable and only does it because she things she can get away with you. My guess is she is preparing a branch swing.

Start mentally preparing for the worst, your relationship may be doomed.