Dating someone that did hard drugs

>>18340131
Why not, she is open about it and seems to be over it by now.
It's her past and i bet you have a black sheep in the closet aswell.

Was she an addict?

>>18340141
1 year is very little time to really "get over it" isn't it?

>>18340143
I don't think so, I think it was max 3 times for any of those drugs.

Difficult situation to advise on. As a person who has tried many hard drugs (and throughly enjoyed then) my environment/mental state had no bearing on those decisions. You need to figure your own litmus test to get a better gauge on her psychology. Saying that she wanted you to know "who you were dealing with" sounds sus.

>>18340131
If she's smart, then she may be one of the few who is smart enough to control a habit. It was probably just a fun time in her life to experiment with drugs, that is.

Take it slow, look for signs of drug use.

>dilated pupils
>sleep unusually long
>goes off the radar for no reason, 'bathroom breaks'
>fresh looking scars on arms
>jittery or spaced out

These things are usually obvious. Except, I'd say go for it if she keeps it to the weekend -- weekend warriors can be fun to date.

Just know no matter who it is, there will always be that yearning to do drugs, no matter what. But if she can keep that at bay and hold a steady job then there should be no problem.

Also, she may offer you some if she's still into drugs, believe me all it takes to avoid a few years of poverty, mental torture and other shit is just the word no. Just say no. It's not a meme, just say no.

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>There are people here who are open-minded about dating someone who has used multiple hard drugs

>>18340131
If you can trust that she means it when she says she doesn't plan on using any more then it's probably no big deal

If you find out she is though, then drop her ass, because she's probably fucking her coke buddies especially if she was keeping it from you

there's a big difference between "hard drug user" and "tried coke once at a party", and it sounds like she is the latter

I did a speedball (cocain and heroin for the uninformed) at a concert once, I can't say its made any impact on my life other than staining my shirt with puke

however I can't really see a situation where one would just happen to come across crack and try it. crack is some hardcore, inner-city-poverty drug, at least where I'm from

you might wanna get some more info and make sure she doesn't plan to use again OP

Been there, OP. Multiple times. Don't do it.

That kind of thing is never REALLY in the past, and especially if she's only one year removed from it. Which is not to say she'll use again per se, but that the reasons she used in the first place are most certainly still present and bound to be an issue. I will highly advise you to steer clear. She more than likely has a whole lot more work to do on herself before she can really be with someone, especially if she's bringing this up in early dates to tell you what you're dealing with.

She's warning you so that when it becomes a problem (which it will) she can say she told you so. Believe her, respect that she was honest, but move on.

>>18340247
This is the best advice posted.

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>>18340131
What does she mean by "know who your dealing with"? Does she have mental illness? What about morally, do either of you have unethical pasts?

I'm back
>>18340264
not sure what she means, I'm a homebody compared to her so I think she wants me to know about our differences.

>>18340247
good point, she has talked about her issues but it always struck me as though she was over it by the way she talked about them

>>18340210
>>18340197
I'll probably end up doing this, just seeing if I can find a bit more info.

>>18340131
I dated a girl like this for two years. In my experience, it was just one of several red flags that I was too blinded by feelings to heed. Proceed, but don't let yourself be blinded by love, because you will eventually see the person that she is.

>>18340148
>>18340144
>>18340143
Then don't worry about it. If you're so much of a titty baby that a little crack and IV heroin scares you off then maybe you should go crawl into a hole and be alone forever, so you don't spread your shitty inferior genes

>>18340210
Wait, how did you do a speedball at a concert once? Did you IV it?

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>>18340131

Listen.

Tons of people struggle with addiction. Some have genuinely sought redemption and achieved it and some have not. I think its unfair to say "she used to do drugs" and use that as an excuse to dismiss her entire worth as a person or a girlfriend. I think context and her current daily life is super important.

Millions of people have successfully recovered from drug addiction. The unfortunate part about drug addictions is that they're real and palpable and extremely destructive forces in people's lives, while in the mean time people who are addicted to cigarettes and caffeine and porn and sex and food and sugar turn their noses up at the drug addicts and pretend as though they're too good for substance dependency.

She will always be an addict. She will always have to take steps to address her addictive behavior and seek treatment and support when needed. There will always be a risk she could go back. A year ago is not that long ago.

I think its really up to you to decide how much risk this girl seems worth taking. We don't know you or her so we can't answer that question for you. All we can give you is speculation and anecdotal evidence based on our own experiences, which, isn't really helpful when talking about a specific person we've never met.

You have to decide, dude. This is the kind of conversation about your concerns you should be having with her, not a bunch of angry teenage virgins on the internet.

>>18340388
>its unfair to say "she used to do drugs" and use that as an excuse to dismiss her entire worth as a person or a girlfriend

No one said anything about diminishing anyone's worth or whatever, just being realistic about whether or not this is a red flag that it's not someone who can offer the kind of relationship OP is looking for. Anyone has the right to want what they want and decide if someone else seems like they can offer it to them. You're being super insecure about it like someone just judged anyone with a substance abuse issue or something.

Hell they will even tell you not to date for your first 12 months of AA. You're just not in a place to be focusing on anything but your sobriety.

>>18340400
>they even tell you in AA that you're not in a place to be dating anybody
You know that AA is a complete farce, right? A very small percentage of people who're associated with AA stay clean through the program, and in my experience, most of them aren't even 100% abstinent (but will keep on taking those chips anyway)

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>>18340400

>just being realistic about whether or not this is a red flag that it's not someone who can offer the kind of relationship OP is looking for.

>You're being super insecure about it like someone just judged anyone with a substance abuse issue or something.

So did you even read the rest of my post or did you just stop at the sentence you had a problem with and typed a response to it out of context?

Did you read the part where I encouraged OP to have an open and honest conversation with her and himself about what kind of risk he's willing to take for this relationship? The part where I encouraged him to make his own decision and be realistic about the possible cons of dating an addict? You know, the part where I literally said the exact same thing you did?

>>18340417
I read it. I just pulled that part out because it seemed really unnecessary.

>>18340450

>I just pulled that part out because it seemed really unnecessary.

It was absolutely necessary. OP asked, "Hey, is it worth it to pursue a relationship with someone who has done drugs?" and I said "Hey, its probably unfair to dismiss someone's ability as a partner solely on the fact that they've done drugs before, you have to weigh all of the pros and cons and make your own decision."

Not to mention the fact that multiple people in this thread immediately said "No, don't do it" without knowing anything else about her other than the fact that she's done drugs.

So, yeah, gotta read and interpret everything in its entirety, anon, not just individual sentences that rub you wrong when read out of context. It really helps this whole constructive discourse thing go a lot smoother.

>>18340377
>>18340276
no, originally I just did coke but then I encountered some dudes doing heroin out the back so I gave them $10 for a line

I was an edgy teen

also, worth mentioning, if I met someone I liked, I would NEVER tell them about that shit. let it stay in the past. seems weird to me that she even brought it up to you.

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>>18340276
So you don't truly understand when she says "know who your dealing with". That right there is a problem you need to fix by directly asking her. If anything, that's your first step before making a decision. I didn't take that seriously, found out she was borderline, ofc I got cheated on. Avoid the pain, find closure.

>>18340131
Heroin is just... the best.

>>18340450
>>18340485

Schooled

>>18340512
She's being completely transparent with him, I think that's pretty classy
I kinda agree with you though, I don't think I would say it, but that's because I'm a pussy

>>18340537
lmao Have you talked to a girl before? I've met tons of girls who initially pour out their addictions, mental illnesses, not even on a date. It's not 'classy', it's a red flag she could likely have issues.

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>>18340553

>I've met tons of girls who initially pour out their addictions, mental illnesses, not even on a date.

Context, anon. Dumping your unsolicited emotional baggage on someone isn't the same as being honest about your checkered past with someone you want to be in a committed long term relationship with.

Context. Key word.

>>18340566
If you have no problem telling someone you just met about personal issues, you certainly won't have a problem telling a significant other.

Cringe. Key word.

>>18340566
Cont'd That is unless you're projecting the 'checkered' past' you're so insecure to hide.

>>18340580

>If you have no problem telling someone you just met about personal issues, you certainly won't have a problem telling a significant other.

OP has been on 6 dates with this girl. What are you even talking about?

>>18340580
>If you have no problem telling someone you just met about personal issues
You're not supposed to delve into the details of your parents messy and traumatic divorce on the first date, anon.

>>18340485
We have very different interpretations of what's gone on in this thread. Outside of >>18340192 who is memeposting and should be outright ignored, it seemed to me that most everyone else up to that point was either seeking further clarification, encouraging OP to step carefully, or to avoid the situation not because she simply had a history with drugs, but because there are signs that it's still an issue or because they have actual experience with it that informs their advice.

It may just be a matter of semantics, but I definitely jumped on that line because you said "its unfair to say..." as if people in this thread were actually saying those things, rather than "it would be unfair to say..." which is what it seems is the real spirit of your post. Which is entirely reasonable.

>>18340589
I wasn't talking about OP retard.
>>18340591
That would depend on the individual person.
Go read a fucking book.

>>18340584

>Cont'd That is unless you're projecting the 'checkered' past' you're so insecure to hide.

I don't know what this is supposed to mean. Are we speculating about hypothetical situations and people or are we talking about OP and his specific problem?

>>18340593

>It may just be a matter of semantics, but I definitely jumped on that line

And like I said, don't jump on lines, jump on the post as a whole. Arguments aren't going to make any sense if you cherry pick sentences out of context that are worded in ways you don't agree with and expect your retort to make sense back in context with the entire argument. If I make a statement and then later on in the same post lay several qualifiers for that statement then the original statement itself holds a completely different meaning than if you just pluck it out and base your entire response on it.

OP inquired in his first post as to whether or not her drug history was enough evidence to stop pursuing a relationship with this girl and my answer, in its most simplest terms, was no. It was a pretty straight forward answer, regardless of your qualms with its wording. If you were confused about what I was trying to imply with the wording all you had to do was keep reading and the overall context and tone of my post would of clarified it.

Context, anon. Without context we're not having a structured debate, we're just trading hypotheticals and semantics.

>>18340602

>I wasn't talking about OP retard.

Well, we're all busy talking about OP and you're rambling on about some hypothetical girl that overshares on the first date. How about you get on the same page as us? It might help your confusion.

>>18340607
I never mentioned anything about a date, or hypothetical girl. I was talking about girls I've met with no platonic relation. Do you just assume every female you interact with is a date?

>>18340604
You're missing my point. Like I said, I read your whole post. And in the same way that you're continually talking about the larger context of your post, I'm talking about the larger context of the thread. I agree with the message of your post, but don't talk like people are saying things they aren't or dismiss all the other advice as the words of bitter virgins or whatever you said. He was getting pretty good advice up to that point.