Girlfriend pressuring me to get married.

Well... Why don't you want to get married?

>>18339516

You've made it clear to her, she has to accept it or move on. If she brings it up again, continue to be upfront and tell her you don't believe in marriage.

When me and my partner met, we were both against marriage. Over time we fell in love and even though I wouldn't want a big wedding, I would like to be his wife. I told him this and he said he would be perfectly happy to marry me and I think it's just because I genuinely don't want it for any reason other than to make us a family. No big wedding, no expensive gestures, just me and him in a room.

What are your reservations about getting married, if you don't mind me asking?

>>18339516
What a selfish twat. You don't love her, tell her you don't love her and just brake up already. You sound stupid

>>18339516
Break up. Human nature is to solve problems. If it becomes annoying to you and you remove all your other options from the table (breaking up for instance), you'll eventually do what it takes to stop the problem unless you are some paragon of man which most aren't.

Remove the irritation or accept the fact that she wants marriage. Women get hung up on emotions and technicalities. She's probably just very bothered that she can't call you husband or you call her wife which makes it feel incomplete to her. Not to mention social stigmas of introducing your boyfriend at 50+ years old. That's very unlikely to change.

Make your choice and move on.

>>18339542

Can I also add to this - it's highly likely that all her friends will be getting married and having children, which is probably one of the major reason she feels like she has to do it.

If she's talking about the type of wedding she wants, the dress, the venue, all that kind of stuff, then she wants "a wedding" and not just to marry you.

I've seen so many women go down this route and end up ridiculously unhappy once all the attention is over. Then comes the request for a baby, or sometimes not even asking...

Only you know your girlfriend though. I think the answers so far have been very good.

>Together for 6 years
>Would rather break up with girlfriend than get married to her
Why the fuck are you even with her then?

>>18339516
1. Why is marriage important to her?
2. Why is it important to you to remain unmarried?

I'm kind of on your side, I think marriage is a very serious, practical decision and it's a mistake to treat it as a symbol or a romantic gesture. If you're planning on having children and starting a family, marriage makes sense. If you're not, it doesn't.

But you have to understand it from her perspective, too: If she DOES want children & family in her future, she doesn't have all the time in the world to wait for you. The "biological clock" is a very real thing. It sounds like you really gotta make up your mind and decide if you want a future with her or not.

>>18339523
>>18339531
Not him but there's no reason for a guy to get married these days. The only thing is tax breaks which are negated by the fact that you help support another human being. The system is skewed so women can divorce a man and take a large part of his income or worse. You're risking so much for 0 benefit.

The question you should be asking is "What reason is there for you to get married?"

>>18339516
Do NOT get married if you do not want to. EVER. Stick to your guns. Your doing the right thing.
If she made a Pros and Cons list for men getting married she would realize how little sense it makes for men to marry some woman.

>>18339560
I don't understand this mindset, do you think a piece of paper and a ceremony makes your relationship more legitimate? A relationship is a relationship, it's companionship and all that garbage. If you can't love someone without marriage, you're the problem not the other person.

>>18339576
Because for most people, a long, serious relationship leads up to starting a family together. If your plan is to never have children, and just be 2 adults in a permanent relationship, then there's no reason to get married. But if you have children together, you really do need the legal & financial security provided by a marriage contract.

>>18339567
Wow what a stupid statement. Maybe don't marry a gold digging bitch. I'm married, supporting my husband while he goes to school. We live in a house that I bought. We have kids together that I also am supporting fully. If we were to divorce I would still have to help pay back his school loans. Point is that if you chose to marry a lazy girl who dosen't work and would take your money that's your mistake. Not all women are like that. Marriage isn't a bad thing, marrying someone who you don't know what well or someone who would take advantage of you is. If your stupid and pick a bad partner that's your mistake.

>>18339582
You can have a family without marriage.

>if you have children together, you really do need the legal & financial security provided by a marriage contract.
No you don't because marriage doesn't offer any of that.

"Financial security"? What does that mean in the context of a man? It doesn't mean anything to him, to a woman it means you can wring him for alimony later.

>>18339589

You can wring someone for alimony regardless of whether you're married.

Getting married does help when you have children, specifically with surnames (although there are other ways you could do this that don't involve marriage).

You're right, marriage isn't a necessity even if you choose to have children, but the idea of creating your own family is nice.

I think the biggest issue with marriage (as I said earlier) is that it has become a trendy thing to do. People are spending a lifetime of savings on these grandiose weddings and most of the time, the man isn't involved at all and couldn't give less of a fuck. It's an empty gesture based on Disney princess attitudes by women who have no real interest in who they're marrying - only in being the centre of attention on "their" wedding day.

>>18339589
That's the point, man. Why would any woman feel safe giving birth to your kids, possibly quitting her job to raise them, if you could just "go out for cigarettes" and never come back without any consequence? You make a commitment because you ARE committed to raising those kids together for at least 18 years. Your idea that we're all supposed to do it on blind "trust" is not consistent with the way people actually behave. Guys run out on their families all the time. Women do too. If you're married, it ensures that BOTH of you are in it together even if your feelings change.

People are so fucking cynical about this stuff now... there's a good reason it's done this way. Feelings are fickle, that's why you put in in writing. Because those kids still need you even if you wake up feeling "unhappy" one day

>>18339588
Ah, the classic "Not all women are like that." response.

Yeah all women who do that are legit gold diggers or are openly gold diggers, because the world is that black and white.

Very few women given the chance will reject taking that much money because it's not even a like I'm saying women who do that are evil, it's just you'd be stupid not to. "Oh you just divorced half your household income, do you want to continue getting his money or not?" Of course most women would fucking take it.

Besides, the woman who you marry and the woman who you divorce are two different people essentially. The woman who you marry loves you and wants whats best for you, the woman who you divorce is at best indifferent to you and in most cases fucking hates you. You're telling me to trust a woman that at best, doesn't like me right now, to not fuck me over? Get out.

But the most important point of all and why this argument is stupid: Okay not all women are like that, so what? You're telling me to risk half my income for no reason. Even if not all women are like that, some women are. You're not going fucking tell me you are because you benefit from not telling me and even if you genuinely feel you won't right now, that doesn't mean you will when we break up.

You're still telling me to gamble on you while you don't have to gamble anything.

>>18339516
>pressuring me to get married
anytime this sentence is thought or uttered, it should be an immediate, undeniable fucking RUN

>>18339589
>>18339608
It is so weird and wrong that his attitude of women being stupid spoiled children is so excepted. Like the women who are that way are just tolerated or even indulged by most men. Then the only men who don't like it think literally all women are like that. It is shameful and needs to be faded out. Girls aren't princesses and your not special because you have a pussy. Maybe if it wasn't just expected for all girls to think that we'd have less of them as adults.

>>18339608
>You can wring someone for alimony regardless of whether you're married.
No you can't because alimony is specifically a divorce thing. Child support =/= Marriage. Whether you're married or not, a woman will get child support. She can't get alimony if you never married her though.

>Getting married does help when you have children, specifically with surnames
I don't understand what you mean, children will have their father's last name married or not. Do you mean the woman? She can change her name if she feels like it.

>You're right, marriage isn't a necessity even if you choose to have children, but the idea of creating your own family is nice.
You can have a family without marriage.

The problem with marriage is it's not an equal exchange. For a man it's all risk and no reward.

if you don't want to get married then don't get married. if you don't want to be with someone who is constantly trying to get you to marry them then break up with her. if you want to stay with her, know that she can reach her limit at any point and break up with you for no other reason other than wanting to get married. there is no right or wrong answer, it's all up to what you're prepared to deal with.

>>18339625
You are wrong. I'm a women I have a child by my ex and refuse to get any kind of child support. I recognize that my kid is my responsibility and that there was never any promise that I would have help. If my husband and I divorced I would never expect him to give me money he works for. And also a women can have just as much risk as a man, I'd have to still pay back my husbands student loans. My name is on them, he dosen't have to pay anything if we went together. I don't have any debt at all. So I'm sorry your sexist bs isn't flying. I'm usually really agents any kid if feminist crap but you just sound so uninformed and jaded, like you got your feels hurt by some girl and don't trust anyone now. If you don't want to ever have a real relationship with trust that's fine, it's your choice. But having this worped mindset that your some huge catch that no women could ever measure up to or be worthy of is stupid. You think all men are better then all women and only they have a risk in marriage. That simply isn't true. There are just as many shity guys who ruin relationships and fuck over there wives. But not all marriages fail, you assume all will but that's not true at all. If you actually get to know and love a person before jumping into it marriage can be a great thing. It needs to be taken more seriously, it's an important part or society and a huge part of raising successful children.

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>>18339681
>I'm a women

>>18339694
>I have a dick and make excuses about how unfair women are because I'm scared of them :/

>>18339681
>I'm a women I have a child by my ex and refuse to get any kind of child support.
Uh, okay? What does that have to do with anything? Your refusal doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you don't have to be married to get it or that women out there won't fuck you over.

>I divorced I would never expect him to give me money he works for.
Uh huh, okay? Still don't know what your point is besides you trying to be a snowflake.

>women can have just as much risk as a man
They don't.

>I'd have to still pay back my husbands student loans
Nothing to do with marriage itself and you signed up for that. I don't sign up to get half my income taken away.

>like you got your feels hurt by some girl and don't trust anyone now
Ah, here we go. It was only a matter of time.

>You think all men are better then all women and only they have a risk in marriage.
Never said anything about men being better than women. I would never trust a man to not take half my money either, dear. Are you fucking kidding me? It's a shit deal because it's a contract that's just saying "I'm going to sign my name here and hope you don't fuck me over in divorce court in 5 years." Nothing to do with gender. Also yes, only men have the risk in marriage. It was designed that way intentionally.

>There are just as many shity guys who ruin relationships and fuck over there wives.
Uh huh, what does that have to do with marriage specifically?

>you assume all will but that's not true at all
I never said they would. Now you're just putting words in my mouth.

>If you actually get to know and love a person before jumping into it marriage can be a great thing
Marriage doesn't upgrade your relationship, you still have the same relationship. It's just now you've been given the option to fuck him over, that's not a great thing.

>>18339700
Why are you assuming that about that anon? He (she?) is just making fun of your grammar, which makes sense because spelling woman as women in singular is so stupid. They don't even sound alike.

>>18339516
You're common law married if you have cohabitated for any significant time and presented yourselves as a couple.

Notice that the women here are not denying that a woman can completely tear your income to shreds, they're trying to skirt around the issue. They know it's true, it's fucking disgusting how they just can't be honest and say "Yeah, it's kind of shitty for guys but I still want to do it because of course I do."

>>18339738
Depends on the state.

>>18339744
I don't think anyone's saying that alimony can be extremely unfair in a lot of situations, or that divorce laws can screw men over.
I just think it is sad to feel like a partner of 6 years doesn't trust you enough to know you wouldn't screw them over, or even to feel that your income and the things you own matter to you more than knowing she's happy.

Lmao all these idiot men who probably only make like 25k a year thinking that they have so much to risk.

>>18339570
Would actually be interested to see OP do this and report back.
Perhaps this would be a good way to have her see it from your point of view

>>18339753
I'm not OP but

>your income and the things you own matter to you more than knowing she's happy.
lol? This is hilarious.

If a woman actually loved you, she wouldn't try to convince you to do something so stupid.

>>18339757
Don't know what you mean because the poorer you are, the more stupid marriage becomes. I make 90k a year, if 45k was taken out of my paycheck ever year, it would be awful but I'd still survive. Guys who make 25k and get half taken away are now in fucking poverty.

>>18339811
From my point of view is just sad that a man wouldn't trust me, love me and care about me more than he loves and cares about the things he owns.

Then, I don't want to get married ever. I don't care. So it will literally never be an issue for me. But if someone told me "I'm not marrying you because I don't trust you with my money" I'd be very sad.

>>18339827
Except it's not that he doesn't trust you, he doesn't trust the you after you two have divorced. There's a clear difference there.

If I got married, I would trust my wife with handling my money and spending it properly. I don't trust her if we divorce though, obviously not.

And again, why are you asking him to get married knowing all this terrible shit is a risk for him? You don't actually love him if acknowledging all of this you're still trying to get him on board.

>>18339877
I wouldn't become a different woman if we get a divorce, I'd still be the person he knows - who is still not the kind of person who would go out of her way to ruin a man she cares about.

Because loving someone is about taking risks for them. I take risks for him too. Being a housewife and giving up on your career is taking a risk too. Carrying a baby means risking to die so we can have children. Relationships are about taking risks for each other, investing on each other.

>ITT /r9k/ gives marriage advice

>>18339567
>Not him but there's no reason for a guy to get married these days.
I hear this so much and I get that in the US you get royally fucked over in terms of alimony, but still, in many cases nowadays marriage is more for the man than anything else. More and more women have their own income or are the breadwinner of the family (http://motto.time.com/4607876/female-breadwinners-rise-report/), for the younger generations women already go to college and are employed more often than their male counterparts.
Whereas there's still many places in the world, if not most, where a man is shit out of luck in terms of his parental rights if he's not married to the mother of his children.

If you don't want to have kids, disregard the post, then marriage is just a personal choice.

>>18339909
>I wouldn't become a different woman if we get a divorce
Your attitude would be different and you'd have to be completely dishonest to not admit that. The woman on my wedding day and the woman at my divorce hearing might as well be two different people. They don't have the same feelings and attitude towards me, that's just a fact. I'm not going to trust my ex who may or may not hate me at that time with MY financial future. If you can't admit how that's absurd, you're intentionally being dishonest.

>loving someone is about taking risks for them
No it doesn't. I don't see women risking their income on a marriage.

>Being a housewife and giving up on your career is taking a risk too.
Oh please. This is 2017 and the large majority of women continue their careers after marriage and children, this is not the standard anymore.

>Carrying a baby means risking to die so we can have children
Again, this is 2017. The risk of dying after childbirth is practically nonexistent

The only one taking a major risk here is the man. Also false equivalencies, if you give up your career to raise a family, that's at least a decision you made. There are still tons of men out there ignorant to the risks of marriage, nobody tells the guy when he's signing the papers what could happen to him. Nobody lays it out there plain as day this thing he's signing might ruin him.

All the risks for women have been largely reduced to nothing. The risk of a man is still the same and it doesn't have to be, you've been saying "there's risks with relationships" as if trying to justify this. This doesn't need to happen, there's no reason for this to exist except the straight benefit of women. Stop trying to justify it.

>>18339640
>children will have their father's last name married or not
This is not true whatsoever, at least in the US. My parents weren't married when I was born and I was legally known by my mother's first name by default, even though neither of them wanted that. They had to legally change it to my father's last name later.