I'm 25 years old and I want new friends

>>18339118
You're honestly a bit of a bastard anon.
Your friends may need your help and you're just going to abandon or drop them? Because they're not ""cool"" enough? They struggle with life? Honestly you would think someone who's been through what you have would be a bit more supportive and helpful to your friends. Instead you come here asking for advice on how to drop your longtime friends? The fuck is wrong with you. Help them out you selfish son of a bitch. Don't come crawling here asking how to make new friends.
I wish you would kill yourself and your friends lives got better.
You're a pretty poor excuse for a human being.

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>>18339138
Yeah fuck that shit.

I have tried CONSTANTLY to help my friends.

I've always tried to do more active shit with them.

I've spent years inviting them out to concerts. Years of being available to them or whatever. years of trying to be their friend.

Look, you know how I stopped being a depressed faggot loser? I woke up one morning, looked myself in the eyes and swore to myself I'd do WHATEVER it fucking took to never feel like I wanted to kill myself again. I was put in the psychward, I'm a 25 year old man and I still have very obvious self-harm scars all over me people will always see. But I still try to spend each day just working on myself, moving forward and trying to make my life better.

And I've DEFINITELY fucking tried to be a good friend to these people. But this is the thing.

They've made their choice. No matter how much I try to help them, offer advice, offer support, offer to go out with them, offer to hit the gym with them, NO MATTER WHAT, these friends ALWAYS make the same choice.

They want to be fat.

They want to be tired.

They want to be lazy.

They want to be sad.

They want to be fuck boys.

Let them be fuck boys.

I'm tired of being friends with fuck boys.

I'm not a fuck boy. They CHOSE to be that way.

I've done everything I fucking can to help these people. I've been more than a good friend to people, and it's just not being reciprocated. I don't think these guys have the energy to put in 1/10th of the effort into being a friend that I've tried to put in for them.

They want to be losers.

What do you want me to do? Consistently spend my life trying to get these loserish people to turn into winners, to turn into the kind of people I want to be friends with?

Eventually you hate to cut your losses and realizes you outgrow people sometimes. And right now for me the best thing to do is to stop worrying about these people who WANT to be unhappy, unhealthy and unaccomplished and work on associating with and meeting the right people.

>>18339118
You gain friends by doing some common activities with them periodically together.

Once you are out of school, it is time to get gf and marry, maybe try to hook up with coleagues from work.

What do you do op with some people so you can get friends?

>>18339153
Alright anon, I'll humour you,
How to find new friends and leave the old ones behind? Just stop talking to the old ones. If you really feel you've done everything you can, and your conscience is clear, stop initiating contact. If they come to you for help or support, give it, but stop messaging them first.
Second, change up your attitude, it's great you got through your shit, seriously kudos, but don't think it makes you stronger or better than others. That shit will make you a shitty person to be around.
How to make new friends? Be you and be strong in that. Sounds vague but what I mean is don't pretend to be anyone else. People are naturally drawn to people who radiate confidence. You don't have to be loud, funny and out there but if you're confident in yourself you'll find it easier to talk to people.
Then go get hobbies, talk to people who share hobby.
Shooting, painting, music anything. Find new places to meet people. Friends aren't made artificially but naturally.
Again, props for trying to improve yourself. Just don't be a dick about it.

>>18339153
You don't have a right to change people. You don't have a right to criticize people for working and having priorities, you know, now that they're adulta, that are different from your childish and selfish demands. Maybe they think you're a tool and they don't like you enough to hang out with you because you're always criticizing them. Why don't you fuck off and get some new friends. You don't have to send people a "Cease and Desist Being My Friend" notice, just move on.

You sound like a whinging brat. I'd suggest you take a look at yourself and make an attempt to grow up, as your friends have. My guess is that while you were depressed in highschool and hiding they had gotten all of this crap out of their system. Meet some equally immature people and move on.

>>18339118
"Literally?"

>>18339162
>get married

I'm definitely working on getting a gf, multiple girls I've been talking to/going out with. Getting married seems like too far of a step, maybe when I'm 35 or meet someone I actually, really really like.

But for sure I want to maybe try to find some activities where I can actually meet new people.

>>18339176
I appreciate the advice. I've definitely had people attracted to me because I radiate confidence, which was an entirely new experience for me since I was always that depressed kid. It's like a foreign experience to me to be happy and outgoing. If I'm being honest, I'm still getting used to being a happy person.

I try not to be a dick about it but man, this is the thing. Most people have never REALLY wanted to kill themselves. Most people have never been so fucked up other people started calling 911 on them to send them to the hospital. It's like, when you get out of shit like that it's hard not to feel permanently damaged even if you get out of it. It's tough not to be rough around the edges or forget what it feels like to truly be at the bottom. No matter how much you improve, no matter how fit and well fed you become. you can always look in the mirror and see the dilapidated person who wanted to die staring back at you. And it's just like, I NEVER want to be anything close to that person ever again.

I don't think it's selfish or cruel to just want friends who can match you. But yeah I'll try to just slow down contact with these friends and try to initiate contact with the kind of people I think would make better friends to me. I definitely just try to confidently be myself.

>>18339184
My "friends" are manchildren and they know they aren't shit. I know if anything they feel intimidated by me now because I'm so much more than the guy they used to be friends with.

My friends in their current state literally remind me of high school/depressed me. Like I want to help them and shit but there's only so much one person can do.

Also let me be clear when I talk about the depression shit, my friends never really helped me there either. I had to crawl out of that shit myself. I'd say the psychiatrists and the doctors helped me the most, with the vast majority of it coming from myself.

I don't expect other people to understand the circumstances I came from or why I ended up being that person but I know I've improved myself immensely and I have myself to thank for it. I've helped these friends more than they've helped me and I don't feel like it gets reciprocated much, which is why I want new friends.

>>18339199
With time those rough edges need to come off anon, you've been forged in fire and hammered into shape, now you need the shitty bits shaved off. I believe you can do it. First step is to like I said be available for your current friends but don't get bogged down by them. Second, find a girl who'll support you but also call you out if you're going too far off track. How to find her? Be patient! Keep that confidence up. If you're confident, like you said you'll attract people naturally, but you need to carefully select someone who'll be your greatest ally come thick and thin. Someone who's been where you've been can be useful but it can be a detrimentas she may drag you down. Just be patient and keep things in perspective. For a while you were like your friends, don't forget that. Don't forget what it's like you be there, and realise anyone can be there and it's damn hard to get out. Be sensitive and patient to people, especially any new friends. They're not going to be perfect, OK?

>>18339214
Finding a good girl is really tough but I'm trying to work on it. I honestly don't even know if I know how to be a boyfriend or any shit like that. Most people learn that in high school or college. I'm almost 26 years old and my relationship experience is basically a dead resume. Relationships that last 1 month or 1 night or something don't really count. But thank you for the advice, I try to really cut out all the edgy shit cause I know it's just baggage.

Also like I said I don't want to get married. My brother got married at 26 (to a woman he's admitted he wished he didn't get stuck with, had kids and doesn't want to divorce on them) and honestly I don't think he's really happy with the state of his life after 10 years.

>>18339222
I'm sorry your view on marriage has turned to a shit one. In all seriousness, I totally understand those MGTOW guys. I don't agree, but they're pretty right in saying men are so hardcore screwed in relationships today, especially marriage.
Who gives a damn about """experience""" with a relationship? What, you didn't have a bunch of girlfriends that meant nothing for
When you were in high school? Who gives a shit. And how to be a boyfriend? You find what works in your damn relationship, who gives a fuck what the world thinks a relationship should be or what a boyfriend should do. You figure that out with her. You be honest and upfront the with your beauand if she's a keeper she'll be happy to have someone who isn't weighed down by preconceptions or whatever. You do you. And you're right about quitting the edgy shit. All in time though. Find a good hobby. I like painting miniatures, it's stupid to some but it gives me joy and it lets me talk with people and improve being me. You got this

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>>18339238
Honestly if I look at it from that perspective, actually gives me a bit more confidence going into relationships. I always feel really insecure about the fact that I didn't have a dating life in highschool and college really.

As for marriage, all I can say is that I'll wait until I have a girlfriend I actually like that I can stand living with for at least a year before I'll even think about marriage. I have another brother who got married at 28, he's been happily married about 12 years. So I don't think my view is "fucked up", but to put it in perspective, my parents were split up before I was born. I've never seen my parents so much as hug, kiss or even shake hands. The main thing I've seen my parents do is exchange envelopes and cheques. And holler at one another over the phone. This was what my parents did to me, this is what I saw. I just don't even know what a marriage looks like, I never had an example in front of me.

The whole concept of marriage just seems like this weird alien thing I don't really understand and don't really want to until I'm anywhere near a position of getting married. My father is 65 years old and has three girlfriends, has constantly had tons of girlfriends and not once got married (even to my mother). He's a pretty happy guy. I mean, he got a 20 something year old woman pregnant when he was 40 so stop and think about that one.

I've accepted that I could probably be happy both married or unmarried. I don't think of it as this thing I have to do, just something I could do if I want to. I definitely want to have children though once I have enough money to support them no matter what happens.

>>18339251
Again, I think you shouldn't worry too much about even marriage being a foreign concept to you. It's a massive commitment for sure. And it's understandable to be wary. My thoughts are that you should most of all communicate. Communication is one of the glues that hold a relationship together. Be willing to compromise. Make sure you have similar views on children and finances and I reckon the rest will fall into place.
I'm assuming but I reckon your dad is pretty empty inside. 3 girlfriends and knocking up girls half his age, he's missing true affection and love and seeks to drown himself in women who fawn over him not love him. You don't want a life like that for sure.
If you and your spouse are willing to talk all the time and show affection in many different ways, or the ways that mean the mosthe to you, then it'll be fine.
Go look up the 5 love languages. It's how you most express/prefer to be shown love. If you both know each others love language as well it's massive
You're on your way anon.

>>18339206

Good for you man. I get it and I've been in a similar situation. You don't want to be surrounded by toxic miserable people who don't make effort to fix their lives. That's fair. First, I would suggest to let your old friendships die out, fade away. People naturally just drift apart. Do that. Stop showing up to things and just say vague things like I don't have time, etc.

Next, what are your interests and hobbies? Find the "cool" people who like what you do and figure out where they hang out. Or join meets that interest you.

You like music and concerts? Find forums and shit to talk about it. Bond with people who interest you. Go from there.

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>>18339290
Yeah my dad and I don't get along well. He's a very irresponsible father too. But at the same time, I'm practically the splitting image of that guy and have way more in common with him than I like to admit. So for all I know that kind of lifestyle might fit me best. I really don't know but I will try to look up that book you mentioned. I'm a total dumbass when it comes to relationships. I suspect my father is too.

>>18339315
This is gonna sound mad corny but I've been hitting up KanyeToThe cause /mu/ is a toxic community of angsty teens and I can actually relate to some of the KTT people. I don't know if any of them meet up in person to go to shows or anythign like that.

I'd like to get more involved in comic book related stuff since that's been a lifelong interest/hobby of mine. If I could find a girl who was into trap/rnb music and comic books (lol, I know how dumb that sounds) I might have to try to girlfriend her.

>>18339321
You're not a dumb arse with relationships, you've just not had many, very very different things. You may be similar to your dad in some ways, but you're not him. You decide who you are. You decide what path you follow assad what makes you happy.
Protip, his lifestyle won't make anyone happy.
Also, the love languages is even just an online quiz. But some reading about relationships also is an excellent idea anon!

>>18339321

That's pretty cool lol. There's nothing wrong with relating to people who may have been through the same shit you've been through. I think it makes you a really strong person to carry yourself out of misery. It's difficult even for people without extremely shitty experiences.

You could find people who are into Kanye. There's ton of them, he's got a lot of fans even if people call him a gay fish. LOL

Based on your images, you seem interested in comics. There are lots of chicks into that stuff. Probably because it's more mainstream these days but that's good shit for you.
> trap/rnb music and comic books
That's not too difficult of a mix. I'm sure you'll find yourself a qt with those interests in no time. I'm rooting for you lol. GL anon!

>>18339321
Also your interests and desire to find a grill with those interests is the furthest thing from dumb. Own it! Love your hobbies and be confident.
/mu/ is pretty cancerous. But there are always plenty of other good places for discussion online.
I'm a filthy vinyl collecter myself. I love them. If a girl isn't interested in your hobby, open it up to them! If they aren't willing to try new things or even get into the things you love a lot, drop them! A true loyal waifu will try out your fun hobbies, but she doesn't have to love them. The important thing is that she's open minded in that way. You gotta be open minded to her as well.

>>18339333
>>18339332
>>18339329
thank you for all the positive encouragement. you guys made me feel a lot more confident about being myself. I always feel kind of embarrassed about the comic stuff and feel like I should hide it but I guess being honest will benefit me in the long run.

>>18339335
Keep it up OP. Life will go up from here for you. You seem cool indeed, own it!

>>18339335

Np OP. You seem like a cool dude, I wouldn't mind being your friend lol. What's your kik? Don't be embarrassed about what you like. Comics are pretty mainstream now honestly. Marvel DC movies are everywhere you can't escape it.

>>18339118

I agree that OP is coming off as high and mighty here. Just dismissing his friends' problems and acting like it was them that were dragging him down the whole time.

OP you say your friends "act like they're old and depressed", well maybe they just do have some psychological issues, that's not their fault. Also it's really a bit rude to talk negatively of people that you're supposed to be friends with behind their backs, I know they won't find out but it feels rather sly to me.

I don't think it's healthy to think of yourself or anyone else as a "loser", it makes it sound like some big competition. I almost never come across the word "loser" except on boards like this. If one guy is going around getting all the bitches and the fancy cars and another guy is on unemployment and screwing up all the time, that doesn't automatically make the latter a "loser", at least not in the hateful conceited way some people say the word.

OP, you sound a lot like me. I went through some periods of severe depression and came out out of it, wanting to live my life and get true enjoyment out of things instead of just giving up and accepting my life was going to be work until I retired and died.

I wouldn't listen to the "get married" anon. I'm sure their heart is in the right place, but they even said "after college is the time to settle down and get married," which is essentially the same thing your friends are doing - setting arbitrary limits of when to give up on what they enjoy because someone somewhere once told them that was how it was done.

What I did to revamp my old friendships was get into some fantasy football leagues with friends I hadn't seen in a while. Maybe someone I knew in high school that I'd fallen away from, or just one guy I knew that was looking to fill a slot in a group of people I didn't know. It worked great and gave me someone different than my high school friends.

I also made friends at work, but most of my coworkers are around my age, so that was easier done than I think most have it.

Now, I will say that at 30, a lot of these same issues are popping up... Everyone is having kids and doesn't have the energy or time to go out, but still I soldier on.

Get married when you meet the right girl, NOT because you feel it's a box you need to check off. Otherwise you'll just end up stuck with some fat woman you hate, or lose half of your shit and be living in an apartment with no money when you're 40.

>>18339445

Not OP, but some people are just losers and have given up on both themselves and any help. You can't save everyone. And there's a difference in not helping someone who is going through a rough time, and not helping someone who sabotages themselves.

>>18339153
Can confirm - you can't lead a horse to water and expect it to drink.

> be me two years ago
> be in college at 22, about to graduate in a few months
> realize all my friends do is smoke weed and play vidya,
> two of them took "break years" in the middle of college to "relax before senior year"
> a good number of this group only have highschool educations, or dropped out of college


I try constantly to get them out with me, always ends up in them being so stoned it sucks

>"Hey friend, wanna go with me to the movies?"
>"Sure, I'll bring the bud."
>"Alright..."
> friend smokes in parking lot,
> falls asleep in movie
> goes straight to his home after to smoke more weed and go to sleep

eventually I just gave up and stopped engaging them first. A few of my friends kinda caught on to this and strted getting a lot better about things,


Tldr - Friends will be shitty forever until they personally decide to change. You are not responsible for their behavior, you are responsible for choosing who to be around.

>>18339483
honestly, I'm OP here and I'm the friend who's always smoking weed. my friends who DON'T smoke weed are usually the tired, overweight, lazy and unhappy ones. incidentally though I'm energetic as fuck and always doing shit, always active, always working, always pumped up. I usually end my day smoking weed and doing pushups, squats and shit before bed. I try not to overdo it but strangely a bit of weed every day helps to regulate my mood, I try to cut it down. I've been on a LOT of antidepressants and anxiety meds in my life, weed is the one thing that's worked pretty well. I realize not everyone reacts the same way though.

>>18339499

.. smoking weed is the answer?

>>18339118
Like attracts like. I'm willing to bet you aren't as awesome as you're trying to sound and are as much of a loser as all your friends. If you were as outgoing as you imply, you'd easily attract new people to hang with. I'm one of the least outgoing and probably the most consistently depressed of my core friend group but I can still go out alone and meet new people. I think the reason you resent your friends so much is they remind your own failures. Stop being a bitch and go hit up bars, parties, clubs by yourself if those are the people you wanna meet. Shit you're trying not to be DYEL so make new friends at the gym. Join a hiking meetup group. After college people typically drop the elitist act and are more willing to make new connections.

>>18339532
I am just saying that sometimes weed can help people self-medicate. I smoke a little bit and it helped me quite a bit, don't let it take over you're life cause you're playing with fire.

Some people can handle a bit of weed and live a balanced life, some people are even more energized by a bit of weed. Most people honestly aren't. If you can't tell by this thread I'm a weird person.

>>18339445
I mean I really want to help my friends but a lot of it is going to have to come from them. Like if they reach out asking for help I will help them but I have put in that effort and they just don't want to learn anything or make any steps in the right direction.

>>18339384
I'm sorry but I don't feel that comfortable sharing my kik on 4chan. I've seen too many bad things happen to people cause of this site.

>>18339579
the main thing is I'm trying to learn how to be more outgoing. When I actually go out and do social stuff I end up meeting new people. but all those things you listed are good ideas for sure.

>>18339586

>Some people can handle a bit of weed and live a balanced life
I see. I don't think I'd be able to control myself with it but I'm glad it works with you. I like weird. I'm weird too lol.

>I'm sorry but I don't feel that comfortable sharing my kik on 4chan.
That's too bad but I understand :)

>>18339118
You sound cool anon. Do you live in Hawaii per chance? Let's hang out.

>>18339579
I have never had more than a few seconds polite conversation at the gym, and generally that's in the lockerroom

Not the best place to meet

>>18339118

Not trying to be mean, OP but are you hot? It helps to be attractive. From the way you write, you seem to have a cool personality.

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>>18339118
>Go rogue
>Move to the forest and make friends with animals and lumberjacks.
>Don't listen to the other nerds on here.

>>18339612
Give a "sup" nod/eyebrow raise to everyone.
Ask/be asked to work in
Ask/be asked for a spot
When your sipping your pre or post workout

Gym is kinda like church to some people but these are the acceptable moments to interact. If they don't have headphones in or aren't in intense focus a "hey how's it going" is welcome.

>>18339648

lol omg NO. don't listen to this beta loser and his creep behavior kek.

AMURICAAA FUCK YEAHH!

>>18339118
I know this feel SO WELL. My friends in the city I moved to are nihilistic and boring as fuck, whereas my old friends from back home are high-functioning and fun like the kind you're looking for.

A lot more of them have this self-limiting mindset
>>18339162
which is fucking dumb. You don't have to get married just because you're out of school. Fuck that, OP. I have the opposite problem as you, I was trapped in long-term relationships I didn't want from 18-26 and the idea of "oh now it's time to settle" makes me want to kill myself because I'd rather just have fun and want to experience a one night stand and shit. If you're a single man with a cool life who takes care of himself physically your options will only increase as you get older, trust me. Simply not being fat and dressing well will put you in like the top 5% of your dating pool when you're in your 30s.

My advice to you is to live as much life as you can; just go balls deep into everything you want to do. This will build something that will attract others who will have similar interests, or at the very least put you in contact with them frequently. There's also a certain set of social skills you need to refine to make friends as an adult, which kind of boil down to being a fun and engaging person everywhere you go. An example: consciously acknowledge people at work, be like "hey [name] how's it going man?" when you walk into the building. SO MANY PEOPLE don't do shit like this and it will really set you apart and open doors for you.

My brother got married at 27. My uncle got married at 60 (to a woman half his age lmao). Both of them are happy and in love and live awesome lives; they just did shit at their own pace and it worked out because they owned their choices instead of putting arbitrary limits on what to do. A lot of adult life is a circlejerk of keeping up appearances. As long as you can say "yep, this is who I am" and be confident in it, you can live the lifestyle you want.